Author Topic: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread  (Read 92905 times)

fuzzy (retd.) AAGE

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1225 on: February 05, 2019, 11:47:31 pm »
Yarp.

 ;)
Quote from: tatanab
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If it ain't bad for you it ain't worth doing

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1226 on: February 06, 2019, 04:21:53 pm »
This a.m., Mrs Ham informs me that she's having her hair done today. I may not have listened fully (shirley knott?) and thought that this activity was replacing her normal Wednesday a.m. swim. So, when she comes back for lunch I look at her barnet, think, well that looks pretty OK, pretty much as was, so that's good isn't it? I'd better say THE WORDS otherwise I'll be in trouble. "Your hair looks nice dear". Oh my. Oh my my my. Oh my my my my my my my. Yes, that's right,  the hair appointment is this pm. I got that RONG.

citoyen

  • Cat 6 Racer
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1227 on: February 06, 2019, 04:27:09 pm »
So, when she comes back for lunch I look at her barnet, think, well that looks pretty OK, pretty much as was, so that's good isn't it? I'd better say THE WORDS otherwise I'll be in trouble. "Your hair looks nice dear". Oh my. Oh my my my. Oh my my my my my my my. Yes, that's right,  the hair appointment is this pm. I got that RONG.

I am rofling out of recognition and sympathy, not schadenfreude.  ;D

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1228 on: February 06, 2019, 04:29:02 pm »
This a.m., Mrs Ham informs me that she's having her hair done today. I may not have listened fully (shirley knott?) and thought that this activity was replacing her normal Wednesday a.m. swim. So, when she comes back for lunch I look at her barnet, think, well that looks pretty OK, pretty much as was, so that's good isn't it? I'd better say THE WORDS otherwise I'll be in trouble. "Your hair looks nice dear". Oh my. Oh my my my. Oh my my my my my my my. Yes, that's right,  the hair appointment is this pm. I got that RONG.

Ah, reminds me of one of the recurring themes in Monkey Dust  ;D

https://youtu.be/ulYYFw2XfBI

https://youtu.be/2gJgsNmrtBc
We are making a New World (Paul Nash, 1918)

ian

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1229 on: February 06, 2019, 04:57:59 pm »
This a.m., Mrs Ham informs me that she's having her hair done today. I may not have listened fully (shirley knott?) and thought that this activity was replacing her normal Wednesday a.m. swim. So, when she comes back for lunch I look at her barnet, think, well that looks pretty OK, pretty much as was, so that's good isn't it? I'd better say THE WORDS otherwise I'll be in trouble. "Your hair looks nice dear". Oh my. Oh my my my. Oh my my my my my my my. Yes, that's right,  the hair appointment is this pm. I got that RONG.

I find it easier to 'deliberately' pretend not to notice, than when I don't actually notice, I'm off the hook since she doesn't know whether I've genuinely not noticed or I'm simply pretending not to have noticed in order to wind her up.

Marriage is really just a theatre for more advanced forms of psychological warfare.
!nataS pihsroW

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1230 on: February 07, 2019, 03:05:02 pm »
If you're sitting on the garage floor, head down, comparing chain lengths, and the legs of the stand (with bike on it, sans chain) are not fully splayed, and something happens to upset the equilibrium of said stand, then you may find, unexpectedly, that the bike and stand are on top of you with the chainring having taken a bit of your scalp off on the way down, and blood is splattering on the garage floor. And you may wonder, as you try and extricate yourself, if you'll admit to being a fecking div on a public forum. And you may wonder who the first wit will be, in response, to ask why you weren't wearing a helmet.

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1231 on: February 07, 2019, 03:54:23 pm »
If you're sitting on the garage floor, head down, comparing chain lengths, and the legs of the stand (with bike on it, sans chain) are not fully splayed, and something happens to upset the equilibrium of said stand, then you may find, unexpectedly, that the bike and stand are on top of you with the chainring having taken a bit of your scalp off on the way down, and blood is splattering on the garage floor. And you may wonder, as you try and extricate yourself, if you'll admit to being a fecking div on a public forum. And you may wonder who the first wit will be, in response, to ask why you weren't wearing a helmet.


Ok I'll bite, why weren't you wearing a hard hat?  :demon:

More importantly How is the bike?  ;)

GWS  :-*

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1232 on: February 07, 2019, 04:43:42 pm »
Just because.

Bike fine. Head fine, thanks - the bleeding stopped surprisingly quickly - 5 mins of pressing down hard with a wad of kitchen paper did it.

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1233 on: February 07, 2019, 08:39:28 pm »
I hope you had previously cleaned the chainset manky grease in the cut would not be nice.

CAMRAMan

  • Formerly A Warwickshire Lad
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1234 on: February 07, 2019, 08:55:07 pm »
'Blimey, I must've been in zombie mode this morning, as I don't remember putting the rear pannier with my lunch and work clothes in on the bike.'

(Looks back whilst cycling.)

'Ah, I don't remember doing so, 'cos I didn't do so!'

Had to go commando and buy lunch at the expensive work cafe.
Haggerty F, Haggerty R, Tomkins, Noble, Carrick, Robson, Crapper, Dewhurst, Macintyre, Treadmore, Davitt.

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1235 on: February 12, 2019, 08:26:53 am »
Not sure I qualify, yet, but time will tell.

After a thorough, 3 month clear out of my garage/workshop, buying some new (or new to me) workshop tools that I'd long hankered after, I've spent the past month staring at a thoroughly tidy and sorted, but empty void. The garden fence is sorted, the dog training is going well, my sax learning is progressing, and my recumbents have every new part they could wish for.  There's nowt left to do.  Other than slide, inexorably, towards a bib when I dribble, and general decrepitude, thinking back on what I might have achieved if only I'd known then what I know now.

No longer.  After some deliberation (well, about an hour) I've taken delivery of a non-running, Canadian re-imported, Triumph 750.  Fortunately with the management's support.

I have form with British motorcycles, my last one carrying me on a daily 95 mile round trip into London every day when working in Victoria St in the late '70s.  It was the only way I could afford the commute, but it was very heavy on bike maintenance, so I learned my Triumph Twins.

Having retired, and worked through the initial to-do list, I was bored, I needed a tinkering and fettling project.  Hence a return to mucky fingernails (my sax teacher will love that..), long hours searching the internet for parts and advice, and the smell of Jizer (or maybe Muc-off now) in the workshop.

It turns over, has good compression and clearly has done nothing since the engine was re-bulit.  But why did they seem to use any fastener they had to hand when they put the engine back together and couldn't find the bolt they'd taken out?  If that was their mentality, are there any gremlins inside the engine that I can't see?  But there are a number of small parts with it that I'll need, and clearly the original owner had intended to get it running again.  But why did he stop?  Too big a job, a major fault?  Or a simply few years ahead of me on the slippery slope.

But, it has new tyres, the chrome is good, wheels are good, and it's almost all there.

I just hope this isn't going to qualify me as the Div of all time.....  I just hope.......

Torslanda

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1236 on: February 12, 2019, 12:00:42 pm »
It's a mechanical horse. You know, like a bicycle with an engine.  ;D

Get a workshop manuel* and start again. After all, would you climb someone else's scaffolding? While you're there fit leccy ignition and make sure the carbs are in good nick.

Not a div at all. Welcome back to the world of PTWs.


* Because 'I know NOTHING'**

** J. H. Haynes R.I.P.
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

Wowbagger

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1237 on: February 12, 2019, 01:33:14 pm »
My dear wife and I are going to Spain in about 10 days' time. We decided that perhaps it might be a good idea to take out some travel insurance so we went onto the Saga website, filled in all the details, paid the necessary money and then checked the email that arrived, It suggested that I log on to their website to see all the necessary details, so I did.

Imagine my complete surprise when I found some existing travel insurance which I took out last year before our trip to Austria, and which expires on 30th August this year. I therefore phoned up to cancel the insurance that I instigated this morning.

It's Saga. They expect this sort of thing. Perhaps they should change their name go Ga-ga.
Oh, Bach without any doubt. Bach every time for me.

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1238 on: February 12, 2019, 01:36:02 pm »
It's a mechanical horse. You know, like a bicycle with an engine.  ;D

Get a workshop manuel* and start again. After all, would you climb someone else's scaffolding? While you're there fit leccy ignition and make sure the carbs are in good nick.

Not a div at all. Welcome back to the world of PTWs.

* Because 'I know NOTHING'**

** J. H. Haynes R.I.P.

 ;D  I've attempted divishness mitigation already - the Haynes manual is on the way.  And it's already got Boyer ignition - I fitted that to my 68 Daytona, what a difference.  And, since it's a Tiger, it's only got one carb, so that further mitigates the div potential. Just about to get the Muc-off out and attack the undersides so I can put the centre stand back on.  That should also reduce the div potential so it won't fall off its side stand. Past experience is showing here - and whatever I can do to further reduce the div potential will be done.  Ahem.....

Kim

  • 2nd in the world
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1239 on: February 12, 2019, 01:53:11 pm »
Birmingham City Council are well-known divs, so there is a bin strike.  As a result, I have divvishly discovered that it is unwise to compress the contents of a curved-bottomed[1] cardboard recycling 'pod' by jumping on it.


[1] Because it was designed by divs.
To ride the Windcheetah, first, you must embrace the cantilever...

Torslanda

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1240 on: February 12, 2019, 01:55:40 pm »
Only once have I had the chance to ride a Triumph, a '77 T140 'Jubillee' Bonneville but on a very short ride around the estate it felt so alive. I'm sure it had a soul.

Better stop now before I get into 'Vroom' territory.  ;D
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

fuzzy (retd.) AAGE

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1241 on: February 13, 2019, 09:15:15 am »
Birmingham City Council are well-known divs, so there is a bin strike.  As a result, I have divvishly discovered that it is unwise to compress the contents of a curved-bottomed[1] cardboard recycling 'pod' by jumping on it.


[1] Because it was designed by divs.

Have we got a 'Bin Diving Injuries (the gorier the better)' thread?
 ;)
Quote from: tatanab
The mark of a true cyclist - prepared to try anything on offer

If it ain't bad for you it ain't worth doing

Cudzoziemiec

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1242 on: February 13, 2019, 06:03:49 pm »
Railway geography. Bristol Temple Meads is in the centre of Bristol, it has lines heading south to Exeter and beyond, east to Bath and on to London, and north to various places. I was at Bristol Parkway in the northern fringe of The Home of Trip Hop and wanted to get back to Temple Meads, there was a train to Bath Spa leaving in 4 minutes, so it must stop at Temple Meads, right? But this red rock cutting we're passing through doesn't look right, and... hang on, there's no tunnel between Parkway and Temple Meads! Quite bizarrely, it had bypassed TM using what I believe is known as the Rhubarb Loop (probably after the Rhubarb Tavern which it passes – origin of that name not known) and gone straight on to Bath.

Today's Fecking Div lesson, #1242 in an occasional series: Check the "calling at" stations unless your destination is the final stop.
The earth is vast and beautiful and contains many miraculous places. (Chekhov)

Torslanda

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1243 on: February 14, 2019, 09:38:42 am »
BTDT. Jumped on train to Leeds via Rochdale thinking 'that will do'. Kind of occurred to me that it wasn't stopping at MIH as we approached it still accelerating. Not easy to disembark when passing thru your chosen station at 70+ mph...
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

Basil

  • Um....err......oh bugger!
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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1244 on: February 14, 2019, 10:48:35 am »
Me too.
When my dad was in Burton on Trent hospital on his final decent, I would visit him every night straight from work.  Leave work as early as possible, not always the same time - as early as I could get away with.  Run round the corner to Mordor Central and leap onto the first available train.
I became quite adept at reading the "calling at" lists on the departure boards without pausing as I ran past them.
Not so very adept on the day I found myself heading towards Stoke on Trent.  :facepalm:
Luckily I managed to get off at Wolverhampton and get back to New Street without having my ticket checked.
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PaulF

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1245 on: February 14, 2019, 11:05:41 am »
worst I can claim in recent times is missing my stop on the Jubilee Line at Baker Street and having to make a volte face at the next station

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1246 on: February 14, 2019, 01:11:39 pm »
Beardy junior managed to get on a 13 coach London bound main line train instead of the local branch line two coach trainwhen intending to travel from Ipswich to Woodbridge, all,of two stops on the said branch line. He was only 13 or 14 at the time and not a regular rail traveller and he had the sense to call me when the train stopped at a station he didn’t recognise so I was able to tell him to get off the train at the next stop rather than have him travelling all the way into London. So I’ll give him some clemency on the matter. 
Sorting my life out, one shed at a time.

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1247 on: February 14, 2019, 05:22:13 pm »
If it's any consolation I once got off a train at Liverpool Lime Street to be asked in broken English by a Chinese family who had travelled all the way 'how to get to the Central Line?'
!nataS pihsroW

Kim

  • 2nd in the world
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1248 on: February 14, 2019, 07:40:06 pm »
If it's any consolation I once got off a train at Liverpool Lime Street to be asked in broken English by a Chinese family who had travelled all the way 'how to get to the Central Line?'

Sadly at no point during our time in Stratford-upon-Olympic-building-site did I witness a USAnian tourist in search of Shakespeare.
To ride the Windcheetah, first, you must embrace the cantilever...

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1249 on: February 14, 2019, 07:59:00 pm »
There was the time I was on a flight from Aberdeen to Norwich

"Welcome to this BMI flight to Norwich" said the stewardess

Bloke at the back stands up
"I'm supposed to be going to Manchester"

HTF he'd got that far with a Manchester boarding pass I have no idea
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens