Author Topic: The Driving Muppetry Thread  (Read 1774 times)

ABlipInContinuity

The Driving Muppetry Thread
« on: October 14, 2008, 10:09:51 am »
I'll start with the muppet this morning, who overtook passed me without deviating from his path. Duck because that's a 2 meter length of soil pipe sticking out of his front hinged/rear opening near-side back window!!

Oh, and if that wasn't enough, he passed me again after a set of traffic lights in the same stylee and then turned immediately left forcing to me to firmly apply the brakes in order to avoid colliding with him.

I'll give this driver a 7 out of 10 for his driving muppetry.


tiermat

  • According to Jane, I'm a Unisex SpaceAdmin
Re: The Driving Muppetry Thread
« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2008, 10:59:35 am »
I might just have the winner for this one :)

The WVM who careered into the back of the van behind me yesterday, wiping out that van and my car....

And then his passenger had the balls to blame me for braking!
I feel like Captain Kirk, on a brand new planet every day, a little like King Kong on top of the Empire State

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: The Driving Muppetry Thread
« Reply #2 on: October 14, 2008, 11:07:20 am »
The old Saab that skidded to a halt over the ASL in Notting Hill Gate yesterday. Ended up well over the line. Pleased to note that there were no fewer than five un-restrained kids in the back, a woman holding a toddler in the front seat, and no seat belts in evidence for either her or the driver. It probably goes without saying that there was a obligatory wheel spin when the light changed.

Oh, and the numpties at the roundabout in Sydenham. It's GIVE WAY TO THE RIGHT. If you don't, you end up with another car in your side. And yes, it really is your fault. Fortunately, I was a spectator.
!nataS pihsroW

ABlipInContinuity

Re: The Driving Muppetry Thread
« Reply #3 on: October 14, 2008, 11:15:29 am »
Tiermat, I think that's a 9.5
Ian, will an 8 do?

Re: The Driving Muppetry Thread
« Reply #4 on: October 14, 2008, 11:18:29 am »
The guy who pulled out of the nursery in front of me.  I swerved into the empty outside lane and passed him (yes I had planned ahead, which is why I knew the lanes was empty).

I passed him in the next queue.  He was reading his paper.

He passed me half a mile later, straddling the lane dividing line.

As he slowed for the queue at the lights I pulled out to overtake, then as he stopped and his window was open I also stopped for a chat.  He was still reading the paper.

"Excuse me sir", I say, "do you usually pull out into moving traffic without looking?"
"Dunno mate, I'm too busy reading me paper"

Re: The Driving Muppetry Thread
« Reply #5 on: October 14, 2008, 11:24:21 am »
2 meter length of soil pipe sticking out
In a quirky reversal of roles that was obviously a turd carrying a soil pipe  ;D (coat? got it already).
"Only the cyclist knows why the dog rides with its head out the window"

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
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Re: The Driving Muppetry Thread
« Reply #6 on: October 14, 2008, 11:38:25 am »
Motons!  Have you noticed how the lanes on this roundabout spiral outwards?

Actually, don't bother to answer that one.  It's blindingly obvious that you haven't noticed the presence of the markings at all.

Also, it is permitted to approach a roundabout in lane 2 and then go straight on.
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tiermat

  • According to Jane, I'm a Unisex SpaceAdmin
Re: The Driving Muppetry Thread
« Reply #7 on: October 14, 2008, 11:46:12 am »

Also, it is permitted to approach a roundabout in lane 2 and then go straight on, provided the markings do not indicate otherwise

Just clarified that for you...
I feel like Captain Kirk, on a brand new planet every day, a little like King Kong on top of the Empire State

Pete

Re: The Driving Muppetry Thread
« Reply #8 on: October 14, 2008, 01:07:33 pm »
The guy who pulled out of the nursery in front of me.  I swerved into the empty outside lane and passed him (yes I had planned ahead, which is why I knew the lanes was empty).  I passed him in the next queue.  He was reading his paper.
Very appropriate.  Did he need a nappy-change?  And how come he was able to read?  ;D

Jacomus

  • My favourite gender neutral pronoun is comrade
Re: The Driving Muppetry Thread
« Reply #9 on: October 14, 2008, 01:26:36 pm »
I bring to the panel the following example of muppetry;

In Guildford, outside the uni/cathedral entrances is a very large RAB, perfect for the local population of chavs to practice their drifting round.

The Police may or may not be aware of this, however thanks to the fortunate geography of the A3's north and south on-ramps, the Cathedral access road is a perfect place for a traffic car to sit and await despatch. The road is hidden by the RAB if one approaches it from the direction of the chav estate.

Now, of course, most of the population of Guildford know that from about 8pm onwards, a traf plod will be sat on that ramp, and many chavs do a precautionary lap of the RAB before getting into high jinx.

Walking to the pub on campus I see a white Nissan Skyline, in full street race kit take such a lap, but entirely fail to spot the police car. Next thing is the Skyline comes round the RAb sideways, is a proper tyre-smoking drift.

Queue instant blue lights and siren.

Matey boy, has a go at running (not sure how he thought that would work, seeing how Surrey has one of the highest Police:population ratios in the country, and deploys its helicopter even for foot pursuits) anyway, his mad skillz run a little short and instead of escaping onto the A3 he drives slap bang into the crash barrier marking the edge of the sliproad.
"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity." Amelia Earhart

Regulator

  • That's Councillor Regulator to you...
Re: The Driving Muppetry Thread
« Reply #10 on: October 14, 2008, 01:31:49 pm »
I bring to the panel the following example of muppetry;

In Guildford, outside the uni/cathedral entrances is a very large RAB, perfect for the local population of chavs to practice their drifting round.

The Police may or may not be aware of this, however thanks to the fortunate geography of the A3's north and south on-ramps, the Cathedral access road is a perfect place for a traffic car to sit and await despatch. The road is hidden by the RAB if one approaches it from the direction of the chav estate.

Now, of course, most of the population of Guildford know that from about 8pm onwards, a traf plod will be sat on that ramp, and many chavs do a precautionary lap of the RAB before getting into high jinx.

Walking to the pub on campus I see a white Nissan Skyline, in full street race kit take such a lap, but entirely fail to spot the police car. Next thing is the Skyline comes round the RAb sideways, is a proper tyre-smoking drift.

Queue instant blue lights and siren.

Matey boy, has a go at running (not sure how he thought that would work, seeing how Surrey has one of the highest Police:population ratios in the country, and deploys its helicopter even for foot pursuits) anyway, his mad skillz run a little short and instead of escaping onto the A3 he drives slap bang into the crash barrier marking the edge of the sliproad.

See!  There is a God - and she doesn't like twats drifting of the roundabout outside her Surrey house...
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I completely agree with Reg.

Green Party Councillor

Re: The Driving Muppetry Thread
« Reply #11 on: October 15, 2008, 12:28:27 pm »
Part of my route includes a classic rat run, narrow, with debatable benefits for the motons, but it does allow them to dodge 2 sets of traffic lights.

So with that in mind, I give you the Saab this morning that was so desperate to overtake me that  I pulled over to let him go, better to follow an aggressive idiot in my book...

Within seconds he was stopped dead in the face of oncoming traffic and I was able to pass him and go on my way. I assume he turned off because he didn't catch me again.

alan

Re: The Driving Muppetry Thread
« Reply #12 on: October 15, 2008, 12:54:06 pm »
2 meter length of soil pipe sticking out
In a quirky reversal of roles that was obviously a turd carrying a soil pipe  ;D (coat? got it already).

Mega ;D PMSL

Gandalf

  • Each snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty
Re: The Driving Muppetry Thread
« Reply #13 on: October 15, 2008, 04:46:06 pm »
I reported a Thames Water van yesterday for use of a mobile whilst driving.  He wasn't just using the phone in the standard mobile clamped to ear and staring myopically ahead fashion, he was in full absorbed, animated and oblivious mode.

Just had a 'phone call from a very apologetic lady who has passed on the complaint to the relevant team leader.  She also said I'd be getting a written response.


Edit- email just came in

15 October 2008

Our Ref:  532600

Thames Water Vehicle


Dear Mr Gandalf

Thank you for your online report of 13 October 2008 and for taking the time to discuss this matter with me this afternoon.

I am sorry to learn of the disappointing behaviour of one of my colleagues.
You concerns as a cyclist are perfectly understood. 

As you are aware it is unacceptable to use a mobile handset while driving a vehicle.  I have referred your compliant to the relevant team leader for investigation.  I assure you the appropriate action will be taken.

Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

Yours sincerely  etc


clarion

  • Tyke
Re: The Driving Muppetry Thread
« Reply #14 on: October 15, 2008, 08:02:47 pm »
*drums fingers waiting for response from Wandsworth BC re: complaint about dangerous driver* :(
Getting there...

ABlipInContinuity

Re: The Driving Muppetry Thread
« Reply #15 on: November 05, 2008, 09:21:53 am »
Results just in:

Nutty: 7
JRG: 11.5 - I need to recalibrate the scale after that one. Shame the driver of the Nissan Skyline damaged it. Drivers of such special cars should have attitude and advanced driving tests first.
Alexb: 5 - but extra kudos for letting Saab man go past
Gandalf: - 6.5 for mobile phone use.

It has been a quiet week or two for driving muppetry, but this morning I offer these two incidents to the panel for consideration.

It is my aim, most mornings, to cycle sedately and calmly to work. It's only three and a bit miles (maybe eight and a bit counting the commute with Maffie before hand) and the idea is to arrive at work feeling fresh and relaxed.

However, this morning I ended up thinking oh buggrit and ended up riding at a pace to keep up with traffic, having been pulled out on top of. twice.

After the first "pulling out on top of", the the road then opened out into two lanes, and I took the right hand lane in order to filter off right. The first culprit remained in the left hand lane. She then slammed on her brakes and swung from the left-hand lane into the right-hand lane avoiding the tail of stationary traffic queuing for the motorway, in the process of which I was forced to take evasive action.

The second culprit stopped dead when she finally saw me, with the front near-side corner of her tin can 6 inches to my right, then proceeded to pass me as if I wasn't there.

Seems today the world is awash with driving muppetry. Roll on more peaceful times!

Re: The Driving Muppetry Thread
« Reply #16 on: November 05, 2008, 04:36:23 pm »
Woo Hoo!  I'm in second place :thumbsup:

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
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Re: The Driving Muppetry Thread
« Reply #17 on: November 07, 2008, 10:46:36 am »
To the gentleman in the black Zafira this morning: you may have had a valid reason for driving over, rather than round, the traffic island (home to a "Keep Left" sign and the mortal remains of a lamp post), but I don't think "being a twat" counts as valid.  It was certainly a bloody silly place to try to overtake a double-decker bus.
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Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime