Author Topic: the food rant thread  (Read 89974 times)

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1475 on: January 31, 2019, 11:43:44 am »
FWIW, that style exists, too, eg



But that's not a noption at all for a replacement, even if I'd probably prefer that to a badly designed 5 burner.

While I'm at it - this Miele one appears to be the best design I've seen. Offset burners (not square set) mean that pans will fit better



hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1476 on: January 31, 2019, 11:57:56 am »
My hob's in a corner, at 45 degrees to the walls it abuts.

It's not easy to lean into the heat with this arrangement but I am mostly beyond stove cookery anyway.

The small burner seems to be able to belt out much heat anyway; it's all I need for Big Stews and Big Soups.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Solar powered, tea fuelled cycle-wol
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1477 on: January 31, 2019, 12:14:27 pm »
Going back to Kim's configurable conflagration idea, the burner diameter is key but if the pipes feeding the burners are the same size, which it looks as if they are, then it's just a case of swappable heads and "wells" (not sure what they're technically called) that sit underneath them. This would mean the "wells" would have to be above the hob surface, so the whole thing would be rather high and might be impractical for that reason.
The earth is vast and beautiful and contains many miraculous places. (Chekhov)

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1478 on: January 31, 2019, 12:17:24 pm »
While I'm at it, here's an example of a bad designed expensive hob, Smeg says it all.



Four spindly pan supports, who thought that was a good move? also, putting that wok burner in the middle interferes with all the burners when you use a large saute pan or the like, instead of just two. Oh yes, that IS £800 worth of hob. As it happens, the one that would fit mine is this



Which is better, still with the four leg pan support, still £800 discounted from £1,000

ETA - for reference the Miele one has rrp of £2k


hellymedic

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1479 on: January 31, 2019, 02:02:37 pm »
The more I read this thread, the more I LOVE my hob!

The pan supports are removable chunky metal (cast iron or similar) and cover 2 burners.

The subjacent hob is glossy, white and wipes clean with scant effort.

It might be >20 years old but I see no reason to change it yet. (There seems to be an intermittent fault with the electric sparker.)

Kim

  • 2nd in the world
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1480 on: January 31, 2019, 02:04:15 pm »


I think I last saw that one exploding a reel of tape in the opening scene of an episode of Mission Impossible.


When I was a PSO, our kitchen inexplicably[1] had both a free-standing cooker and a separate hob built into the adjacent work surface.  This was surprisingly useful.


[1] I assume landlord cheapness.
To ride the Windcheetah, first, you must embrace the cantilever...

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1481 on: February 10, 2019, 12:28:32 pm »
You need a wok burner in the middle otherwise your extractor hood will be at a disadvantage, unless you have a super wide one (extractor hood that is)

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1482 on: February 11, 2019, 08:13:11 pm »
I'm back on being annoyed by cheese sandwiches again. You'll remember the upset caused by the Camden Food Company's stance on a cheese and ham panini – and their frankly non-sensible – not to mention insensible – belief that a toasted cheese sandwich would be somehow improved by the addition of cheese sauce. The result was a soggy turdwich with a homoeopathic hint of actual cheese. Whatever they'd used as the cheese was, at best, aspirationally mild.

Anyway, that was a lesson only partly learned. Let's introduce yet another failure to the pantheon of failed attempts at putting cheese in bread. The Pret 'posh cheddar and pickle baguette.' OK, I should have known this sandwich was doomed because it included the word 'posh.' It's a cheese sandwich, not Little Lord Fauntleroy.

Firstly, the cheese. It was apparently mature. It was hard to say, there were two thin slivers jammed into the baguette. And by jammed, I mean jammed, by about four gallons of sugary 'pickle.' Pickle is, well, supposed to pickle. There should be a shout of vinegar. This was smothered to death under a sugary blanket. They didn't stop there. No, because they'd declared it to be 'posh' they did what I suppose is the posh thing to do and added some chewy lumps of sundried tomato. Why? I don't know. Does a cheese and pickle sandwich cry out for sundried tomatoes? Did anyone ever in the history of mankind say the words 'do you know what these cheese and pickle sandwich needs? Sundried tomato, that's what." No, because the only people who think like that are under professional care and taking a lot of medication.

Not stopping there, they added some cress and some red onion, which at least enjoyed being permissible additions to a cheese and pickle sandwich, and a gasp towards the fable five-a-day, and – wait for it – mayonnaise. Because a sandwich already drowning under a tsunami of its own pickle needs more gloopy condiment.

The result was a sandwich that really was mostly condiment. The flaccid cheese was hanging out of the side like the tongue of a long-drowned man. Alas, the real test came in eating this sandwich, because about two mouthfuls in, the overabundance of lubricating condiments ensured the contents oozed out as though the were making a break for it and splatted down on my boot where to be honest they didn't manage to look much worse than in the sandwich. Even a passing dog took one look and thought 'nah.' I had, for my trouble, a damp lump of bread and a need to find a bin.

FFS, people. Cheese, bread, butter, some veg, a modest spread of mayo if you must. That's it. Stop fucking with it.
!nataS pihsroW

Cudzoziemiec

  • Solar powered, tea fuelled cycle-wol
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1483 on: February 11, 2019, 08:52:18 pm »
Pret sandwiches are mostly poncy. And way too sweet, their bread itself is sweet, never mind the sugary "pickle".
The earth is vast and beautiful and contains many miraculous places. (Chekhov)

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1484 on: February 11, 2019, 09:52:49 pm »
Indeed, I generally avoid, but I was dashing through London Bridge station as I had a train to catch and I foolishly thought, cheese and pickle, how can that go wrong? I don't really get Pret, I mean, it's 2018 is anyone surprised by humus in a sandwich. I especially don't get how they exist in places like NYC – awesome food choices abound, there's actual delis that will make sandwiches to order, but people queue to buy Pret sandwiches. It kind of has to be the result of mind control and some evil plan.

Anyway. If anyone is wondering what the weird red and white splodge is in the David Lloyd leisure centre car park in Chigwell, it's not the remains of an alien life form that failed to thrive on planet Earth, but my sandwich. Most annoying thing was that I had to hike twelve miles fuelled only by a bag of cheese and onion crisps.
!nataS pihsroW

Mrs Pingu

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1485 on: February 11, 2019, 10:06:13 pm »
What you want is M&S' Wensleydale & Carrot chutney sarnie which is teh amazeballs.
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1486 on: February 11, 2019, 10:48:19 pm »
Indeed, I generally avoid, but I was dashing through London Bridge station as I had a train to catch and I foolishly thought, cheese and pickle, how can that go wrong? I don't really get Pret, I mean, it's 2018 is anyone surprised by humus in a sandwich. I especially don't get how they exist in places like NYC – awesome food choices abound, there's actual delis that will make sandwiches to order, but people queue to buy Pret sandwiches. It kind of has to be the result of mind control and some evil plan.

Anyway. If anyone is wondering what the weird red and white splodge is in the David Lloyd leisure centre car park in Chigwell, it's not the remains of an alien life form that failed to thrive on planet Earth, but my sandwich. Most annoying thing was that I had to hike twelve miles fuelled only by a bag of cheese and onion crisps.

I may, on the odd occasion, have eaten a sandwich after handling animal manure or garden soil but I really would be surprised to find humus between the pieces of bread. Were you by chance, referring to that well known concoction of chickpeas, olive oil and assorted condiments?

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1487 on: February 11, 2019, 10:53:09 pm »
Do you know how many different spellings exist for flavoured chickpea paste on the Sainsbury's website?

Cudzoziemiec

  • Solar powered, tea fuelled cycle-wol
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1488 on: February 11, 2019, 10:57:51 pm »
Do you know how many different spellings exist for flavoured chickpea paste on the Sainsbury's website?
I don't but I feel like having a go: hummus, humus, houmus, hoummus, hoummous, houmous, hummos, humos, houmos, hoummos, hummous, humous, hoummous, houmous, hoommus, hoomus, hoommous, hoomous, hoummos, houmos,hummuss, humuss, houmuss, hoummuss, hoummouss, houmouss, hummoss, humoss, houmoss, hoummoss, hummouss, humouss, hoummouss, houmouss, hoommuss, hoomuss, hoommouss, hoomouss, hoummoss, houmoss, and hummers.
The earth is vast and beautiful and contains many miraculous places. (Chekhov)

Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1489 on: February 11, 2019, 11:08:56 pm »
There is a thread for "Spelling that makes etc."
 Humus is soil particles and shit. Hummus is chickpea based shit.

Jaded

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1490 on: February 11, 2019, 11:56:10 pm »
...that makes me fart like
If you don't like your democracy, vote against it.

Jaded

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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1491 on: February 11, 2019, 11:57:25 pm »
Please note: the last post was not an English Person's pronunciation of an Aberdonian asking how I was.
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ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
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Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1492 on: February 12, 2019, 11:21:40 am »
There is a thread for "Spelling that makes etc."
 Humus is soil particles and shit. Hummus is chickpea based shit.

Nah, I transliterated it direct from the original cuniform glyphs. Everyone else is wrong, as usual.

The other thing that bugs me about my occasional forays into Pret sandwiches is their indecent love for large quantities of mayonnaise. This affliction is widely (and liberally) spread across the pre-packed sandwich world. We're not talking a schmear of pert and peppery mayo, they're adding it by the shovelful, and it's usually glutinous, flavour-depleted mucilage, that owes more to industrial hydrocarbons and awry chemical process than olive oil and egg yolks. It's the sort of stuff they advise you not to use on latex and rubber products. This despite the fact that it's clearly an axiom that butter makes everything better. Can you get a sandwich with buttered bread? No.

I guess Pret was a refresher back in the days when a good old British lunchtime sandwich consisted of stale bread and a selection of week-old fillings, half of which looked like they'd spent some time in a cat beforehand. When hum(m)us was still an exotica but it's not now, it's a fact of life. OK, I know crayfish are fashionable prawns and probably have a social media presence, but even they will have drowned in the same lake of mayonnaise.
!nataS pihsroW

Tim Hall

  • I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1493 on: February 12, 2019, 11:26:12 am »
Do you know how many different spellings exist for flavoured chickpea paste on the Sainsbury's website?
I don't but I feel like having a go: hummus, humus, houmus, hoummus, hoummous, houmous, hummos, humos, houmos, hoummos, hummous, humous, hoummous, houmous, hoommus, hoomus, hoommous, hoomous, hoummos, houmos,hummuss, humuss, houmuss, hoummuss, hoummouss, houmouss, hummoss, humoss, houmoss, hoummoss, hummouss, humouss, hoummouss, houmouss, hoommuss, hoomuss, hoommouss, hoomouss, hoummoss, houmoss, and hummers.
It could be worse. You could have Hummers in your sandwich.
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"overhaul" it, or you can ride it.  (Jerome K Jerome)

Cudzoziemiec

  • Solar powered, tea fuelled cycle-wol
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1494 on: February 12, 2019, 11:46:33 am »
Do you know how many different spellings exist for flavoured chickpea paste on the Sainsbury's website?
I don't but I feel like having a go: hummus, humus, houmus, hoummus, hoummous, houmous, hummos, humos, houmos, hoummos, hummous, humous, hoummous, houmous, hoommus, hoomus, hoommous, hoomous, hoummos, houmos,hummuss, humuss, houmuss, hoummuss, hoummouss, houmouss, hummoss, humoss, houmoss, hoummoss, hummouss, humouss, hoummouss, houmouss, hoommuss, hoomuss, hoommouss, hoomouss, hoummoss, houmoss, and hummers.
It could be worse. You could have Hummers in your sandwich.
Of course you could, you just have to order him from Sainsbury's website!
The earth is vast and beautiful and contains many miraculous places. (Chekhov)

spesh

  • Mental floss tycoon
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1495 on: February 12, 2019, 12:33:51 pm »
Do you know how many different spellings exist for flavoured chickpea paste on the Sainsbury's website?
I don't but I feel like having a go: hummus, humus, houmus, hoummus, hoummous, houmous, hummos, humos, houmos, hoummos, hummous, humous, hoummous, houmous, hoommus, hoomus, hoommous, hoomous, hoummos, houmos,hummuss, humuss, houmuss, hoummuss, hoummouss, houmouss, hummoss, humoss, houmoss, hoummoss, hummouss, humouss, hoummouss, houmouss, hoommuss, hoomuss, hoommouss, hoomouss, hoummoss, houmoss, and hummers.
It could be worse. You could have Hummers in your sandwich.

Or you could be (were he still alive*) Monsieur Mangetout, and have bits of a Hummer in your sandwich.


* Turns out Michel Lotito died of natural causes at the relatively young age of 57 in 2007: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michel_Lotito


Edited.
This is not The Greatest Sig Line in the World, no.
This is just a tribute.

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1496 on: February 12, 2019, 05:53:48 pm »
The other thing that bugs me about my occasional forays into Pret sandwiches is their indecent love for large quantities of mayonnaise. This affliction is widely (and liberally) spread across the pre-packed sandwich world. We're not talking a schmear of pert and peppery mayo, they're adding it by the shovelful, and it's usually glutinous, flavour-depleted mucilage, that owes more to industrial hydrocarbons and awry chemical process than olive oil and egg yolks. It's the sort of stuff they advise you not to use on latex and rubber products.

Any oil/fat/mayo/butter is best kept away from latex and rubber...

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1497 on: February 14, 2019, 09:30:49 pm »
I think that if you're using mayo has a sex lube, you're about as degenerate as it gets. Please don't let it be a baguette doing the honours though.

Anyway, in other news, pita chips. Oh yes. Have I mentioned them? I should have. I ate another one the day. One is enough, trust me. Basically, some has had the low wattage idea of toasting bits of pita bread. This has the effect of making them taste like, I imagine, a five-year-old piece of pita bread. Or fresh plasterboard. It's dry bread, one sucks all the moisture out of your mouth, I imagine if you get to five you're probably as desiccated as King Tut under a sunlamp.

They seem to reproduce in craft beer places where I first encountered a bag. Yesterday, there was a bowl of snack selection at some buffet, and well, I wasn't paying attention. One moment, mmm, peanutty goodness, the next, ack ack ACK! My head is now 5% smaller. I have to soak it in the bath.

For fuck's sake, it's dry bread. I don't care if you're roasted it in virgin olive oil, it's still dry bread. The entire point of pita is that they hot and tasty, you slice them and steam belches out like a happy fat man in a sauna.

I've taken to google things that I hate. Firstly, that posh cheese baguette. The internet loves them. Pita chips. The internet loves them too. These are things defiant in their awfulness.
!nataS pihsroW

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1498 on: Yesterday at 01:27:38 am »
Cardboardhydrate, like the Ryvita of my childhood...

Coconut oil based contraceptive pessaries 'Rendells' were A Thing in my misspent youth.
Oh dear!

citoyen

  • Cat 6 Racer
Re: the food rant thread
« Reply #1499 on: Yesterday at 08:28:44 am »
Anyway, in other news, pita chips. Oh yes. Have I mentioned them? I should have. I ate another one the day. One is enough, trust me. Basically, some has had the low wattage idea of toasting bits of pita bread. This has the effect of making them taste like, I imagine, a five-year-old piece of pita bread. Or fresh plasterboard. It's dry bread, one sucks all the moisture out of your mouth, I imagine if you get to five you're probably as desiccated as King Tut under a sunlamp.

You’re going to the wrong craft beer places. Mine does spicy fried broad beans which are teh awesome.

Mind you, isn’t the very point of bar snacks to dry out your mouth and thereby make you drink more? Coming soon to a hipster joint near you: salted nuts coated in silica gel.