Author Topic: Eurozone: what's the absolute worst that could happen?  (Read 1687 times)


  • Quiet please
Eurozone: what's the absolute worst that could happen?
« on: November 06, 2011, 05:29:49 pm »
January: tensions boil over at Eurozone summit when Greece votes against austerity measures and is summarily booted out of the Euro, leading to Germany flouncing as well. Sarkozy launches a foul mouthed rant at Merkel for putting the whole currency at risk, and Merkel has had enough and decks him.

February:  Osborne is found to have suggested to Berlusconi that if Greece has not bothered paying off its debts, maybe Italy could get away with it aswell. Cameron is furious and sacks him. Clegg insists on Ken Clarke or Vince Cable being made the new chancellor but Cameron is having none of it and the row threatens to embroil the government.

March: Greece, having gone back to the drachma, is experiencing hyper inflation and, as its bank notes grow to 9 inches long, is forced to take advice and import printing presses from Zimbabwe. Brussels is forced to make concessions such as allowing Mugabe free travel within the EU to keep Greece's write off from growing even more. Photos of him sunbathing on Crete appear in the Sun.

April: Falling share prices bring the chancellor-less British government under increased pressure to fill the post, so Cameron appoints Liam Fox. The British public are furious, and anti-capitalist protests grow in number and frequency and there is often complete gridlock across the whole of London. There are real fears the olympics will be threatened. Boris pleads for calm but is custard-pie'd.

May: Lib-dem rebels brings a motion of no-confidence in the government and it succeeds, and Nigel Farage mounts an armed coup, leading to a short period of martial law, before a shaky new coalition is hurriedly agreed.

June: Britain's hasty withdrawal from  the EU leads to the channel tunnel being filled in by French and Belgian activists, while a train is still in there. It manages to stop in time but the passengers are stranded and have to walk the 40 miles back to Folkestone. Sarkozy denies involvement but somehow no prosecutions are brought.

July: There are still massive security fears surrounding the Olympics not to mention traffic chaos, and despite Britain insisting it can still host the games, many events are being cancelled or postponed. With falling international confidence in the london olympics, and with Greece still bitter at its treatment at the hands of the troika, and still strapped for cash, not least partly because of the millions it spent on its own stadium in 2004, decides it might as well make use of it and hosts its own, rival, olympics.

August: Greece experiences a sudden boom on the back of increased tourism due to the olympics, inflation is brought under control and the drachma rallies. The strength of the greek economy since its exit and the slump in Britain's trade with the EU does nothing for the health of the euro and shares plunge on fears that Italy might also exit, leading to a couple of French banks collapsing.

September: The various different factions in the UK government bicker about Greece's boom especially since lots of its debts were written off, diverting attention from the situation in london, which is growing increasingly chaotic.

October: A freak early snow fall clears most of the protesters from London.

November: Prime Minister Farage is forced to resign on the back of unsuccessful attempts to get rid of the royal family and on news of revelations he has sold off a lot of state secrets to china, triggering a general election.

December: Italy announces it is leaving the Euro and joining the drachma instead. The Markets are not amused, shares plunge, and there is a run on Barclays, leading to fights at many branches across the UK. A pregnant woman is elbowed out of the way in the rush and lands on her arse in a foot of snow in solihull town centre, having failed to withdraw enough cash to buy any christmas presents, but the story makes the news and she is held up as the poster child of the crisis. She attracts international sympathy, an appeal starts and her family get a more lavish christmas than any of them ever dreamed of.

Happily ever after for her. But strangely, no matter which way you try and imagine the bigger picture, it does look heavily weighted against Britain... :-\ :-\ ;)