Author Topic: Sh!te courier thread  (Read 59255 times)

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #450 on: December 13, 2019, 03:51:15 pm »
F5.  No progress.  Time to raise this with the sender, since they appear not to let the recipient have the temerity to complain.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #451 on: December 13, 2019, 06:46:06 pm »
Time to practice escalatio and deploy TEH BEAR and/or the Frying Pan of SPANG as well, I'd have thought. This is manifestly taking the mock...
He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.

Kim

  • Timelord
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #452 on: December 13, 2019, 08:03:02 pm »
Anyone else in the habit of adding hazardous items to orders so they automagically get upgraded to a decent courier?  A spare flux pen is bound to come in useful...

In what may or may not be karma, everything that *wasn't* hazmat (and some unobtanium resistors that are on back-order) turned up by the generally competent UPS in less than 24 hours.

I've also been sent a tube of low bandwidth op-amps that don't appear to be a random substitution[1] for anything I actually ordered.  I'm going to chalk that up as a marginal gain.


[1] Farnell don't sell bread or cephalopods, but I've had power regulators turn into draught excluder foam, which is almost as good.
Careful, Kim. Your sarcasm's showing...

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #453 on: December 14, 2019, 01:26:43 pm »
Time to practice escalatio and deploy TEH BEAR and/or the Frying Pan of SPANG as well, I'd have thought. This is manifestly taking the mock...

An e-mail will be winging its way to the lovely girls and boys at Rockosmos shortly.  Not that I expect any action until Monday as they are The Music Biz and will therefore be Insensible due to Unmentionable Debauchery and Moral Turpitude all weekend.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #454 on: December 14, 2019, 01:37:31 pm »
I initially misread Rockosmos as Roscosmos - which would have put a totally different spin on your parcel being "in the Hermes system".

As in, "it's en-route to Mercury". :demon:
He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #455 on: December 15, 2019, 02:24:58 pm »
I got an almost immediate reply from Senior Management at Rockosmos saying "give it until Wednesday and give me another shout then if there's no further progress" and who am I to argue with the band's main singer/songwriter/guitarist/producer/photographer/record company exec/propagandist Sel Balamir?  Even if he's spending Saturday afternoons answering e-mails instead of snorting triple-sod and cavorting with women of Doubtful Virtue.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

hellymedic

  • Just do it!

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #457 on: December 22, 2019, 02:25:39 pm »
E-mailed Mr Balamir again on Wednesday, got a reply yesterday to the effect that he will get them to open an investigation.  Now they'll find it, try to deliver it when I'm away over Xmo/New Tear and then lose it again.  Or claim I signed for it by remote control from a hundred miles away.  Or...
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

ian

  • feat. Undead Jess & Finestre, Queen of Hell
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #458 on: December 23, 2019, 10:12:45 am »
They all seem to be doing the thing where they follow the instructions to go around the back of the porch. Except instead of leaving the parcels there, they collect the parcel box, bring it around the front and then use it as a hat for the parcels left on the front step.

Fortunately, nefarious parcel surfers can't really see them from the bottom of the drive.
Support the Great Surrey Bear Census 2020

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #459 on: January 05, 2020, 06:09:38 pm »
I haz a Shiny!!1!


Octopus by Mr Larrington, on Flickr

Mr Hermes left his "sorry I missed you" card wedged into the void 'twixt inner and outer flaps of Ye Letterbocks and only the delivery of another piece of mail dislodged it enough to render it visible.  His undated "sorry I missed you" card.  My Shiny has been retrieved from the safekeeping of Nice Man at the Offie, who claims he's had it for "a couple of weeks" >:(
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #460 on: January 05, 2020, 08:08:57 pm »
Home delivery, it’s the future. The High Street is ded.

We know this because we are told this.
If you don't like your democracy, vote against it.

andytheflyer

  • Andytheex-flyer.....
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #461 on: January 08, 2020, 08:36:14 am »
Why does ParcelFarce have to ring me (automated) at 10pm to tell me there will be a delivery tomorrow?  Most days I'd have been in bed by then.

The retailer has already sent me the tracking details so PF weren't telling me anything I didn't already know....

Kim

  • Timelord
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #462 on: January 08, 2020, 12:43:56 pm »
Had a delivery to the recycling bin yesterday.  Yes, it was bin day.
Careful, Kim. Your sarcasm's showing...

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #463 on: January 20, 2020, 11:38:04 am »
Mr fimm's sister, who lives in continental Europe, sent him a parcel containing a Christmas and a Birthday present. The parcel did not arrive. We waited a bit, and it still did not arrive. So we waited some more. Mr fimm tried to chase it up from this end, but as we had no "tried to deliver" card there wasn't much they could do. We finally got his sister to pull her finger out and inquire at the post office at her end. They gave her a list of what happened to the parcel that ended "delivered to cupboard".
Cupboard?
We live in a tenement flat. On the ground floor there's a cupboard with cleaning stuff in it. Mr fimm went to look and, lo and behold, his parcel, tucked away in a mop bucket. At least he got it before his birthday!

OK, we are on the top floor, but every other delivery person seems able to come up and put a card through the door and either leave the parcel at the door or (more usually) with a neighbour. If there was a card for this parcel, we (clearly) never saw it...

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #464 on: January 28, 2020, 08:22:29 pm »
I ordered a new fenix torch and remote switch on 19/1/2020.  I got a despatch notification on 20/1/2020.

I still do not have my torch.

The parcel was delivered to a house on my street many houses away.  No note was left.  So I contacted the company who said the driver had delivered it to a house as they had the photograph. 
That is not my house, I said.
But I can go and collect it.  I could not go to collect it for 24 hours but  quite excitedly i went round to pick up my parcel.

"Oh", they said, "the driver came and collected it yesterday"

He still did not deliver it even though he now knew exactly where my house was using house name, post code, google maps (perhaps I should have used W3W).

I contacted the retailer again.  I explained the situation and they contacted the courier who said we will deliver it tomorrow.

I come home tonight and there are some boxes delivered by the same courier firm so they know where we live.  But where is my torch.  I ask my wife if there were any parcels for me.  Just the ones left by the back door.  My torch is not there.

This is now 9 days for this torch to travel about 40 miles. 

You could not make it up.

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #465 on: May 01, 2020, 11:14:02 pm »
UPS failed to collect a parcel as we "weren't in". It's a lockdown, we were. The parcel was on the doorstep most of the day when it wasn't raining.

And it took half an hour on the phone, another fee, another day's delay in getting the stuff to the recipient, and they'll collect on Monday, if we're in.
Quote from: Kim
Paging Diver300.  Diver300 to the GSM Trimphone, please...

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #466 on: May 02, 2020, 07:28:09 am »
Bought an old news photo from a seller in Tennessee. It just arrived after taking over a month.  Given what I hear from the USA I had decided if it arrived, I'd be lucky.

The tracking worked until it reached Dallas Fort Worth then there was nothing until there it was on the doormat. Item was 5usd, postage 15.

I left good feedback since there's no knowing what it's like over there.
Sic transit and all that..

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #467 on: May 25, 2020, 12:23:12 pm »
Hermes (yet again!): I was in my flat at 10.07; in bed actually. You didn't ring the intercom and made no effort to deliver my item, as far as I can tell. Now, I wouldn't want to be working on a bank holiday, but you made the choice, so do your feckin' job, kthxbai.
Haggerty F, Haggerty R, Tomkins, Noble, Carrick, Robson, Crapper, Dewhurst, Macintyre, Treadmore, Davitt.

Kim

  • Timelord
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #468 on: June 05, 2020, 09:03:44 pm »
The three (3) parcels that UPS had out on a van for delivery before 12:30 today have failed to appear.  Tracking system is now in advanced stages of denial about them having been loaded onto a van at Tamworth at audax o'clock this morning.

Place your bets...
Careful, Kim. Your sarcasm's showing...

quixoticgeek

  • Mostly Harmless
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #469 on: June 05, 2020, 09:32:04 pm »

I ordered some stuff from ikea, paid for delivery on the 14th of May. On the 14th I got an email saying there as a technical issue. I've since contacted IKEA 3 times, and each time they say it's gonna be rescheduled for a date, and then not turn up... I wonder if it will arrive before the 14th of June...

J
--
Beer, bikes, and backpacking
http://b.42q.eu/

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #470 on: June 06, 2020, 12:29:53 pm »
The three (3) parcels that UPS had out on a van for delivery before 12:30 today have failed to appear.  Tracking system is now in advanced stages of denial about them having been loaded onto a van at Tamworth at audax o'clock this morning.

Place your bets...

I trust there are screenshots?
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Kim

  • Timelord
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #471 on: June 06, 2020, 02:12:03 pm »
The three (3) parcels that UPS had out on a van for delivery before 12:30 today have failed to appear.  Tracking system is now in advanced stages of denial about them having been loaded onto a van at Tamworth at audax o'clock this morning.

Place your bets...

I trust there are screenshots?

At late o'clock last night, I got a barrage of SMSes and emails informing me that the delivery had been rescheduled to Monday.

So it came as only a mild surprise when they appeared at 9am this morning.
Careful, Kim. Your sarcasm's showing...

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #472 on: July 01, 2020, 11:15:34 am »
I’m expecting a yodel delivery today. The email I’ve got has a track your parcel link. Most useful. Apparently my parcel is out for delivery. Oh, there’s a map to help. It’s got an icon on it that very helpfully tells me where my local area is. But nothing else! Useless.
Sorting my life out, one shed at a time.

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #473 on: July 01, 2020, 01:41:00 pm »
Today was a bit special. There's a note on my door that says 'please knock, if no reply please put parcels under the box behind the porch.'

I don't think these are especially difficult to follow instructions. Except he (a) didn't knock, otherwise I'd have heard him and (b) I wouldn't have found a pile of parcels on the front step with the box from behind the porch balanced on top of them. The wrong way up.

I evidently haven't read this thread in 2 years, so I've just seen this. You have to admit, it's bloody inspired. Your courier has quite literally followed the instructions. There's no way they weren't just taking the piss. I'm cheered for the day (well, maybe at least an hour)

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #474 on: July 02, 2020, 03:23:29 pm »
FedEx, you are currently on my list of "ultimate worst courier" which is an amazing achievement as it puts you below the likes of Hermes, Yodel, etc.

You have successfully and efficiently delivered me goods from this particular US retailer in the past, so your current utter incompetence is disappointing. Especially as the usually pedestrian USPS-Royal Mail service managed to get me a parcel from the US during lockdown with no bother whatsoever. In fact the performance of USPS-Rpyal Mail was positively scintillating (even though in first few weeks of lockdown) compared to the sh!te I have had from you so far.

You take the biscuit the way you have "rearranged" your system for paying import duty.

I get you need your COVID controls in place and are only sending electronic invoices, but since you stopped delivering and sending the invoice afterwards, plus you took away the ability to phone up and pay by card on the phone, surely a company of your size can afford an IT bod to sort out payment by card on your website?????

The text message you sent out (telling me there was duty to pay) arrived 2 days after the tracking showed the parcel arriving in UK, unfortunately the link in it didn't work- took me to a blank web page- which was a fat lot of good.

Even if you can only afford an IT bod part-time, surely it is not beyond your wit to put info on your website that matches what you send out by text?

Then 3 days after the package arrived in UK I got an email attaching the invoice for duty and explaining how to pay the duty owed. According to the invoice, the duty must be paid within 5 days of the package ariving in UK otherwise it would be automaticaly returned to sender with no further warning. Nice. The invoice said payment could be made by phone or via bank transfer.

However, contrary to what the emailed invoice said, your payment line is NOT accepting payment (calling the number on the invoice, on the appropriate number option I got as far as the pre-recorded message saying "you cannot pay your invoice over the phone, please look on our website for more details of how to pay" and on the "enquiries" option I never got to speak to a person; the website said I could pay by phone. Aaaaaaagh!!!!!!).

If you must use email and bank transfer for payment,  why is it you only give 5 days after arrival of a package in UK to pay invoice YET you don't send that email out until the package has been in UK for 3 days?. Why can't you get your pre-recorded phone messages, email, texts and internet to match up or is that just too difficult? (I'd have though you lot being in logistics this was basic stuff?????)

Paying by bank transfer means setting you up as a new payee using a PIN-pad card reader. For security purposes, that card-reader remains at home when I am away working as generally I am not setting new payees up on my account that often. Some of us are key workers and are still working on site (not at home) and in fact it's not unusual for key workers to stay over for a bit, so I'd have expected a little more flexibility.

You have asssured me (when I finally got in touch by livechat on Day 4 after the parcle arrived in UK) that my parcel will still be in UK when I get back home today- Day 6 since my package arrived in UK- and am able to log on and pay the invoice for customs duty. You'd better be right and better deliver my parcel you cretinous lot, and for the future I will have to explain to that retailer that unless they can use a courier with sensible arrangements, I cannot buy from them again, sorry.

Grrrrrrr.

GC