Author Topic: Overheard today (Read 117092 times)

Rhys W · « **Reply #25 on:** 11 September, 2009, 11:26:40 pm »

Two nuns in a bath. One says "Where's the soap?"
The other one say "Yes it does, doesn't it!"

<gets coat>

Cunobelin · « **Reply #26 on:** 12 September, 2009, 09:17:53 am »

We were on Blencathra in June when we were joined by a group of teenagers and their teachers. They were well behaved and obviously awed by their achievement and the views.

One of the kids was asking why you could see mountains that were actually taller, but itlooked as ifthey were lower.

Teacher started an explanation about horizons.

Kid replied "Sir - don't confuse us with Science"

Reply -"That's my job - I'm your science teacher!"

Then sat the lad down and patiently explained the whole thing.

Cunobelin · « **Reply #27 on:** 12 September, 2009, 09:24:34 am »

Or very Portsmouth......

On bus with two Chavettes.

"Just because I shagged his brothers at that party don't mean I don't love him - he just needs to get over it!"

"Yeah he's being stupid"

grayo59 · « **Reply #28 on:** 12 September, 2009, 12:24:44 pm »

Quote from: Cunobelin on 12 September, 2009, 09:17:53 am

We were on Blencathra in June when we were joined by a group of teenagers and their teachers. They were well behaved and obviously awed by their achievement and the views.

One of the kids was asking why you could see mountains that were actually taller, but itlooked as ifthey were lower.

Teacher started an explanation about horizons.

Kid replied "Sir - don't confuse us with Science"

Reply -"That's my job - I'm your science teacher!"

Then sat the lad down and patiently explained the whole thing.

I was on Blencathra in June too - and saw a couple of teachers with teenagers - which route did you take?

Tim Hall · « **Reply #29 on:** 13 September, 2009, 12:18:15 am »

Scene: me on the 22:52 from Horley to Three Bridges with bike, sitting by the bike space adjacent to the loo.

Enter stage left: two Bright Young Things in short frocks, drink having taken. They go into the loo together. The door is not sound proof.

And action:

"ere,there's no bog roll"

"you'll have to shake it. I hate shaking it"

Wowbagger · « **Reply #30 on:** 13 September, 2009, 12:31:23 am »

I was sitting at Grays Station this evening trying to be inconspicuous whilst waiting for the 2305 train for Southend Central. Grays is, to put it mildly, a bit of a dump. A quartet of Young Fillies had been conversing on the pavement adjacent to the platform and "fuck" or one of its derivatives had been omnipresent.

After a while the four ladies made their way onto the platform and I was able to admire the assorted leatherwear etc. which constituted their Saturday evening attire.

As they walked past me the leading lady turned to me and said in very cultured tones "Good evening Sir! I do like your hat!"

Kim · « **Reply #31 on:** 13 September, 2009, 12:50:32 am »

Quote from: Notsototalnewbie on 02 September, 2008, 03:38:25 pm

'Mummy, they've got lights!' by a small child, in a tone of wonder and amazement...

Stopped at a pelican crossing somewhere in the vicinity of Romford.

Small child waiting to cross, to mother, also in a tone of wonder and amazement:

"Look, he's got a -no, it's a girl. She's got a D-lock!"

rogerzilla · « **Reply #32 on:** 13 September, 2009, 09:30:23 am »

In Sainsbury's, 8-year old boy rabbiting on to a bored mother.

"and this big spike falls off the church and goes right through him and this other man gets his head cut off by a big sheet of glass and it's really cool..."

"The Omen", I presume.

Jaded · « **Reply #33 on:** 13 September, 2009, 09:41:53 am »

Could have been Swindon?

CrinklyLion · « **Reply #34 on:** 13 September, 2009, 02:11:39 pm »

Hot Fuzz? I have to hide behind a cushion for the impaling by church steeple.

Quote from: rogerzilla on 13 September, 2009, 09:30:23 am

In Sainsbury's, 8-year old boy rabbiting on to a bored mother.

"and this big spike falls off the church and goes right through him and this other man gets his head cut off by a big sheet of glass and it's really cool..."

"The Omen", I presume.

Cunobelin · « **Reply #35 on:** 13 September, 2009, 04:41:58 pm »

Quote from: grayo59 on 12 September, 2009, 12:24:44 pm

Quote from: Cunobelin on 12 September, 2009, 09:17:53 am
We were on Blencathra in June when we were joined by a group of teenagers and their teachers. They were well behaved and obviously awed by their achievement and the views.

One of the kids was asking why you could see mountains that were actually taller, but itlooked as ifthey were lower.

Teacher started an explanation about horizons.

Kid replied "Sir - don't confuse us with Science"

Reply -"That's my job - I'm your science teacher!"

Then sat the lad down and patiently explained the whole thing.

I was on Blencathra in June too - and saw a couple of teachers with teenagers - which route did you take?

My wife is not good with heights so my favourite of Sharp Edge is out!

We did the Blease Fell route....

Me on Gategill:

Cunobelin · « **Reply #36 on:** 13 September, 2009, 04:44:27 pm »

Quote from: rogerzilla on 13 September, 2009, 09:30:23 am

In Sainsbury's, 8-year old boy rabbiting on to a bored mother.

"and this big spike falls off the church and goes right through him and this other man gets his head cut off by a big sheet of glass and it's really cool..."

"The Omen", I presume.

Quote from: Jaded on 13 September, 2009, 09:41:53 am

Could have been Swindon?

Does that happen a lot in Swindon's Sainsbury stores.... if it does Iam going back to Waitrose!

Basil · « **Reply #37 on:** 12 February, 2010, 10:15:14 pm »

Meanwhile tonight, back in the smoking shed at my local (a great source for this sort of stuff)

Two women.
1) "I'm going to see the doctor about my tittyness"

2) "Yer wot?"

1) "Tittyness. You know, ringin' in me ears"

2) "Oh yeah. Tittyness" (Sups beer)

Exit Basil, struggling to keep it together.

robgul · « **Reply #38 on:** 13 February, 2010, 10:17:40 am »

Quote from: Basil on 12 February, 2010, 10:15:14 pm

Meanwhile tonight, back in the smoking shed at my local (a great source for this sort of stuff)

Two women.
1) "I'm going to see the doctor about my tittyness"

2) "Yer wot?"

1) "Tittyness. You know, ringin' in me ears"

2) "Oh yeah. Tittyness" (Sups beer)

Exit Basil, struggling to keep it together.

That's on a par with what we overheard in a gastropub (the one at Tanworth, you'll know it Basil) - he took a booking on the phone and then said to the chef, who happened to be in the bar:

Boss : "Booking for 4 tonight, one of them is wheat intolerant .... "

Ched : "Ah, OK I know about that, that'll be a celeriac"

We fell about, roaring with laughter having overheard this exchange - the sad thing is that we had to explain to the boss (when he asked what we were laughing at) that the chef really meant coeliac.

Rob

Basil · « **Reply #39 on:** 15 February, 2011, 06:22:03 pm »

On New Street today. Woman walking past, moaning to colleague, "I was off last week and came back to 20 bloody e-mails."

I want her job!

Steve Kish · « **Reply #40 on:** 15 February, 2011, 09:36:34 pm »

Heard one of my wife's friends talking to her mate:-

'Yeah, and he turned out to one of those blokes that frocks up in wimmin's clothes, yer know, a ventriloquist!'

Me - 'Surely you mean a transvestite'

Her mate - 'Nah, that's where Dracula comes from!'

Biff · « **Reply #41 on:** 16 February, 2011, 04:10:11 pm »

In a local supermarket recently. A boisterous tot running amok making a nuisance of himself. Teenage mum finally notices the annoyed looks of shoppers.

She bellows "LAZARUS! GEREERE NOW!!"

LAZARUS ??

Biff · « **Reply #42 on:** 16 February, 2011, 05:53:36 pm »

And another:

My mother was watching a tea-time quiz:

Q: Which former Playschool presenter recently took up HER place in the House of Lords? -

a) Floella Benjamin
b) Johnny Ball
c) (another female)

Contestant - " Johnny Ball - I've never heard of the other two"

He was a trainee solicitor.

Arch · « **Reply #43 on:** 16 February, 2011, 08:32:24 pm »

Quote from: Biff on 16 February, 2011, 05:53:36 pm

And another:

My mother was watching a tea-time quiz:

Q: Which former Playschool presenter recently took up HER place in the House of Lords? -

a) Floella Benjamin
b) Johnny Ball
c) (another female)

Contestant - " Johnny Ball - I've never heard of the other two"

He was a trainee solicitor.

I remember hearing a contestant on In it to Win it 'reasoning' that the Nile wasn't in Africa, because it's a big river, and Africa has droughts.

Overheard today, a volunteer at work famous for malapropisms, who was tidying up the odds and ends of herbal and special teas in the kitchen. Looking at a box she said "What these then? <reads box> oh, it's Oblong tea...."

Last week she told someone that our lawn roller had vanished 'off the Friends of the Earth'.

Jameslondon · « **Reply #44 on:** 17 February, 2011, 08:15:44 pm »

Walking though the local market, one of the stallholders was trying to get rid of the last of his bananas, holding about 6 bunches he was shouting "pound for the 'nanas, all these a pound" - this woman walked past at the same time and said to him "yeah but who's gonna eat them, monkey boy?"

I just cracked up!

Steve Kish · « **Reply #45 on:** 17 February, 2011, 10:43:30 pm »

Heard by a mate in a pub:-

Girl to her mates - 'I wish I could get down to 6 stones'

Bloke in the group next to them - 'Get down to this; this is 6 stones!'

Charlotte · « **Reply #46 on:** 10 March, 2011, 04:09:19 pm »

Just now in the lift lobby:

"Yeah, but you can go all the way to anal if you want."

It was only when I got back to my desk that I realised there was the possibility I'd misheard and they were talking about the Central line...

Wowbagger · « **Reply #47 on:** 10 March, 2011, 04:11:56 pm »

Isn't Anal on the Northern Line?

clarion · « **Reply #48 on:** 10 March, 2011, 04:18:18 pm »

Anal? You don't have to stop there. Hang on tight and you can keep going.

Jaded · « **Reply #49 on:** 10 March, 2011, 04:19:20 pm »

Anal is south of the river, surely?

Author Topic: Overheard today (Read 117092 times)

grayo59

Jameslondon