Author Topic: You know you're middle aged when  (Read 83920 times)

Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #175 on: March 21, 2016, 06:25:15 pm »
....at room temperature, your testicles hang lower than the tip of your flaccid penis.

Thanks for making me feel like a teenager again fuzzy.   :thumbsup:

Basil

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Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #176 on: March 21, 2016, 07:26:36 pm »
when you post on the "You know you're middle aged when thread " and immediately think you'd better check all 7 pages to make sure you haven't been repeating yourself....

Haven't you said that before? 

Actually, I'm the same.  I always worry about that.   So much so, that I've often not posted something 'just in case'
Imagine the wonderful, interesting stuff you've all been missing out on.  ;-)
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Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #177 on: March 21, 2016, 07:49:54 pm »
Don't worry Basil; you've simply forgotten that you've already posted it so we're not missing out.   :thumbsup:

ian

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    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #178 on: March 30, 2016, 10:07:39 am »
Owing to crappy radio reception in the bedroom I have to tune to anything that makes a suitable level of noise to wake me in the morn (the buzzer is the sort of harsh sound that I imagine in any other circumstance would be used to herald the end of the world, not what I need at 8.30am, it's Wednesday, not God calling out the final judgements and we all know the Rapture will be on a Friday). This process of suitable radio signal acquisition is not improved by the fact that I live on the side of a steep valley and stations from the metropolis come and go and I'm really scared of Classic FM and Smooth. For every 10 seconds of classical music I have to scream for 20. As for Smooth, it's like narcolepsy. I could slip into coma and never wake up. Let's not even talk about about LBC.

But I made a bigger mistake. I found Radio 1. This, the internet informs me, is music for the younger generation. Sorry, 'music'. This is why I'm middle-aged, I'm now reduced to putting the word music in quotes. I did get through about 20 minutes this morning which solely consisted of terrible rap songs with singy choruses (come on, didn't that Eminem chap do that – better – when I was a lad) and unaccountably the dental drill screech of Whitney Houston, presuming echoing all the way from The Great Beyond. Or it could have simply been the collective screams of the tormented. How do you tell?

This means I've turned into my dad. Call this music? he'd say, and I'd run before he managed to manifest Celine Dion.

On the plus side, I'm still on that island of middling years were I don't have to listen to Adele, that warbling curse of the young and old, and generic shopping mall soporific.
!nataS pihsroW

Mr Larrington

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Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #179 on: March 30, 2016, 10:50:55 am »
Lt. Col. Larrington (retd.) and I have an agreement: I don't complain about him having Radio 3 on all day and he doesn't complain about anything I have playing in the motor-car.  Last year he was heard to comment favourably on both GY!BE and the tinklier bits of The Doors but I can't see him ever becoming a fan of The Stooges.
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T42

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Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #180 on: March 30, 2016, 10:58:37 am »
When people talk of "that Enema(??) chap" and you've heard the name but couldn't spell it, don't know what kind of stuff he sang (played), don't want to and would really rather listen to Chopin.

Played on the banjo.
I've dusted all those old bottles and set them up straight.

Kim

  • Timelord
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #181 on: March 30, 2016, 02:09:39 pm »
Owing to crappy radio reception in the bedroom I have to tune to anything that makes a suitable level of noise to wake me in the morn (the buzzer is the sort of harsh sound that I imagine in any other circumstance would be used to herald the end of the world, not what I need at 8.30am, it's Wednesday, not God calling out the final judgements and we all know the Rapture will be on a Friday). This process of suitable radio signal acquisition is not improved by the fact that I live on the side of a steep valley and stations from the metropolis come and go and I'm really scared of Classic FM and Smooth. For every 10 seconds of classical music I have to scream for 20. As for Smooth, it's like narcolepsy. I could slip into coma and never wake up. Let's not even talk about about LBC.

But I made a bigger mistake. I found Radio 1.

When I first moved to Canterbury, I illicitly spent a year living in my then partner's student room, on account of a general lack of alternatives.  Anyway, they had discovered a system for guaranteed wake-up that involved a loud clock-radio on the far side of the room, not quite tuned into Radio 1.  Nothing like the distorted tones of Craig David and Zoe Ball to get you out of bed in a hurry...   :hand:
Careful, Kim. Your sarcasm's showing...

Cudzoziemiec

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Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #182 on: March 30, 2016, 02:41:05 pm »
I detest Classic FM. It plays a lot of nice music with nice presenters and it's very nice. It's like being locked in a National Trust tea room and force-fed scones till you vomit into a pseudo-Victorian tea towel. Unfortunately Mrs Cudzo likes it, though she does at least understand my objections. I do like Radio 3, though I don't like everything it plays. It has nice stuff and challenging stuff. I've never heard of Smooth and that's probably for the best. Radio 2 seems to have the exact same music and the same DJs that Radio 1 had when I was 15. My alarm clock is just a beep-beep-beep on my phone. That's what phones are for, surely?

Back on topic, I reckon that's grumpy enough to be middle aged, don't you?
At some point in the ride, you might find yourself in Osaka with Spanish speakers where you had expected Edinburgh talking Greek. This does not mean you are lost, or even off route.

ian

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Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #183 on: March 30, 2016, 03:50:20 pm »
Classical music just ain't my thing. I'm not great at getting up in a morning, I like to rise slowly from the murky somnolent depths. Too quickly and I might get the mental equivalent of the bends. That requires the radio turned low and music that's mostly inoffensive. If it's something like classical, I just turn it off before ever actually surfacing. That's not a bad thing, because thought leadership is more contingent on tidy hair than being up before 10am. But still, sometimes I have important stuff to do. Feeding the cats. That sort of thing.

To be honest, all radio seems to suck. I try to get the thing that was XFM but it comes and goes from the bedroom. You can't listen to it for long because the playlist seems to consist of about six songs. I may just give up and use my iPhone like my wife.

I needed extra sleep last night because of poltergeists. Scared the Barney Fucking Pyjamas out of me. Huge thump in the night. My wife, bless her, had been tidying at the weekend. Stacked a metric fucktonne of cookery books on the shelf behind the fridge. A shelf screwed into sixty year old plaster. Took me till this lunchtime to discover the actual source of the noise, when I noticed Delia Smith looking mournfully up from beside the recycling bin.
!nataS pihsroW

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #184 on: March 30, 2016, 04:13:38 pm »
give me a klaxon or two any day, or everyday if you want me to get up.  Morning radio would just blend into general sleepiness.  Give me ALARM and I'm up and at 'em
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

Kim

  • Timelord
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #185 on: March 30, 2016, 06:34:21 pm »
give me a klaxon or two any day, or everyday if you want me to get up.  Morning radio would just blend into general sleepiness.  Give me ALARM and I'm up and at 'em

The vibrating bastard that wakes barakta has the advantage that it takes you from REM sleep to up and ready to fight off the zombie hoards in a fraction of a second.  Which is admittedly useful when you're expecting a parcel.  Personally, I've found that a gentle preamble in anticipation of horrid noises to come is enough to wake me up with a bit of practice, and on the odd occasion that I want to get up before her, I'll just use a normal beep-beep-beep on my phone.

Of course, you know you're middle-aged when you don't need an alarm to wake up before 10am.  That's even more unnatural than feeling tired at midnight.  Maybe I'll get used to it eventually, but feel free to shoot me if I ever turn into one of those sanctimonious morning people.   :hand:
Careful, Kim. Your sarcasm's showing...

Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #186 on: March 30, 2016, 06:44:02 pm »
Of course, you know you're middle-aged when you don't need an alarm to wake up before 10am.  That's even more unnatural than feeling tired at midnight.  Maybe I'll get used to it eventually, but feel free to shoot me if I ever turn into one of those sanctimonious morning people.   :hand:
Be careful. It may happen. Suddenly occurred to me a few years ago that I was much better at 'doing stuff' before lunch than I felt I ought to be.
"No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everybody on the couch."

ian

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Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #187 on: March 30, 2016, 06:53:34 pm »
Phew, I still have a hard time getting up before 10am (and can easily do noon). To be honest, there's not much point getting up before noon, I need a riot-control strength shower and IV coffee just to keep upright. I'm at most productive at precisely 2.37 am. I often wake people to tell them this.
!nataS pihsroW

Mr Larrington

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Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #188 on: March 30, 2016, 07:12:35 pm »
If being on the receiving end of Thought Leadership involves being woken up at audax o'clock by some tidy-haired gin addict then I for one am glad to be an unemployed layabout ;D
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Oscar's dad

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Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #189 on: March 30, 2016, 07:31:52 pm »
I've never been good at the sleep thing. I'm still trying to work out whether being middle aged is making the situation better or worse.

TheLurker

  • Goes well with magnolia.
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #190 on: March 30, 2016, 07:33:59 pm »
...someone posts a quote on a cycling forum describing Class 47 locomotives as being "heritage locomotives".  A class which you regard as being, if not cutting edge, moderately up to date.
Τα πιο όμορφα ταξίδια γίνονται με τις δικές μας δυνάμεις - Φίλοι του Ποδήλατου

Oscar's dad

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Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #191 on: March 30, 2016, 07:41:14 pm »
Was a Class 47 loco also known as a Brush 4?

TheLurker

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Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #192 on: March 30, 2016, 07:48:23 pm »
Τα πιο όμορφα ταξίδια γίνονται με τις δικές μας δυνάμεις - Φίλοι του Ποδήλατου

Oscar's dad

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Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #193 on: March 30, 2016, 07:58:46 pm »
Well there we have it folks. Proof if proof were needed that I'm both middle aged and a saddo. I struggle to remember important stuff that happened yesterday but can still remember useless facts from my days as a school boy trainspotter.

Bothered?  Not in the least  ;D

Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #194 on: March 30, 2016, 08:39:17 pm »
..it's too late.
Sic transit and all that..

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #195 on: March 30, 2016, 08:47:30 pm »
Brain trauma is a good excuse for forgetting stuff. No one can argue. I was supposed to be where? When? Oh, did I mention my head. Look, scars. Yep, brain came right out. Doctors had to massage it like wagyu before putting it back in.

I genuinely can't remember four digit numbers, which is a ludicrously specific impediment.

There's probably other stuff but I can't remember forgetting it.
!nataS pihsroW

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #196 on: March 30, 2016, 08:52:31 pm »
give me a klaxon or two any day, or everyday if you want me to get up.  Morning radio would just blend into general sleepiness.  Give me ALARM and I'm up and at 'em

The vibrating bastard that wakes barakta has the advantage that it takes you from REM sleep to up and ready to fight off the zombie hoards in a fraction of a second.  Which is admittedly useful when you're expecting a parcel.  Personally, I've found that a gentle preamble in anticipation of horrid noises to come is enough to wake me up with a bit of practice, and on the odd occasion that I want to get up before her, I'll just use a normal beep-beep-beep on my phone.

Of course, you know you're middle-aged when you don't need an alarm to wake up before 10am.  That's even more unnatural than feeling tired at midnight.  Maybe I'll get used to it eventually, but feel free to shoot me if I ever turn into one of those sanctimonious morning people.   :hand:

 ;D ;D ;D

7am is late for me.  These days I tend to find myself anticipating the 6AM alarm by about ten minutes.

I'm also one of those annoying people that can regularly go to bed at midnight and then get up at 5am the next day
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

IanDG

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Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #197 on: March 30, 2016, 11:21:49 pm »
Reminiscence.

Tim Hall

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Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #198 on: March 30, 2016, 11:52:33 pm »

To be honest, all radio seems to suck. I try to get the thing that was XFM but it comes and goes from the bedroom. You can't listen to it for long because the playlist seems to consist of about six songs. I may just give up and use my iPhone like my wife.

Two things: Radio X - Chris Moyles. Just say no.
You have an iPhone like your wife, and by corollary, a wife like your iPhone? Blimey.
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Mr Larrington

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Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #199 on: March 31, 2016, 02:40:44 am »
I genuinely can't remember four digit numbers, which is a ludicrously specific impediment.

Tell me your debit card's PIN and I'll remember it for you.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime