Author Topic: Coconut  (Read 1088 times)

Wowbagger

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Coconut
« on: June 21, 2015, 08:30:50 am »
My daughter took a school party to a Hindu temple in Neasden last week. Whilst there, she obtained a coconut and today I have been breaking into it with a hacksaw, gravity and a hard pavement. Sadly, there was no coconut milk but the flesh is moist. The annoying part is that GD has decided she doesn't like it, daughter's dietary requirements preclude it, GS is too young and Mrs. Wow can't be bothered to chew through it. I have to confess that it does involve a fair bit of jaw work.

When you have caught your coconut, what do you do with it?
Eating's a serious business. Don't bollocks around wagging your tail.

Re: Coconut
« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2015, 08:42:16 am »
Too late now, but to open a coconut, first open one of the soft holes in the end with a corkscrew and pour out the milk. Then hold it in one hand while hitting around the middle with the back of a kitchen knife, turning it between each hit. The shell will crack and can be peeled off.
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Jaded

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Re: Coconut
« Reply #2 on: June 21, 2015, 08:58:14 am »
Smash it with a hammer, then put it in the bin.
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Wowbagger

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Re: Coconut
« Reply #3 on: June 21, 2015, 09:28:38 am »
There wasn't any milk in it. I sawed it top-down and not so much as a drop escaped.
Eating's a serious business. Don't bollocks around wagging your tail.

T42

  • Old fool in a hurry
Re: Coconut
« Reply #4 on: June 21, 2015, 09:53:23 am »
It was an old one. If you ever buy one, shake it first and listen for liquid. And open two holes to pour, as with an old steel beer-can.
I've dusted all those old bottles and set them up straight.

Cudzoziemiec

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Re: Coconut
« Reply #5 on: June 21, 2015, 10:56:56 am »
The milk and water is the best bit of a coconut, IMO. The flesh, IIRC it's called copra, is quite tasty and nutritious but does get a bit chewy and monotonous if just eaten on its own. Use it in a Thai-style curry? Then you can use the fibrous outer layer to make a coir mat and the shards of shell can be composted. But any coconut will be dried up by the time it gets here and the best ones are actually the green, smooth-shelled ones.
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Eccentrica Gallumbits

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Re: Coconut
« Reply #6 on: June 21, 2015, 12:00:01 pm »
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
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Re: Coconut
« Reply #7 on: June 22, 2015, 10:03:04 am »
When I was little my dad told me that coconuts were, in fact, monkey's heads. I believed that for quite a while. Probably into my late teens.

I did buy a bottle of coconut water a while back because it sounded interesting. It was minging.
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Re: Coconut
« Reply #8 on: June 22, 2015, 10:09:55 am »
Use it to make coconut milk for use in your next curry.
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Biggsy

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Re: Coconut
« Reply #9 on: June 22, 2015, 10:56:24 am »
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contango

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Re: Coconut
« Reply #10 on: June 23, 2015, 03:59:33 pm »
My daughter took a school party to a Hindu temple in Neasden last week. Whilst there, she obtained a coconut and today I have been breaking into it with a hacksaw, gravity and a hard pavement. Sadly, there was no coconut milk but the flesh is moist. The annoying part is that GD has decided she doesn't like it, daughter's dietary requirements preclude it, GS is too young and Mrs. Wow can't be bothered to chew through it. I have to confess that it does involve a fair bit of jaw work.

When you have caught your coconut, what do you do with it?

Read ian's "food rant thread" for ideas. I suggest breaking up the shell and reforming it into something that looks like a cross between a slab of wood and a piece of roofing slate. Then cut the flesh of the coconut into pretty swirls and place them in carefully organised piles in each corner of the resulting board. Drizzle whatever fluids you can press out of them (or improvise with brightly coloured fluids, ideally flavourless, if needs be).

Serve the result to ian, and retreat to a safe distance...

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Valiant

  • aka Sam
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Re: Coconut
« Reply #11 on: June 24, 2015, 07:46:16 pm »
I love coconut, love the juice, and the flesh but when its solid. I don't like that membrainey stuff thats sometimes there.

Corkscrew into the two holes, drain liquid, take a hammer or heavy knife, smack along the seam and rotate as doing so, usually takes two or three hits.
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Kim

  • Timelord
Re: Coconut
« Reply #12 on: June 25, 2015, 12:17:12 am »
Read ian's "food rant thread" for ideas. I suggest breaking up the shell and reforming it into something that looks like a cross between a slab of wood and a piece of roofing slate. Then cut the flesh of the coconut into pretty swirls and place them in carefully organised piles in each corner of the resulting board. Drizzle whatever fluids you can press out of them (or improvise with brightly coloured fluids, ideally flavourless, if needs be).

Serve the result to ian, and retreat to a safe distance...

It's only a matter of time before a gastropub serves a burger solidified into an upturned coconut shell suspended from a bit of string...
Careful, Kim. Your sarcasm's showing...