Author Topic: Sh!te courier thread  (Read 35705 times)


ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #26 on: September 08, 2014, 12:28:45 pm »
Bonus points for the chap the other day who was in such a hurry that he couldn't wait for me to get my keys so he improvised and shoved the package through the open porch window. That's quite a drop to a concrete floor. Fortunately it wasn't fragile or a live animal. Seriously, he'd seen me and knew I was coming to open the door. Six thirty on a Friday evening, evidently he wanted to clock off.

Stealth Yodel delivery at some ungodly hour this morning. No knock and a smashed picture frame left outside the door (the fact that it sounded like a box of broken glass is a give away, unless people are in the habit of ordering smashed glass, so I presume they knew). Second attempt (the first by Hermes). We're accumulating broken glass.

Fortunately it seems to be a husband-and-wife local lot that deliver my beer. And they're great. Fortunately. Otherwise I'd drown.
!nataS pihsroW

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #27 on: September 08, 2014, 09:35:09 pm »
https://twitter.com/benjamin1980/status/497737791166750720/photo/1

I looks like they tried to throw the parcel over the house!

I've had several Myhermes deliveries thrown over my back garden gate, landing on concrete, with one cast iron item broken into 2 pieces, although it had minimal packaging (box made from thin card, no padding).


Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #28 on: September 10, 2014, 09:56:57 am »
We don't have a Good courier thread, so this is here as an antidote: Parcel Force. Yes, Porkel Farce! 7:00 this morning I get a text, my parcel will be delivered today, reply with one of four options if this isn't ok (leave with neighbour, collect from PO, reschedule to tomorrow, reschedule to day after). 8:52 another text, 'your parcel will be delivered in the next 90 minutes'. And now, about 60 minutes later, I have shiny from CRC! Shame I forgot to get the P-clips I also need, but that's hardly Parcel Force's fault (or even CRC's).
The earth is vast and beautiful and contains many miraculous places. (Chekhov)

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #29 on: October 15, 2014, 05:45:58 pm »
TNT

you lying fucking shitbags.

Item out for delivery................wait in all day....................tracking now says 'receiver not home'

I've been sat looking out of the window all fucking day for my EXPRESS delivery. It's EXPRESS because its urgent, and needed quickly.


I've just seen your advert on the tv, rather than pissing money away, lying through your fucking teeth about how great you are, the nobbers pretending to be a fucking truck should be driving a fucking van and fucking delivering.

OnOne Pickenflick - Tour De Fer 20 - Pinnacle Arkose cx - Charge Cooker maxi2 fatty - GT Zaskar Carbon Expert

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #30 on: October 15, 2014, 05:51:48 pm »
And when I call to see why it's not arrived, stop lying, lying, lying, then passing me around in a fucking circle.

Just tell me you haven't been able to deliver because you're wank.
OnOne Pickenflick - Tour De Fer 20 - Pinnacle Arkose cx - Charge Cooker maxi2 fatty - GT Zaskar Carbon Expert

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #31 on: October 15, 2014, 06:13:42 pm »
We gave up on picture frame number 5. That was 5/5 smashed. Two weren't a little bit smashed, it was like an elephant had pogoed on them. We'll get some glass cut for the survivors. We only wanted one slightly off-sized picture frame.
!nataS pihsroW

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #32 on: October 15, 2014, 07:47:21 pm »
Mine hasn't even arrived smashed :P

I've calmed down a little now, it's on an a.m.* for tomorrow. It's not even bike parts, it's needed for work. I've had to ring a customer and give them the bullshit. They probably didn't believe me, even offered them the tracking number :-\

Why don't they just say, sorry, we've not had enough time to get to you. Instead of, we've called but you couldn't be arsed to get to the door.




*it was on an a.m. for today
OnOne Pickenflick - Tour De Fer 20 - Pinnacle Arkose cx - Charge Cooker maxi2 fatty - GT Zaskar Carbon Expert

CommuteTooFar

  • Inadequate Randonneur
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #33 on: October 16, 2014, 01:13:24 pm »
I hate Hermes tracking.

It does not give any information it just says "Arrive at hub" "Dispatched from hub" "At Local Depot"
I want to know where I get a sense of my package moving towards me when place names are used.
(or in the case of Yodel my parcels sometimes do a tour of Wales before they get to me)


Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #34 on: October 16, 2014, 02:47:49 pm »
*it was on an a.m. for today

Lying Bastards
OnOne Pickenflick - Tour De Fer 20 - Pinnacle Arkose cx - Charge Cooker maxi2 fatty - GT Zaskar Carbon Expert

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
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Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #35 on: October 21, 2014, 03:33:19 pm »
Nozama!  You said the estimated delivery date for my wossname was Monday October 27th.  So how come it arrived today, eh?  EH?

DPD, you are bastards made of piss ;)
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #36 on: October 21, 2014, 06:34:21 pm »
Mr Larrington might wish to note that almost all orders I have placed with the online store of a certain Global Fruit Company, Cupertino USA, have arrived earlier than scheduled.

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
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Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #37 on: October 21, 2014, 10:00:06 pm »
The only physical object I have wanted to buy from the Mega-Global Fruit Corporation of Cupertino, USAnia lately is one they stopped making last month >:(
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Guy

  • Left-Wing Moonbat Green NAZI
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #38 on: December 12, 2014, 09:36:43 am »
Nobody saw this coming

Quote
The courier firm Yodel has stopped collecting parcels from retailers as it struggles to deal with the huge jump in online orders following the Black Friday sales

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-30438498

I put it in here cos Yodel are generally regarded as shite anyway.
I hate the army and I hate the RAF
I don't wanna go fighting in the tropical heat
I hate the civil service rules
I won't open letter bombs for you

Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #39 on: December 12, 2014, 10:09:23 am »
The peril of an unregulated system.
If you don't like your democracy, vote against it.

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #40 on: December 12, 2014, 10:33:32 am »
My god, people have to wait for an entire extra day for something.

These are truly the End Times. Reminds me, I have to do my Christmas shopping.

UPS couldn't find our address. There's only two bloody houses with this postcode (and on this street). Parked at the bottom of the drive, I went to the door, and he promptly drove off. Type the postcode into Google maps and there it is (even the house name appears on Google Maps, we must be special, as next door doesn't get a mention). I seem to spend as much time explaining that no, we don't have a house number, just a name as I do explaining that no, my wife has a different surname. (Oh and she's seasonally riled at the cards posted to Mr & Mrs ian.)
!nataS pihsroW

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #41 on: December 12, 2014, 11:19:53 am »
I live in a small community on a common, none of the 14 or so properties have a number so you may guess the fun we have watching van drivers riding around looking at property names.
Most people tip-toe through life hoping the make it safely to death.
Home

Guy

  • Left-Wing Moonbat Green NAZI
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #42 on: December 12, 2014, 11:28:13 am »
That reminds me.

On Wednesday evening I got home from work to find two parcels dumped on my doorstep, addressed to a woman I'd never heard of, with a street name and postcode I didn't recognise. On the UPS-branded address label was a local area BT phone number, so I rang it. The woman I'd never heard ofs husband answered.

To cut a long and boring story short, when the man came to pick up the parcels he told me the UPS online tracking doodad showed these parcels had been delivered and signed for, by his wife (apparently).

He has promised to let me know what UPS say when he accuses them of employing morons who dump parcels on random doorsteps, forge a signature, then drive off.
I hate the army and I hate the RAF
I don't wanna go fighting in the tropical heat
I hate the civil service rules
I won't open letter bombs for you

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #43 on: December 12, 2014, 12:53:43 pm »
Ordered an amplifier1 from that nice Mr Richer on Monday.  3-5 business day delivery option (free).  It would come, they said, today (that's Friday if you're reading this on Dave), or Monday/Tuesday next week.

Text on Thuesday night: we're delivering it tomorrow.

Text on Wednesday morning: we're delivering it between 11:08 and 12:08.

11:15 Wednesday I took possession of a big box with "Pioneer" written on the side in large friendly letters.

Gits >:(
  • Christmas present for Lt. col. Larrington (retd.)
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #44 on: December 19, 2014, 03:39:54 pm »
Ordered a weight tree for Dearly Beloved from Fitness Superstore on Wednesday (17/12) night.
Receive email stating it had been despatched last night, with working (and comprehensible) tracking reference.
Out for delivery from Borehamwood 08.36.
Delivered at 12.27.

Approximately 20kg package measuring about 8 * 45 * 130cm.
£5.95

Yodel

I really can't grumble but wonder how the couriers treat/pay their drivers.

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #45 on: December 20, 2014, 01:39:36 am »
Well, size and weight are not really relevant to the final drop except insofar as they stop the van being filled up and restrict the number of deliveries - your Yodel driver would have had to take the same trouble over an A4 envelope as over your 20kg 4ft high box, albeit it might have been a little easier to lift.

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #46 on: December 25, 2014, 07:52:21 pm »
One less (fewer?) to worry about.

http://www.theguardian.com/business/2014/dec/25/city-link-administration-jobs-delivery-company-losses

Crap day to announce the redundancies though.
"No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everybody on the couch."

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #47 on: January 21, 2015, 06:29:44 pm »
I'd be astonished if we have a non-shite couriers thread, so I'll put this here.

Came home to find a card through the door from ParcelForce.

It said they'd try to redeliver tomorrow (when I won't be at home either).

So I was resigned to having to trek over to the howling wastes of Boro for my parcel - until a tap on the door awoke me from my nap, which turned out to be the cheery Parcel Force chap with my parcel. He said his last delivery had been out at Catterick Garrison, so he swung by on his way back east to deliver it.

Good on him :thumbsup:


Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #49 on: February 27, 2015, 04:08:40 pm »
Ordered a weight tree for Dearly Beloved from Fitness Superstore on Wednesday (17/12) night.
Receive email stating it had been despatched last night, with working (and comprehensible) tracking reference.
Out for delivery from Borehamwood 08.36.
Delivered at 12.27.

Approximately 20kg package measuring about 8 * 45 * 130cm.
£5.95

Yodel

I really can't grumble but wonder how the couriers treat/pay their drivers.

If you read any of the articles about the demise of City Link, that will give you a good idea.
The drivers lease the van, pay for fuel and then wait 2 months for payment from City Link.
 So all the work they did in the run up to christmas (the busiest period of the year) will not be paid for, whereas City Link's administrators will collect the money due from the clients and some of it will be used to repay the £20 million secured loan due to the venture capitalists that bought the business for £1. The unsecured creditors will get 1p in the £.