Dearest,I am Mr. Paul Mark, writing to inform you of our desire to invest in your country on behalf of Princess Haya Sheikh of Saudi Arabia.Considering her very strategic and influential position, she hopes that the transaction is strictly confidential as possible. Also, want to disclose her identity at leastfor now, until the completion of the transaction.Hence our desire to have you as our agent abroad to protect and invest her funds in a profitablebusiness.I have therefore been directed to investigate whether you would agree to act as a foreign agent in order to update this transaction.If you can handle this, then you can come back to me via email.Regards.Mr. Paul Mark.
Dear Mr Mark thank you for your email. I'm delighted to hear that Her Royal Highness would like to invest in Scotland and I'm sure she won't regret her decision. I would be delighted to assist in any way I can. Please let me know how I can help KH
Dear kirsten, Thank you so much for your response. I appreciate this and I do hope thatwe will be able to work together as partners for our mutual benefit.I on behalf of my client is most interested to invest through you eitherin your personal capacity or through your company in your project or asmentioned in my previous email. I will like to see a more detailed profileof yours even as I will be happy to work with you.First, I want you to know that this business is a personal and privateinitiative, by which I mean that my employer The Lloyds InvestmentConsulting UK with a branch in Taiwan & middle east. Is not in any way involved, I will handle this matter in my personal capacity, and I do hopethis is properly appreciated.It is important also that you know that my client is a woman married UnderSharia Islamic laws to a Prince and she is hence incapacitated by her very marital circumstance, she is pursuing a divorce as at this moment, you maybe aware that under Islamic laws a woman may not own money or other chattel independent of her husband.The fund though was secretly bequeathed to her by her father, who was acrude oil broker and who is late, the fund was withdrawn from the Islamicbank and deposited with the Asian Trust - Vault company,the fund remainsthere. My client now needs to take the funds and to invest it properly to Secureher future and that of her two children. If you will be disposed to assistmy client with receiving and transferring these funds out of Arabia toyour country, for which you will be compensated with an initial commissionof 10% of the fund, as represented by two million five hundred thousand USDollars – US$2, 500,000 of the said $25 Million, while you will becommissioned to invest the remainder of the fund as you may deem fit undera future agreement to ensure a 7% profit over capital per annual for aperiod of 5years on the is accrued to my client. While you will be at liberty to invest in your primary business, we willneed proof of viability and security of the fund in the form of a soundbusiness plan to be presented to my client's lawyer in due course.Your role, as TRUSTEE/INVESTMENT PARTNER will require that you present anaccount into which the fund will be deposited after all preliminaryprotocols and antecedents have been addressed, viz the execution of aproper agreement defining your role and appointing you to the role abovedescribed. This is the offer; I want you to consider it properly and respond back tome via email. Upon your positive response I will provoke a correspondence between youand my clients Shaikh Princess Haya to facilitate and execute this matterproperly and legitimately in your favor. I implore you to handle this matter confidentially for the protection ofmy client and I await your expedient response. Thank you.Mr. Paul Mark
Dear Mr Mark thank you so much for getting back to me. I consider it a mark of honour that you have decided to trust me, a complete stranger, with such an important task. Obviously I will do anything I can to help a poor oppressed woman who does not enjoy the freedoms I do, but I am worried that if her husband found out he would try to punish me via Sharia Law. I don't want to be stoned or beheaded. Can you guarantee my safety? I think to improve the secrecy and security we should use codenames. From now on you can call me either Pauline FowlerDiana SpencerAnne ShirleyBridget JonesPat AnmickTheresa Green and please choose a name for yourself from either Mr BukkakeEdward WindsorToby JuggeAnthony Worrall ThompsonGeorge GoatseKeith Richards We should only ever refer to each other by our chosen names. I think it would be best if your client invested in me in my personal capacity rather than through my company, as my company is about to go bankrupt and I would hate to lose your client's money. I'm telling you this as a sign of my integrity and I trust you not to repeat it to anyone else just yet. When you say that the Princess's father was a crude oil broker, do you mean he was a broker in crude oil, or he was a crude man who was an oil broker? I'm not sure I want anything to do with money earned by a crude man. Respect for women is very important to me. I am already thinking of a business plan which I will suggest to you once I have finalised it. Now, can you please send me some information about yourself so I know that I can trust you? I am a great believer in the science of face reading and I believe I would be able to tell everything about your character if you would send me a photograph of yourself. I look forward to hearing from you KH
Mr Bukkake
Dear Sister, I will suggest that I call you sister while you call me brother. I am a financial adviser to Lyods investment in Asia but original from America. My client father was trading on crude oil until his death and was a nice man. My sister I will assure your 100% safety in this transaction because all paper work concerning this transaction will be changed in your name. This will makeyou full legitimate beneficiary of the estate. I will like to have your response before we proceed. ThanksMr. Paul
Dear BrotherI'm not sure I like calling you brother. I am worried I will confuse you with my real brother. Do you have any real brothers or sisters? How many? What are their names? My real brother's name is Aloysius Chrome. He's a performance artist. We don't talk much. He thinks I'm pretentious.Anyway, in order to improve the secrecy and privacy to protect the Princess, I have set up a new email address for you to correspond with me. From now on, please send the emails to princessmoneytopsecret@hotmail.co.uk . Nobody else knows about that email address so it's totally secure. Which part of America are you from? Your writing style doesn't suggest that you're from America, it's really more sophisticated than I would expect from an American. How long did you live in America? How old are you now? You must have a very busy and demanding job at Lloyds. It must be very stressful. What do you like to do to relax?Your Sister.
From now on, please send the emails to princessmoneytopsecret@hotmail.co.uk . Nobody else knows about that email address so it's totally secure. [/i]
Well that's the more blunt way of putting it but as usual he's dead right.
No reply this morning.
It's unusual for a Saudi Arabian businessman to write with quite such a strong West African accent...
