Just saw a massive crap!

[spindrift]

Often see grey herons and wagtails on the canal too.

You know where the Regent's Canal meets the Lee Navigation? Deep water there and I know carp lurk cos the fishermen told me. Yesterday, having a delightful pootle in the sunshine alongside the water's edge a MAHOOSIVE fish was meandering along just under the surface, the dorsal slicing the water. Must have been two foot long at least, idly flicking its tail.


It was grey, the spine was ridged and bobbled.

[spindrift]

Oh bugger.

[Polar Bear]

Whatever laid that must've been in pain ... 

[Charlotte]

Usually one of the mods or admins would fix mistakes like this.

Not today 

[spindrift]

Could have been summat like that.

[Jaded]

Must have been two foot long at least, idly flicking its tail.

It was grey, the spine was ridged and bobbled.

Ouch.

A few sutures, methinks.

[Elleigh]

Thank you for making me smile.

I think you are my new best friend - I like people who make typos like that. 

Ps I have sent out versions of Daft reports before now!

Ps, If I were a pure psychoanalyst, I would want to discuss your potty training at the stage to see what affect it has had on you.

[PaulR]

I saw a massive crap in Kelsey Park in Beckenham a while back.  The lake there has an island which the herons use as a nesting and perching area.  I watched one take off from its branch and release a huge rope-like mass that splashed down into the lake.  Kids were impressed.

[spindrift]

One time some muppet left the lock gate open and the water in that section drained away.

It was fascinating, there were aluminium beer barrels, an old bike frame, a complete toilet pan, loads of trolleys and road signs and bottles and cans.

I dawdled on the Lee and watched through the observation window at the rock-crusher on the Olympic site, just where the bus depot mysteriously burst into flames and burned to the ground the day before it was due to be demolished.

[Pete]

I knew the title of this thread was correct, before I even opened it.  Otherwise it would surely have been moved to Wild Things.   

Of course, there's the celebrated Ditchling Common pikey.  Said to be several feet long and to have inhabited the pond in the middle of the common, year in, year out, for decades: sometimes you hear a big splash and if you're lucky you get a glimpse of it doing a back-flip.  Tall stories abound, allegedly it's been landed many times but anglers are honour-bound to return it unharmed.

Of course, this may be just a tail tale...

[hellymedic]

My poor partner is the secretary of our local LCC Borough Group.
Last week he scrapped a whole batch of minutes of Bent Cyclists.
He's not a good poofreader...

[rogerzilla]

Not-Dr-anymore Gillian McKeith would have a field day with that one.  I wonder where it falls on the Bristol scale?

[Pingu]

Are you sure it wasn't a brown trout?

[spindrift]

The back was really bumpy, and I think it was much darker, plus craps are deepwater fish I think. You get chemicals and oil further up the river at Clapton, the swans were stained but still dignified. Plus the notorious West Ham dump is on the Olympic Park (Pre 1974 laws on dumping. Two nuclear reactors. Tons of toxic chemicals) so I expect it's a mutated crap that would leap onto me and eat the results of the evisceration before my horrified eyes.


That bomb woke it up, it all fits.   

[rogerzilla]

Craps frequently swim around with their dorsal fins out of the water in the evening.  They're partial to flies.

[Wowbagger]

Are you sure it wasn't a brown trout?

Not to be confused with a Mersey Trout.

[Jaded]

Surely it was a Southend Sausage?

[alchemy]

How about a Bondi Cigar?

[Ian H]

There's even a magazine devoted to this.

[Gandalf]

There's even a magazine devoted to this.

Bizarrely they stock it in my local Tesco

[rogerzilla]

Our village shop's top shelf magazines consist of Horse & Hound and some sort of tractor enthusiasts' periodical.

Mind you, with (allegedly) an active wife-swapping circle, who needs rhythm literature?