Author Topic: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread  (Read 10348 times)

The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« on: December 18, 2010, 10:15:54 pm »
As suggested by Nicknack - YACF hero.

https://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=2177.msg804753#msg804753

Scrooges of YACF unite. This is your time to shine be dull like tarnished pewter.

Walking through East Dereham earlier, paths covered in uncleared ice and snow, past the closed library - in honour of an uncaring council run by a £300,000 a year Oxbridge twat on a fat final salary pension, I cursed the sullen-faced ne'er-do-wells queueing out of Argos and blocking my path to Specsavers. Even the Sally Army were playing out of tune.

It was f*cking miserable. BAH Humbug!

David Martin

  • Thats Dr Oi You thankyouverymuch
Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #1 on: December 18, 2010, 10:39:12 pm »
For some reason this is my most viewed photo on Flickr..


Baa_Humbugs by davidmamartin, on Flickr
"By creating we think. By living we learn" - Patrick Geddes

Gattopardo

  • Lord of the sith
  • Overseaing the building of the death star
Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2010, 10:40:02 pm »
Its all rubbish.  Its pressure to spend money to show that you care/love some one.  

Good will to all men, bah locks.  Eat to excess and the rest.

I hate it and everything associated with it.

Jules

  • Has dropped his aitch!
Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2010, 11:08:59 pm »
Rotary clubs -  playing overloud recording of Christmas songs and shaking buckets - Tossers


(Will that do?)
Audax on the other hand is almost invisible and thought to be the pastime of Hobbits ....  Fab Foodie

Rhys W

  • I'm single, bilingual
    • Cardiff Ajax
Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #4 on: December 18, 2010, 11:36:48 pm »
I've been waiting for this thread so much I almost started it myself.

Can I just state, for the record - I hate Christmas.

Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2010, 11:41:19 pm »
Santa hats.

We should spend £0.5bn developing a Santa Hat Seeking Missile.
If you don't like your democracy, vote against it.

Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #6 on: December 18, 2010, 11:44:54 pm »
What are you people going on about?
What is a Christmas, what does it eat and how old can it become?
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It has been too many days since I have ridden through the night with a brevet card in my pocket...

Gattopardo

  • Lord of the sith
  • Overseaing the building of the death star
Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #7 on: December 18, 2010, 11:45:46 pm »
Santa hats.

We should spend £0.5bn developing a Santa Hat Seeking Missile.

Why?  really why, both the hats and missile. Its an easy way to note people to avoid.

Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #8 on: December 19, 2010, 08:43:16 am »
On our way to the sledging piste last night we walked past a house which had three dancing, singing, mini-snowmen (about 6" tall) in the front garden.
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

border-rider

Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #9 on: December 19, 2010, 09:58:16 am »
Under duress, I acquired a lovely, bushy green Christmas tree about a week ago.  It's sitting in the shed ;)

I do like Christmas, and I like a tree, but there's an annual attempt by me to delay its onset until as close to the actual day as possible.

I might be overwhelmed by the end of today, I fear.

Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #10 on: December 19, 2010, 10:23:39 am »
For some reason this is my most viewed photo on Flickr..


Baa_Humbugs by davidmamartin, on Flickr


Technically, that should be 'Baa Evertons'...  ;)
Destroying rainforest for economic gain is like burning a Renaissance painting to cook a meal.  EOW.

Wowbagger

  • Dez's butler
    • Musings of a Gentleman Cyclist
Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #11 on: December 19, 2010, 10:25:07 am »
I am now mostly impervious to Christmas.

I used to hate it with a passion. When I was teaching in a junior school, and was the only pianist, from early November onwards I would be separated from my class, who were split up and sent off around the school with work, so that I could accompany whatever production we were inflicting on the parents in the last week of term.

Initially, these practices would be one afternoon a week. As the fateful day progressed and it became less avoidably obvious that the kids didn't know the words, couldn't sing the tunes and had so far been treating the whole thing as a gigantic bunk, so the teachers in charge began to panic and we devoted more and more time to this anti-educational activity. This, of course, was what the kids wanted: more authorised bunking, although usually by the day of the performance they were up to a reasonable standard. The teachers concerned with the production had been mostly treated with sullen acceptance by those who weren't. As the second half of the Autumn term progressed, this was gradually replaced by petty hostility and by the week of the production most of us were "daggers drawn". I'd turn up at home exhausted from my term's efforts for a scant fortnight's holiday during which we would organise Christmas-on-the-cheap for our kids, being unable to afford the lavish presents that their school friends were accustomed to: after all, I was a rarity - a man in teaching whose wife worked at bringing up the kids. Most of my colleagues were married women in the job for "pin money" while their besuited husbands went off and did something in the city for inordinate amounts of cash. I would regard the looming start of the spring term with an unholy dread, being completely aware of the gulf in the kids' standards that had been created by our societal devotion to keeping up the appearances that somehow we are a Christian nation and that Christmas actually matters.
Eating's a serious business. Don't bollocks around wagging your tail.

Martin

Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #12 on: December 19, 2010, 10:30:13 am »
£52 a head for the work Xmas do (subsidised but still not even worth the £20 I paid)

X Factor on the TV screens FFS. Luckily I had to leave before Slade (and just as the free booze ran out)

a bloody 123 cards animated Xmas card in my inbox this a.m. (home made ones are fine; it's the pre-loaded Leftpondian ones with a tacked on greeting that make me want to throw)

there is some joy though; people arriving at the station yesterday for the Santa F'ing special on the steam railway finding out that it's cancelled

and the snow has scuppered our enforced duty at being a free DHL service for bloody enormous presents (not even for us) that need transporting down from Herts from parent who would not take advantage of Argos' facility to have them delivered direct

Wowbagger

  • Dez's butler
    • Musings of a Gentleman Cyclist
Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #13 on: December 19, 2010, 10:45:24 am »
Ah yes - the works "do". When I left teaching and worked at HMCE, there was invariably a jaunt out to some overpriced dump that did something involving stringy turkey and overdone brussels sprouts followed by a disco on a diminutive dance floor. As a 30-something bloke whose colleagues were, for the most part, straight out of Uni, bopping around to the latest disco music wasn't really what I was into, so I perfected a trick which no-one else I know has so far been able to emulate: I could fall asleep in a disco. It's true that this state of somnolence was aided and abetted by a surfeit of red wine, but I generally hid in some dark corner, away from the prying hands of young female colleagues whose own early-onset inebriation would encourage them to dance with me (for some reason I think I was regarded as some kind of trophy) before the full-blown drunkenness more often than not resulted in them regurgitating a claret fountain at some later stage by which time, thankfully, I had already left and was at home drinking coffee and unconvincingly trying to reassure my wife that No, I hadn't had too much to drink and Yes I was perfectly all right.
Eating's a serious business. Don't bollocks around wagging your tail.

Mrs Pingu

  • Who ate all the pies? Me
    • Twitter
Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #14 on: December 19, 2010, 11:19:27 am »
Colleagues incessantly telling me it's only n days til x-mas. Every day. What do they want, a coconut?
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #15 on: December 19, 2010, 11:55:46 am »
Under duress, I acquired a lovely, bushy green Christmas tree about a week ago.  It's sitting in the shed ;)

I do like Christmas, and I like a tree, but there's an annual attempt by me to delay its onset until as close to the actual day as possible.

I might be overwhelmed by the end of today, I fear.

Point out that traditionally it shouldn't go up until Christmas Eve.  :thumbsup:
Have you seen my blog? It has words. And pictures! http://ablogofallthingskathy.blogspot.com/

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #16 on: December 19, 2010, 11:59:00 am »
I thought it was Boxing Day ;)
Getting there...

Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #17 on: December 19, 2010, 12:02:06 pm »
I generally hid in some dark corner, away from the prying hands of young female colleagues whose own early-onset inebriation would encourage them to dance with me (for some reason I think I was regarded as some kind of trophy)
Weirdo!
And Darkness and Decay and the Coronavirus held illimitable dominion over all.

Clandy

Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #18 on: December 19, 2010, 12:03:18 pm »
I love the christmas period, even if it is misnamed. What I hate is all the boring bastards who put on a fake 'I hate christmas bah-humbug' attitude' because they think it's cool and trendy to be cynical and miserable. Been there, seen it, done it, bought the plush toy. Try something new.  :P

Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #19 on: December 19, 2010, 12:12:54 pm »
How about this one - my wife's family have a tradition of circulating an Xmas list of things you want them to buy you. In some ways not a bad idea, but I think it's taking things too far as the list is very detailed e.g. (item) Argos catalogue page 123 item 12. If you know what you want, get it yourself.
If I put "Spa Cycles web page x, item y" I'd be told I was being too picky. So I refuse to take part.
In Boris we trust.

her_welshness

  • Slut of a librarian
    • Lewisham Cyclists
Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #20 on: December 19, 2010, 12:34:32 pm »
My f*cking brother-in-law left a rambling drunken voicemail message on my husbands phone a few days 'Yah, you know for Xmas Day yah, well if we can come to sort of arrangement with how you can contribute financially towards the meal that would be good'. We've just spent £120 on their off-spring's presents. My husband was all for dumping his Mum and the presents at the house and coming back home. I've now persuaded him to reason with him, bearing in mind that his Mum is coming down all the way from Yorkshire. We've now agreed to put £60 towards the meal.

Martin

Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #21 on: December 19, 2010, 01:20:40 pm »
I love the christmas period, even if it is misnamed. What I hate is all the boring bastards who put on a fake 'I hate christmas bah-humbug' attitude' because they think it's cool and trendy to be cynical and miserable. Been there, seen it, done it, bought the plush toy. Try something new.  :P

there 's a big difference between loving Christmas (which I do; just been out foraging for natural decoration to put down the stair banister, made a lot harder and also magical by having to trudge through and brush the snow off it before taking secautures -sp? to it)

and the overpriced commercial cheesy crap greed and "picky present recipient induced stress" that goes with it

(where's the raspberry smiley when you need it? nope can't find an Xmas one you'll have to make do with Boris' official Christmas card)


MikeFromLFE

  • Previously known as Millimole
Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #22 on: December 19, 2010, 02:30:28 pm »
My f*cking brother-in-law left a rambling drunken voicemail message on my husbands phone a few days 'Yah, you know for Xmas Day yah, well if we can come to sort of arrangement with how you can contribute financially towards the meal that would be good'. We've just spent £120 on their off-spring's presents. .
Strange that this only works one way though - when my son-in-law tried this a few years ago it was all well and good for him, as soon as we suggested it last year, we're "tight-fisted-robbin'-basters-who-don't-know-the-meaning-of-the season-bah-humbug". Dinner a deux this year. :P
Too many angry people - breathe & relax.

Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #23 on: December 19, 2010, 03:35:59 pm »
I have a friend whose wife ran off with another bloke leaving my mate with lots of unaffordable debt and the reality of losing his house and having to go bankrupt very soon, and a daughter who has been very ill and has lost her baby, my almost first grandchild.   :'(

Christmas?  Stuff it. 

Kim

  • Timelord
Re: The Bah f***ing humbug, f***ing Christmas thread
« Reply #24 on: December 19, 2010, 03:59:18 pm »
I perfected a trick which no-one else I know has so far been able to emulate: I could fall asleep in a disco.

Oh, I'm rather good at that.

Loud music, especially loud music that I don't particularly care for, has a natural tendency to put me into that zoned-out zombie like state that you can get into while staring out of the window on long train journeys.  Relative darkness just adds to the effect.  Since I'm incapable of understanding even shouted speech in that sort of environment[1], don't drink and wouldn't know where to begin with dancing, the boredom quickly kicks in.  So it's easiest just to go with the flow and find an out-of-the-way corner where you won't keep getting interrupted by people who think you're suffering from the effects of some illegal substance, and snooze it out.  It also helps to keep your breathing shallow, which was a good survival technique in the days before the smoking ban.


[1] Learning to sign was a revelation.  You could go to loud pubs and clubs and actually communicate with people.  Sort of.  It's tiring trying to follow sign in bad light.
Careful, Kim. Your sarcasm's showing...