The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[Mrs Pingu]

How do you manage to stay out of the kitchen for a whole day? <belly rumbles>

[Mr Larrington]

I went into the kitchen a Several of times, including to fetch Fizzy Pop from the other fridge and make Brown Drink.  Without milk.  Had I not stuffed myself with vast quantities of leftover goose yesterday lunchtime I might have been hungry and/or in need of tea'n'biscuits last night, but I did so I wasn’t chiz.

[ian]

Meandering around an event in darkest Surrey, there's a booth selling meat pies and soup, emitting the odour of pure and meaty stew. Not an unpleasant odour in a winter eve, for sure, but I question its aphrodisiacal qualities for any partner of the young lady in the booth doing the serving. So, being me, I say to my wife next to me: 'if she goes home smelling like that every that, I wonder if her partner gets starts to get turned on by the smell of meat pies?'

'I really don't think that's likely to happen,' says the well-spoken young lady standing next to me, who most evidently isn't my wife.

To be fair, my wife had wandered off to take a picture of something and it was very dark. So anyway, Eau de Bisto isn't going to do it for you in the bedroom, the people of Surrey have spoken.

[Mr Larrington]

What kind of a feckin' div would leave iTunes running on the Babbage-Engine downstairs while also running it all afternoon and evening upstairs, thereby preventing its database from updating?

<== That kind of a feckin' div

[rr]

I wonder if this lithium ion cell I have extracted from this battery pack is protected, I know I'll measure its length.
Reaches for digital calipers.
Brain engages, puts them back down and reaches for plastic ruler.

Sent from my motorola edge 20 using Tapatalk

[Jaded]

Staying in the  house in York, in the guest bedroom.
Room has been neatly set up fresh bedding, a bedside table bedside lamp. Lovely. Middle of the night rotten with cold. Cold. I roll over and reach my phone smack heading to the corner of the bedside table. Cue much swearing, waking up MRSC, who is asking what has happened whilst I clutch my forehead . Remove hand from forehead. Hand is covered in blood. Yes I hit my head hard enough on the wooden cabinet to split it open

Hope the cabinet is fixable.

[robgul]

First ride of the year this morning (obv) - planned to ride the Van Nic Ti road bike as I fitted the raceblades a couple of weeks ago . . .  got about 5 miles and realised I was on the Van Nic Ti tourer      OK, they both have the same (lack of) paint job but I thought I'd notice     

To cap it all, having left in dull-to-watery-sun it started to rain when I was 10 miles from home - and, of course, as it's so mild no waterproofs.

[Ham]

Move aside, amateurs.

I was having issues with my ears in foreigns, and acquired for myself eardrops, for the use of. The bottle has a cap, with separate dropper, which I remove along with the destructions which I amuse myself with for a while, reading in French and German because I can, and Italian because I can't really. Time to put them in. Get the bottle and remove cap. What is this? A drippy plastic nozzle? Why then a dropper? I'll try the drippy plastic nozzle. It doesn't work very well, that must be why the dropper is provided as well.  Remove the plastic dripper, it is a struggle but possible, and the dropper fits. Ah yes! Proper drops! Squeeze them in! Yay! let it soak. Best do it again, a few hours later, after all, my ears aren't very good. I'll be tidy and put the bottle back on the shelf now. But what is this? A box with the name of the eardrops WITH a full, capped bottle in? Oh. So the bottle with the  plastic dripper was the baby's cough medicine, and marked as such? That explains much.

[orienteer]

But you probably haven't coughed out of your ears, and it's not as bad as feeding the baby your eardrops 

[Feanor]

Some years ago, my aged parents managed to mix up my dad's meds with the dog's ones.
Naturally, they were more concerned about the dog.

In a panic, mother dear said 'But who should we call; the doctor or the vet?'

[Mr Larrington]

What kind of a divvy divster reinstalls Windows and a metric fuckton of drivers, programs and Stuffs without making a note of the Babbage-Engine's steering wheel settings?

<== That kind.  Now it’s all horrid and juddery and doesn’t do the powered self-centring like an old-skool Citroën with DIRAVI.  Bah!

[Kim]

*vaguely wonders if a Babbage-engine thus equipped can be used to swerve around the shitverts as you attempt to read the Brizzle Post's webby SCIENCE*

[Pingu]

Sounds like a project 

[Beardy]

What kind of a divvy divster reinstalls Windows and a metric fuckton of drivers, programs and Stuffs without making a note of the Babbage-Engine's steering wheel settings?

<== That kind.  Now it’s all horrid and juddery and doesn’t do the powered self-centring like an old-skool Citroën with DIRAVI.  Bah!

This unit was confused by the above mishmash of Babbage-Engine and motorcar related WORDS until he rememberer that Mr Larrington likes to sit in his back bedroom making motorcar noises while pretending to race around the automobile racing tracks of the world as rendered on the screen of said Babbage-engine. I believe that to enrichen the experience the use of a pretend steering wheel has been added to the ensemble, no? Haz it pedals as well?

[Mr Larrington]

Nononono! Mr Larrington likes to drive virtual lorries around the roads of Europe even unto the borders of Tartary and the Kingdom of Prester John, South America, USAnia and divers other odd places for e.g. bits of Transmuralia.  And yes, the said steering wheel does have pedals.  Anna gear stick.  An' lots of buttons.  Anna electro-thingtronic display that you can only read if you’re a midget or a contortionist.

[Mr Larrington]

What kind of a divvy divster reinstalls Windows and a metric fuckton of drivers, programs and Stuffs without making a note of the Babbage-Engine's steering wheel settings?

<== That kind.  Now it’s all horrid and juddery and doesn’t do the powered self-centring like an old-skool Citroën with DIRAVI.  Bah!

Hurrah!  Sorted it!

And stored the details inna file wot gets backed up proper-like on a regular basis.

[Beardy]

Well, that was a mistake. I followed a link to a jobs website and only went and entered my email address in a box when asked to do so. I don’t think I’ve ever encounter such an aggressive spam response before. Ok, it all seems to be job related and all the proffered jobs appear to be relevant but come on, do you really think I’m going to read the 35 emails you’ve sent me in the past 10 hours or so!

[ElyDave]

What kind of a divvy divster reinstalls Windows and a metric fuckton of drivers, programs and Stuffs without making a note of the Babbage-Engine's steering wheel settings?

<== That kind.  Now it’s all horrid and juddery and doesn’t do the powered self-centring like an old-skool Citroën with DIRAVI.  Bah!

Hurrah!  Sorted it!

And stored the details inna file wot gets backed up proper-like on a regular basis.

I have had similar pain, a large spreadsheet with a lot of power pivot measures decided to just stop working. Didn't take me as long as I thought to recreate, but one tab now has a table of all the measures written out so I don't have to try and remember again. Plus bonus, I managed to get a function to work that had me scratching my head previously

[Mr Larrington]

I had already noted the settings for the video card, as well as the in-game ones for the wheel and graphics (which are stored in easily accessible and heavily backed-up plain text files anyway), but not those from the wheel's settings in its own configuration wossname, because div.

I did have them for the decommissioned Logitech one now forming its own Teetering Pile of Crap^TM on the landing

[robgul]

Well, that was a mistake. I followed a link to a jobs website and only went and entered my email address in a box when asked to do so. I don’t think I’ve ever encounter such an aggressive spam response before. Ok, it all seems to be job related and all the proffered jobs appear to be relevant but come on, do you really think I’m going to read the 35 emails you’ve sent me in the past 10 hours or so!

There is a simple solution to control emails:  buy a cheapie domain and "seed" the email addresses that you give to subscribe/buy stuff etc.  Just use, for example, the company name@mydomain  (as examples I have johnlewis@mydomain and tesco@mydomain)   

Set up a catch-all email to deliver all mails to your email client - you can then control incoming mails and set filters . . . examples:

bloggoproducts@mydomain   - that's OK accept the messages and allow them through
possiblyproducts@mydomain  - accept them but set a direct on the client to file in a folder (I have one that redirects all the incoming circulars I receive from, e.g. PlanetX, Axminster Tools, ALDI etc)
crappoproducts@mydomain  - don't want those - set a filter to "delete at server" - or a redirect .... I usually use fuckoff@aol.com and the message fires off into the ether

The filters can also work on the sender and the subject line to redirect/destroy/allow through

I've been doing this for probably 15 years and for the modest annual cost of the domain it cuts the crap emails.   It works with the likes of Outlook and the client I use on my PC (Time & Chaos Intellect) as well as IONOS mail.

[CAMRAMan]

First date with a very nice woman from work. We arrange to meet at the Aviary Cafe in Jephson Gardens in Leamington. The agreed time comes and I'm there a few minutes early outside a closed cafe. Only it's NOT the Aviary Cafe. This dawns on me after a few minutes and I hurry round to the correct place a couple of minutes walk away to find her waiting patiently. Eejit! She was obligingly forgiving and excellent company.

[Paul]

First date with a very nice woman from work. We arrange to meet at the Aviary Cafe in Jephson Gardens in Leamington. The agreed time comes and I'm there a few minutes early outside a closed cafe. Only it's NOT the Aviary Cafe. This dawns on me after a few minutes and I hurry round to the correct place a couple of minutes walk away to find her waiting patiently. Eejit! She was obligingly forgiving and excellent company.

Feels like this story might slide into a good news thread…
 

[T42]

Using C.A. glue in my office, which is a 3m x 2 side-room off our bedroom.

Opened window and hung head out when my eyes started smarting.  Looked at bottle: "do not inhale fumes".

Oh. Right.  I knew that.

[rogerzilla]

Reminds me of Basingstoke in the early 80s!

[T42]

My school cycle route took me past a Belfast factory that would let fly a cloud of sulphur dioxide every so often. 100-yard anoxic sprint.