"Well, I quite like the glove".
Thank you very much to everyone who turned out on Saturday and made Epiphany 2020 such a fun occasion.
The day started (as all great adventures do) in the Witham 'Spoons where we sampled Pricky Back Ochan by Great Newsome and consumed a variety of breakfasts. The group comprised; the Hustler, Hotblack, OD, Psyclist, Grey Sheep, Deano44, Martin, Sue, Fhoot, Bhoot, Jiber, Bobb, Bernster, Oaky, Christophe and Bloomers. Sadly, the Musky Pelt wearer was unable to join us but fortunately the Pelt is very gender fluid so the other half of Jemango was able to take over Jem's duties. Josser didn't make it either but sent his friend Posh Pam along instead. She was a fine figure of a woman and kept us entertained and slightly queasy in equal measure.
We almost managed to leave on time but did manage to coincide with the sun coming out, giving us a lovely winter's day ride across to Butts Green for our morning coffee stop. Here we were joined by the Dutch Wife, the Dutch MiL and Flatbar Steve (who very impressively had ridden there by bicycle). It was a short but convoluted ride into Chelmsford to avoid the Saturday traffic and somehow or other we managed to arrive at exactly the time I had told the staff at the Chelmsford Club to expect us - surely an Epiphany first. We were joined there by TCMR and Mrs Jiber, making us a party of 24.
Those of us on the ale sampled Captain Bob, Winter Wonder and Yellow Snow, all by Mighty Oak. I believe we managed to finish the entire stock of each. Lunch was characterised by an unusually large number of people taking the vegetarian option - a very excellent black bean chilli which helped power us to our next destination. At some point during lunch, the day, as ever when OD is around, started to slip into its own Epiphany madness. I don't know whether to blame the post-prandial taking of snuff or the port, but behaviour was deteriorating at a rapid rate. Fortunately, Psyclist was on hand with his quick quiz (3 rounds instead of last year's 42). Unfortunately, the questions were somewhat challenging. Fortunately, I had TCMR on my team who seemed to know some very obscure stuff about Psyclist's favourite band (S Club 7) and other esoterica. While Pscyclist was busy adding up TCMR and Oaky's correct answers, the rest of us took part in the inaugural Epiphany Art Off. Bernster's abstract interpretation of Jiber, riding a bike, past an alpaca and a garden ornament, earning him the star prize.
There was just time to watch Oaky trying to repair a visitation before we all realised that he was a big boy and there was a pub waiting for us and abandoned him.
Those of us who made it to the Spiritual Home were joined by Regulator. He had to introduce himself to those who didn't know him as OD had prioritised brewing a Horlicks for himself ahead of pitching his tent or, indeed, dressing for dinner. When OD finally joined us, the top table was complete and the formal part of the evening could begin. In Jem's absence, Fandango handed over the coveted trophy (now featuring a revolving elephant's leg kebab cooker) to Hotblack. So confident was Hotblack that he had already set aside something to add to the trophy. Before switching to wine, we sampled Scarlet Macaw by Oakham and Essex Nights by Crouch Vale. With the loyal toast made and ties undone (or in OD's case, unclipped
) ), it was time to settle in for the business end of the day - preparing ourselves for the After Party. Meanwhile the exertion of riding his bike not only to Butts Green but also the Spiritual Home (and at one point quite quickly), had taken its toll on poor old Flatbar who was more Flatline by this point. He soon perked up when OD purchased him a Baileys and ice to sit and admire. It certainly looked better than the spiced sloe gin and prosecco cocktail kit that Oaky purchased for he and me. The prize for most unusual drink however went to the round of Uganda Waragi shots that Posh Pam procured for us. Whether trying to administer it via his right eyeball was the correct call by Oaky is up for debate but it was surprisingly smooth when taken orally. Oaky and I also gave Posh Pam some advice to pass on to Josser about the proposed conversion of the Spiritual Home to Littley Green's first Michelin starred venue - Paxo Towers. Personally, I thought our deconstructed Huffer was a masterstroke but we didn't want to give too much of our intellectual property away before Josser signed up to the full consultancy package. After all, at OakShred Fine Dining Imagineers Inc our ideas are our currency.
The second casualty of the night was Jiber who by this time had taken to holding up a Christmas bauble which he thought had a picture of Oaky on it and taking pictures of different people whilst singing "are you Oarky ?". Needless to say, he didn't last long at the After Party.
The campers (me, OD, Oarky, Flatline, Fandango and Hotblack) were joined at the After Party by Mr and Mrs Jiber (albeit briefly but at least he didn't fall backwards off a picnic table this year), Posh Pam and a mad monk who sounded suspiciously like Regulator. Once poor old Oarky had finally reached his limit (who knew he even had one), there was nothing for it but to retire to our respective tents and begin the visualisation process for executing a successful brew off come morning.
In the event, the brew off was a bit of an anti-climax. I had finished my first cup of tea and was cooking up a pre-breakfast bacon roll by the time Oarky had even woken up. The others were either disqualified (OD - pre-brewing, Fandango - non-compliant stove) or didn't even manage to bring a stove (Flatline and Hotblack).
Leaving OD to his four course Trangia extravaganza and Fandango to his foul-smelling Shroomdogs, the rest of us took the civilised option and joined Regulator for a full cooked breakfast in doors. As the drizzle fell, we supped our pots of tea and thought how glad we were not to be cooking in a beer garden.
I am looking forward to Epiphany 2021 already. Thank you again to everyone.