Author Topic: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread  (Read 92859 times)

Mr Larrington

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1175 on: January 14, 2019, 10:00:41 am »
Bare feet.  Wooden stairs.  Bounce, Mr L, bounce, like the innocent Derek Bentley!

Hurty shoulder.  Bah!
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Torslanda

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1176 on: January 14, 2019, 10:23:03 am »
You're a sick man, Dave!
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

hellymedic

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1177 on: January 14, 2019, 02:13:43 pm »
Hop you're not hurty for long, MrL!

SO glad I bought fall-friendly stairs with this house!

T42

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1178 on: January 14, 2019, 04:25:31 pm »
One of our dogs missed a step the other day and slid backwards all the way down. He looked just the way you'd expect a cartoon dog to look. He was OK after, trotted up again happily.

No dogs were hurt in making this post.
Tout à gauche sur le plat

Mr Larrington

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1179 on: January 15, 2019, 02:40:55 am »
Monday's planned room-jibbling involved doing stuff above head height and wrestling with heavy metal things.  It is on hold.
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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1180 on: January 15, 2019, 01:33:50 pm »
Me, shortly heading out to triathlon club swim session, thinks "I should just check Facebook in case this evening's coach has posted asking us to bring pull buoys". I check. Nothing. Good. I then remember that this evening's coach is my husband...

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1181 on: January 16, 2019, 10:23:32 am »
Raining hard this morning so decided to use the car part way. So bike/shoes/helmet/overshoes all in car and off I go. Now where is my expensive rain-jacket?? Oh, it's hung up nice and dry in the garage  :(

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1182 on: January 18, 2019, 12:21:28 pm »
What's the name for a person who is building a vegetable storage drawers (c 800 x 600 x 1000 mm) requiring millimetric precision, is very pleased with themselves having planned meticulously to discover that they have sufficient material - just - who then proceeds to cut out all the pieces, again meticulously, then makes the cut out required to 16 of said pieces on the fly only to discover that 20mm too much has been removed, preventing said item from being supported? Oh, yes, I think I know  ::-)

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1183 on: January 18, 2019, 01:09:07 pm »
What's the name for a person who is building a vegetable storage drawers (c 800 x 600 x 1000 mm) requiring millimetric precision, is very pleased with themselves having planned meticulously to discover that they have sufficient material - just - who then proceeds to cut out all the pieces, again meticulously, then makes the cut out required to 16 of said pieces on the fly only to discover that 20mm too much has been removed, preventing said item from being supported? Oh, yes, I think I know  ::-)

Not just me then...….. :-[

Torslanda

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1184 on: January 18, 2019, 01:37:03 pm »
"Measure twice, cut once. I've cut it three times and the bastard's still too short...!"
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1185 on: January 18, 2019, 01:39:59 pm »
Measure once, buy twice.
"Yes please" said Squirrel "biscuits are our favourite things."

fuzzy (retd.) AAGE

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1186 on: January 18, 2019, 02:07:45 pm »
Measure twice, cut once, get a professional in to sort out the fuck up.
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spesh

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1187 on: January 18, 2019, 02:12:31 pm »
The last-but-one owner of my house: "Measure once, cut once, beat to fit or use longer nails to bridge the gap."
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This is just a tribute.

T42

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1188 on: January 18, 2019, 02:31:45 pm »
Think twice.
Tout à gauche sur le plat

Torslanda

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1189 on: January 18, 2019, 08:58:00 pm »
Just another day for you and me in paradise...
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

Mr Larrington

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1190 on: January 19, 2019, 10:38:22 am »
Measure once, believe figures on the Happy Swedish Halls of Joy's webby SCIENCE once, bodge serially.

^^^^ That's the story of the Estate Office relocation, right there.
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Mrs Pingu

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1191 on: January 19, 2019, 06:52:31 pm »
TFW you realise that not only do you have all your holiday washing to do, but a basket full that you failed to do before you went away  :facepalm:
And it's winter so no drying outside or in the wash house  :facepalm:
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1192 on: January 23, 2019, 07:04:45 pm »
Hot chocolate.  Warms you twice.  Once when you drink the mug you've just made,  the second time when you have to get the hoover out to clean up the half tub of powder you spilt on the kitchen floor  :facepalm:
Not fast & rarely furious

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citoyen

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1193 on: January 24, 2019, 09:53:39 am »
The first time your Cateye light makes a bid for freedom from its bracket, that should be taken as a cue to replace the bracket (a mere £4.50 from Evans).

The second time it happens, this is a warning that you really should do something about it very soon.

The third time it happens... damn.  :facepalm:

Fortunately, it's just the battery cartridge casing that's broken, not the light itself, and the battery is - in theory - replaceable. Only it's an older model (Volt 700) and I have so far had no luck finding anything on the interwebs. I would try to repair the battery but the wires have become disconnected and I don't think it would be such a good idea to wield a soldering iron near a Li-ion battery.

The real shame is that it's an excellent light that has served me well for over four years. The Volt 700 was superseded by the Volt 800 which aiui is identical except for being the one with the bigger lumens, and I would happily get a new one... if only I could afford to spaff away £90 for no good reason (wiggle seems to have them for £57 but that's still more than I've got in the petty cash tin at the moment).

Also note: at this time of year, it's a good idea not to leave your bike outside overnight as the rear derailleur may freeze solid, leaving you stuck in your lowest gear for the mad dash to the station. Also, when you eventually get to the station (in time to see your train pulling away) you may find that your lock is frozen too and it takes a good ten minutes to defrost it enough to get the key in.

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1194 on: January 24, 2019, 11:24:13 am »
Every night, I unscrew top from my Merker razor, rinse under tap and wipe greasy shaving cream off side of blade with finger. reassemble. Takes about 10s.

Except that last night, I'm deep in thought about work stuff, I don't wipe greasy stuff off side with finger, I slide finger down the edge. Slide - finger - down - edge of new feather blade.

Straight down to the bone before I even felt it. Fuck. It actually sprayed across the sink onto the tiles before I could grab finger with the other hand. Thought I might have to head into A&E for a minute, but managed to get it to stop bleeding.

effing egit
<i>Marmite slave</i>

Torslanda

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1195 on: January 24, 2019, 11:40:28 am »
Quote
Also note: at this time of year, it's a good idea not to leave your bike outside overnight as the rear derailleur may freeze solid, leaving you stuck in your lowest gear for the mad dash to the station. Also, when you eventually get to the station (in time to see your train pulling away) you may find that your lock is frozen too and it takes a good ten minutes to defrost it enough to get the key in.

Reminds me of an old traffic police tale...

Two ossiffers were on motorbike patrol on a foggy frosty morn. At a filling station they espied a fellow biker having difficulty with a locking fuel cap and wandered over to see if they could help. The frozen lock stubbornly refused to yield until one of the cops whipped out the old chap and proceeded to apply warm fluid to the affected area.

The biker said thank you, filled up with fuel and toddled off into traffic. the ossiffers went about their daily duty with the satisfaction of a job well done, another memberof the public helped on their way.

A couple of weeks later they were called to the Chief Inspector's office, where the boss read them a letter from a member of the public. 'Dear Sir, I am writing to thank you for the kind assistance your ossiffers rendered to my daughter during the recent cold spell. She was unable to remove the filler cap from her motorcycle as the lock had frozen overnight...
Yours Sincerely, Reverend...'
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1196 on: January 24, 2019, 01:23:15 pm »
Every night, I unscrew top from my Merker razor, rinse under tap and wipe greasy shaving cream off side of blade with finger. reassemble. Takes about 10s.

Except that last night, I'm deep in thought about work stuff, I don't wipe greasy stuff off side with finger, I slide finger down the edge. Slide - finger - down - edge of new feather blade.

Straight down to the bone before I even felt it. Fuck. It actually sprayed across the sink onto the tiles before I could grab finger with the other hand. Thought I might have to head into A&E for a minute, but managed to get it to stop bleeding.

effing egit
Ooh, aaahhhhh.. I've gone all woosy.  Warm/cold, sweaty.....

Deep breath.  Head between knees. 

I have a Merkur razor, and I use Astra Platinums.  But I rinse it under the tap when done.  Ooooooh, aaaaaah.  I need to sit down....

ian

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1197 on: January 24, 2019, 01:24:27 pm »
I never attempt to clean mine other than a rinse when I'm done. Seems safer all round.
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Torslanda

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1198 on: January 24, 2019, 01:26:14 pm »
Old toothbrush? Shifts the soapy clag when you're changing the blade...
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

citoyen

  • Cat 6 Racer
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1199 on: January 24, 2019, 01:31:28 pm »