G Imlach: | O hai & iffen you thought the Tour ov France woz loaded way beyond its plimsoll line with LOLZ0RZ, roffles & jollity, er, you're right! However, since J Vingegaard kicked everyone's donkey yesterday, the only giggles & mirth will come from me, TV's G Imlach! |
Bethany (13): | Ja, Herr LOLamdant roffle! |
G Imlach: | Oi! |
Omnes: | Now the fair & virtuous EV Dijk haz goned hoam might we expect yet another speshul guest in the manner of she, M Kitteh & C Evans? |
G Imlach: | For sure there is still a long way to go and anything can happen! |
Bethany (13): | He dunt kno! They ent tole 'im! LOL! |
G Imlach: | They're runnin' late… A Renard of T Cofidis has goned home! |
Bethany (13): | 'snot mi mum teh fukn C-O-W, iz it? |
G Imlach: | Although is probably all over for the shinyjumper and definitely for the juniorshinyjumper, and J Philipsen will pwn the snottyjumper as long as he reach Paris Paree, the spottyjumper could still go anywhere. Well almost. G Ciccone iz gonna haveter ride his spottysocks off iffen he want to keep it! |
G Ciccone: | It's all about Survival! |
G Imlach: | Also the Gee-See is d-e-d close. A Yates only 5" seconds ahead of C Rodriguez & iffen T Pogačar needs him for bottle-fetchin' & b0rking TJ Visma… |
Bethany (13): | Liekwies 4 S Kuss in P6, onli 10" seconds ahead of P Bilbao. & P Bilbao haz 40" seconds over S Yates! For sure will b soopa xcitin'! |
A & S Yates [in stereo]: | yeh |
G Imlach: | Today is d-e-d hard. You has teh Mappe? |
Bethany (13): | Indede I duz! [Indicates Mappe] Look, see! Four (4) spottyclimbs. Some MOAR horble than teh othas. Teh Col de la Loze is teh wurst! [Indicates Mappe again] 28 km @ 6% avg, but some bits r 24% & teh finish, altho not a kittehgorizd climb, iz 18%! As u c'n c vvvv |
| |
Omnes: | Crikey! Did EC Boardman design this stage? |
EC Boardman [via psychic projection]: | |
| […] |
N Boulting: | O hai! T Pogačar! C'n he fight back? |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. 4000m of climbing is a lot. This stage has MOAR'n 5000. We sent ect… |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, BO Connor! Wot c'n we expect! |
BO Connor: | O hai! Will be a mess @ start! People tryna get in break! Fireworx! Fancy a BEER? |
SD Millar: | G Ciccone will want to get in break! & the pelican will probably let 'im! |
G Ciccone: | I'm gonna be Causing A Commotion! |
D Friebe: | O hai, S Yates! |
S Yates: | O hai! Gonna be a hard day but I's lookin' forward to it! Lot going on! Yeh! |
C Prudhomme: | [Waves fleg] Scram, cyclist-shaped objects! Roffle! |
N Boulting: | V Madouas & MC Nielsen assault attack! Look, see! Men sitting on a Sheds! |
Omnes: | Was any of them R Gullit? |
N Boulting: | Break caught. MOAR tittin' about tryna get in break! |
D Friebe: | O hai, N Pooless! |
N Powless: | O hai! Feel pretty good! We will see! |
D Friebe: | Sometimes I h8 this job! |
N Boulting: | It's about to get worse… |
A Yates: | erbitofashocker yehdonetehbestwecudahregrouperyeh yknoerhardda2daerppahsoopahardweerwillerc yeh |
D Friebe: | I don't mind if their Ing. is a bit poor because they's unfortunate enuff to be a FOREIGN but A Yates is a fukn Manc! [Hurls mic to floor, jumps up and down on it] |
N Boulting: | While u woz tryna grok A Yates 6 (five) rid0rz haz fcked off & teh pelican has splat. Briefly! TUAE Emirates caught nappin'! |
SD Millar: | Break has 19" seconds! Is N Powless, G Ciccone, M Pedersen, L Mezgec & J Gregaard! |
N Boulting: | Shitverts before the Col de Saisies, wot look the same iffen u write it umop-ap!sdn… |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap many assault attacks off of the pelican's mitey beek, & M Pedersen gettin' X wif N Pooless! |
M Pedersen: | Do some work, u layabout! |
N Powless: | Make me! |
N Boulting: | Major assault attack by TSQ Step in general & T Declercq in particular! Achieved not a lot. |
SD Millar: | Spottyrace! Bethany's Da… R Urán closin' stuff down! |
B Dickinson: | For sure! But listen to all those cowbells! w00t! |
SD Millar: | Sprint0rz gettin' dropped already! Look, see! D Groaningwagon! S Welsford! |
D Friebe: | O hai, T Pidcock! J Vingegaard time-trail? |
T Pidcock: | |
D Friebe: | Today? |
T Pidcock: | O hai! Would be nice to assault attack. We will see! |
N Boulting: | Breakfroupfing augmented by escapees from teh pelican! M Skjelmose! R Majka! Wait…WHAT Mon Blong! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Still 5.6 km 2 clime. 18 rid0rz in breakfroupfing! P Latour chase. & T Pogačar felled off of his bike! Where u bin, Tiny P? |
TP Kennaugh: | Sumwun hid mi… |
SD Millar: | G Martin assault attack pelican! |
N Boulting: | Noes, is F Wright! |
G Mühlberger: | Iz ME, u slow children! |
N Boulting & SD Millar [in stereo]: | |
Bethany (13): | We's gettin' fed up wif u skivin' off, Tiny P! |
N Boulting: | T Pogačar! Blud on his knee! TJ Visma! T Ben00t apply Frying Pan of Spang! |
SD Millar: | Pelican in bits! J Vingegaard & T Pogačar catch lead0rz! |
TP Kennaugh: | N Pooless dropped! |
G Ciccone: | \o/ Spottypwn! That's one (1) to Cherish! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap G Ciccone, J Alaphilippe & K Neilands off the front! 20" seconds ahead of shinyboiz & 45" seconds away from teh pelican's sumwat less than mitey beek. |
TP Kennaugh: | G Ciccone! Haz a touch ov teh R Virenque about 'im! |
G Ciccone: | Without the ["Fruit" – Ed.] obv. None of that Hanky Panky for this boi! |
TP Kennaugh: | They orta re-fink teh spottycomp! Not fare on 4 eg G Ciccone or S Geschke & hiz hipsta beard! |
N Boulting: | Pelican unsplitted! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma wait for rest of TJ Visma! Usual Suspects assault attack before WV Aert catch up! MC Nielsen & V Madouas assault attack! |
Omnes: | MOAR repeats! |
J Alaphilippe: | \o/ Snottypwn &, moreover, RAAAAAAAAWWWWWWR! |
N Boulting: | 0 idea wot TJ Visma is doin'! |
SD Millar: | Nor me! |
| [Onto the Cormet de Roselend] |
B Dickinson: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap there's cowbells galore! Yay! |
M Rendell: | Shut! Up! Lead group is now seven (7) strong with 55" seconds over the shinyfroup. |
Bethany (13): | & thare's some pore fkr onli jus' goin' thru teh snottysprint! |
TP Kennaugh: | 'ere! 2 (two) rid0rz each from TJ Visma & TUAE Emirates assault attack! Y they do that? |
M Rendell: | R Majka, T Ben00t, W Kelderman &, er, someone else! T Pinot tryna get up to lead0rz! |
Bethany (13): | & hes sukseded! |
5: | Yay! |
M Rendell: | Bethany's Da…R Urán tryin' it too! |
Bethany (13): | Yay! |
M Rendell: | M Soler also! |
TP Kennaugh: | Tiem-trails! Pwned bi Gee-See mntn gotes theez daze, not tiem-trailers! |
WV Aert: | Ahem! |
Omnes: | Shut it, Sonic! U was MOAR'n 2' minutes behind! |
WV Aert: | Fck! Off! |
M Pingu: | They're not bingly-bongly goats. Your goats, Tiny P, & T Pinot's also — a pox on them until they get… |
B Dickinson: | COWBELLS!!1! |
M Pingu: | GOATbells, svp! |
M Rendell: | Look, see! The Roselend dam! Is… BIG! |
| […] |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap T Ben00t & W Kelderman has got into lead froup. Dunno iffen R Majka did too |
TP Kennaugh: | Iffen T Pogačar assault attacks J Vingegaard has alliez up teh rode! |
M Rendell: | Edumafication time! PDV Hinsbergen & his pet rocks! |
PDV Hinsbergen: | O hai! No hat today! Water! Glaciers! Lakes full of slimy fishies with pointy teeth… |
N Boulting: | Fck! Off! Ur puttin' me off my lunch! |
PDV Hinsbergen: | …SNO! SNO line rising! Climate change! Glaciers melt! Water makes rivers! Rhine! Rhône! Po! |
Omnes: | Bridge! |
| |
PDV Hinsbergen: | Shut! Up! Provide water! & powwah! Glaciers retreat! Booo! Like rid0rz who dint nom enough before the last climb! They don't pwn teh race! |
M Rendell: | TJ Visma still lead shinyfroup! Iz WV Aert havin' a bad day? |
WV Aert: | Hang on, I checks! [FX: riffling pages] Nope! Nothing in my dictionary for "bad day"! |
M Rendell: | M Soler's havin' one! |
M Soler: | ¡Piss! |
M Rendell: | Lead froup haz MOAR'n 30 (30) rid0rz. In it. Inc. S Yates. P Bilbao? |
TP Kennaugh: | Dunno! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
M Rendell: | Look, see! P Bauhaus is gonin' home! |
P Bauhaus: | Bai! |
Omnes: | Sings: Daddy wouldn't buy me a Bauhaus! |
5: | Mai Daddy did! |
| […] |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap… look, see! A fone box! |
TP Kennaugh: | O RLY? |
ML Maire: | YA RLY! |
| |
TP Kennaugh: | Long wa 2 walk iffen ur fone run out ov voles haha! |
M Rendell: | Wonder what's really in there? |
Omnes: | Tart cards! |
M Rendell: | Teh WWX Lackey says a defibrillator! Could be useful l8r today roffle! Great helichopter pics! |
Pingu: | Tchah! Send it to look for vautours! |
M Rendell: | Race, like Gaul, in tres partes divisa est! Forty-odd rid0rz in breakfroupfing & shinyfroup. Rest off the back dans l'autobus. Tho K Neilands & S Küng falling out of back of lead froup! |
G Ciccone: | \o/ Spottypwn! N Pooless is History! |
Bethany (13): | Gap now 1.5' minits! Iz mi Da…R Urán still in wif teh lead0rz? |
M Rendell: | Err… |
| […] |
M Rendell: | …yes. Yes, he is! As is T Pinot! |
5 & Bethany (13) [in stereo]: | Yay! w00t! Dancin'! |
M Rendell: | M Soler ent, thobut! |
Bethany (13): | Poo 2 sili ol' M Soler! |
K Neilands: | Onoz! Nommed by teh pelican like a slimy fishie! |
N Boulting: | Shut! Up! Garçon! Another Armagnac! |
TP Kennaugh: | M Soler has cort bak up! S Küng also! |
M Rendell: | 30 (thirty) km descant before the Côte de Longefoy. Pelican slower'n breakfroupfing! Spottypoint! Hard sums! |
WWX Lackey: | If G Ciccone pwns the nex' climb & J Vingegaard doan cop any spottypoints G Ciccone will have a 31 spottypoint lead. |
M Rendell: | Thx, WWX Lackey! Double spottypoints on the horse kitteh Col de la Loze thobut, so G Ciccone need to stay in touch all the way! |
Bethany (13): | TJ Visma still maek paec on front ov shinyboiz! Onoz! *** is back! |
N Boulting: | O hai! Wot did I miss? |
Bethany (13): | M Soler fitin' wif M Soler! |
N Boulting: | Ent you had ur lunch yet, Bethany (13)? |
Bethany (13): | I brung a pique-nique! Doan wanna miss ne ov this! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap 1. the gap is now MOAR'n 2.5' minutes & c: Tiny P has goned back to his baskit for a nap! |
SD Millar: | Am I on? Fckles! [FX: cork forced back into bottle] T Pogačar! |
N Boulting: | Côte de Longefoy! Only 6.6 km long but steeper'n Roselend. |
SD Millar: | Horble stage! Climbiest in ten (10) years! Tho the Giro ov Italy still likes 'em! |
N Boulting: | Le Roi C Prudhomme I like to shake Stuffs up! Look, see! M Mohoric & K Neilands dropped by shinyfroup |
SD Millar: | Not so surprisin'. K Neilands has been v. active & doned that big chute. |
N Boulting: | Troo, dat! Look, see! C Laporte haz doned his bit & is being shat out of teh pelican's fethery arse! |
SD Millar: | 0 diff. between TUAE Emirates & TJ Visma except J Vingegaard! I, TV's Super D Millar, decree that it won't kick off until the second half of the Loze! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! D Devenyns (94)! He's retirin' at the end of this year! |
D Devenyns: | I h8 this! & I's stoppin' soon! Yay! |
N Boulting: | Wurrrrld Champs in a couple of weeks! F Wright! |
SD Millar: | F Wright yes but also MVD Poel, WV Aert & R Evenepoel! R Evenepoel ent done teh Tour ov France so will be less tired! |
N Boulting: | Also, F Wright has just been dropped… |
F Wright: | Bah! |
N Boulting: | TJ Visma & TUAE Emirates still has all their rid0rz in the pelican and/or the breakfroupfing, except C Laporte! |
SD Millar: | NV Hooydonck! |
N Boulting: | S Kuss! Both hit the deck hard the other day |
| [Back up the pointy end] |
G Ciccone: | \o/ Spottypwn! I Don't Search, I Find! Also, I hope T Pogačar's got his climbin' trousis on today, coz J Vingegaard c'n still turn me Inside Out. |
ML Maire: | I wish I'd never started the Madonna thing |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap S Küng dropped by lead froup, also H Houle & S Guglielmi. Gap 3' minutes. T Ineo$ on the front of the pelican |
SD Millar: | indeed. |
N Boulting: | C Rodriguez must be feelin' good. Look, see! M Soler bein' dropped on teh descant! Again! |
SD Millar: | M Soler savin' too much nrg! |
N Boulting: | M Trentin to front of pelican! |
WV Aert: | Oh! No! U! Don't! |
N Boulting: | Chute! E Bernal! Biffed his nut but no dokta. |
E Bernal: | Owwwwww! Fck! |
N Boulting: | 'e dunt look happy! |
E Bernal: | That's coz I ent |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma has given the break enuff fun & now they's on it proper-like! |
N Boulting: | Teh stage finish today will be ICONIC! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap 0 has happened, except that E Bernal is miles behind the shinybois, M Soler is still fighting with M Soler & S Küng has undropped himself! G Ciccone! |
SD Millar: | G Ciccone quiet in 1st week! |
G Ciccone: | Let N Pooless tire hisself out. Now I'm Levitating! |
N Boulting: | P Bilbao! S Yates! |
SD Millar: | While M Soler tit about R Majka lay low & say nothing! |
R Majka: | |
Omnes: | Double bridgey goodness! |
| |
C Lion: | w00t! |
N Boulting: | TB Hansgrohe? WTF they do? J Hindley way down on C Rodriguez & A Yates! |
A Yates: | yeh |
N Boulting: | P Bilbao ahead of J Hindley in teh virtual Gee-See! S Yates in break also. So that's y TB Hansgrohe do wot they's doin'… |
| [On the Col de la Loze] |
N Boulting: | Wha-hey! Gap 2' and a half! M Soler? Dropped? Tittin' about? G Ciccone dropped! |
G Ciccone: | Nobody's Perfect… |
SD Millar: | P Bilbao! S Yates! & their teams, obv. |
Bethany (13): | J Alaphilippe dropped by lead0rz 2. |
N Boulting: | We'll use up r shitvert quota b4 shit really gets, er, real… |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap various rid0rz haz bin dropped & teh gap is still reducing, but slowly. Look, see! M Soler caught by the shinyboiz! |
M Soler: | ¡Arse! |
Bethany (13): | Blimey! G Ciccone hav past strate thru teh pelican's fish-scoffin' bod wifout touchin' teh sieds! |
SD Millar: | M Soler slot into shinyfro… oh! Look, see! WV Aert has exploded! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! MC Nielsen & Bethany's Da…R Urán just spectidiots as the shinyboiz pass by! |
R Urán & MC Nielsen [in stereo]: | U gotta LOL thobut! |
N Boulting: | Last shitvert break! Promiss! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap O Fraile & J Castroviejo ride thare sox off for C Rodriguez! We sent… |
SD Millar: | Wowsa…soopa fast descant…3 km…400 m…aaaagh…puff…pant…18%…gasp…[Dies] |
N Boulting: | U enjoy that, Super D? |
SD Millar: | No. Fck! Off! |
N Boulting: | J Haig & BO Connor still make pace @ front! |
SD Millar: | Flat bit soon, then a ickle downhill bit. Then gets proper horble! |
N Boulting: | Méribel! T Pogačar said that woz where he might assault attack! Though he might of bin lying… |
SD Millar: | Or not. Look, see! S Kuss! Lurking! |
S Kuss: | [Lurks] |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma's tictacs confuse everyone! |
Radio TAG2R Citröen: | Crrrch…bzzzzt…grrrrp only in .fr. |
N Boulting: | J Castroviejo runnin' out of voles! |
J Castroviejo: | I h8 this! C'n I stop now? |
SD Millar: | Gap still comin' down! Not much over 2' minutes! |
N Boulting: | Will TJ Visma assault attack TUAE Emirates? Or will TUAE Emirates assault attack TJ Visma? |
J Haig: | Wha'evs happens they c'n do it without me! [Dies] |
P Bilbao: | Ta, J Haig! I buys u a BEER tonite! |
SD Millar: | M Sol… |
N Boulting: | DV Baarle exploded & he ent been on the front yet! |
SD Millar: | F Großschartner also! |
N Boulting: | R Majka, W Kelderman & T Ben00t still in lead froup thobut! TG FDJ not doned any work in lead froup! |
SD Millar: | M Soler! Now he's on J Castroviejo's tail! |
BO Connor: | [Dies] |
Fanboi: | Wanna bit of pizza? |
BO Connor: | BEER! Give BEER! |
J Castroviejo: | [Dies] |
T Pogačar: | [Dies] |
N Boulting: | Wait…WHAT |
T Pogačar: | Piss! |
N Boulting: | C Harper make pace @ front for S Yates! |
SD Millar: | A Yates c'n go for it! |
A Yates: | yeh |
N Boulting: | P Bilbao dropped by lead0rz! |
SD Millar: | R Majka c'n go fo… F Gall assault attack lead froup! |
N Boulting: | P Bilbao, D Gaudu & W Kelderman deffo dropped! Only C Harper, S Yates & R Majka left to chase! |
T Ben00t: | O hai! Where you lot been? |
Bethany (13): | Look, see! W Kelderman droppin' back 2! T Pogačar MOAR'n a minit down! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! T Ben00t! Oh. J Vingegaard! |
J Vingegaard: | Who's teh Daddy? Me, that's who! |
SD Millar: | F Gall has 4 km of climb & 20" seconds lead! |
Omnes: | Get in, F Gall! |
N Boulting: | C Harper exploded! Just S Yates & R Majka now! Back down teh road A Yates on his tod! |
A Yates: | yeh |
SD Millar: | Gap from J Vingegaard to F Gall comin' down but not v. fast! |
W Kelderman: | O hai, Boss! Need a hand? |
J Vingegaard: | Yeah, OK. Jus' for a bit! |
Radio TUAE Emirates: | A Yates! Fite 4 podium! |
T Pogačar: | I's d-e-d! Go A Yates! |
A Yates: | yeh |
R Majka: | I, also, is d-e-d! Bai, S Yates! |
Omnes: | C'mon, F Gall! U c'n do this! |
N Boulting: | WTF! Fukn moto stalled! Block W Kelderman & J Vingegaard! |
J Vingegaard: | FFS! |
F Gall: | I didn't orter roffle, but I's gonna! [Roffles] |
N Boulting: | J Vingegaard still 2' minutes back! Too late? |
J Vingegaard: | Bai, W Kelderman! |
SD Millar: | J Vingegaard c'n still done this on the climb to the finish! |
N Boulting: | F Gall still keep gap around 20" seconds! |
F Gall: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
Omnes: | Yay! |
G Ciccone: | Ta, F Gall! I have One More Chance! |
N Boulting: | S Yates over the summit! 23" seconds! |
SD Millar: | J Vingegaard still pushin'! 1'26"! |
N Boulting: | Whither R Majk… oh! There! Back with A Yates! |
F Gall: | Descant! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee! |
S Yates: | Descant! yeh |
N Boulting: | A Yates & R Majka over the top. Whither C Rodriguez? |
F Gall: | Over that ickle lump! Yay! Go me! |
N Boulting: | 1 km 22"! |
Omnes: | Get in, F Gall! |
SD Millar: | Last 400 m look flat but are horble climb! |
F Gall: | \o/ Fck me, that was aardvark! |
S Yates: | Arse! Whither P Bilbao? |
P Bilbao: | ¡P3! ¿Bonerfications? |
N Boulting: | Not enough to make a difference, I rekn! |
P Bilbao: | ¡Piss! |
G Imlach: | T Pogačar so far back we c'n haz shitverts before 'e finish! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Look, see! M Soler & T Pogačar! Seven & 1/2 minits down on F Gall! A Yates unable to find words! |
Bethany (13): | Tho when A Yates duz find 'em u c'n't unnerstan' 'em! |
A Yates: | yeh |
| […] |
F Gall: | Incredible! Doan kno what to say! Incredible year! Incredible! Thx to team! Stressy race! Scairt S Yates wud catch me! Incredible! |
Omnes: | & not a single "soopa" throughout! Incredible! |
G Imlach: | Gee-see! A Yates secure in P3! S Yates 5th! P Bilbao 6, J Hindley 7, F Gall up to P8! S Kuss 9th & D Gaudu 10th. |
Bethany (13): | Wait… ware's teh spesh guest? Thass Super D u got thare! |
G Imlach: | Errr… |
TP Kennaugh: | F Gall! Boy doned good! |
SD Millar: | BO Connor also! |
G Imlach: | T Pogačar! |
SD Millar: | Sad to hear on radio! |
TP Kennaugh: | 'e's a good boy! Think of A Yates! |
D Friebe: | O hai, S Yates! |
S Yates: | O hai! Never know how fast J Vingegaard comin'! C Harper doned great job! Altitude! Pretty happy! Chapeau to F Gall! Don't give a fck about Gee-See! yeh |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma! Plan work to perfection, like I said along! |
Bethany (13): | Min' u, if T Pogačar wasn't such a nutta it wud ov bin d-e-d borin'! Ta, T Pogačar, u loon! |
T Pogačar : | Awwwwwww! |