The "I'm Such a Fecking Div" Thread

[The Family Cyclist]

Nomination for the good lady wife

Our kids are off to summer camps, she noticed the summer camp had paid us a chunk of money, firstly worried that one of our kids haven't got in as over subscribed and then wondered if paid too much
She emailed them and they said they hadn't

I finally got a chance to look at myself, noticed the reference for transaction was name of camp. Asked the wife if she had transferred money from another account. The penny dropped. She had been putting some money aside for the camp and had the  transferred it into our account to pay from

[Pingu]

...Turned swiftly, hooked banjo with toe and knocked it over on top of Fender, twang bang crash...

And so another music genre was born.

[Mr Larrington]

...Turned swiftly, hooked banjo with toe and knocked it over on top of Fender, twang bang crash...

And so another music genre was born.

Post-folk?

(Googles)

Bah!  It already exists.

[T42]

...Turned swiftly, hooked banjo with toe and knocked it over on top of Fender, twang bang crash...

And so another music genre was born.

Post-folk?

(Googles)

Bah!  It already exists.

Nah, just a Stockhausen cover.

[rafletcher]

When charging my iPad, the watching of motorsport during my lunch break for (my employer frowns on us streaming content so I tether to my ‘phone), using the folding plug, it’s helpful if I make sure I’ve properly unfolded all the pins, otherwise it may look like it’s doing it’s job, but only have the earth pin inserted in the socket  .

[SteveC]

When making bread, it is advisable to add yeast at the start of the process. 

[Mr Larrington]

Do not move that Heavy Thing into a position such that it blocks access to the back door until after you have got all the Stuffs required to do things to said Heavy Thing out of the Sheds.  Ooohmeback.

Bonus points if you only then discover the Heavy Thing is thicker than the jigsaw blades are long.

[ScumOfTheRoad]

During Brexit I had a stock of tinned food. I also bought a six pack of UHT milk from Sainsburys. Sell by date in 2021
It has been taking up space on my kitchen floor since then. Decided to sample some last week - after all UHT. Right?
Wrong - standard semi-skimmed, now somewhat resembling cheese. Duuuh...   should have actually read the labels.

[rogerzilla]

I just bought some suede protector and renovator and used it on my brown suede shoes.

It was black suede protector.  Since when has dyed protector been a thing?  They are now ex-shoes.

[Mr Larrington]

Brown shoes don’t make it.

[Mr Larrington]

“Hmmm!” thought Mr Larrington.  “I reckon I might need to unclip before negotiating that gate.”

Mr Larrington then utterly fails to disconnect himself from the Perfectly Good Gentleman’s Mountain Bicycle, collides with the kerb and executes a perfect three-point landing on his knee, hip, and elbow.  If only I'd been wearing a h*lm*t; I could have thrown it at the sillybollocks who put the gate there in the first place

Edit: this one https://maps.app.goo.gl/RPQgDVt8uiMiwDTQ9

[Beardy]

As you were clipped in to the perfectly good gentleman’s mountain bicycle would not bunny hopping over the kerb to the left have been de rigueur?

[Pingu]

“Hmmm!” thought Mr Larrington.  “I reckon I might need to unclip before negotiating that gate.”

Mr Larrington then utterly fails to disconnect himself from the Perfectly Good Gentleman’s Mountain Bicycle, collides with the kerb and executes a perfect three-point landing on his knee, hip, and elbow.  If only I'd been wearing a h*lm*t; I could have thrown it at the sillybollocks who put the gate there in the first place

Edit: this one https://maps.app.goo.gl/RPQgDVt8uiMiwDTQ9

Looks like somebody managed to negotiate it 

[Mrs Pingu]

“Hmmm!” thought Mr Larrington.  “I reckon I might need to unclip before negotiating that gate.”

Mr Larrington then utterly fails to disconnect himself from the Perfectly Good Gentleman’s Mountain Bicycle, collides with the kerb and executes a perfect three-point landing on his knee, hip, and elbow.  If only I'd been wearing a h*lm*t; I could have thrown it at the sillybollocks who put the gate there in the first place

Edit: this one https://maps.app.goo.gl/RPQgDVt8uiMiwDTQ9

Ha, that looks like luxury compared to this bastarding pedal and ankle breaker
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Barrier_on_Formartine_and_Buchan_cycle_route_at_Auchnagatt.jpg

[Mr Larrington]

“Hmmm!” thought Mr Larrington.  “I reckon I might need to unclip before negotiating that gate.”

Mr Larrington then utterly fails to disconnect himself from the Perfectly Good Gentleman’s Mountain Bicycle, collides with the kerb and executes a perfect three-point landing on his knee, hip, and elbow.  If only I'd been wearing a h*lm*t; I could have thrown it at the sillybollocks who put the gate there in the first place

Edit: this one https://maps.app.goo.gl/RPQgDVt8uiMiwDTQ9

Looks like somebody managed to negotiate it 

I managed it OK going in that direction; it was coming back up the hill which did for me.

[cycleman]

But is the perfectly good gentleman's mountain bicycle OK? .
(Hoping that your OK too.)

[Cudzoziemiec]

“Hmmm!” thought Mr Larrington.  “I reckon I might need to unclip before negotiating that gate.”

Mr Larrington then utterly fails to disconnect himself from the Perfectly Good Gentleman’s Mountain Bicycle, collides with the kerb and executes a perfect three-point landing on his knee, hip, and elbow.  If only I'd been wearing a h*lm*t; I could have thrown it at the sillybollocks who put the gate there in the first place

Edit: this one https://maps.app.goo.gl/RPQgDVt8uiMiwDTQ9

That's in need of improvement via angle grinder.

Ha, that looks like luxury compared to this bastarding pedal and ankle breaker
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Barrier_on_Formartine_and_Buchan_cycle_route_at_Auchnagatt.jpg

[Mr Larrington]

But is the perfectly good gentleman's mountain bicycle OK? .
(Hoping that your OK too.)

Perfectly Good Gentleman’s Mountain Bicycle appears none the worse for the experience; damage to Mr Larrington is a grazed knee and elbow which are a bit sore and would respond well to whisky were such a thing still permitted chiz.

[Tim Hall]

But is the perfectly good gentleman's mountain bicycle OK? .
(Hoping that your OK too.)

Perfectly Good Gentleman’s Mountain Bicycle appears none the worse for the experience; damage to Mr Larrington is a grazed knee and elbow which are a bit sore and would respond well to whisky were such a thing still permitted chiz.

I am prepared to drink a small whisky on your behalf if you think that may help.

[Paul]

But is the perfectly good gentleman's mountain bicycle OK? .
(Hoping that your OK too.)

in

Perfectly Good Gentleman’s Mountain Bicycle appears none the worse for the experience; damage to Mr Larrington is a grazed knee and elbow which are a bit sore and would respond well to whisky were such a thing still permitted chiz.

I am prepared to drink a small whisky on your behalf if you think that may help.

Would it work faster if more people did it? Cos I am too 

[ian]

Ordered something from the internet website thing, all good, then I remembered I'm not at home. We're not at home. Ha, I remember the Yodel site has options to delay etc. Except, of course, they're all greyed out as unavailable for this delivery. Now, if the courier could read and obey the sign on the door that clearly says PLEASE LEAVE ANY DELIVERIES IN THE BOX BEHIND THE PORCH, this wouldn't be an issue, but they read the sign, ponder for a moment, and then leave it on the step always (the wonders of the porch cam). Do I want a parcel sitting on the doorstep till Saturday evening when we get back, announcing the house is empty and soaking up the rain, probably not. Probably shouldn't have ordered it till you got back then, div.

[Kim]

Edit: this one https://maps.app.goo.gl/RPQgDVt8uiMiwDTQ9

*knocks the scrollwheel*

*notes google maps going into SimCity2000 mode*

That's new...

*plays with that for a minute*

*attempts to date streetviews of Silly Oak by the fridges*

*remembers the capture date is up there in the corner*

*forgets why we were here*

[L CC]

“Hmmm!” thought Mr Larrington.  “I reckon I might need to unclip before negotiating that gate.”

Mr Larrington then utterly fails to disconnect himself from the Perfectly Good Gentleman’s Mountain Bicycle, collides with the kerb and executes a perfect three-point landing on his knee, hip, and elbow.  If only I'd been wearing a h*lm*t; I could have thrown it at the sillybollocks who put the gate there in the first place

Edit: this one https://maps.app.goo.gl/RPQgDVt8uiMiwDTQ9

That is the design of gate I rode FULL TILT into a few years ago. It was painted green. In the countryside. Only the black eye and broken fingers for that one.

[SoreTween]

This morning I rummaged in the box of assorted cable in the forlorn hope of finding an HDMI to dvi cable, much to my surprise I found one. So I placed it on the spare chair in my office and began a serious clear up required to make space in order be able to get stuffs in the right place to utilise said cable. Tools long finished with returned to garage, papers sorted & filed or shredded, huge volume of usb cables put into same box, books returned to the library etc etc.
Then, with the clear up nearly done I notice the cable is no longer on the spare chair. I have searched the house end to end, revisited everywhere I went during the clear up and in desperation everywhere else I don't recall going too. I've been through the box of cables twice in case I unthinkingly cleared it away. Can I find it? Can I arse.

[Mr Larrington]

In similar vein, there was a hammer out there ==> in the porch.  And now there isn’t.  And it'd be quite a useful thing to have to hand, because the inner flap thingy of the letterbox needs a spot of panel beating.

Edit: Found it, hiding amid the neatly coiled power lead of the chainsaw