Author Topic: You know you're middle aged when  (Read 84179 times)

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #200 on: March 31, 2016, 07:20:36 am »

To be honest, all radio seems to suck. I try to get the thing that was XFM but it comes and goes from the bedroom. You can't listen to it for long because the playlist seems to consist of about six songs. I may just give up and use my iPhone like my wife.

Two things: Radio X - Chris Moyles. Just say no.
You have an iPhone like your wife, and by corollary, a wife like your iPhone? Blimey.

I forget this is the home of the truly, madly, deeply pedantic. Like my wife does. She is admittedly a reliable alarm clock as she bounces around the house like an elephant on a pogo stick at 6.30am. Heels and hardwood floors, percussion for the middle classes. She may as well crank up some industrial metal to 11 and be done with it.

Chris Moyles isn't actually as bad as I had expected. I know, I just wrote that. He turns into Vernon Kay mid-morning. I know nothing about Vernon, expect he seems incredibly nice to everyone. I'd like to introduce him to my gran. Actually, that might work out wrong as she's dead. Sounds a bit threatening. Sorry Vern.

I genuinely can't remember four digit numbers, which is a ludicrously specific impediment.

Tell me your debit card's PIN and I'll remember it for you.

I have to store them in my phone (though my wife does remember them). I'd write them on the card in indelible ink but it's no help when they disappear inside the machine.
!nataS pihsroW

T42

  • Tea tank
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #201 on: March 31, 2016, 07:44:31 am »
I invent mnemonics, usually scurrilous, wherein either the number of letters in each word or the position of its initial letter in the alphabet yields the code.  Of course I'm not going to tell you any.

Napoleon helps too.  He listed the French départements in alphabetical order and numbered them accordingly. A 4-digit PIN then becomes two départements - an old one of mine was Nord Alsace: the Nord is 59 and northern Alsace - the Bas-Rhin - is 67.

I think I've already mentioned* that I'd love to put a sign on an ATM reading "This machine has been upgraded to use vocal recognition.  Please speak your PIN loudly and clearly."  I bet you'd catch a good few.

*and that's another sign.
I've dusted all those old bottles and set them up straight.

Eccentrica Gallumbits

  • Rock 'n' roll and brew, rock 'n' roll and brew...
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #202 on: March 31, 2016, 07:48:19 am »
Ian, why not just scratch your PIN onto the nearest cashpoint?
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #203 on: March 31, 2016, 07:56:43 am »
Ian, why not just scratch your PIN onto the nearest cashpoint?

That would be an idea, but I'm a bit random with cashpoints. I was thinking of doing a schoolyard tattoo, carving them into my forearm with a compass point and soaking in some blue fountain pen ink.
!nataS pihsroW

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #204 on: March 31, 2016, 01:34:39 pm »
I genuinely can't remember four digit numbers, which is a ludicrously specific impediment.

Tell me your debit card's PIN and I'll remember it for you.

Weird business that; I find memorising strings of digits easy whilst resident Toy Boy cannot do this.

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #205 on: March 31, 2016, 01:51:18 pm »
Ian, why not just scratch your PIN onto the nearest cashpoint?

That would be an idea, but I'm a bit random with cashpoints. I was thinking of doing a schoolyard tattoo, carving them into my forearm with a compass point and soaking in some blue fountain pen ink.

Or change your name to 4593
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

billplumtree

  • Plumbing the well of gitness
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #206 on: March 31, 2016, 01:59:20 pm »
7am is late for me.  These days I tend to find myself anticipating the 6AM alarm by about ten minutes.

In which case you may as well set your alarm for 0545 and enjoy Farming Today, like wot I do.  Apart from bike commute days, when it's 0500 and the World Service (the real one, not R4).

I sometimes worry I'm heading towards nocturnal.

red marley

Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #207 on: March 31, 2016, 02:11:53 pm »
Or change your name to 4593

He already has, but had forgotten.

Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #208 on: March 31, 2016, 03:08:33 pm »
.... when you work out how many working days it will be until you retire...... 2 506 days.

And yes, I am counting.
Cats to the left of me, cats to the right of me, cats sitting on my keyboard making far more sense than I do.

citoyen

  • Cat 6 Racer
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #209 on: March 31, 2016, 03:29:04 pm »
I detest Classic FM. It plays a lot of nice music with nice presenters and it's very nice. It's like being locked in a National Trust tea room and force-fed scones till you vomit into a pseudo-Victorian tea towel. Unfortunately Mrs Cudzo likes it, though she does at least understand my objections. I do like Radio 3, though I don't like everything it plays. It has nice stuff and challenging stuff. I've never heard of Smooth and that's probably for the best. Radio 2 seems to have the exact same music and the same DJs that Radio 1 had when I was 15. My alarm clock is just a beep-beep-beep on my phone. That's what phones are for, surely?

Back on topic, I reckon that's grumpy enough to be middle aged, don't you?

I used to like the Radio 3 breakfast show until they decided there weren't enough Classic FMs in the world and roped in Petroc Fucking Trelawney and the awful Clemency Burton-Hill to bring it properly downmarket. I don't care what other Radio 3 listeners think about anything, I just want to listen to the nice tunes. FFS.  >:(

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #210 on: March 31, 2016, 04:17:26 pm »
Chris Moyles isn't actually as bad as I had expected. I know, I just wrote that. He turns into Vernon Kay mid-morning. I know nothing about Vernon, expect he seems incredibly nice to everyone. I'd like to introduce him to my gran. Actually, that might work out wrong as she's dead. Sounds a bit threatening. Sorry Vern.

If you are keeping up with the gossip columns, it appears that Mr Kay is currently a bit over friendly with a Page 3 model by the name of Rhian, who is engaged to someone else.  Mr Kay is famously(ish) married to Strictly darling Tess Daly (tho perhaps not for very much longer).

Not sure I'd want to introduce my gran, sister, mother, auntie or any woman to Vernon.
Getting there...

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #211 on: March 31, 2016, 04:35:28 pm »
Chris Moyles isn't actually as bad as I had expected. I know, I just wrote that. He turns into Vernon Kay mid-morning. I know nothing about Vernon, expect he seems incredibly nice to everyone. I'd like to introduce him to my gran. Actually, that might work out wrong as she's dead. Sounds a bit threatening. Sorry Vern.

If you are keeping up with the gossip columns, it appears that Mr Kay is currently a bit over friendly with a Page 3 model by the name of Rhian, who is engaged to someone else.  Mr Kay is famously(ish) married to Strictly darling Tess Daly (tho perhaps not for very much longer).

Not sure I'd want to introduce my gran, sister, mother, auntie or any woman to Vernon.

I am sadly unacquainted with any of these people (#wowbagger). I've never heard of a Rhian. I think there's a St Rhian, not sure what he's the patron saint of of, probably Custard Creams. I've never even seen Strictly either. I have sat through a couple of episodes of Nigeria's Got Talent. It truly does though I'm minded they should hang onto it.

I reckon my gran could handle him. When she was alive, though if she came back as some kind of zombie-gran, I reckon he'd still have plenty on his plate, though admittedly of a less favourable variety.
!nataS pihsroW

Cudzoziemiec

  • Dormant but requires tea
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #212 on: March 31, 2016, 04:39:08 pm »
So she's still on TV? Oh, that was Nigeria. I thought you said Nigella's Got Talent.
At some point in the ride, you might find yourself in Osaka with Spanish speakers where you had expected Edinburgh talking Greek. This does not mean you are lost, or even off route.

Clare

  • Is home
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #213 on: March 31, 2016, 04:41:33 pm »
Not sure I'd want to introduce my gran, sister, mother, auntie or any woman to Vernon.

That's a bit harsh, I mean I know he's an engineer and all that but he can talk to people if encouraged and he's certainly never been a problem to my mum.


iddu

  • Are we there yet?
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #214 on: March 31, 2016, 04:55:49 pm »

To be honest, all radio seems to suck. I try to get the thing that was XFM but it comes and goes from the bedroom. You can't listen to it for long because the playlist seems to consist of about six songs. I may just give up and use my iPhone like my wife.

Two things: Radio X - Chris Moyles. Just say no.
You have an iPhone like your wife, and by corollary, a wife like your iPhone? Blimey.

I forget this is the home of the truly, madly, deeply pedantic. Like my wife does. She is admittedly a reliable alarm clock as she bounces around the house like an elephant on a pogo stick at 6.30am. Heels and hardwood floors, percussion for the middle classes. She may as well crank up some industrial metal to 11 and be done with it.

Chris Moyles isn't actually as bad as I had expected. I know, I just wrote that. He turns into Vernon Kay mid-morning. I know nothing about Vernon, expect he seems incredibly nice to everyone. I'd like to introduce him to my gran. Actually, that might work out wrong as she's dead. Sounds a bit threatening. Sorry Vern.

I genuinely can't remember four digit numbers, which is a ludicrously specific impediment.

Tell me your debit card's PIN and I'll remember it for you.

I have to store them in my phone (though my wife does remember them). I'd write them on the card in indelible ink but it's no help when they disappear inside the machine.

Perm any four from the card number - always to hand, as long as your (very) short-term memory isn't buggered and you have to keep ejecting the card from the ATM/reader...
I'd offer you some moral support - but I have questionable morals.

Oscar's dad

  • Cheers!
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #215 on: March 31, 2016, 06:02:04 pm »
Not sure I'd want to introduce my gran, sister, mother, auntie or any woman to Vernon.

That's a bit harsh, I mean I know he's an engineer and all that but he can talk to people if encouraged and he's certainly never been a problem to my mum.

Hang on I'm confused, you mean to tell me that you're Tess Daly off the telly?

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #216 on: March 31, 2016, 06:10:08 pm »
So she's still on TV? Oh, that was Nigeria. I thought you said Nigella's Got Talent.

Yeah, definitely Nigeria, the contestants were more ebullient than even Nigella manages after falling nose first into the, erm, icing sugar.

I didn't particularly want to watch it, but men in khaki with machine guns made escape impossible.
!nataS pihsroW

orraloon

  • I'm trying Ringo, I'm trying real hard
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #217 on: March 31, 2016, 09:45:11 pm »
On the plus side, I'm still on that island of middling years were I don't have to listen to Adele, that warbling curse of the young and old, and generic shopping mall soporific.

On a POI Mr Speaker, Adele does not "warble".  Belt it out like an old school diva without that attitude, yes.  Warble?  Nah.  Saw her last night at the NEC, like well good innit.

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #218 on: March 31, 2016, 10:47:57 pm »
beg to differ, definitely a warbler

especially when matched up against some 70s stalwarts like Sir Elton who doesn't know anything other than the loud pedal, or Led ZEP, or Meat Loaf - they're the fellas to "belt it out"
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

Tim Hall

  • I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #219 on: March 31, 2016, 11:51:07 pm »

I am sadly unacquainted with any of these people (#wowbagger). I've never heard of a Rhian. I think there's a St Rhian, not sure what he's the patron saint of of, probably Custard Creams. I've never even seen Strictly either.

A couple of years ago when I was staying at my grate frend Nic's house, I was persuaded to watch Strictly. His mother, who sadly was in the early stages of Alzheimer's, was also watching it. People danced, music played. End credits rolled.

"Well" said his mother "it is a load of bollocks isn't it."
There are two ways you can get exercise out of a bicycle: you can
"overhaul" it, or you can ride it.  (Jerome K Jerome)

Tigerrr

  • That England that was wont to conquer others Hath made a shameful conquest of itself.
  • Not really a Tiger.
    • Humanist Celebrant.
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #220 on: April 01, 2016, 07:15:44 am »
I am going to Cropredy festival. It is specially for people of my generation. THe last festival I can recall was Reading 1976.
Humanists UK Funeral and Wedding Celebrant. Trying for godless goodness.
http://humanist.org.uk/michaellaird

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #221 on: April 01, 2016, 10:11:09 am »
 I think old people go to Festivals these days. The average age of the audience at Glastonbury is now 58.
!nataS pihsroW

Oscar's dad

  • Cheers!
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #222 on: April 01, 2016, 10:19:29 am »
I think old people go to Festivals these days. The average age of the audience at Glastonbury is now 58.

We're going to a Sausage & Cider festival in May.  3 nights camping too!

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #223 on: April 01, 2016, 10:21:29 am »
I think old people go to Festivals these days. The average age of the audience at Glastonbury is now 58.
http://www.glastonburyfestivals.co.uk/glastonbury-2016-line-up-so-far/

Adele
Coldplay
Muse
Beck
ELO
Earth Wind & Fire
Guy Garvey
Sigur Ros
Madness
St Etienne
ZZ Top
New Order

QED.
Getting there...

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: You know you're middle aged when
« Reply #224 on: April 01, 2016, 10:23:00 am »
Well, who under the age of forty, is going to sleep in a tent? It's against their human rights innit.

In worrying news, I'm old enough to remember Rolf Harris at Glastonbury (well, he's taken the shine off that performance) and the sheer mass of flying piss bottles at Reading. It's probably all chai lattes and defibrillators these days.
!nataS pihsroW