Author Topic: The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread (Read 448787 times)

T42 · « **Reply #3550 on:** 10 February, 2023, 01:11:25 pm »

Quote from: The Family Cyclist on 10 February, 2023, 10:35:54 am

Quote from: T42 on 10 February, 2023, 10:31:10 am
Put a new blade-guide & blade on the chainsaw. Bit of a fiddly PITA but managed it. Job well done, patted self on back.

Glanced at old guide & blade. Er...

Took blade off again, put it back the right way round.

Having done a lot they do get easier with a knack, I've also seen too many with the chain back to front when bought from DIY places and generally refused to touch them when brought into the place I worked where we sold decent ones which went out assembled and tested

Also and excuse me if telling to suck eggs but the guide bar can usually be flipped for more life/even wear

Aha! Cheers.

The old guide bar wasn't so much worn as totally gunged up with sap since I put it away after heavy use a couple of years ago. I'd done my back in and didn't want to see the wretched thing again. Need it to clear much ivy/saplings etc so suspect my back to suffer again.

JefO · « **Reply #3551 on:** 10 February, 2023, 07:12:51 pm »

"You MUST NOT get it wet." stated and reiterated the nurse...

First day I wore the hearing aid on a ride, congratulated myself on coping with it (the sudden ability to hear in my left lughole was quite disorientating) then after the ride, jumped in the shower.

YOU DIV!!!!!!!!!!!!!

barakta · « **Reply #3552 on:** 10 February, 2023, 07:35:42 pm »

Every deaf hearing aid user has done this.

Chuck it in some rice in a warm place? It may well recover!

Beardy · « **Reply #3553 on:** 10 February, 2023, 08:46:50 pm »

The rice trick might have worked with the old analogue aids but I’d be highly surprised if it would work with the new digital ones.

I’ve been wearing my aids almost full time on my visit to Yorkshire earlier this week. The world is such a noisy place, especially when the teenage grandson of my s-in-l visited. I’m so glad to be back home and be none compliant again. Sarah really is a star for putting up with me.

T42 · « **Reply #3554 on:** 11 February, 2023, 09:14:07 am »

Went to pump up my tyres for this pm's ride and found that not only did I leave the cap off before my last ride, I didn't even screw down the locknut.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #3555 on:** 11 February, 2023, 01:21:50 pm »

On behalf of Mr von Brandenburg: having taken possession of their new home he decided to get his driving licence updated. “Cut your old one up and send it back to us” said the Great Welsh Computer. So he did. Before realising that they need to hire a van to move all their TPsOC from the storage unit. And the van hire place won’t accept Miss von Brandenburg's licence on account of it being FOREIGN.

Guess who’s going to the seaside next week

Diver300 · « **Reply #3556 on:** 11 February, 2023, 02:35:14 pm »

I needed to lift the manhole cover that is in the block paving. The access plugs for the lifting holes broke, so I phoned the suppliers who kindly sent me four replacements for free, which I fitted yesterday.

Today I noticed that the other manhole cover in the block paving is missing three of its four plugs.

Jurek · « **Reply #3557 on:** 11 February, 2023, 04:02:49 pm »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 11 February, 2023, 01:21:50 pm

On behalf of Mr von Brandenburg: having taken possession of their new home he decided to get his driving licence updated. “Cut your old one up and send it back to us” said the Great Welsh Computer. So he did. Before realising that they need to hire a van to move all their TPsOC from the storage unit. And the van hire place won’t accept Miss von Brandenburg's licence on account of it being FOREIGN.

Guess who’s going to the seaside next week

Fish n' Chips is very good in Hastings IME.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #3558 on:** 11 February, 2023, 09:21:03 pm »

So I'm told. There is also a burger joint yclept “Half Man Half Burger”. NB10 should sue.

mrcharly-YHT · « **Reply #3559 on:** 13 February, 2023, 06:49:15 am »

Me, yesterday.

Sawing branches off small tree/very large shrub (it is about 4m tall and 5m wide) in strong winds.
Branch cut through very suddenly on forward stroke, hand shot forward and I punched the newly-cut stump. Very very ouch, one of those things where you just hold the injured bit and don't speak for a while.

I don't *think* anything is broken. Just very sore, and finger twice normal size this morning.

I have a 600mile drive on Thurs, can't afford to be injured.

Kim · « **Reply #3560 on:** 13 February, 2023, 12:29:33 pm »

Quote from: mrcharly-YHT on 13 February, 2023, 06:49:15 am

Very very ouch, one of those things where you just hold the injured bit and don't speak for a while.

I've always found that instinct fascinating. I managed to do something nasty a couple of years ago where I found myself perfectly coherent, but singularly incapable of not being curled into a ball around my bleeding hand for a couple of minutes.

It's a bit like trying not to cry when you're a child (something I assume most adults have conveniently forgotten what it feels like) - sometimes willpower just isn't enough to override the lizard brain.

Ham · « **Reply #3561 on:** 13 February, 2023, 01:58:59 pm »

It's a bit like that bit where you don't look because you know it is going to be messy and perhaps if you don't look hard enough, it won't have happened?

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #3562 on:** 13 February, 2023, 06:12:18 pm »

Quote from: Mr Larrington on 11 February, 2023, 01:21:50 pm

On behalf of Mr von Brandenburg: having taken possession of their new home he decided to get his driving licence updated. “Cut your old one up and send it back to us” said the Great Welsh Computer. So he did. Before realising that they need to hire a van to move all their TPsOC from the storage unit. And the van hire place won’t accept Miss von Brandenburg's licence on account of it being FOREIGN.

Guess who’s going to the seaside next week

I shall go to the seaside. Hurrah!

Now watch the weather go all manky.

T42 · « **Reply #3563 on:** 14 February, 2023, 08:39:16 am »

Go? Gone.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #3564 on:** 14 February, 2023, 09:28:10 am »

(Check the App For That, that they have now)

13 degrees and cloudy in Hastings on Saturday. Bah!

Ham · « **Reply #3565 on:** 14 February, 2023, 03:59:34 pm »

Advanced Divvery occurs when you really think you know what you're doing, and what's more you really should. Observe and learn.

Fixing up MiL house pre-sale we discover we were suffering from an excess of SiL's predilection: "Chuck it out, it's a load of rubbish" which in one particular case included the keys for the patio doors.

As it would have been mean not to, and replacing a euro lock is a cheap thing, I decide to carry out this operation. Even drilling the lock out, it should only take about 30 minutes. Using FiL's cheap drill that shattered in the lock added a few minutes. But, once the lock was unlocked, how long do you suppose it was before I remembered that there's a single locating screw in the middle of the cylinder, without removing which you will get nowhere? Yes that's right. Quite A While.

Mrs Pingu · « **Reply #3566 on:** 16 February, 2023, 12:32:13 pm »

Just lost one of my favourite earrings on the tarmac at the airport. Sob.

T42 · « **Reply #3567 on:** 17 February, 2023, 08:16:32 am »

Quote from: Ham on 14 February, 2023, 03:59:34 pm

Advanced Divvery occurs when you really think you know what you're doing, and what's more you really should. Observe and learn.

As far as Divvery qualifications go I dunno whether I've got a BD, an MD or a DD. The Panel may judge:

Three weeks ago I bought a new coffee machine. It has a 2-litre water tank but goes through it like a thirsty horse so I must have filled it a dozen times.

Yesterday I noticed that the bright area down the back, that I had taken for total internal reflection, had printing on it. First reaction was that Sage had printed some guff on the plastic about always using their brand of whatever and thinking upright thoughts.

Then I noticed that it was a bit wrinkled.

Ever tried fishing a soggy A5 card out of a tank of water through an opening about the size of a letter-box with a couple of table knives? Not easy.

And it was an advert for Sage's gubbins.

andrewc · « **Reply #3568 on:** 18 February, 2023, 06:12:13 pm »

I'm off to the RLPO later this evening, some friends will be there as well. One of them has just phoned me up, apparently we'd all arranged to meet in a local restaurant for a bite to eat before the concert. I'd completely forgotten about it and was cooking my dinner when he rang

That's going to cost me an apologetic round later on!

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #3569 on:** 20 February, 2023, 07:44:10 pm »

Went shopping on the way back from Fort Larrington.

Forgot to buy milk*.

Fucknuckles

* Or a house.

Mr Larrington · « **Reply #3570 on:** 23 February, 2023, 06:50:33 pm »

Takes last pill out of blister pack
Chucks pill in rubbish
Narrowly avoids trying to swallow empty packaging

JefO · « **Reply #3571 on:** 24 February, 2023, 12:25:31 am »

Quote from: JefO on 10 February, 2023, 07:12:51 pm

"You MUST NOT get it wet." stated and reiterated the nurse...

First day I wore the hearing aid on a ride, congratulated myself on coping with it (the sudden ability to hear in my left lughole was quite disorientating) then after the ride, jumped in the shower.

YOU DIV!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just done it again.

Experience is recognising the mistakes as you make them again

barakta · « **Reply #3572 on:** 24 February, 2023, 01:07:30 am »

OhDear!

I hope this one dries out too!

The Family Cyclist · « **Reply #3573 on:** 27 February, 2023, 01:16:13 pm »

Wondered why emptying junk email folder took so long assumed was due to crap Internets at work and listening to radio through computer

Nope had deleted everything in my sent folder, thankfully restored

MattH · « **Reply #3574 on:** 28 February, 2023, 09:50:08 am »

I was making some new bracketry for my motorcycle trailer a few weeks ago, chopping and welding 40mm square section steel. I realised I couldn't find the bag of plastic end caps I'd bought last time, so bought some more. They arrived before I'd painted it, so I put them away. Over the weekend I wanted to finish the job, as I'll be using it in a couple of weeks. Could I find the new end caps, or the old ones?

So I ordered some more. They are due to arrive later today.

Can you guess what I found inside my drill case when I opened it at work today?