The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[matthew]

So I am part of a group visiting the holy land, we are based this week in Bethlehem. Inevitably our itinerary involves crossing between Israel and the Palestinian occupied territories. These crossings are at checkpoints manned by 18 year old national service troops armed with rifles.

So who managed to drop his metal drinks bottle out the door of the mini bus when it was opened for them to check one of our passports. 

What a nice ringing clang that made, and gave the guard and the rest of our group a nice heart attack.

[Beardy]

An entry on behalf of Dr Beardy…

I’m currently in the process of putting a new bathroom floor down, and have spent the morning cleaning the concrete subfloor. I mixed the PVA with water to make the sealant and had finished brushing that onto the floor. Given that I’m doing a floor, all the associated parifinalia is in the hall.

Dr Beardy, wanting access to the shoe cupboard starts upbraiding me about the stuff being in the hall, and clambering over said tools etc, starts grumpily moving stuffs into an adjacent room. All the while muttering at me about not being able to do anything without causing chaos. She then attempts to step over the bucket of dilute PVA, catches it and upends 3+ litres of sticky stuff all over the floor.

I didn’t laugh, but I might have smiled inwardly as she apologised and cleaned up.   

[Slave To The Viking]

I tried some veggie charcuterie the other day and it was OK. Veggie merguez, though, are vile.

As was the real bacon I tried to fry two nights back. Instead of providing its own fat it provided lots of water and boiled itself.

I have some not-especially-meaty immediate family (and I numbered among them for a while), so veggie ersatz meat things are pretty commonplace, chez nous. Sausages of various types easy enough to make palatable, I find, and - oddly enough - I've found spicy lamb-esque stuff really pretty good (but then I suppose it tastes of cumin and chilli and whatnot), so I could see merguez being something that could be made to work pretty well.

The bacon...well, it tastes OK, if you try to think of it as not trying to be like actual bacon - like Frazzles don't tast "of bacon": they're a sort of a baconish flavour. I always find though, when cooking it, that it smells like a plastic panhandle has been left overhanging the flame.

[ian]

I don't eat pig, so the veggie bacon is actually OK on a sandwich. I don't kid myself it's actual bacon. It's basically a smoke-flavoured slab of plant protein.

Of course, no use if you're cooking with it, since it won't render out fat and stuff. Not being able to throw some pancetta in a ragu still pains me greatly and I've found nothing to substitute.

[rafletcher]

Today I was swapping to the winter wheels on my car. I started well, with the front offside. Then I went to do the rear offside and realised that, unlike my summer tyres that just have an “outside” marking, the winter tyres are directional, and I’d not go the right one. No problem, it’ll go on the front nearside. Move all my paraphernalia around and jack up the car. Shit! Where’s the bloody puzzle nut! Now my parking area is basically rough ground with some hogget and patches of grass. Cue 10 minutes of frantic searching, grubbing about in the grass, liberally laced with bramble from the adjacent hedge, untilI find it. Nestled neatly on the end of the matching bolt on the front nearside wheel   

[Mr Larrington]

Settles down to watch the F1 highlights. (@&(§, you stupid machine!  Why have you not recorded it?

Because it doesn’t start until 22:55, you div!  Try checking rather than relying on your faulty memory of what you thought TV's Steve Jones said at stupid o’clock this morning 

[Cudzoziemiec]

Well, what an interesting morning! I'm usually pretty good at meeting deadlines (apart from anything else, I tend not to take on jobs if I don't think I have enough time) and on the occasions when I know I'm going to be late, I like to keep people informed. They always forgive an overrun, I find, whereas if you don't say in advance, they don't. But I've never before had to write an email saying, "Sorry this job will be late, but my flat's on fire"!

[Tim Hall]

Yikes! All safe I hope.

[T42]

Well, what an interesting morning! I'm usually pretty good at meeting deadlines (apart from anything else, I tend not to take on jobs if I don't think I have enough time) and on the occasions when I know I'm going to be late, I like to keep people informed. They always forgive an overrun, I find, whereas if you don't say in advance, they don't. But I've never before had to write an email saying, "Sorry this job will be late, but my flat's on fire"!

Ouch.  Hope it's out & flat OK.  If work was on computer be careful, at a place I worked years ago smoke destroyed every functioning disc unit.

[Cudzoziemiec]

Well you'll notice that I'm still here and my computer's still working. The reason this is in the Fecking Div thread is that the fire was started by me trying to cook lunch, on the hob in the kitchen, while simultaneously sitting at my desk. As such the only casualties were a saucepan, some rice and probably a few more decibels of high-end hearing. Oh, and my stomach!

[T42]

Glad of that.

[Jurek]

I think I may've posted before that this:

is what happens when you put a pizza in the oven, forget about it and go to bed.
Ham and mushroom, seeing as you are asking.
Crusty edge, anyone? 
ETA Delighted to hear that your drum isn't toast, Cudzo.
A FOREIGN would probably never understand the last sentence

[T42]

Suitable for framing

[hatler]

That looks like the output from a London archaeological dig aimed at investigating the causes of the Great Fire.

[Cudzoziemiec]

ETA Delighted to hear that your drum isn't toast, Cudzo.
A FOREIGN would probably never understand the last sentence

I don't think I understand it myself. 

T42 has a good point about your pizza.

[hatler]

Drum and bass - place.

[Tim Hall]

Drum and bass - place.

Ooh, that has the ring of a neo-wotsit formation about it.  I'm sure drum got used as a house/dwelling long before bangin' choons were a thing.

(goes off to do web based research)

[Mr Larrington]

I'm sure it was in use at least as far back as The Sweeney 

[Jurek]

Both Tim and Larrers are correct.
In this instance.
ETA: Screw someone's drum = Burgle their house...
I've no idea of the origin of the phrase....
S'interesting... I've done some delving and, in keeping with Hatler's suggestion, it does go back to drum n' bass. However, my knowledge of it goes back way beyond that. I used to work with Grant Roffey in the 80's. Grant was ex-MET, and he used the expression all the time. Grant is currently married to Julie Walters (Yes, that Julie Walters) and busy being an organic farmer somewhere in Kent.
Claim to fame thread>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[hatler]

All is revealed - https://www.cockneyrhymingslang.co.uk/slang/drum_and_bass#:~:text=Drum%20and%20Bass%20is%20Cockney%20slang%20for%20Place.&text=The%20word%20drum%20was%20originally,to%20only%20mean%20the%20home.

[Jurek]

All is revealed - https://www.cockneyrhymingslang.co.uk/slang/drum_and_bass#:~:text=Drum%20and%20Bass%20is%20Cockney%20slang%20for%20Place.&text=The%20word%20drum%20was%20originally,to%20only%20mean%20the%20home.

Every day is a school day.

[Mr Larrington]

Moreover, another source claims it originated with the Romani word “drom”, meaning “road”.  This Unit cannot vouch for the accuracy of this statement but en-gb has form for pinching and lightly modifying Romani words for e.g “posh” and “[“Poisonous term” – Ed.]”.

[Cudzoziemiec]

Every day is indeed a school day. It's almost – but really not – worth starting a kitchen fire to learn this.

I'm now wondering if 'drom' for 'road' could have given rise to 'drum up' for making tea on the road?

[Tim Hall]

Every day is indeed a school day. It's almost – but really not – worth starting a kitchen fire to learn this.

I'm now wondering if 'drom' for 'road' could have given rise to 'drum up' for making tea on the road?

Ooh, good call. Bonus points for a bit of Ob. cycling too.

[T42]

Every day is indeed a school day. It's almost – but really not – worth starting a kitchen fire to learn this.

I'm now wondering if 'drom' for 'road' could have given rise to 'drum up' for making tea on the road?

Chambers sez "achieve something by persuasion" so if you're riding alone you've had it. Unless you're given to autoexhoration.