G Imlach: | O hai & welcome 2 da 2 (two) ov wot promies 2 b 1 ov teh phunnest Tours ov France sinse records began and who betta 2 open teh sho than me, TV's G Imlach? Ofishly funnier than famine, playg, wor, pollushn & livin' nexdor 2 Alice! |
Omnes: | Alice? Who teh fck iz Alice ba-dumm TISH! |
G Imlach: | |
Bethany (13): | I doan rekn E Mas sharez ur op!on ov teh raec thus fa, G Imlach, & if R Carapace want 2 hold u wile I kik u I shall b happi 2 oblije! |
G Imlach: | Well, I thort it woz rofflesum! Ne-wa, it lede 2 teh intrestin' kwestion ov whos gonna be numbawang on TEFE Post? |
Bethany (13): | Durrrrr! Mi Da… R Uràn, obv! |
N Powless: | O RLY? |
Bethany (13): | YA RLY! |
N Powless: | Ur crazy, kid! |
CP Sagan: | Oi! |
Omnes: | LET THEM FITE!!1! |
G Imlach: | Ne-way, teh Yates bruvs… |
A & S Yates [in stereo]: | yeh er haha. yeh |
TP Kennaugh: | It dunt get ne bigga, xept bein' from teh Isle ov Man! |
G Imlach: | T Pogačar! Sneeki grabbin' ov bonerfications! |
C Evans: | WV Aert well bete. Ha ha! |
| […] |
G Imlach: | 2da teh parcours iz teh longest ov teh hole raec onli it ent that long! Also thare are bonerfications 4 teh Cat. 2 Jaizkibel clime wot iz onli nine (9) km from teh staeg finish! Ne-wa, 2 teh colemantary Sheds! |
N Boulting: | O hai! I got teh WWX Lackey 2 look up teh last tiem 2 (two) bruvs got 1-2 (one-two) onna staeg. Woz teh Schleck bruvs in 2011 onli they ent twinz0rz an' they woz on teh saem teem! |
WWX Lackey: | I'll get even 4 that, ***, u wnkr! |
SD Millar: | Ur fierd! Bethany (13)! Find us a new WWX Lackey! |
Bethany (13): | Find 1 urself, u idle fckr! Wot u think mi job iz, Pr0duckt10nz™® Asistent? I's workin' on mi peece 4 teh 1st rest da sho! |
SD Millar: | Ooooh! Tetchy! |
C Evans: | [Chaengin' subj.] Wot a da yesterda, eh! Ne-thing c'n hapn in teh Tour ov France! |
Omnes: | Iz thare also a long wa 2 go 4 sure? |
C Evans: | Fck! Off! |
N Boulting: | U rememba that tiem when teh Schleck bruvs pwned teh staeg? U woz 3rd! |
C Evans: | Fck! Off! |
N Boulting: | Wot u rememba ov that da, Super D? |
SD Millar: | Agony igony ogony & mahogany! |
Omnes: | SD Millar woz so fa bak he dint c it! |
N Boulting: | Teh Man had 2 fidle wif teh resultz coz 2 mani rid0rz woz over teh tiem limit! Also, thare iz a dere down thare, runnin' thru a swomp! |
C Evans: | U doan c that evri da! |
Bethany (13): | Unless u live inna swomp wif a lot ov dere. In it. LOL! |
C Prudhomme [waevs fleg]: | Scram, u oiks, b4 I unleesh teh Doggos ov Polis Action! |
N Boulting: | We sent ect ect… |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, N Pooless! |
N Powless: | 4 sure teh shinyboiz will contest teh big climez so I dunno about teh spottyjumper! We will c! |
N Boulting: | Iz this a brake I c b4 me? |
SD Millar: | Yes. No. Maybe. |
N Boulting: | 2 mani strong rid0rz in teh move. TJ Visma shuttin' it down. NV Hooydonck! |
D Friebe: | O hai, T Pidcock! |
T Pidcock: | O hai! Disappointin' yesterda. Last clime woz horble! |
D Friebe: | Monsta descant b4 teh finish 2da… |
T Pidcock: | 4 sure. We will c. |
D Friebe: | Sumtiems I h8 this job! |
N Boulting: | N Pooless & EH Boson havin' a tri! |
SD Millar: | 0 chance, lusers! Oh, wate! |
N Boulting: | R Cavagna haz cort them & now thare off liek teh stabd rat! |
T Pelican: | Onli three (3) ov them. Let 'em suffa. |
N Boulting: | They haz 40" seconds so u lucki peeps c'n haz sum shitverts! |
Omnes: | Deep joy! |
| […] |
M Rendell: | Teh 1st teme haz fckd off 4 lunch so u got me, Tiny P & Cuddles… |
Omnes: | MUNKEH!!1! |
A Greipel [via ApeMail]: | Oi! |
C Evans: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap teh brake haz 2' minits. |
M Rendell: | EH Boson! 13th Tour ov France! A Nogweegie record 4 a Nogweegie! |
Omnes: | |
M Rendell: | I h8 u all! |
ML Maire: | That looks liek a splat pelican down thare! & u dweebs r wibblin' about teh Clasico ov San Seb! |
D Friebe: | O hai, MVD Poel! |
MVD Poel: | O hai! Not gr8 yesterda! Iz a long wa 2 go. We will c! |
D Friebe: | FFS! |
TP Kennaugh: | Look, see! S Yates in teh snottyjumper! Iz a diffrunt grene this yere an' I doan liek it! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
M Rendell: | Did u kno that T Pogačar iz equallin' teh record 4 das in teh juniorshinyjumper 2da, wif FB Ullrich! |
Omnes: | Who et orl teh pies? Who et orl teh pies? Ect. |
| […] |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap teh brake haz 4' minits! Now a guest aperence from TEFE Post's taim Dalek! |
TEFE Post's Dalek: | EX-TER-MIN-8 E-H BO-SON & R CA-VA-NYA! EET! DRINK! EX-TER-MIN-ATE! |
D Friebe: | O hai, J Alaphilippe! |
J Alaphilippe: | RAAAAWWWWRR! We will tri 2 put rid0rz in teh brake. We will c! |
C Evans: | That went well, then! |
J Alaphilippe: | R Cavagna iz 1 ov ours! |
C Evans: | Oh. Bugger. |
M Rendell: | R Majka! 'e's a funneh boi! |
TP Kennaugh: | Iz wot u nede in a teme! Iz not orl about abiliti on teh biek! Well, it iz about abiliti on teh biek but… |
Omnes: | Iz that y no-1 want 2 ried wif u, C Evans! |
C Evans: | I h8 u all! |
Omnes: | R wurk hear iz dun! |
M Rendell: | Soon iz come teh snottysprint! EH Boson sprint0r ov yestayere! He's 36 (thirty-six), u kno! |
M Cavendish: | So woz I in 2021 & I pwned 4 (four) staegs & teh snottyjumper! |
EH Boson: | \o/ Snottypwn! Ta, u guyz! |
| [Kwite a lot l8r] |
J Philipsen: | \o/ |
S Welsford: | Arse! |
| […] |
Omnes: | Laek! Kwik, get *** bak! |
N Boulting: | [Revolting chewing noiziz] |
TP Kennaugh: | Iz gonna b a big fite 4 teh snottyjumper this yere! Esp. coz WV Aert ent playin'. |
Omnes: | |
M Rendell: | U-5s23s! |
C Evans: | M Kitteh woz a U-5s23s tiem-trail champion! |
M Kitteh [via KittehPost]: | O hai! I liek fish! Also, miaow! |
Omnes: | Clere off, M Kitteh! Go pla wif ur skweeki mouse! |
M Kitteh: | I h8 u all! Xept fish! |
TP Kennaugh: | C Ewan, teh hoamsik rok, usedta do well in hili raecs as a U-5s23s! |
| […] |
M Rendell: | Me agane! How fukn long duz it taek *** & Super D 2 scoff a ratburger, FFS? |
N Boulting: | Kepe 'em comin', Barguil barmaid! |
Bethany (13): | Smash teh patriarky! Tho' I duz miss Sunday dins wif teh P-Fs… |
5's Mummy: | You are always welcome here, Bethany dear! |
5's Daddy: | I ent sure I c'n afford that on a reg'lar basis roffle! |
5: | Do Ai get a menshn this yer… oooh, haunch ov unicron! |
ML Maire: | Iz it ranin' or iz it just a unushuli shit pikcha this yere? Roll on ITV4 HD! |
M Rendell: | Indijinus rid0rz! N Pooless B Girmay! R Carapace! C Evans, u had Aborijnle Stuff on ur biek, no? Oh, shitvert tiem |
| […] |
N Boulting: | We're baaaaaaaack! Hic! |
SD Millar: | I wuv u man! Ur mi bes' fren'! Iz thare ne MOAR? |
N Boulting: | WWX Lackey! Fetch teh Cooffe-o-Matic 2000! |
WWX Lackey: | Ur m8 fierd me, rememba! Fck! Off! |
N Boulting: | Ur reinstaytd! Also, thare r biskitz! |
| [FX: Espresso machine, chainsaw, tree falling over, steam locomotive, flushing toilet] |
SD Millar: | Aaaaaah, that's betta! |
WWX Lackey: | Fukn Rich T? Corl that a biskit? Wnkr! |
N Boulting: | Ur fierd! |
| [On teh Col d'Udana] |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Teh snottyjumper! Iz diffrunt grene! Not sure I liek! |
SD Millar: | Me neeva! |
TP Kennaugh: | I wish I'd sed tha… oh, wate! |
N Boulting: | [Incomprehensible wibble about mushrooms] |
N Powless: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! M Bjerg haz pulled bak 30" seconds on teh clime! |
N Boulting: | Teh brake iz alredi on teh Côte d'Aztiria wot iz a Cat. 4 (four) clime. |
SD Millar: | TUAE Emirates donin' teh chaes orl on thare own! T Pogačar iz teh Boss! |
N Powless: | U ent gonna fite me 4 teh Spottypwn, r u? |
EH Boson & R Cavagna [in stereo]: | [Innocent whistling] |
N Powless: | \o/ Spottypwn! |
SD Millar: | Gap down 2 3.5' minits! TUAE Emirates will either continu 2 pull teh brake bak or they won't! |
Omnes: | O RLY? |
N Boulting: | Look, see! TJ Visma r… oh. No, they ent comin' 2 teh front afta orl |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap teh brake iz bak out 2 4' minits. Who mite pwn teh staeg 2da? |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma & WV Aert will pwn it unless they don't. T Ineo$. TJ Alula. Sumwun else. Y u aks teh Stupidz kwestionz? |
N Boulting: | Iz mi job! Look, see! Church! Teh bellz! Teh bellz! |
Omnes: | Iz teh lunch-pack ov Nôtre Dame! |
N Boulting: | I h8 u all! Wind! |
SD Millar: | Wind! |
ML Maire: | Tut, R Cavagna! U throwed a bidet bidon in teh rode wen u woz rite alongsied teh teme car! That'll cost u! |
| […] |
ML Maire: | & anuvva fing. Wot's teh bloak in teh Škoda shitvert s'posed 2 do wif that weel? Teh mekanik orta ov took it wif 'im! Numpti… |
N Boulting: | Rox! Tomoz we haz Prof. Sumwun ov Utrecht torkin' about rox! Doggo! Doggo in teh rode! Mist teh rid0rz & tryd 2 assault attack a motabiek! Bad doggo! |
Bethany (13): | Bad fukn doggo-pwner, MOAR liek! I'd hav 'em shot! Wif skware bulits! |
N Boulting: | EH Boson! He's pwned 3 (three) staegs, orl from brakes! |
SD Millar: | He's got 0 chance 2 surviev aganst N Pooless on teh last clime! |
N Boulting: | GPWM. Damn u! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | M Bjerg iz @ it agane! Gap bak down 2 3.5' minits! |
T Pelican: | Pack it in, u nutjob! |
N Boulting: | Tour ov teh Basque Cuntri! |
SD Millar: | Orlwayz had a pria engagemnt when that woz on! 2 much liek hard work! I new wot teh rodes woz… |
N Boulting: | Chute! A Edmondson! Hit teh kerb onna corna! |
SD Millar: | No biggi! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | N Craddock! He doned a birb impreshn @ teh teme presentashn! |
Omnes: | |
SD Millar: | Look, see! TJ Visma are comin' 2 teh front! |
N Boulting: | Radio Free Prudhomme sez M Cavendish haz bin dropt! |
M Cavendish: | I h8 this! |
SD Millar: | Hoapfli teh otha sprint0rz will b dropt 2! Not that I's biased or nuffink… |
N Boulting: | Look, see! T Walloper haz bin dropt! |
T Gallopin: | Fck! Off! |
SD Millar: | Dissent in teh TUAE Emirates ranx! M Trentin! R Majka! |
M Trentin: | Pack it in, M Bjerg, u mentle! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! M Cavendish is bak in teh pelican's fethery bum! |
Omnes: | Hurrah! |
N Boulting: | TUAE Emirates! Full ov, er, charact0rz! M Soler T Pogačar R Majka M Trentin! Last yere they had G Bennett 2! |
G Bennett [via KiwiGram]: | Sivin pingwins' iggs! |
TEFE Post's Dalek: | EX-TER-MIN-ATE THEM ON TEH FLAT! |
| [On teh Côte d'Alkiza] |
N Powless: | U ent gonna fite me 4 teh Spottypwn, r u? |
SD Millar: | Dunt matta. Teh brake iz doomd! TUAE Emirates will kik sand in thare faeces! Kik! Ahahahaha! |
N Boulting: | U channelin' EC Boardman? |
R Cavagna: | Piss! I haz xploded! |
M Cavendish: | So haz I! I h8 this! |
N Boulting: | Chute! Chute in teh pelican! |
SD Millar: | No-1 damaged but will maek sum rid0rz fall out ov teh pelican's big fethery arse! |
N Boulting: | M Bjerg iz @ it agane! Sprint0rz bein' shelled out teh bak! |
N Powless: | \o/ Spottypwn! Teh spottyjumper iz mien 4 anuvva da! |
SD Millar: | Thare iz still a long wa 2… |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Teh gap iz below 2' minits! & teh descant iz wet in plaecs! |
SD Millar: | EH Boson dunt look happi on teh descant 2! |
TEFE Post's Dalek: | EX-TER-MIN-ATE T-U-A-E-EM-I-RATS ON TEH DES-CANT! |
EH Boson: | Oh gr8 |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Look, see! G Moscon! M Cavendish's nü bezzy! |
E Gesbert [via FireBook]: | Wnkr! |
SD Millar: | M Cavendish haz that effect on peops! |
N Boulting: | Radio Free Prudhomme sez teh sprint0rz r bak in teh safeti ov teh pelican! |
Omnes: | Hurrah! |
N Boulting: | Chute! M Trentin onna roundabout! |
SD Millar: | Needs a nü biek! |
TUAE Emirates: | We ent watin'! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap 0 hav hapnd! |
Bethany (13): | Wot, agane? |
N Boulting: | fraid so. Brake still haz MOAR'n 2' minits. N Pooless still goin' hard, liek… |
SD Millar: | Iffen he's feelin' gud he cud pwn teh shinyjumper! Or not! |
N Boulting: | Soon iz come teh spot ware Mummy & Daddy Yates r watchin'! Ma Yates sez she's bin xpektin' this situashn 4 yeres! |
Ma Yates: | yeh |
N Boulting: | VS Laengen, havin' bin dropt, iz not onli bak on but workin' @ teh front! |
VS Laengen: | DKUATB, u dweebs! Roffle! |
T Pelican: | Wnkr! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! R Cavagna! Rite @ teh bak wif M Cavendish! Speed ov a raechorse, strengf ov a carthorse, branez ov a rockin' horse! |
5: | Horseys? Ware? |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap VS Laengen iz still on it, P Bilbao hav xploded & teh gap iz, er, 2' minits. |
SD Millar: | N Pooless & EH Boson not givin' up thobut! |
EH Boson: | Oog! I's 2 old 4 this shit! |
| [On teh Côte de Gurutze] |
N Powless: | U ent gonna fite me 4… ware'd he go? |
EH Boson: | Piss! |
N Boulting: | Chute! BO Connor! MV Gils! 1 (one) or two (2) othas! |
TP Fairy: | O hai! O hai, J Vingegaard! |
J Vingegaard: | Arse! |
N Powless: | C me taek advantij ov teh confushn in teh mitey beek ov teh pelican bi pwning teh spotty, er, pwn! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap N Pooless still haz almoast 2' minits, TJ Visma r sneekin' 2wards teh front & I want a ice creem! Now u kno az much az we duz! |
EH Boson: | Chiz cursiz cort, liek a Treen inna imploding submarene! |
N Boulting: | Neglect not teh tiem bonerfications @ teh top ov teh Jaizkibel, wot N Pooless iz now on! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma orl ov a suden! T Ben00t! Temes orl scattad! |
N Boulting: | DV Baarle! NV Hooydonck! W Kelderman! TJ Visma bin keepin' thare hyperbole inna cool dry plaec! |
SD Millar: | T Pogačar appere not 2 hav ne minionz left! |
TJ Visma: | LOL @ TUAE Emirates! |
N Boulting: | 5 km 40" seconds! TUAE Emirates hav got thare act bak 2getha! |
TUAE Emirates: | LOL @ TJ Visma! |
R Majka: | Rite, u softys, watch this! |
T Pelican: | Awww, FFS! |
N Powless: | Awww, FFS! |
R Majka: | Niec tri son, roffle! |
N Boulting: | T Pinot dropt! |
SD Millar: | J Alaphilippe neerli dropt! |
N Boulting: | 0 "neerli" about it… V Madouas dropt! |
SD Millar: | A Yates workin' 4 T Pogačar! |
A Yates: | yeherhestehboss. yeh. |
N Boulting: | WV Aert dropt! S Yates 2 teh front! |
T Pogačar: | LOL, Engleesh! \o/ |
J Vingegaard: | P2. C me do fck-all until WV Aert catches up… |
N Boulting: | Iz comin' bak 2getha on teh descant! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Az I predicted, they haz bin cort. TB Notorious haz 4 (four) rid0rz in teh froup, includin' P Bilbao… |
Omnes: | …who u sed woz dropt yonks ago! |
N Boulting: | I, er, look, see! T Pidcock! |
SD Millar: | P Bilbao monsterin' teh descant! Even WV Aert c'n't kepe up! |
N Boulting: | P Bilbao still on it! Wind! |
SD Millar: | TJ Visma gettin' thare act 2getha! T Ben00t! |
N Boulting: | Cort 'im! Wait, wot! E Buchmann assault attack |
E Buchmann's Mutti: | Emanuel? Wo bist du? Wir sollten in den Zoo gehen! |
E Buchmann: | Scheißdreck! |
SD Millar: | Orta b naled on 4 WV Aert no… |
N Boulting: | T Pidcock! Oh. Put teh friteners on WV Aert thobut! |
WV Aert: | Y they orl pickin' on me? 'snot fare! |
N Boulting: | V Lapay assault attack! |
V Lapay: | \o/ Ha! LOL @ WV Aert! |
WV Aert: | Gagh!! U useless fukn baskit caeses! |
W Kelderman & T Ben00t [in stereo]: | We dun r best, consigliere! |
T Pogačar: | MOAR tiem bonerfications 4 meeeeeeeee! |
| […] |
T Pogačar: | Oi, Yatesy, u c WV Aert @ teh finish? He doned this [mimes thumping biek]! LOL! |
A Yates: | erroffle yeh ha ha! |
G Imlach: | Well, we dint xpekt that! |
C Evans: | V Lapay woz kwite handi yesterda thobut! |
TP Kennaugh: | I er, um, I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
| […] |
G Imlach: | Still A Yates in teh shinyjumper, T Pogačar 2nd becoz bonerfications, S Yates third, V Lafay up 2 P4. |
TP Kennaugh: | A Yates sed NO CARRIER |
ML Maire: | Bloody ITV4! |
Bethany (13): | Wotesed! |