Last Thursday I had a day off work and decided to spend the day in Cambridge doing a bit of clothes shopping. Being a 56 year old male I clothes shop on a regular basis, approximately every five years.
I live in a village about 30 miles from Cambridge and would normally choose to drive to the park & ride at Trumpington but, as I had all day, opted to take the bus all the way from my village and along the new guided bus route. This way, I thought I could have a few beers with my lunch and not worry about driving back. What’s not to like?
So I paid my £7 and settled down on the bus for a leisurely journey. It was as I attempted to put my bus ticket into my wallet for the return journey that I discovered my first senior moment of the day. I had forgotton my wallet! Luckily we were only just leaving the village and so I got the driver to stop the bus, returned home for my wallet and caught the next bus an hour later. No real drama, still feeling relaxed.
To my amazement the journey to Cambridge took one hour and forty minutes! Well, that meant a few beers with lunch were out of the question as there was no way I could cope with that length of journey on a full bladder.
In John Lewis I tried on four pairs of trousers, same style, just in two different waist sizes and leg lengths. One of the pairs fitted perfectly and I opted to leave them in the shop and buy them just before I caught the bus home. This way I wouldn’t have to risk another senior moment and leave them in a cafe or other shop.
Several hours later I returned to John Lewis and experienced my second senior moment of the day. I couldn’t remember which size had bloody fitted and so had to try them all on again (I probably don’t need to mention that the correct pair were the last ones I tried).
I’m such a fecking div!
And after spending three hours and twenty minutes bouncing about on a bus with various ignorant numpties bawling into their phones all around me, if I ever see a bus again it will be too soon.