TdeF 2017

[David Martin]

Cav's clearly on Demare's wheel

Yes and no... A few moments before the crash, Cav was very close behind Demare, but it looked to me like Demare was pulling away from him. Never mind the slow motion replays, watching it live as it happened, it was clear that Cav was losing ground, and therefore out of the race even before the crash.

No, demare had just kicked, would take a wee gap. Sagan did not move in front of Cav, he moved into him sideways and should have seen cav's wheel. There was a gap wide enough for Demare, Sagan moved into cav when Cav was essentially along side, fine when there is space but in this case there was a barrier.

Demare is very lucky to be french and there to be a bigger incident going on as his switching across Bouhanni was outrageous. I'd have relegated him in a chipper race for that. Couldn't believe he got through the gap.

The jury's decision was no doubt coloured by Sagan's riding immediately prior where he had allegedly initiated the crash which brought down the Yellow Jersey. Putting the two together, it was not just the one aberrant move but his overall riding style.

Now, I don't know how close you have to be at that speed for it to count as being 'on the wheel', nor how much of a gap there has to be before it's considered enough space for another rider to move into it, but it was apparently enough of a gap that Sagan didn't see him there when he started to jump across onto Demare's wheel.

As Cav and Sagan came together, there was a bit of a lean from Cav and an elbow out from Sagan. I didn't see any malice in it, just the usual sprinters' argy-bargy with riders fighting for position. Had they not been hard up against the barriers, it might not have ended so badly for Cav. (compare and contrast Bouhanni, who had space to his left to swerve into when Demare cut across him.)

That was my initial reaction when watching it live, and none of the slow motion replays or alternative camera angles have made me change my mind.

I think the DQ is harsh, but I'm glad it wasn't my decision to make - bit of a no-win situation for the jury with so many pundits, DS and riders having their say, all with conflicting opinions.

The cynic in me would like to point out that two significant entrants in the green jersey contest are out of the way and a Frenchman got a stage win and lots of points

The realist in me says that Cav was never a contender for the green jersey in this year's race.

[Mr Larrington]

So far Mick Bennett, TV's C Boardmen, TV's Super D Millar and Bethany (7) have all agreed that chucking CP Sagan off the race completely was a bit harsh.

[David Martin]

I think DQ was harsh when there was no penalty for Demare for what was a crazy move.

Probably coloured by the fact that there was a collision resulting in injury.

[Asterix, the former Gaul.]

So far Mick Bennett, TV's C Boardmen, TV's Super D Millar and Bethany (7) have all agreed that chucking CP Sagan off the race completely was a bit harsh.

Aye, harsh but fair.

[T42]

I think DQ was harsh when there was no penalty for Demare for what was a crazy move.

Probably coloured by the fact that there was a collision resulting in injury.

Yebbut Demare was moving faster than Nacer B.* and NB had room to evade.

Sprints are bloody dangerous in any case - you have to be crazy to take part. Stampede would be a better word.

* you spell it, I'm tired.

[Mr Larrington]

Stage 5:   Vittel->La Planche Des Belles Filles

G Imlach:	O hai! TV’s G Imlach here with a twinkle in mi eye and a merry quip never far from mi lips! Big news on teh Tour de France is teh disqualibobificationism of CP Sagan after yesterday’s imbroglio!
Omnes:	Didn’t she have a hit with “Torn”?
G Imlach:	Silence, u quivering Ewoks! TV’s C Boardmen, what say u?
EC Boardman:	O hai! I am TV’s Evil C Boardman and personally I think CP Sagan should have been boiled in turpentine and his giblets fed 2 teh Tour’s Pariah Dogs! And A Démare should have Coldplay pumped into his personal radio until he checks himself into hospital!
NC Boardman:	Harsh, EC Boardman! I, TV’s Nice C Boardman, say that mi object all sublime I shall achieve in time — 2 let teh punishment fit teh crime — teh punishment fit teh crime. And make each sprinter pent unwillingly represent a source ov innocent merriment, ov innocent merriment! Oh yes!
G Imlach:	And WT blithering F does that mean?
NC Boardman:	I have absolutely no idea!
Omnes:	Yay 4 P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM®! U don’t get Gilbert & Sullivan on Eurosport!
D Friebe:	O hai! D Friebe here! And now teh thoughts of Chairman Cav!
M Cavendish:	(Dignified response in face of having year ruined)
SD Millar:	O hai! I am TV’s Super D Millar! Teh commissaires are a bunch of plonkernauts. U liek mi hair?
Omnes:	Better than that fukn’ hat u had last year, Super D! Teh one that looked liek an upturned fruit bowl upholstered with teh wallpaper from an Indian restaurant!
G Imlach:	Cut! CUT!!1!
	Slow dissolve to…
C Prudhomme:	(Waves arms) I believe I can fly!
Omnes:	Piss off, Orville!
N Boulting:	O hai! TV’s *** Boulting welcoming u 2 another day ov châteaux and local delicacies!
SD Millar:	O hai! Who shall make teh futile break today, ***?
N Boulting:	Actually, Super D, this break may not be so futile after all. P Gilbert, J Bakelite, TD Gendt, M Delage, EB Hagen, DV Baarle, PL Perisher ect ect. And PT Voeckler 4 teh lulz!
PT Voeckler:	O hai! In teh absence of CP Sagan I, P’tit T Voeckler, will be providing ur recommended daily intake ov teh Crazy!
EB Hagen:	O hai! U may call me B-Dog if it saves electrons!
Omnes:	w00t! EB Hagen iz teh gangsta! Roffle!
G Thomas:	Piss!
SD Millar:	Fake news!
N Boulting:	O RLY? Iz a thing?
SD Millar:	Yes. Yes, it is.
R Porte:	U utter git, G Thomas!
N Boulting:	Right, lunch! Here 4 ur viewing plezh are TV’s M Smith and M Bennett!
M Smith:	O hai teh break is. Full of riders who have. Pwned teh Tour ov BRITAIN. Which is M Bennett’s race. M Bennett has tentacles everywhere!
M Bennett:	Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!
M Smith:	That’s easy 4 u 2. Say here is R McEwen. 4 ur listening plezh!
R McEwen:	(Lengthy rambling about M Cavendish, T Steels, CP Sagan, egg & cress sandwiches, Satan ect ect)
Bethany (7):	dere commissaires cp sagan iz not teh bad man & wrongness – u haz it!
R McEwen:	I wish I’d said that.
M Bennett:	Tour ov BRITAIN!!1!
M Smith:	And now certifiable nutter M. Beaumont who is riding round. Teh world in eighty days!
M Beaumont:	Wibble!!1!
M Bennett:	Tour ov BRITAIN!!1!
	(Later…)
M Bennett:	Tour ov BRITAIN!!1!
Bethany (7):	go away u silly old man!
	(Later…)
N Boulting:	J Bakelite. Podium girls. Or what? Clicky…
NC Boardman:	It’s 2017, FFS!
SD Millar:	Meh!
N Boulting:	Not podium girls, hostesses!
NC Boardman:	Not much better, is it? 2017, FFS!
Bethany (7):	Yet another example of teh unequal power relations between women and men whereby women are systematically disadvantaged and oppressed1. It’s 2017, FFS!
Omnes:	Bethany (7) 4 PM!
BG Hincapie:	That’s no hostess, that’s Mrs BG Hincapie!
	(Quite a lot later…)
SD Millar:	Today’s word is “cinéma”. CI-NÉ-MA. Cinéma.
	(Down teh road a-piece…)
TD Gendt:	Arse!
N Boulting:	Teh sun is out and so is PT Voeckler’s tongue!
SD Millar:	I didn’t spike his covfefe! No. No, I never! Some big boys did it then ran away!
	(Enfin…)
SD Millar:	…rampy…
Omnes:	If that is a word, Super D, it shouldn’t be. Plz 2 get in teh sea!
P Gilbert:	O hai! I am P Gilbert and I am made ov teh Win! Right, I iz off! C U l8r, suxx0rz!!1!
J Bakelite:	O hai! I am J Bakelite and I am made of patriarchy! Got me johnnies in me pocket lol!
Omnes:	Wanker!
R Porte:	Work, u dogs!
Team BMC:	Wanker!
Team $ky:	Hold our BEER!
PL Perisher, PT Voeckler & B-Dog:	Piss!
F Aru:	Aroooooooo! I’m looking for a place called Lee Ho Fook's. Gonna get a big dish of beef chow mein!
P Gilbert:	U forgot mi birthday, u utter git!
J Bakelite:	Arse! Back 2 teh happy sock.
Omnes:	Wanker!
SD Millar:	…and S Yates sitting there with his out-of-the-saddle stylee!
Omnes:	U wot?
C Froome:	O hai clouds o hai $ky team bus o hai stem! Watch this!
D Martin:	U were saying?
N Quintana:	O hai! Mi name is I Montoya N Quintana! U killed mi father A Valverde! Prepare 2, er, oh! Bugger!
G Imlach:	And now, over 2 multilingual smart-alec M Rendall!
M Rendall:	Mi spikim C Froome. U tälibûn qüatre ceńt çoup skubh el BMC do fernakerpans! Boutrosboutrosghali?
C Froome:	What did he just say?
F Aru:	Aroooooooo! If u want me I’ll be drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's and mi hair will be perfect!
Omnes:	Draw blood!

• Orl fakts are korekt 4 a change. Apart from Bethany (7) probably not actually having actually said this.

[Pingu]

   Yay 4 P@nd3m1c Pr0duckt10nzTM®! U don’t get Gilbert & Sullivan on Eurosport!

There was a bit of Gilbert today, thobut.

[Torslanda]

Omnes: Alles klar, Herr Kommissar!!1! Vielen danke . . .

[Jaded]

Not sure if a GoPro video of a stage has been posted before?

[Riggers]

N Quintana:   O hai! Mi name is I Montoya N Quintana! U killed mi father A Valverde! Prepare 2, er, oh! Bugger!

Ha ha ha! Made me laugh. I got it.

[Hot Flatus]

Anyhoo. Podium= Aru/Froome/Martin

[Si S]

I'm beginning to lose interest, difficult to see any other result than Sky controlling the race all the way to Paris.

[Hot Flatus]

Don't bank on it. They couldn't control Aru yesterday.  Porte's team fucked up.

[Si S]

I think Sky weren't expecting Aru to be so strong, I don't reckon he'll get that sort of freedom again and Astana don't look strong enough to compete with Sky over the distance.

I can sort of understand why BMC rode the way they did, to try and make the race hard enough to tire the Sky train before the climb, they haven't got many other cards to play but with Sky 1 and 2 and EBH 16 secs behind they should have forced Sky to chase it. They don't seem willing to risk losing in order to win.

[trekker12]

Also that has been Sky's tactic since day 1 with Wiggins. They have been struggling to do that in recent years which is why Froome required silly banzai downhilling skillz last year. Having now had one of only three hilltop finishes I can't see than controlling much at all really. Especially as Mikel Landa was already struggling. The only Sky rider with Froome and Thomas near the top was Kwiatkovski

[spesh]

Don't bank on it. They couldn't control Aru yesterday.  Porte's team fucked up.

Well, quite - letting a break with Voeckler, EBH and Gilbert in it get up the road in the first place on a stage like yesterday's was slack drills on their part. Porte was making like a Fidget Spinner when Friebe was interviewing him after the stage, because if BMC were using just two riders all day, what happened to the rest once they hit the final climb?

[Mr Larrington]

The noble attempts of TV's Super D Millar and *** Boulting to not even be remotely interested in the "race" this afternoon are bordering on the surreal.

[woollypigs]

PARASOL !!!

[spesh]

Now that was a surreal moment.

Just as well that the peloton's out for a grockle* maintenant.


* Which is probably why the Colemantators are indulging us with history and TdF myths, rather than telling us that knack-all's happening.

[woollypigs]

https://twitter.com/velocast/status/882955547531763712

SHIT! Mary Poppins has crashed!

[Clare]

Did I hear right that CPS is going to be allowed back in?

[Mr Larrington]

The team has lodged an appeal with the CAS - http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/bora-hansgrohe-appeal-to-cas-to-reverse-sagans-tour-de-france-expulsion/ - but the chances of CPS being let back in seem, to the assembled pundits and Bethany (7), slim.

[T42]

I'm beginning to lose interest, difficult to see any other result than Sky controlling the race all the way to Paris.

Shame they belong to bloody Murdoch: instantly unlovable.

[Asterix, the former Gaul.]

Great Sprint!

[Veloman]

The team has lodged an appeal with the CAS - http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/bora-hansgrohe-appeal-to-cas-to-reverse-sagans-tour-de-france-expulsion/ - but the chances of CPS being let back in seem, to the assembled pundits and Bethany (7), slim.

Speed at which CAS work will probably mean TdF is finished before decision is made.

I think it is all about changing the official record from DQ to DNF for Sagan.  No rider wants DQ on his Palmaris.