Author Topic: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread  (Read 85355 times)

Andrij

  • Андрій
  • Ερασιτεχνικός μισάνθρωπος
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #25 on: January 27, 2016, 04:41:25 pm »
That way lies DETH, as Mr. L might put it.  Got a new one last year.

I shall drink tea and contemplate.

You'll drink a lot of tea with £1000.

Or maybe not.
;D  Andrij.  I pronounce you Complete and Utter GIT   :thumbsup:

T42

  • Gaulois réfractaire
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #26 on: January 27, 2016, 04:50:20 pm »
Not force-fed to civets, then.
I dare eat all that may become a man.

But hold the oysters.

Torslanda

  • Professional Gobshite
  • Just a tart for retro kit . . .
    • John's Bikes
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #27 on: January 27, 2016, 05:46:41 pm »
Extra insulation/draught proofing/roofing/double glazing?

You did say your house was cold and expensive to heat . . .
VELOMANCER

Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.

Eccentrica Gallumbits

  • Rock 'n' roll and brew, rock 'n' roll and brew...
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #28 on: January 27, 2016, 08:16:29 pm »
Your colleague has just had another lesson in Englishness.  :smug:

It's not, but your statement is definitely a lesson in Englishness.
:) :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


Basil

  • Um....err......oh bugger!
  • Help me!
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #29 on: January 29, 2016, 06:42:30 pm »
Pub.  Because its Friday.
I'm standing at the bar tapping my ten pound note on the card machine.  :facepalm:
Quote from: Kim
And remember that friends who organise things on Facebook aren't proper friends anyway.

caerau

  • SR x 3 - PBP fail but 1090 km - hey - not too bad
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #30 on: January 29, 2016, 06:49:16 pm »
Pub.  Because its Friday.
I'm standing at the bar tapping my ten pound note on the card machine.  :facepalm:


After how many?
Look out here I come!

ElyDave

  • Royal and Ancient Polar Bear Society member 263583
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #31 on: January 29, 2016, 06:59:53 pm »
on a long haul flight from Jakarta to LHR in biz class, on arrival I started packing bits and pieces from the various cubby holes into my laptop bag. went to dig out passport for border control. 

Nowhere to be seen. Research, research, research, still no sign, slight panic now setting in.

Up the aisle walks the very lovely attendant (Singapore  ;) ) with my blazer.

Passport safely stored in the one pocket I never use for anything, probably just so it didn't get lost in my befuddled mind
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” –Charles Dickens

Basil

  • Um....err......oh bugger!
  • Help me!
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #32 on: January 29, 2016, 07:01:09 pm »
Pub.  Because its Friday.
I'm standing at the bar tapping my ten pound note on the card machine.  :facepalm:


After how many?

I was only buying my second.  Honest.
Quote from: Kim
And remember that friends who organise things on Facebook aren't proper friends anyway.

Andrij

  • Андрій
  • Ερασιτεχνικός μισάνθρωπος
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #33 on: January 29, 2016, 07:02:50 pm »
Pub.  Because its Friday.
I'm standing at the bar tapping my ten pound note on the card machine.  :facepalm:


After how many?

I was only buying my second.  Honest.

And a tenner wasn't enough?!?  :o

Are you drinking in a London nightclub this evening?
;D  Andrij.  I pronounce you Complete and Utter GIT   :thumbsup:

Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #34 on: January 29, 2016, 07:48:23 pm »
Triple brandy ? :)
the slower you go the more you see

Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #35 on: January 29, 2016, 08:35:32 pm »
Unlocked my bike and rode home. 

Reached home, no keys.

Rode back to where I'd unlocked my bike and,phew!, keys still lying on the ground nearly an hour after I'd dropped them there.

It wasn't raining but cycling against hurricane Gertrude was no fun.   
Sic transit and all that..

Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #36 on: January 30, 2016, 07:05:46 am »
^^ Done that, in my case they were still in the bike lock  :facepalm:

fboab

  • It's a fecking serious business, riding a bike
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #37 on: January 30, 2016, 12:32:44 pm »
Arrived at cinema.
Showed my booked on the phone to the man. Linky no worky.
Booked for the previous evening. :facepalm:

Not alone though. Went to desk "The Big Short please"
Went to screen. Found seat. Recognised film. This isn't the Big Short, this is Room. I saw this on Tuesday.  :facepalm:

Returned to desk. The manager called to refund my (free) ticket. Arrived in screen as the certification plate showed.
TSS is not Total Sex Score, Chris!

Andrij

  • Андрій
  • Ερασιτεχνικός μισάνθρωπος
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #38 on: January 30, 2016, 01:38:52 pm »
Attended a mid-week football match at Chelsea.  As I didn't want to leave my bike locked up near the stadium or have to deal with my pannier I left both at the office (near Bank) and grabbed a hire bike.  The trip out was fine, as was the trip back.  While gathering my things and preparing to leave the office I went to place my keys in a more convenient pocket.  Keys?  What keys?  The house keys to which is attached the hire bike key, the key I used to grab the hire bike from the docking station on Limerston Street just off Fulham Road.  Yep, I left my keys in the backing station. ::-)  Got on my own bike, retraced my steps, and thankfully my keys were still there.  That is not my preferred way to add an extra 17km to my commute.
;D  Andrij.  I pronounce you Complete and Utter GIT   :thumbsup:

Basil

  • Um....err......oh bugger!
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Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #39 on: January 31, 2016, 12:12:50 am »
OMG.  In fact, OMFG.
I've just spun away from my group to get to the bar for a last pint, just as someone spun away from the group next to us.  We slightly collided as I passed them.
" Sorry mate", I exclaim, half turning behind me and doing that blokey tap on the upper arm you do.
Then
It wasn't a bloke.  And I'd missed.  I'd tapped her square on the tit.

I think it was the utter look of horror on my face and the 43 apologies in 3 seconds that convinced her that she should just laugh at me.

 :-[
Quote from: Kim
And remember that friends who organise things on Facebook aren't proper friends anyway.

barakta

  • Bastard lovechild of Yomiko Readman and Johnny 5
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #40 on: January 31, 2016, 12:41:39 pm »
Laughs at Basil!  Ooops.

Pancho

  • لَا أَعْبُدُ مَا تَعْبُدُونَ
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #41 on: January 31, 2016, 04:32:53 pm »
Oh man, I think I've just won the thread.

A few months ago, ahead of the game and getting a gold star, I did my tax return and paid the bill early. Except there was some payment glitch so I clicked again. Of course, I later found out I'd paid twice - and made a note to write them a letter or something. And forgot about it.

This weekend, I got in a terrible panic about tax - I knew I'd done the return and that I'd made a note of what I owed. So I'd better get on and pay it, hadn't I?

Not much later it all came back me. Yup. I'm the only person in the country who's paid 3 x his tax. Wonder how I'm going to sort this out.

Being stupid ought to be tax deductible or something.

Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #42 on: January 31, 2016, 04:51:37 pm »
Everytime that I go out on my bike ,I put my debit card,credit card,Driving licence ,E111 and mobile into a waterproof pouch.
 This goes in my jersey pocket. It's just a habit now.
Went out this morning for a short ride , got back and had lunch and got changed into jeans etc for washing the car and  tidying up.
As I have an early start tomorrow ,I decided to nip down to the local supermarket and fill up with diesel. Asked Mrs. M to throw my wallet downstairs  which she did ,then I set off to the supermarket where I  filled up the tank.
Got inside to pay, opened wallet and found myself looking at an empty space where my credit and debit cards should be. :facepalm:

Thankfully bloke on counter was kind and let me use the store phone to call Mrs. M , who came down in the other car to bail me out.

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #43 on: January 31, 2016, 04:52:25 pm »
Got home the other day, went for my keys in my coat pocket. Pocket open. No keys. Cue panic that I'd dropped on the walk down the hill and the usual helpful reminder from my brain that I ought to hide a set of keys somewhere in the garden, because the nearest spare key is in Maida Vale. Got to the end of the driveway before I realised that I was the holding the keys in my hand.
!nataS pihsroW

Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #44 on: January 31, 2016, 05:07:02 pm »
Got home the other day, went for my keys in my coat pocket. Pocket open. No keys. Cue panic that I'd dropped on the walk down the hill and the usual helpful reminder from my brain that I ought to hide a set of keys somewhere in the garden, because the nearest spare key is in Maida Vale. Got to the end of the driveway before I realised that I was the holding the keys in my hand.
Ohhhh..... No driving or operating of heavy machinery for you. I think. :P

On which subject...
I have twice, to date, managed to unlock the (combination padlocked) shed door in the pitch black in order to retrieve the spare keys secreted within.
A manoeuvre conducted entirely in braille.
Spare keys now reside with a close neighbour.

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #45 on: January 31, 2016, 05:39:54 pm »
To be honest, I do a lot of things with no conscious knowledge of doing them, the problem comes when external reality interrupts those processes. My unconscious and conscious aren't on speaking terms, so if my autopilot has the keys in hand and then something interrupts, conscious me steps in without knowing. I think on this occasion I'd stopped to say hello to a cat in the alley by the side of my house (I use the back door, there's too much key jiggling to get through front door and porch).
!nataS pihsroW

Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #46 on: January 31, 2016, 06:55:37 pm »
I once went to Northampton for a meeting which was not only in Swindon, it was on a different day.
Never tell me the odds.

mcshroom

  • Mushroom
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #47 on: January 31, 2016, 08:41:40 pm »
I just turned up at a cycling bunk barn weekend without any cycling shoes. :facepalm:

PS: Can we make the title of this thread a bit more SFW please?
Climbs like a sprinter, sprints like a climber!

Basil

  • Um....err......oh bugger!
  • Help me!
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #48 on: January 31, 2016, 09:13:17 pm »
PS: Can we make the title of this thread a bit more SFW please?

+1
Great thread, but a bit awkward even in steath mode at work.
Quote from: Kim
And remember that friends who organise things on Facebook aren't proper friends anyway.

Pancho

  • لَا أَعْبُدُ مَا تَعْبُدُونَ
Re: The "I'm Such a Fucking Div" Thread
« Reply #49 on: January 31, 2016, 09:21:19 pm »
Do you lot all work in monasteries or something?