The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[Mrs Pingu]

There was the time I was on a flight from Aberdeen to Norwich

"Welcome to this BMI flight to Norwich" said the stewardess

Bloke at the back stands up
"I'm supposed to be going to Manchester"

HTF he'd got that far with a Manchester boarding pass I have no idea

One of my colleagues did that on an Eastern Airways flight.

[Pingu]

https://yacf.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=95565.msg2258615#msg2258615

[Feanor]

There was the time I was on a flight from Aberdeen to Norwich

"Welcome to this BMI flight to Norwich" said the stewardess

Bloke at the back stands up
"I'm supposed to be going to Manchester"

HTF he'd got that far with a Manchester boarding pass I have no idea

One of my colleagues did that on an Eastern Airways flight.

At ABZ, being told your flight is 'boarding now' is just a fiction.
You are just ( in priority order! ) passed through the boarding gate into a long corridor where you mingle with everyone else, including other flights, whose planes are also not ready to board either.

When one flight becomes *actually* ready to board, then the entire mingled crowd moves forward. It's up to the over-stretched ground crew to actually check your boarding pass.
Unsurprisingly, this sometimes fails.

[Wowbagger]

My sister-in-law once phoned a rail company to ask the price of a ticket between Euston and Piccadilly.

"30p" came the reply.

It was shortly after this that my s-i-l learned that there is a Piccadilly station in London.

[Kim]

Ah, I once had a Kentish ticket office bod sell me a ticket to Bromley South instead of Romiley (which I was in the habit of spelling out, because people south of Watford don't know about Stockport^[1]).  Fortunately I was paying attention and queried the suspiciously low fare before getting anywhere near a train.


_{[1] To be fair, why would you need to know about Stockport when you have actual Watford?  They perform the same basic function.}

[orienteer]

Many a tourist arrives at Abbey Road station on the Docklands Light Railway seeking "the" zebra crossing.

[ElyDave]

There was the time I was on a flight from Aberdeen to Norwich

"Welcome to this BMI flight to Norwich" said the stewardess

Bloke at the back stands up
"I'm supposed to be going to Manchester"

HTF he'd got that far with a Manchester boarding pass I have no idea

One of my colleagues did that on an Eastern Airways flight.

At ABZ, being told your flight is 'boarding now' is just a fiction.
You are just ( in priority order! ) passed through the boarding gate into a long corridor where you mingle with everyone else, including other flights, whose planes are also not ready to board either.

When one flight becomes *actually* ready to board, then the entire mingled crowd moves forward. It's up to the over-stretched ground crew to actually check your boarding pass.
Unsurprisingly, this sometimes fails.

Only partly true these days, although the current "improvement works" are challenging.

[rafletcher]

There was the time I was on a flight from Aberdeen to Norwich

"Welcome to this BMI flight to Norwich" said the stewardess

Bloke at the back stands up
"I'm supposed to be going to Manchester"

HTF he'd got that far with a Manchester boarding pass I have no idea

One of my colleagues did that on an Eastern Airways flight.

At ABZ, being told your flight is 'boarding now' is just a fiction.
You are just ( in priority order! ) passed through the boarding gate into a long corridor where you mingle with everyone else, including other flights, whose planes are also not ready to board either.

When one flight becomes *actually* ready to board, then the entire mingled crowd moves forward. It's up to the over-stretched ground crew to actually check your boarding pass.
Unsurprisingly, this sometimes fails.

I recall (sometime in the early '80's I guess) a time when there were only two gates at ABZ. This day there were two planes. Gate A passengers had to walk to the plane opposite Gate B, and vice versa. At the same time. 

[Cudzoziemiec]

_{[1] To be fair, why would you need to know about Stockport when you have actual Watford?  They perform the same basic function.}

I'm such a fecking div for reading this with a mouthful of tea.





 

[Jaded]

While we are talking about Stockport, it looks a lot like Southport*

* on motorway signs in the dark 

[fuzzy (retd.) AAGE]

A many of years ago, Mrs F and I with accompanying Smalls were going to That London for education (museums, zoo ect.). We queued and queued at the ticket office and finally got tickets. Whilst doing this we heard a train arrive. We rushed to then platforms and saw a train with 'Marylebone' on the destination sign at the back of the cab. We boarded and then thought WTF? as the train set of towards Birmingham.

It transpired that the 'Marylebone' destination was on the front of the train and the driver forgot to change it

[essexian]

Once...many moons ago (must be around 1988? I was about to move to the Midlands), I ran down the ramp and onto Wellington Railway station and jumped onto a train which was leaving slamming the door behind me.... This caused the driver to do an emergency stop.

However.... I almost at once discovered that the train was heading to Shrewsbury and not back towards Wolverhampton has I had hoped, so I opened the door and jumped off causing the driver to do another emergency stop.....

Several minutes of being told off by the driver and station manager later, I managed to explain that I was from that London and thus did not understand their strange country ways..... 

[citoyen]

Moving on from train divviness (though I could contribute several stories to that thread) to food divviness...

Last night's dinner involved whole roasted cherry tomatoes. I made the schoolboy error of picking up a tomato on my fork, popping it in my mouth, and biting into it, squirting a jet of molten lava at the roof and back of my mouth.

Oh well, I suppose it's a good excuse to restrict myself to an ice cream diet today.

[ian]

I got on the train at Clapham Junction to Waterloo. Except it went the other way. In my defence, it did say Waterloo on the bloody train and I wasn't to know that was the back (and not the front) of the train. And the onboard system was dead (as it seemed were most of the passengers). "Does this train go to Waterloo?" Grunt.

So I had to change at Earlsfield. Good job it was a stopping service.

[T42]

Riding today, sun lowish on right, saw broad-shouldered figure looming through dazzle on edge of footpath, gave it a cheery bonjour then realized I had just said hello to a wheelie bin with a big bin bag on top.

[andytheflyer]

Riding today, sun lowish on right, saw broad-shouldered figure looming through dazzle on edge of footpath, gave it a cheery bonjour then realized I had just said hello to a wheelie bin with a big bin bag on top.

S'allright.  No-one saw you and you haven't told anyone......

[T42]

It was quite a threatening bin-bag too. Better safe than sorry.

[PaulF]

It was quite a threatening bin-bag too. Better safe than sorry.

Sometimes they’ll attack you just for looking at them. Better not to engage with them or even make eye contact.

[Pingu]

It was probably as scared of you as you were of it (or is that bears?).

[ElyDave]

At least you didn't wave at your own shadow, I'm sure nobody here would ever do that

[Butterfly]

At least you didn't wave at your own shadow, I'm sure nobody here would ever do that

Or apologise to your hair that you caught sight of out of the corner of your eye and thought it was a person.

[Kim]

At least you didn't wave at your own shadow, I'm sure nobody here would ever do that

Or apologise to your hair that you caught sight of out of the corner of your eye and thought it was a person.

Ah yes, I've definitely never done that.

I suppose it's just a matter of time (and The Wrong Glasses) before I have an entire conversation with a hat.

[Beardy]

At least you didn't wave at your own shadow, I'm sure nobody here would ever do that

Or apologise to your hair that you caught sight of out of the corner of your eye and thought it was a person.

Ah yes, I've definitely never done that.

I suppose it's just a matter of time (and The Wrong Glasses) before I have an entire conversation with a hat.

Its not a problem until the hat/shadow/bin bag start answering back!