Author Topic: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)  (Read 1715829 times)

woollypigs

  • Mr Peli
    • woollypigs
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4625 on: November 27, 2009, 12:35:56 pm »
Totally agree, you want to get out of the way of the roundabout, not come to stop right away and then have to wonder if the road user right behind you have or haven't seen you stop or the reason why you stopped and will end up in your arse because they are only thinking about exiting the roundabout as fast as possible to get out of the way of the road users that they forgot to give way to and just went strait out in front off etc etc etc
#bollockstobrexit

tonycollinet

  • No Longer a western province of Númenor
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4626 on: November 27, 2009, 01:01:22 pm »
  And if i was a cat, i'd still think they were dangerous.


Probably nine times.

Oscar's dad

  • Cheers!
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4627 on: November 27, 2009, 01:06:12 pm »
Employer ...

I didn't sign up to work this hard, I'm not having fun.  Most of my time is spent solving problems some other chump caused.  I also don't appreciate the amount of time I spend driving; you gave me a new car in June and already it's done 12,500 miles.  I'm just hoping the poor thing will go on strike so I can stay at home.

Roll on Christmas (I never thought you'd hear me say that) so I can have a couple of weeks off.

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
  • Custard Wallah
    • Mr Larrington's Automatic Diary
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4628 on: November 27, 2009, 01:13:47 pm »
Building!  If you're going to have a fucking power cut then at least make it a convincing one with big sparks flying around, screaming claustrophobics trapped in the lift and the coffee machine exploding.

Not a poxy half-second blip just long enough to crash everyone's PC.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

David Martin

  • Thats Dr Oi You thankyouverymuch
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4629 on: November 27, 2009, 01:28:32 pm »
{Edit:Reality=OFF}
Ohhh can you imagine it?  No more Powerpoint (*spit*) presentations ever again....
{/Edit:Reality=ON}

Superficially, this sounds fine, but, having been an AV engineer in the time before babbage engines took over, I can tell you that trying to extract a .ppt from a USB stick that someone has forgotten the password to is as nothing compared to anxiously ringing the developers to get them to actually process the slides, then collating them and re-ordering three times as the speaker changes his mind, in the process turning a good half-dozen on their side or flipping them while manually reviewing (that is, if they don't drop the whole carousel moments before their presentation).  Oh, and then there's the luvie-ish projector bulbs that would go off in a strop at the slightest whisper of movement, or if they felt they'd run for long enough and wanted a lie down...

Oh, and, after all that, the slides the speaker had prepared were badly laid out, dark & fuzzy, so people shouted at you to get it in focus.  Well, give me acamera, the source material, and a couple of days, and I will!  Until that time... >:(

Powerpoint seemed like heaven by comparison.

You forgot:

At the big venues having speakers turn up with non-heatproof slides so halfway through their keynote speech, that one rare copy of the picture of the yeti starts to fo a bit brown in the middle before bursting into flame..


..d
"By creating we think. By living we learn" - Patrick Geddes

andygates

  • Peroxide Viking
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4630 on: November 27, 2009, 01:36:56 pm »
Dear knee-jerk 'skeptic' cow-orker, who asked how come the same hockey stick was shown in one of the Copenhagen Diagnosis as was in the "evil trick graph" revealed in the hack. The answer is, of course, that it's not the same graph at all: it's much more modern, more accurate, and doesn't use the 'evil' trick. "Why's it the same shape then?"

BECAUSE IT DESCRIBES THE SAME FUCKING PHENOMENON YOU RETARDED HYAENA'S ARSE!

If you're so clever, go buy a house on Tuvalu. >:(
It takes blood and guts to be this cool but I'm still just a cliché.
OpenStreetMap UK & IRL Streetmap & Topo: ravenfamily.org/andyg/maps updates weekly.

border-rider

Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4631 on: November 27, 2009, 01:40:22 pm »

At the big venues having speakers turn up with non-heatproof slides so halfway through their keynote speech, that one rare copy of the picture of the yeti starts to fo a bit brown in the middle before bursting into flame..


..d

Or:

Glass slides becoming illegible within seven seconds because of the humidity..

tiermat

  • According to Jane, I'm a Unisex SpaceAdmin
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4632 on: November 27, 2009, 01:40:33 pm »
Flaming babbage engines....

If you insist on keeping me at work for an extra three days when I should be starting my hollibobs, please please have the good grace and manners to work when I need you too....

This goes doubly for when I come in at 4am especially to start installing software on you....

In the words of the Macc Ladds....

F**k C**t, F**k C**t W**k S**t
I feel like Captain Kirk, on a brand new planet every day, a little like King Kong on top of the Empire State

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4633 on: November 27, 2009, 02:11:46 pm »
You forgot:

At the big venues having speakers turn up with non-heatproof slides so halfway through their keynote speech, that one rare copy of the picture of the yeti starts to fo a bit brown in the middle before bursting into flame..


..d

You're right.  I did forget that.  Except, in our most important case, it was the only slide of a revolutionary brain surgery procedure for children. :-\
Getting there...

Zipperhead

  • The cyclist formerly known as Big Helga
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4634 on: November 27, 2009, 03:13:34 pm »
Person sitting behind the steering wheel* of an Addison Lee people carrier last night.

You cannot respond to people hailing you from the curbside. Ergo, you knew for a little distance at least where you were going to pick up your passenger from, which means you didn't need to pull that manouvre. Frankly, even the most avaricious black cab driver wouldn't have done it.

In this country by convention and law people drive, cycle, ride horses, drive their ponygirl etc. on the left hand side of the road. so, I and the other road users are following that convention. Being on a bicycle in free moving traffic, I'm riding over to the left closest to the curb. To my right a series of cars are overtaking me and they're a little close because there's a traffic island just ahead, but they're not too close and everything is all happy.

Until you come along, you great pile of knob cheese. You're travelling in the opposite direction to me (and the cars overtaking me), but the person you are picking up is on my left. So, what action do you take? Do you indicate right, come to a standstill and wait for a gap in the traffic before pulling into the driveway that will be on my left in a moment?

No, you don't. Because that would be the act of a rational person who gave a fuck about the rest of the human race.

No indeed, what you do is without warning or signalling dive off to your right and then drive along the wrong side of the road in the gutter. Now I've got traffic overtaking me on my right, getting close because of the traffic island, and you, you dribble from the chancre on my cock, you driving straight at me.

If I ever meet you again, I promise you that for the rest of your life you'll never suffer from constipation.



* I think driver would be stretching it a bit too far.
Our son does know who Boz Scaggs is, we've done ok as parents.

Oscar's dad

  • Cheers!
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4635 on: November 27, 2009, 03:31:21 pm »
^^^ I am soooo pleased that the most I have to put up with is suicidal wildlife.

clarion

  • Tyke
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4636 on: November 27, 2009, 03:34:25 pm »
As i said at the time

What???

The

Fuck

Do You Think You're Doing?

There's traffic coming.  Me.  I'm bloody traffic, all right?

But you pull out so that you block the entire road.

I can't pull round you.  I have nowhere to go except into the side of your nasty car or up those intimidating kerbs.  Fortunately, I managed to stop in time.  How lucky you are that I am not in one of those vans that speeds down this back street.

Oh, and there's that ubiquitous 'sorry' wave.  Well, I'm getting a bit fucking sick of that, as it happens.  Just as the hazard lights on a B*W do not exempt it from traffic regulations, neither does your pathetic wave exempt you retrospectively.  If I had come a cropper on your bonnet and was lying in the road, would you try waving over my broken bones to repair them?

:hand:  Actually, I think I know the answer, and it just makes me more >:(
Getting there...

Speshact

  • Charlie
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4637 on: November 27, 2009, 03:55:44 pm »
Oy, Boris (and most other document producers), most people have computers with a landscape format screen so why the fuck produce a 356 page draft transport document as a PDF in portrait format where I can only see a page at a time if it's too tiny to read?

Unless, of course, you want everyone to print it out...or, more likely, don't want people reading and commenting on it.


On which point what kind of a stupidly fucking low ambition is "around 66,000 additional cycle parking spaces in London" by 2012. There are 624 wards in London, so you're looking at about 5 additional sheffield stands per ward. That might just replace the amount of cycle parking lost by (pleasingly) taking out guard railing.
Multiply your figure by 10 and it might start to look reasonable.


rower40

  • Not my boat. Now sold.
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4638 on: November 27, 2009, 07:27:58 pm »
Oy, Boris (and most other document producers), most people have computers with a landscape format screen so why the fuck produce a 356 page draft transport document as a PDF in portrait format where I can only see a page at a time if it's too tiny to read?
+1.  And more so for the documents that have text in 2 or more silly thin columns like a newspaper, so to read the entire article it means scrolling down, then up, then down ad nauseam.
Be Naughty; save Santa a trip

David Martin

  • Thats Dr Oi You thankyouverymuch
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4639 on: November 27, 2009, 08:33:05 pm »
On which point what kind of a stupidly fucking low ambition is "around 66,000 additional cycle parking spaces in London" by 2012. There are 624 wards in London, so you're looking at about 5 additional sheffield stands per ward. That might just replace the amount of cycle parking lost by (pleasingly) taking out guard railing.
Multiply your figure by 10 and it might start to look reasonable.



66,000 / 624 = about 100 so he has actually multiplied it by 20 already. How is that for a response..?

..d
"By creating we think. By living we learn" - Patrick Geddes

Speshact

  • Charlie
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4640 on: November 27, 2009, 09:51:22 pm »
66,000 / 624 = about 100 so he has actually multiplied it by 20 already. How is that for a response..?
..d
;D
Oy, me, you know  you're crap at maths so check before you press send - luckily I've only commented here and not in a formal reply to the Mayor yet!

Zipperhead

  • The cyclist formerly known as Big Helga
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4641 on: November 28, 2009, 04:11:20 pm »
Cateye front light. You are a useless heap of unreliable shit.
Our son does know who Boz Scaggs is, we've done ok as parents.

David Martin

  • Thats Dr Oi You thankyouverymuch
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4642 on: November 28, 2009, 04:18:29 pm »
Cateye front light. You are a useless heap of unreliable shit.
After two failures I spent my money on Ay-Ups. And never looked back.

..d
"By creating we think. By living we learn" - Patrick Geddes

Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4643 on: November 28, 2009, 10:00:59 pm »
By Cthulhu's slimy, betentacled scaly cock!

Is it too fucking much to ask for there to be one day, just one fucking day, when it isn't blowing a howling gale and/or apocalyptically p155ing down?  >:(

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Eccentrica Gallumbits

  • Rock 'n' roll and brew, rock 'n' roll and brew...
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4644 on: November 29, 2009, 11:10:06 am »
All the supermarkets. Why have you discontinued angelica? How can one make a Christmas cake without it? It's the best bit.  >:(
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


Karla

  • car(e) free
    • Lost Byway - around the world by bike
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4645 on: November 29, 2009, 01:24:46 pm »
Dear Mr middle aged car driver,
                                           Why do you have that pained look on your face?  You're in my bit of the road, now get the feck out of there.  You look like you're so hard done by, in fact you're just breaking the law.  Now why don't you just get out of your car and talk to me like a man?  No?  Pussy.

What's that, you're suggesting I should have gone up your left?  AT A CROSSROADS?  Are you fkunking stupid or do you just want me to get left hooked?  Surely even your mouse brain can work that one out.  Oh sorry I forgot, a man's brain is in his balls and as we've already established, you've got none of those.

Tell you what, I'll do you a deal.  I noticed you were coming out of a gym just then.  I'll borrow your gym membership and you can have my bike.  Once you've been skimmed a few times with only your beer gut for protection, we can have this conversation again, no?  Just make sure you don't go to London and become the 11th this year, I want my bike back.

Mrs Pingu

  • Who ate all the pies? Me
    • Twitter
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4646 on: November 29, 2009, 02:09:31 pm »
Best Western, you totally fucking suck. You and your incompetence managed to take a simple one night stay and totally fuck it up. When you say you're going to pay for all the taxis make sure it fucking happens instead of us ending up having a bloody argument with some wanky cab driver because we don't have a fucking slip of paper which says you're going to pay for it. And then have exactly the same thing happen again this morning, how did I just know that I was going to end up paying for that taxi from your hotel in the arse end of nowhere?
And cab drivers, you are all utter cnuts.
Don't worry, there are letters coming, but I will not be darkening your door again.

Oh, AND we didn't get any fucking breakfast either, I don't operate well on an empty stomach, you lumps of diarrhoea. And don't bloody well lie and say you couldn't get hold of us to tell us you'd overbooked either. We have an answering machine you know, and a sodding email address to boot.
 >:( >:( >:(
I wouldn't piss on either of you if you were on fire.
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Eccentrica Gallumbits

  • Rock 'n' roll and brew, rock 'n' roll and brew...
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4647 on: November 29, 2009, 02:41:25 pm »
 :o :o :o Bastards.
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


Clare

  • Is home
Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4648 on: November 29, 2009, 05:09:58 pm »
So we've been operating on an ancient back-up system all weekend and will spend most of tomorrow morning trying to transfer all data back to where it should be because you, Mr On Call, didn't answer your fucking mobile.

My colleague wants to be a fly on the wall when you get into work tomorrow; I don't, I want to be in the same room as you and I'll be carrying a baseball bat you fucktard.


Re: The RANT thread (often contains fruity language)
« Reply #4649 on: November 29, 2009, 06:40:21 pm »
Me: when you're painting in the kitchen, use the tin of paint for kitchens, not the old white emulsion that was still out from last week's a half and half in the dining room. Now you've spent a good hour painting and have to do another coat. Fool.