Author Topic: A random thread for small things that don't really warrant a thread of their own  (Read 3005239 times)

That was the sub-titler

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
You mean subTITler...

ian

I have a Sunday night ritual that involves shaving my head and face (to ensure maximal tidy-hairedness™ for the week ahead), then immersing myself in chestnut-tinged bathwater heated to the temperature of a febrile volcano, with a most excellent beer and a good book cued up on the Kindlator, while some thumping tunes play in the background (mostly so I can't hear the cats demolishing things).

Which was going well. I'd shuffled some tunes into Spotify. Then, out of nowhere – O JESUS, I LOVE YOU! PLEASE PLEASE... and I realise that somehow Spotify has stumbled into Christian music territory. Now there's only room for one beady idiot in my bathroom and his name isn't Jesus. So I scramble frantically for my phone by the bath and send it skittering across the bathroom floor. Whoever the hell she is, she's still begging for Jesus to be in her heart and I'm reaching, reaching, r e a c  h   i     n    g for the phone, and almost there.

Then, roused by the frantic splashing, and looking right at me, is Bad Cat. She looks at the phone, which is half in it's stupid sock case thing. She picks it up and casually walks out with it in her mouth. Into the room next door. And for the first fucking time ever, Bluetooth works through a wall. The woman really wants Jesus in her heart. I mean, really wants.

I hate Jesus. She can have him. I'm now distressed and smell like chestnuts. Only one of those things I like.

Ian . . .

Words fail me. Bad Cat has reached the apogee of badness. Are you certain that Bad Cat did not alter the Spotify settings?
<i>Marmite slave</i>

ian

I'm honestly not sure whether Bad Cat was trying to help by relocating The Jesus Lady to the other room. I mean she couldn't have known for the first time in human and feline history that bluetooth, which is generally blockable with two layers of tissue paper, would work through a solid brick wall, could she?

I did weigh up getting out of the bath and dripping my way into the bedroom to recover my phone (which she dragged under the bed and added to the toy hoard) and put a stop to the jesusbothering but in the end opted to sink under the water and hold my breath until it was over.

I'm wondering whether she (the cat and / or The Jesus Lady) is in league with Alexa, who now commands the lower floor but as yet to extend her domain into the upper reaches of the Asbestos Palace.

Bad Cat is, btw, a serial phone thief, but she'll only take them if they're in a soft case that she can get her teeth into. Her other favourite thing is feather dusters. The weird thing is that she seems to find ones we've never bought.

ian

In other council news, they've finally approved the double yellow lines outside (which I knew as they've marked them out already). No one objected. Reading the objections for proposals elsewhere though is saddening, people really are idiots. There's a whole bunch of them demanding the 'council make more parking spaces' presumably through the direct manipulation of space-time. Perhaps they could demolish every other house. Make all roads double-decker. Invent a mechanism to stack cars vertically. Quantum superposition so more than one car can park in the space at the same time. Force half the population to drive to another borough for 12 hours a day. There are lots of great ideas to make space for more cars.

Lots of 'but we live 10 minutes from the shops' (which means five) and 'we have three cars, WHERE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO PARK THEM?' They're always one gearshift away from CAPS LOCK. It must be soul-destroying to read them. The giddy stench of entitlement.

ETA: and I found the winner – some parboiled loom who is apparently going to instruct their SOLICITOR to SUE the COUNCIL for reducing the value of their HOME. Capitalisation as per the original. Good luck with that one.


Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Removing yellow lines is the standard way for councils to create more parking spaces, isn't it? That's what they've been doing round us. Most of them were only put in a couple of years ago.
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

ian

Knowing the street that garnered the most objections, it's chock-a-block (one of the reasons we didn't even contemplate buying a nice house located there – someone blocked the driveway while we were viewing, evidently an not uncommon occurrence, and frankly it looked a mess), including pavements and corners (effectively where they proposed DYL, as ever, narrow street, bin lorries and fire engines can't get around).

Facetiousness aside, I do understand how precious their parking is to them, but equally almost all the objections are BAH, WHERE WILL I PARK and infinite variations thereon? There's finite road space. That's a physical problem, the council cannot manufacture space.

Yes, I'll totally agree that the situation shouldn't have got so bad, restrictions on parking should have been applied many years ago, and more thought put into planning (equally, every planning permission stalls on parking and the solution seems to be to pretend that the sheer number of cars doesn't exist, thus exacerbating the problem further). But the problem is obvious. It's made out of metal and parked outside in considerable numbers. Yet people don't just buy even more cars, despite the obvious, they'll buy bigger cars.

It's the sheer sense of entitlement that the road and pavement outside their houses and near their properties are somehow theirs – it's not, it's a public asset and should be available to all to use safely and conveniently. Frankly, unless you have a place to store it properly, you shouldn't have a car. I can't put a shed out of the pavement because I've run out of space in my garden.

Anyway, the council backpedalled on the objections. So, if there's a fire and the engine can't get around, someone house can merrily blaze until their kids are crispy. Because convenient parking is more important. But then we knew that, so business as usual.

(For the record, the street in question is directly behind the high street, about 5 minutes from a train station and a couple of bus stops.)

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
Something I saw about three weeks ago but forgot about: a sign in a shop window cautioning of only 13 weeks till Christmas. Woah! Better get shopping! Hang on... that's a quarter of a year...
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

Kim

  • Timelord
    • Fediverse
Kim.  Are the two classic red phone boxes still there at Bournville green?  Do they contain functioning phones?

Fairly sure they're still there, although I've no idea about phones.  I'll have to have a look.



The one on the right contains a functional phone.  Coin-operated, no less.  The one one the left is phoneless.

(While finding this out I got a funny look from a local for expressing interest in a red telephone box while not obviously being a tourist.)

Where I live is close to the police, fire and ambulance HQ. They don’t have enough on site parking for their employees, so our streets are pretty full during the day as well. This causes lots of muttering, and a certain amount of parking that’s going to block anything large.

There was also an entertaining case of shitty notes on the windscreen about having to look at your camper van, from people with private parking.

fuzzy

According to an e mail I recieved, someone has hacked my computer and hijacked the webcam to film me watching and enjoying pornographic movies on my laptop. They only want a few bitcoins to persuade them not to send the video to all my contacts.

I feel really cheated. I haven't seen a good porn film for years. Certainly not since the invention of the computer  and web cam.

They did get my password correct- though it isn't one I have used for years.

ian

Point out to them that they should be paying you for your performance. That's usually how webcam porn works. Tell them you take all major credit cards.

rogerzilla

  • When n+1 gets out of hand
According to an e mail I recieved, someone has hacked my computer and hijacked the webcam to film me watching and enjoying pornographic movies on my laptop. They only want a few bitcoins to persuade them not to send the video to all my contacts.

I feel really cheated. I haven't seen a good porn film for years. Certainly not since the invention of the computer  and web cam.

They did get my password correct- though it isn't one I have used for years.
Tell them you're now retired, your friends and family already know you're a pervert and you don't care.
Hard work sometimes pays off in the end, but laziness ALWAYS pays off NOW.

When a new block of houses were being built behind the old working men's club, they planned for one parking space per house. The street is rammed with cars.

We objected to the development on the basis that there wasn't enough parking, they needed to allow for at least two more spaces (visitors plus some householders may have more than one car). Seems police and fire raised same objection.

Developers were forced to build one less house to make room for the extra parking.

Victory of sorts, although I would have rather people didn't drive at all (some consolation that two of the residents drive electric).
<i>Marmite slave</i>

Cudzoziemiec

  • Ride adventurously and stop for a brew.
It's been shown in various places that the most effective way to reduce car journeys is to reduce people's access to cars and that the best way to do that is to restrict parking. But this only works if it actually functions as a restriction on ownership, not simply a physical lack of space. So you need permit schemes, car-less covenants, and similar. Just not building car parks in residential areas doesn't have the same effect.
Riding a concrete path through the nebulous and chaotic future.

T42

  • Apprentice geezer
Doesn't Japan have a rule that you can't buy a car unless you have a reserved place to park it at home?
I've dusted off all those old bottles and set them up straight

Doesn't Japan have a rule that you can't buy a car unless you have a reserved place to park it at home?

You can't buy a normal-size car without having somewhere to park it, doesn't have to be at your home. Hence lots of mini-parking lots in residential areas.

You can buy a small car (not over 600c and with body size limit) without a parking place, usually see these squeezed into tiny spaces off the road, as it is not legal to park on the road anytime anywhere.


rogerzilla

  • When n+1 gets out of hand
There's a JDM version of the Suzuki Jimny which has been slightly shrunk to meet the kei car specification.  It's already a narrow and short car.  I think they just fit smaller bumpers and a tiny engine.
Hard work sometimes pays off in the end, but laziness ALWAYS pays off NOW.

According to an e mail I recieved, someone has hacked my computer and hijacked the webcam to film me watching and enjoying pornographic movies on my laptop. They only want a few bitcoins to persuade them not to send the video to all my contacts.

I feel really cheated. I haven't seen a good porn film for years. Certainly not since the invention of the computer  and web cam.

They did get my password correct- though it isn't one I have used for years.
This happened to my mother(!) and they quoted a password that looked like something she might have used. She was quite worried about it. (Not that she has been watching porn, but that someone had somehow hacked her email/computer.) Have you any idea where they might have got your password from?

fuaran

  • rothair gasta
According to an e mail I recieved, someone has hacked my computer and hijacked the webcam to film me watching and enjoying pornographic movies on my laptop. They only want a few bitcoins to persuade them not to send the video to all my contacts.

I feel really cheated. I haven't seen a good porn film for years. Certainly not since the invention of the computer  and web cam.

They did get my password correct- though it isn't one I have used for years.
This happened to my mother(!) and they quoted a password that looked like something she might have used. She was quite worried about it. (Not that she has been watching porn, but that someone had somehow hacked her email/computer.) Have you any idea where they might have got your password from?
Check your email address on https://haveibeenpwned.com/
And don't reuse the same password on different sites.

nicknack

  • Hornblower
According to an e mail I recieved, someone has hacked my computer and hijacked the webcam to film me watching and enjoying pornographic movies on my laptop. They only want a few bitcoins to persuade them not to send the video to all my contacts.

I feel really cheated. I haven't seen a good porn film for years. Certainly not since the invention of the computer  and web cam.

They did get my password correct- though it isn't one I have used for years.
I got one of those too. Email to an obsolete email address - an old blueyonder one that I can still receive on but not send. They apparently managed to access the webcam that I don't have and they reckon my taste in porn is excellent. They did manage to come up with an old password though.
There's no vibrations, but wait.

Basil

  • Um....err......oh bugger!
  • Help me!
Only male at the gym tonight for the kettle bell work out. Again.
Bit like being female on a bike ride I suppose.
Admission.  I'm actually not that fussed about cake.

ian

There should be a word for the icky feeling you get when, after a week-long cold, you catch sight of your computer screen in the sunlight at just the right angle to see all the biological splatters from your sneezing, coughing, and spluttering. I think I actually made an eek noise. I suppose there's are worse biological fluids to found splattered on computer screens. If you've got a teenaged son, I'd get in plentiful suppliers of iso-propyl alcohol and disposable cloths.

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
I despise the way smokers cluster around doorways but I don't really like this initiative either...
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-45902674