Author Topic: more insane management speak phrases  (Read 64823 times)

SiD

  • I prefer a loose Kenyan…
    • Lap the Lough
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #25 on: July 04, 2011, 10:45:48 pm »
"I'll be wearing a very broad-brimmed hat today… and will be speaking both horizontally… and vertically".

This is the one that has stayed with me for the past 10 years, nothing's come close.

tonycollinet

  • No Longer a western province of Númenor
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #26 on: July 04, 2011, 10:57:02 pm »
De-scope is one we use quite a lot.
+1. I'm not keen on buzz-words but cross-functional seems OK to me too - a team made up of people from different functions (departments/whatever) in the organisation.

Oh right! well that's not what I think he meant by it - from his explanation when I picked him up on it, it appeared to allude to the ability for us all to pitch in with each other's responsibilities.
Or, more precisely, the implied expectation for us others to pitch in with his. (Or even more precisely, the tasks that he was taken on to do, but hasn't done any of.)

You may be right, though - but that's the thing though, you just don't know - it means whatever the person using it wants it to mean, or in the case where they're just using it to sound like they know what they're talking about, nothing.

Cross-functional team - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

He's misunderstood its use - is using it to sound good. All the gear, no idea springs to mind.

David Martin

  • Thats Dr Oi You thankyouverymuch
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #27 on: July 04, 2011, 11:25:54 pm »
"I'll be wearing a very broad-brimmed hat today… and will be speaking both horizontally… and vertically".

This is the one that has stayed with me for the past 10 years, nothing's come close.
Sounds ike the mother in law drinking too much at a wedding.

.d
"By creating we think. By living we learn" - Patrick Geddes

TheLurker

  • Goes well with magnolia.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #28 on: July 05, 2011, 08:38:59 am »
You're all sadists. 

Every last one of you.

I have been successfully blanking out our impending company day (tomorrow) which will require sitting through god knows how many hours of stultifyingly boring powerpoint pictures and accompanying managerial willy-waving and this thread has just given me the screaming horrors in advance.   

Gits.
Τα πιο όμορφα ταξίδια γίνονται με τις δικές μας δυνάμεις - Φίλοι του Ποδήλατου

David Martin

  • Thats Dr Oi You thankyouverymuch
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #29 on: July 05, 2011, 09:54:05 am »
Buzzword bingo?
"By creating we think. By living we learn" - Patrick Geddes

Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #30 on: July 05, 2011, 10:18:53 am »
You have to be the bridge and master the art of the elevator speech if you want your flagpole saluted.
If you don't like your democracy, vote against it.

David Martin

  • Thats Dr Oi You thankyouverymuch
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #31 on: July 05, 2011, 10:32:55 am »
You need to proactively engage with the dialectic of the customer base in order to leverage your core comptencies going forward. This necessitates appropriate revenue streams from monetizing your contributions in a goal focussed approach to delivery.

Or in other words, you need to ask them to give you a job and pay you apropriately.
"By creating we think. By living we learn" - Patrick Geddes

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #32 on: July 05, 2011, 11:11:15 am »
You need to proactively engage with the dialectic of the customer base in order to leverage your core comptencies going forward. This necessitates appropriate revenue streams from monetizing your contributions in a goal focussed approach to delivery.

Or in other words, you need to ask them to give you a job and pay you apropriately.

Slickly done. You're obviously a master at this sort of thing.
Rust never sleeps

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #33 on: July 05, 2011, 11:20:16 am »
"I'll be wearing a very broad-brimmed hat today… and will be speaking both horizontally… and vertically".

This is the one that has stayed with me for the past 10 years, nothing's come close.
And then they wonder why potential foreign clients don't call back.  :facepalm:
"A woman on a bicycle has all the world before her where to choose; she can go where she will, no man hindering." The Type-Writer Girl, 1897

Morrisette

  • Still Suffolkating
    • Now Suffolkating on the internet:
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #34 on: July 06, 2011, 11:15:21 am »
PMSL at 'bio-break'.

The one that really winds me up is 'going forwards'. As in, 'we'll be working on this report going forward and....' WHY?!
Not overly audacious
@suffolkncynical

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #35 on: July 06, 2011, 11:19:30 am »
Well, you wouldn't want them to be going backwards, would you?  Very reassuring, I'd say ;)
Getting there...

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #36 on: July 06, 2011, 11:30:31 am »
As proved by those hothouses of UK intellectual elite, Oxford and Cambridge, it is best to have the cocks in the back and everyone else going backwards.
<i>Marmite slave</i>

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #37 on: July 06, 2011, 08:53:28 pm »
Clearly there is huge pent up demand here for a Neuro Linguistic Planning course.
Get a bicycle. You will never regret it, if you live- Mark Twain

Regulator

  • Got a thing for rubber...
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #38 on: July 07, 2011, 11:17:11 pm »
You ain't seen nothing if you haven't worked in the NHS...  :sick:

The current reforms, combined with the QIPP agenda, are creating a whole new level of insane management speak that even the acolytes are finding is making their brains dribble out of their ears.  :-X

David Nicholson is a Bullshit Bingo player's wet dream... :facepalm:
Quote from: clarion
I completely agree with Reg.

Guy

  • Left-Wing Moonbat Green NAZI
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #39 on: July 08, 2011, 10:16:41 am »
You ain't seen nothing if you haven't worked in the NHS...  :sick:

The current reforms, combined with the QIPP agenda, are creating a whole new level of insane management speak that even the acolytes are finding is making their brains dribble out of their ears.  :-X

David Nicholson is a Bullshit Bingo player's wet dream... :facepalm:
I'll see your NHS and raise you one MOD :sick: :sick: ??? :sick: :o :sick: :sick: :hand: :sick: :facepalm: >:(
I hate the army and I hate the RAF
I don't wanna go fighting in the tropical heat
I hate the civil service rules
I won't open letter bombs for you

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #40 on: July 08, 2011, 11:35:36 am »
Try a USAnian company.  I couldn't understand a single question on my appraisal form and that was circa 1992.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Regulator

  • Got a thing for rubber...
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #41 on: July 08, 2011, 11:50:46 am »
You ain't seen nothing if you haven't worked in the NHS...  :sick:

The current reforms, combined with the QIPP agenda, are creating a whole new level of insane management speak that even the acolytes are finding is making their brains dribble out of their ears.  :-X

David Nicholson is a Bullshit Bingo player's wet dream... :facepalm:
I'll see your NHS and raise you one MOD :sick: :sick: ??? :sick: :o :sick: :sick: :hand: :sick: :facepalm: >:(

I've been working closely with the MoD over the last year.  You may love your acronyms and have a complete inability to make a decision without it going to the top - but you're babies compared to the NHS when it comes to insance management speak.

Give it another couple of years and you may catch up.   :facepalm:
Quote from: clarion
I completely agree with Reg.

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #42 on: July 08, 2011, 11:52:48 am »
No chance.  The Modernisation Agency was the spawning ground of a whole herd of boloxtalkers, but the Commissioning Board is shaping up to provide a new wave.
Getting there...

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #43 on: July 08, 2011, 12:45:03 pm »
My management have recently started using the word firedrill,  as an example:

"We need to have the replies by COB tomorrow, apologies again for the urgent firedrill."

Which amuses me,  as in a firedrill I leave whatever I am doing and stand in the park for half an hour.
Just someone's butler

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #44 on: July 09, 2011, 12:19:33 am »
My company's management (though I suspect US HR) is urging us "as leaders to touch the business every day". Sounds a bit icky to me.
@SandyV1 on Twitter http://twitter.com/#!/SandyV1

Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #45 on: July 13, 2011, 01:05:17 am »
It is the natural progression after touching cloth.
If you don't like your democracy, vote against it.

Rig of Jarkness

  • An Englishman abroad
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #46 on: July 29, 2011, 07:24:08 am »
"Gaining traction" is currently popular in our salt mines. 

It's funny how these phrases appear out of nowhere and then suddenly everyone is using them.  I now get asked on a regular basis 'And are you getting the right traction on that ?'

The worst moment always comes when you hear yourself saying the same phrase, the one you've promised yourself not to use.  Oh well, it happens to us all...
Aero but not dynamic

Jacomus

  • My favourite gender neutral pronoun is comrade
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #47 on: July 29, 2011, 08:56:46 am »
"Gaining traction" is currently popular in our salt mines. 

It's funny how these phrases appear out of nowhere and then suddenly everyone is using them.  I now get asked on a regular basis 'And are you getting the right traction on that ?'

The worst moment always comes when you hear yourself saying the same phrase, the one you've promised yourself not to use.  Oh well, it happens to us all...

So very true!

"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity." Amelia Earhart

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #48 on: July 29, 2011, 09:39:17 am »
I work for the UK part of a(n increasingly) global firm, and our US colleagues never email us or ring us, they always "Reach out" to us.....


Arrrrrrrggghhhhhh. No you're not, you're emailing/ calling me .... and breathe...
not so much a gravel grinder.... more of a gravel groveller


clarion

  • Tyke
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #49 on: July 29, 2011, 10:12:48 am »
Four Tops fans?
Getting there...