Author Topic: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread  (Read 104211 times)

ElyDave

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1425 on: April 11, 2019, 03:09:07 pm »
Doing a HAZOP for a water treatment works I once mistyped Pumping Station

The I is next to the U
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1426 on: April 11, 2019, 04:15:39 pm »
What's a pumpung station ?  :demon:

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1427 on: April 11, 2019, 04:28:13 pm »
Doing a HAZOP for a water treatment works I once mistyped Pumping Station

The I is next to the U

I've just spent 3.5 days in a WTW HAZOP.  :hand: *looks for sleepy and brain dead smiley* (we still have one day to go looking at the Ozone systems and circa 7 outstanding nodes) but thankfully the chair goes on holiday tomorrow so we have two weeks till we will reconvene. Fortunately I was not the Scribe so I could not demonstrate this divishness.

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1428 on: April 12, 2019, 04:22:07 pm »
Ordered a pair of grips for littlest monkeys isla bike. They arrived with a new inner tube. Put aside to sort later. Later came and I'd lost one of the grips. Much hunting failed to find lost one. Assumed it had accidentally gone with packaging in recycling. Just went to order a replacement pair. They are sold singularly. Only ever ordered one...... Stupid boy but does make them a tad dear

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1429 on: April 12, 2019, 09:01:34 pm »
Last Thursday I had a day off work and decided to spend the day in Cambridge doing a bit of clothes shopping. Being a 56 year old male I clothes shop on a regular basis, approximately every five years.

I live in a village about 30 miles from Cambridge and would normally choose to drive to the park & ride at Trumpington but, as I had all day, opted to take the bus all the way from my village and along the new guided bus route. This way, I thought I could have a few beers with my lunch and not worry about driving back. What’s not to like?

So I paid my £7 and settled down on the bus for a leisurely journey. It was as I attempted to put my bus ticket into my wallet for the return journey that I discovered my first senior moment of the day. I had forgotton my wallet! Luckily we were only just leaving the village and so I got the driver to stop the bus, returned home for my wallet and caught the next bus an hour later. No real drama, still feeling relaxed.

To my amazement the journey to Cambridge took one hour and forty minutes! Well, that meant a few beers with lunch were out of the question as there was no way I could cope with that length of journey on a full bladder.

In John Lewis I tried on four pairs of trousers, same style, just in two different waist sizes and leg lengths. One of the pairs fitted perfectly and I opted to leave them in the shop and buy them just before I caught the bus home. This way I wouldn’t have to risk another senior moment and leave them in a cafe or other shop.

Several hours later I returned to John Lewis and experienced my second senior moment of the day. I couldn’t remember which size had bloody  fitted and so had to try them all on again (I probably don’t need to mention that the correct pair were the last ones I tried).

I’m such a fecking div!

And after spending three hours and twenty minutes bouncing about on a bus with various ignorant numpties bawling into their phones all around me, if I ever see a bus again it will be too soon.

T42

  • Gaulois réfractaire
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1430 on: April 13, 2019, 08:30:37 am »
That's what you get for going clothes-shopping so often. Mind you, I must've done a bit in the last 5 years or so myself - the other week I found two new pairs of trousers in the bottom of the wardrobe. I know they're recent since I can get into them without needing a shoe-horn and a defibrillator.
Où sont les merguez d'antan ?

Wowbagger

  • Dez's butler
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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1431 on: April 14, 2019, 09:09:35 am »
A personal best for me last night.

I did all the necessary actions to produce a very fine "Rustic French" loaf as per the Panasonic Breadmaker instruction book, but forgot to close the lid.

So this morning we have a very pallid loaf an inch or so lower than normal. I've just bunged it in the oven for 20 minutes or so on a regulo 6 to turn it into something a bit more palatable.
Oh, Bach without any doubt. Bach every time for me.

T42

  • Gaulois réfractaire
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1432 on: April 14, 2019, 10:20:45 am »
When yours is used properly, how do the crusts turn out?  We have one from Riviera & Bar, and the crusts come out like Kevlar.
Où sont les merguez d'antan ?

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1433 on: April 14, 2019, 03:10:15 pm »
Very carefully order drivechain components.

Look up chainring online - tiagra 4500 - that's 130bcd.

Strip down bike on weekend, ugh, horrible dirty job. Get old, very, very worn chainring off, get new one out of its packaging and offer it up to the spider . . .

You fecking, div, the spider is 110bcd.

Anyone want to buy a brand new, with packaging and greasy thumbprints, 130BCD 46 tooth outer?
<i>Marmite slave</i>

citoyen

  • Cat 6 Racer
Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
« Reply #1434 on: April 15, 2019, 07:21:55 am »
Look up chainring online

FYI no need to look it up online - the BCD should be marked on the inside of the crank.

Re: The &quot;I'm Such a Fecking Div&quot; Thread
« Reply #1435 on: April 15, 2019, 08:08:45 am »
Look up chainring online

FYI no need to look it up online - the BCD should be marked on the inside of the crank.

So much oil and crap on the chainset I couldn't read the BCD from the chainring. should have waited until I got home, sprayed with wd40 and scrubbed it all off.
<i>Marmite slave</i>

Cudzoziemiec

  • Solar powered, tea fuelled cycle-wol
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1436 on: April 15, 2019, 10:07:53 am »
Are any recent Shimano chainrings 130BCD? I thought they were all 110. But then that's the kind of assumption that leads to ordering the wrong parts...
An ungovernable laughter, a joyous agitation which makes the summer stretching before you seem like an unrolling canvas on which you might draw those first rude pure strokes that are free. (Capote)

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1437 on: April 15, 2019, 10:25:07 am »
Fitting a new chain on my bike. Powerlink connector is VERY reluctant to click into its locking position. When I finally get it to engage, I discover that I haven't run the chain through the front changer, which is a solid cage. :facepalm:
I don't want to grow old gracefully. I want to grow old disgracefully.

citoyen

  • Cat 6 Racer
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1438 on: April 15, 2019, 02:40:49 pm »
We haven't paid our council tax yet, the first instalment of which was due on 3rd April. Not my fault, guv - never got anything through the post by way of a reminder...

Oh, wait, hang on... didn't I sign up for paperless billing last year so it will have been sent by email?

<checks inbox>

Ah, yes, there it is, buried amid a sea of spam.

Luckily, they haven't sent the bailiffs round yet.

T42

  • Gaulois réfractaire
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1439 on: April 15, 2019, 03:36:53 pm »
They don't mind much if you miss a tax payment here, they just add 10% to the bill when you do pay.
Où sont les merguez d'antan ?

citoyen

  • Cat 6 Racer
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1440 on: April 15, 2019, 04:33:06 pm »
They don't mind much if you miss a tax payment here, they just add 10% to the bill when you do pay.

I think I'm fortunate that Canterbury Council aren't that efficient.

T42

  • Gaulois réfractaire
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1441 on: April 15, 2019, 05:23:24 pm »
It's a rather different situation here: property and habitation taxes are collected by the same tax office as income tax, but bills for services such as sewage disposal and water are handled locally. The tax office is a stickler for prompt payment with an added 10% for being late whereas the local council will wait months with no extra penalty. Then they hand it to the  central tax office in Lille who start dunning you more seriously.
Où sont les merguez d'antan ?

Cudzoziemiec

  • Solar powered, tea fuelled cycle-wol
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1442 on: April 15, 2019, 06:02:58 pm »
No bill here either. So I contacted them via council website on 1st April. No reply. Went to the office today and a man with a 1950s hairstyle said they'd said another bill, but not to worry cos they don't get around to sending out reminders till May.
An ungovernable laughter, a joyous agitation which makes the summer stretching before you seem like an unrolling canvas on which you might draw those first rude pure strokes that are free. (Capote)

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1443 on: April 16, 2019, 07:49:29 am »
My Council definitely sent me a paperless Council Tax bill and has been taking monthly Direct Debits.

I was on annual whole bill paper bills and payments till quite recently after two attempt to pay by DD resulted in my receiving red bills for non-payment due to THEIR divvishness.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Solar powered, tea fuelled cycle-wol
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1444 on: April 16, 2019, 09:34:29 am »
Some divishness on my part instead, nothing to do with council tax: on Sunday I fitted new mudguards. They work fine, as I proved on Sunday and on Monday morning. But when I got home on Monday I decided to adjust them further. That was the first act of divishness. The second was to do this wearing my (one remaining) jumper in decent condition. The third was to lean around the bike to adjust the other side while spinning the wheel (to check clearance). Yes, my (one remaining) jumper in decent condition now has a friction hole of my own making. (The others, if you care, fell victim to our highly successful moth-breeding programme.)
An ungovernable laughter, a joyous agitation which makes the summer stretching before you seem like an unrolling canvas on which you might draw those first rude pure strokes that are free. (Capote)

T42

  • Gaulois réfractaire
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1445 on: April 19, 2019, 03:41:09 pm »
French electrical wall fittings come with two little claws which are pulled out sideways by screws to grip the sides of a cup which is fastened into the wall by screws, plugs, etc.  The cup stays in the wall permanently and you buy the rest as a single unit.

At least you did the last time I bought one. I found out yesterday that you now buy the switch and the surround for it as separate bits so that you can mix and match colours. Yeah, OK, I thought, I'll play.  And so just now I removed the dickery lightswitch in the bathroom, in the process of which a bit which should have sprung loose broke instead, but who cares? Then I unwrapped the new unit, and:

Where are the bloody little claws???

It's the same system all right, but they're obviously now sold separately.  :facepalm:  And the claws from the old unit don't fit. And it's Good Friday so the shops in Alsace are shut.  :facepalm: :facepalm:

I refitted the old switch and it's safe but non-functional. :(
Où sont les merguez d'antan ?

spesh

  • Trump-Russia posting ninja
Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1446 on: April 19, 2019, 05:19:15 pm »
Sounds like a right load of griffe to me.

IGMC...
If you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.

It's not the despair... I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1447 on: April 20, 2019, 11:49:56 am »
I hate cleaning bikes with derailleur gears.  I generally find it quicker to take the cassette off and scrub it in the sink with Fairy Platinum rather than faff about trying to clean it on the bike and getting degreaser in the hub bearings.

Anyway, I did this on Tuesday, reassembled it and rode it for a couple of days.  All worked perfectly.

Last night I found the 14T sprocket in the kitchen.
Never tell me the odds.

fuzzy (retd.) AAGE

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Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1448 on: April 21, 2019, 02:17:55 pm »
I hate cleaning bikes with derailleur gears.  I generally find it quicker to take the cassette off and scrub it in the sink with Fairy Platinum rather than faff about trying to clean it on the bike and getting degreaser in the hub bearings.

Anyway, I did this on Tuesday, reassembled it and rode it for a couple of days.  All worked perfectly.

Last night I found the 14T sprocket in the kitchen.

So, the 14 tooth sprocket is in the kitchen. What went onto the free hub body in it's place? Are you missing some sliced cucmber?
Quote from: tatanab
The mark of a true cyclist - prepared to try anything on offer

If it ain't bad for you it ain't worth doing

Re: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread
« Reply #1449 on: April 21, 2019, 03:24:56 pm »
Nothing.  It just worked!  The 14T is flat and there is a plastic spacer, which I had fitted.
Never tell me the odds.