Food Crimes

[ian]

This evening I'll be having spring cabbage stir fried with tofu, other veg, chilli and garlic and some sort of oyster sauce concoction* that I'm going to invent by combining various asian condiments from the cupboard and some msg** with udon noodles.

*I call these inauthentic Asian sauces. No Asians are harmed, other than culturally, during these culinary adventures.
**only 4.96 kilos left.

[Kim]

This leads us neatly onto brown sauce, which is some sort of northern conspiracy against colourblind people.

But without brown sauce what would we put on a bacon sarnie or pie chips and gravy?
Do southerners not eat brown sauce? If so where is the demarcation line, the Humber, Watford Gap?

It's not that southerners don't eat brown sauce, it's that if you go into a cafe south of, I dunno - Stoke on Trent^[1], and there's only *one* unlabelled red-or-possibly-brown bottle, then it's going to be ketchup.  You can imagine how I discovered this rule doesn't apply further north.


_{[1] Londoners think everything after Watford Gap is The North, and Mrs Barakta's-mum (a Weegie in exile) regards everything south of Stoke as here-be-dragons.  Therefore the region between the two (that isn't specifically Wales or East Angular) must be The Midlands.}

[ian]

My local greasy spoon in the Surrey jungle has bottles of HP sauce on every table. And a fine view of the Area 69 Dildo, Associated Mid-Range Sex Toy and Advanced Lingerie Proving Grounds.

I grew up with the staple, of course, brown sauce sandwich. Which is just buttered white bread with brown sauce in the middle. Put the class in working.

[Kim]

My local greasy spoon in the Surrey jungle has bottles of HP sauce on every table.

And ketchup, presumably.

[Mr Larrington]

My local greasy spoon in the Surrey jungle has bottles of HP sauce on every table.

And ketchup, presumably.

And maple syrup, to placate the BEARs.

[Mrs Pingu]

You need maple syrup for the bacony pancakes.

[rafletcher]

I always sauté or stir fry my brassicas.

Haven't thought of doing that with cabbage. Broccoli yes, though I'm not as fond of it as I used to be.  Finely sliced cabbage might not be bad in a stir fry, though...

Cabbage cooked in butter is yummy.

Especially with bacon, and maybe juniper.

[orienteer]

This all sounds like okonomiyaki, a Japanese dish from the Kansai (Osaka/Kyoto) area. Fried cabbage with tasty additions such as bacon and prawns.

[ian]

My local greasy spoon in the Surrey jungle has bottles of HP sauce on every table.

And ketchup, presumably.

They do, but I don't trust the red sauce after spending an ungodly chunk of my life in godly America. Ketchup there is basically red HFCS. They don't have maple syrup though or pancakes, it's delightfully non-foofoo. The vegetarian breakfast is the normal breakfast, you just don't get the sausage and bacon.

In other news, finely sliced (ideally mandolined) brussel sprouts very briefly sauteed or added to a stirfry are heavenly and anyone who thinks otherwise is wrong.

[T42]

Anent greasy spoons, I once saw a beleaguered woman with N obstreperous brats give the big red squeezy tomato to the youngest to suck on.

[phantasmagoriana]

Perusing Sainsbury's website, I see
Taste the Difference Black Forest Gateau flavoured porridge
Taste the Difference Figs in Blankets (bacon & fig) flavoured potato crisps
Jalapeno & cheese pigs in blankets
Snowy Blond Chocolate Spread (white chocolate & caramel)
Spiced Ginger Biscuit flavour Irish Cream Liqueur

With the exception of the pig in blanket-related items, those sound rather good!

Found myself in a Sainsbury's, and couldn't resist...



Looking forward to breakfast tomorrow.

[Cudzoziemiec]

You're on the list, Phanta. While you certainly won't be first against the wall, you will need to spend a little time in the reëducation camps, perhaps on a useful task like patching tubes.

[Mr Larrington]

The face pulled by Professor Larrington on seeing that porridge could only be copied by a lungfish.

[Flite]

Sweet Black Cherry Flavour, so unlikely to have been anywhere near a real cherry.

[hellymedic]

Sweet Black Cherry Flavour, so unlikely to have been anywhere near a real cherry.

The taste of childhood medication...

[ETA] To be fair this does contain freeze-dried cherry pieces.

And 'flavouring', whatever synthetic muck that might be.

[Mrs Pingu]

The face pulled by Professor Larrington on seeing that porridge could only be copied by a lungfish.

I just pulled a face too. Porridge is not meant to be brown.

[JellyLegs]

In other news, finely sliced (ideally mandolined) brussel sprouts very briefly sauteed or added to a stirfry are heavenly and anyone who thinks otherwise is wrong.

You can shorten that sentence in my book.  Brussel sprouts are heavenly, end of.

My nomination for a food crime - Beetroot and rhubarb soup as produced for lunch today by Mrs Jelly Legs.  I love rhubarb and I love beetroot, but not together, and come to think of it rhubarb doesn’t belong in a soup.

[Jaded]

The face pulled by Professor Larrington on seeing that porridge could only be copied by a lungfish.

I just pulled a face too. Porridge is not meant to be brown.

And porridge never appears out of 8 individual sachets. 

[T42]

Sweet Black Cherry Flavour, so unlikely to have been anywhere near a real cherry.

Just as Tanoshi Beef-Flavoured ramen could be eaten by vegan pope on a Friday.  But (blasphemy) it's bloody good allasame when you dump a genuine beef stir-fry on top of it.

[Flite]

The taste of childhood medication...

Probably the reason I'm still not keen even on fresh cherries

[hellymedic]

The taste of childhood medication...

Probably the reason I'm still not keen even on fresh cherries

I seldom needed medicines but synthetic 'cherry' is dreadful anywhere...

[Slave To The Viking]

This leads us neatly onto brown sauce, which is some sort of northern conspiracy against colourblind people.

But without brown sauce what would we put on a bacon sarnie or pie chips and gravy?
Do southerners not eat brown sauce? If so where is the demarcation line, the Humber, Watford Gap?

Chippy in Saltburn: "No, sorry mate. No brown sauce. Ketchup?"

Bugger off.

Chippy in Filey: "Brown Sauce?! BROWN sauce?! No! Brown sauce goes on pork pies!"

No. It doesn't. That is not A Thing.

Sure, fine, you may like it. I imagine it's perfectly OK. But "pork pie and brown sauce" is hardly the "milk on cornflakes" level you're claiming, now is it?

YOU WORK IN A CHIPPY. IN YORKSHIRE.

Jesus...

[Efrogwr]

This leads us neatly onto brown sauce, which is some sort of northern conspiracy against colourblind people.

But without brown sauce what would we put on a bacon sarnie or pie chips and gravy?
Do southerners not eat brown sauce? If so where is the demarcation line, the Humber, Watford Gap?

Chippy in Saltburn: "No, sorry mate. No brown sauce. Ketchup?"

Bugger off.

Chippy in Filey: "Brown Sauce?! BROWN sauce?! No! Brown sauce goes on pork pies!"

No. It doesn't. That is not A Thing.

Sure, fine, you may like it. I imagine it's perfectly OK. But "pork pie and brown sauce" is hardly the "milk on cornflakes" level you're claiming, now is it?

YOU WORK IN A CHIPPY. IN YORKSHIRE.

Jesus...

What a donkey. It's pork pie and mushy peas. Anyone who says otherwise will be sent to a Larrington Camp.

[Mr Larrington]

Although this Unit personally holds brown sauce to be the effluent produced by an entire zoo full of dysenteric stoats there are many more compelling reasons to cart someone off to a Reëducation Camp than their choice of sauce.  They'll have to wait their turn at any rate.

[ian]

My parents stormed out of Scotlandshire after tasting the travesty that passes for sauce in 'salt and sos' in those frigid heathen badlands.