Author Topic: Cats being terrible  (Read 3518 times)

Cats being terrible
« on: July 15, 2015, 09:54:01 pm »
Tell me your stories of cats being terrible, I find them far too funny.

Our latest:

Our cat used to be our neighbour's cat, until about 2 years ago, he decided that he wanted us to be his hoomins instead, and moved in with us.

Well, it turns out that he has taken to crawling through her bathroom window whilst she is having a shower in the morning and begging her for food if we haven't woken up early enough.

Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2015, 10:08:20 am »
 ;D

Probably the worst for us was 'Tiger', once he reached the grand old age of 14 we had a couple of summers where his health deteriorated with the heat. A very thin looking, lethargic cat would take a trip to the vets for a check up. After receiving some anti-inflammatories and some steroids he would come home, disappear out of the house and return an hour later with a wild rabbit hanging from his mouth.

He never caught rabbits other wise, or at least never brought them home.

Eccentrica Gallumbits

  • Rock 'n' roll and brew, rock 'n' roll and brew...
Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2015, 07:59:04 pm »
Pete didn't get on with my neighbour's dog. The first time they met, the dog came bounding over, and got a split nose for its trouble. From then on, whenever Pete saw the dog, he would chase it. The dog was put to sleep recently, and my neighbour told me that Pete went in to see her last week, went straight to the urn containing the dog's ashes and tried to push it over.
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


Mrs Pingu

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Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2015, 10:12:58 pm »
I know that's not funny, but it is....
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2015, 06:55:10 am »
Boris The Blade brought a still alive mouse into my bedroom at 5 am this morning so he could chase it around like a lunatic. I got up and was trying think how I could get it off him and save its life. At that point Boris seemed to sense this and bit its head off...
Those wonderful norks are never far from my thoughts, oh yeah!

Eccentrica Gallumbits

  • Rock 'n' roll and brew, rock 'n' roll and brew...
Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2015, 07:51:58 am »
Boris is naughty.
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #6 on: July 17, 2015, 07:59:19 am »
But at least he didn't get his wasserweffers

gibbo

  • Riding for fun, cake and beer.
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Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2015, 08:46:19 am »
I used to play golf in our park, hitting the ball with a pitching wedge from the goal mouth to the half way line, and on the odd occasion my cat, Domino, would come out with me. He'd watch the ball land then sit on it and wait for me to collect it. One day a woman came into the park with a dog which she let off the lead. Said dog saw the cat and started to run after it. The cat sees the dog and arches up, dog slows down, cat starts to run after dog slowly, dog turns and starts running slowly, cat speeds up, dog speeds up and is yelping. Dog owner comes up to me and tells me to call my cat off, which I do, and he comes back to me like he was trained! I swear he was laughing as much as I was.

Jaded

  • The Codfather
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Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #8 on: July 17, 2015, 09:14:42 am »
Dog sat on front door mat, me having breakfast along the corridor in the kitchen, cat peering out from the loo doorway, looking alternatively at me, then the dog.
Initially  I wasn't quite sure what he was up to then realised I was meant to call the dog, which I did.

As the dog ambled nonchalantly down the corridor the cat dived bombed him from the loo doorway. I'm sure he'd have high-fixed me if he could have.
If you don't like your democracy, vote against it.

fboab

  • It's a fecking serious business, riding a bike
Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #9 on: July 17, 2015, 11:20:59 am »
Recently, the cat, who is NOT ALLOWED in my room, has been found snuggled up on my bed when I get home from work. Cue much hilarity from offspring on my daily entering the bedroom to a shout of Oi! Cat! GTF!, and a knowing 'you must have left the door open'.

I discovered at approximately 4am just wtf is going on. The stupid cat is climbing in my window (we live in a ground floor flat), squeezing through the venetian blinds and making herself at home. I know this, because this 'morning' she got stuck. Venetian blinds are pretty noisy with a cat stuck in them.

Be-atch.
TSS is not Total Sex Score, Chris!

Morrisette

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Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #10 on: July 22, 2015, 01:41:27 pm »
Our old cat came in the house once and started walking back and forth to the front door, doing 'follow-me' with his tail, meowing. Clearly we were meant to be led somewhere. In a moment worthy of Lassie Come Home, he led us all the way back down to the allotment, where he stopped in front of a bit of strawberry netting which had a bird stuck in it. This bird was of course freed from the net and flew off, which I am not convinced was what Puss (he arrived one day and we didn't think he would stay, so he never got a proper name) thought was going to happen.

I was seriously impressed with this at the time, for the amount of forward planning it required to see the bird in the net, recognise that he couldn't get it himself, recognise that his humans would be able to get the bird out, remember this for twenty minutes while he came back to the house to get us, persuade us to follow him, and go back to where he had been before. Apart from this flash of genius he wasn't very clever. Once he tried to pull a dead rabbit through the gate and got it stuck on the spiky bit. He didn't come and ask us to move this for him, just left it there to go rotten :sick:
Not overly audacious
@suffolkncynical

Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #11 on: July 22, 2015, 02:07:23 pm »
Our cats get blamed for everything which goes on down the street, so if there is a dead bird, then one of our pride killed it…..okay, its most likely that they did but there are other cats including three strays which kill.

Other things our cats have been blamed for…..

1)   Pooing on the bed of a near neighbour. Highly unlikely as she has a sh*tty little dog which barks whenever a cat comes within 100 yards of their house…. And no matter what training we gave them, we could never get them to do their business in their house. We did try.

2)   Running around in the neighbours attic at night…. Again highly unlikely given that our cats tend to sleep indoors overnight. It’s most likely to be squirrels as we have loads of them around here.

3)   Damaging the neighbours lawn….nope, those brown patches are from your dogs wee and not our cats. Our cats use your cat litter tray….or gravel drive as some people call it.

4)   Spying for HMRC…..yes, okay, they do that hence the tax inspector who called the other day.

Cats to the left of me, cats to the right of me, cats sitting on my keyboard making far more sense than I do.

Otto

  • Biking Bad
Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #12 on: July 22, 2015, 05:12:40 pm »


A frequent sight on climbing the stairs, they do like a nice plump pidgeon

MikeFromLFE

  • Previously known as Millimole
Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #13 on: July 22, 2015, 05:53:17 pm »
Boris The Blade brought a still alive mouse into my bedroom at 5 am this morning so he could chase it around like a lunatic. I got up and was trying think how I could get it off him and save its life. At that point Boris seemed to sense this and bit its head off...

This is one of Bob The 5kg Killing Machine's favourite trick - bring a creature (usually mouse shaped) into the bedroom in the dead of night, make a howling noise to wake us up, and then watch me (always me....) try to catch the bloody thing (yes it usually is bloody by this time).
He has brought comatose sparrows in, but only in daytime.
Too many angry people - breathe & relax.

Mrs Pingu

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Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #14 on: July 22, 2015, 06:07:09 pm »
Last night Pumpkin was scampering about on downstairs neighbours lawn. Then looked like she was going to wee. Oh hooray, I thought, the kittens are finally going to use the litter tray less frequently.
Close - she did a big poo in the middle of his lawn and looked well pleased while she was at it. Grr.
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #15 on: July 23, 2015, 10:00:27 am »
Where do I start with Bad Cat (aka La-La) and the Hunstersaurus (aka Little Ginger Monster). Monster just drank the milk out of my coffee cup as I turned to put the carton back in the fridge. Weirdly she wasn't there a moment before, so I presume she's mastered teleportation (which explains a lot). They're a bit more bonkers than usual at the moment because they've just been released from their incarceration at the local cattery.

Last night I thought I'd take a bath. The wife was out, the beer was cold, and there's a good book on my Kindle. Part way through my sudsy relaxation: MIAOW and Bad Cat drops into my hands. Fortunately I caught her before cat–water interface. She forgets the purpose of the a bathtub isn't to provide an arena for the epic gladiatorial battle of cat vs. tail. It also gave me an opportunity to demonstrate that those little plastic bags they give you airports to hold your liquids make good waterproof Kindle covers.

At the moment they're quiescent. Monster is sitting on my notepad and whacking me repeatedly with her tail.
!nataS pihsroW

Otto

  • Biking Bad
Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #16 on: July 23, 2015, 12:22:22 pm »
My old Maine Coon nicely scraped my newly planted lettuce seedlings into a nice tall mound to cover up his poop this morning

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #17 on: July 26, 2015, 07:49:47 pm »
My old Maine Coon nicely scraped my newly planted lettuce seedlings into a nice tall mound to cover up his poop this morning

My ready-to-harvest chard is now a pile of a dirt too. I don't want to know what's underneath. Possibly one of our critters did the damage, but there's plenty of other neighbourhood suspects and the rains means no paw print CSI.

Plenty of crashbanging upstairs in the Asbestos Palace earlier along with the swoosh of the fitted wardrobe doors. I assumed it was just the poltergeist. Turns out it was Bad Cat being bored. She's figured out how the slide the door open (hooks it with a claw, I've seen her do it before) and somehow clamber* to the top shelf where I note she's made a comfy eyrie.

*No mean feat, my wife has compressed so many cloths in there that there doesn't seem space for a cat to clamber to the top.
!nataS pihsroW

Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #18 on: July 27, 2015, 05:55:59 pm »
Today was the pride's trip to the vets for their annual check up and injections… I don’t know who it is most stressful for: the cats or us?!

Firstly, they know they are going from the moment we get the cat carriers out of the garage… I don’t know how as we round them up into the living room so they can’t see what we are doing but as soon as we get them, they are fighting to get out of any gap they can find.

Then its rounding up time….first one to catch was the old man of the bunch, Jamise. Thankfully he was asleep so didn’t put up a fight. Then it was Elma’s turn….she put up a bit of fight but I was able to get her off the top of the curtains by getting on a chair…not that it's safe trying to pull a 7kg queen down when she doesn’t want to come. I suppose it is time we got new curtains as these ones are now torn. After that it's Posies turn…she made it as far as the cat flap but we have locked it…..snigger…she doesn't know that and almost knocked herself out running at it full speed expecting it to open.

I am not sure that leaving the worse to the end was a good idea as getting Pixie into a cat carrier is never easy especially when she is stressed. In the end, I managed to catch her by the scruff as she hid under the bed. Trying to lift a fighting cat out while holding up the bed is never going to be easy but there was only ever going to be one winner. Me.....Or so I thought as, as soon as she was in the carrier and the front door open, she kicked her way out of the carrier and ran off into the distance along with Pootle and Petal who due to having FIV, don’t have yearly injections. Pootle is the worse for going to the vets and will cry for ages before and afterwards.

Anyway, cats in the car and off to the vets….only for Jamise to lose control of his bowel. Nice. They are now hiding in the summer house away from me just in case I come after them with a cat carrier again….and Pixie, you are booked for next Wednesday morning at 9am……before Breakfast when I know you will be in. ;D :demon:
Cats to the left of me, cats to the right of me, cats sitting on my keyboard making far more sense than I do.

Kim

  • Timelord
Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #19 on: July 27, 2015, 06:52:24 pm »
The trick with cat carriers is to make them (at least on a short-term basis) part of the furniture, so there isn't a "getting them out" ceremony to warn the cats to be on their guard for a vet visit.  We used to be able to get my parents' cats into a carrier[1] with a well-aimed game of "chase the mousie".

Best to remove the door when unattended though, so idiot cats who only understand 'pull' don't lock themselves inside....


[1] Which in no way reduced the blood-curdling noise of an extremely disgruntled siamese for the duration of the journey.
Careful, Kim. Your sarcasm's showing...

Basil

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Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #20 on: July 27, 2015, 07:09:30 pm »
The trick with cat carriers is to make them (at least on a short-term basis) part of the furniture, so there isn't a "getting them out" ceremony to warn the cats to be on their guard for a vet visit.  We used to be able to get my parents' cats into a carrier[1] with a well-aimed game of "chase the mousie".

Best to remove the door when unattended though, so idiot cats who only understand 'pull' don't lock themselves inside....


[1] Which in no way reduced the blood-curdling noise of an extremely disgruntled siamese for the duration of the journey.

Yes, that's what I do.  The cat carrier lives in the kitchen.  On the floor close to the feeding area. 
Come down in the morning, Daf is sitting right by it waiting for his breakfast. 
" Morning Dafydd". Stroke, scritch ears.  Swoop into carrier.
 :demon:
Quote from: Kim
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Eccentrica Gallumbits

  • Rock 'n' roll and brew, rock 'n' roll and brew...
Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #21 on: July 27, 2015, 07:13:19 pm »
The last time Pete went to the vet, he was fast asleep when I picked him up and plonked him in his carrier, and he barely noticed.  ;D
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #22 on: July 28, 2015, 11:01:35 am »
Bad Cat is pretty dozy these days, so we can casually wander by and grab her. Plenty of yowling, but she's boxed and ready to go before she knows it. Monster is a lot more wary, she's gone the moment she knows something is up and wriggles something furious when you finally grab her.

Bad Cat plays dead at the vets, just flattens herself and lets the indignities happen. Monster is a wriggle-some pain, although this time she didn't even struggle. She used to be so bad that the vet had to knock her out just to look in her mouth. This time nothing. It was a lady vet for the first time ever though, so perhaps she knows.
!nataS pihsroW

Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #23 on: July 28, 2015, 11:32:59 am »
Pixie has been in the house twice since we got back...both times to have something to eat and then a poo....why do cats come into the house to have a poo? Afterall, there is next doors garden or drive they can use instead.

Oh, and she broken the door on the cat carrier when she escaped! I take the cost of a replacement out of her prawn allowance!
Cats to the left of me, cats to the right of me, cats sitting on my keyboard making far more sense than I do.

Ruthie

  • Her Majester
Re: Cats being terrible
« Reply #24 on: July 28, 2015, 09:32:53 pm »
Pixie has been in the house twice since we got back...both times to have something to eat and then a poo....why do cats come into the house to have a poo? Afterall, there is next doors garden or drive they can use instead.


NOOOOO!!!!!  She's doing it right, don't discourage her!!!!!!

I dislike clearing away shit and pigeons when I don't even own a cat, clear up after your own dictator!
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