Author Topic: ***CoronaBonus***  (Read 5518 times)

Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #200 on: Yesterday at 09:05:09 am »
In the midst of a sea of shite, death, boredom and horror,

Thanks for reminding me we need to get our septic tank emptied. The guy who dives in looking for corn to feed his itinerant children is a key worker, right?

Quote
this is a thread for the surprising and unexpected bonuses of the current viral fuckfest.

This thread, for a start.*

Walking the lanes the middle of last night, one ear sucking up Dire Straits, the other hearing my heels clocking the pavement like the Walkin’ Dude in Stephen King’s primer, I felt strangely calm, like I’ve been expecting this all my life. The fact that I put bin bags over the seats of my car before handing it over to Mr MOT the other day just shows that I was prepared.

As I went by Anthony Burgess’s old semi-domi (no, really: it’s also on my Hastings to the Sea tour), I considered all things dystopia: the pensioners in the nursing home I had also passed being hooked into the matrix to power Netflix servers; toilet paper doused in cheap kerosene and lobbed at armed policemen; even my recently diagnosed intestinal malrotation, which if I’m lucky will confuse the fuck out the little lipid coated fuckers.

When I arrived at the level crossing the arms went down and a ghost train flew by, filled with panic buyers sentenced to Hastings, now a concentration camp straight out of Children of Men. The engineer was Mark Carnage, dressed to the nines in his birthday suit, freshly retired from his job at the Bank of England making money worthless and now forever condemned to shuttle back and forth between hell and perdition. The station car park was empty as the BBC Director-General’s soul.

On the way back home I spied a turbo trainer through a first floor window. If there’s a better definition of purgatory, I have yet to know of it.

Bad to the Bone shuffled into my ears, Death goaded me to scratch previously innocent itches on my nose, and I smiled.

Bonus? It’s all a bonus, grist for the mill.


Loveseat in the time of Corona

*You had me at this

Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #201 on: Yesterday at 10:55:02 am »
 :) :P ;) :D ;D :-\ >:( :( :( :o 8) ??? : :demon: :hand: ::-)  :-X

Cudzoziemiec

  • Waking up now, put the kettle on!
Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #202 on: Yesterday at 11:08:21 am »
This is a news website I heard of ages ago but have only got around to looking at today.
Coincidentally, I know someone who works for the Chippenham company featured in the current lead story.
I do not ride a great big Mercian, gangster tanwalls, fixed cog in the back.

Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #203 on: Yesterday at 12:53:21 pm »

Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #204 on: Yesterday at 01:00:29 pm »
 ;D

Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #205 on: Yesterday at 01:02:20 pm »
You have to admit, Flatus, he's got you there  ;D
Never tell me the odds.

Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #206 on: Yesterday at 01:43:04 pm »
He has, indeed

Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #207 on: Yesterday at 02:15:42 pm »
You’re trying to lull me into a false sense of security. I must think this through and prepare. Could you please help by answering the following?

1. What would Jesus do?
2. What kind of chocolate?
3. Heads or tails?

Almost forgot the classic:
4. Have you now or ever been?

StevieB

  • I'm an embarrassment to my bicycle!
Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #208 on: Yesterday at 03:21:30 pm »
More applause for the 'Hot' one for providing a much needed service in our darkest days...


It may be self-flagellation, but it still hurts

Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #209 on: Yesterday at 03:33:24 pm »
You’re trying to lull me into a false sense of security. I must think this through and prepare. Could you please help by answering the following?

1. What would Jesus do?
2. What kind of chocolate?
3. Heads or tails?

Almost forgot the classic:
4. Have you now or ever been?
'Ver good.
 ;)

Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #210 on: Yesterday at 03:41:19 pm »
Bright House is about to go bust.
Never tell me the odds.

Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #211 on: Yesterday at 03:52:16 pm »
Ah ha ha ha ha haaa


Tim Hall

  • I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes
Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #212 on: Yesterday at 03:53:43 pm »
While I'm WFH, my Teenaged Boss has been in the office where things have been mostly quiet. He's been making good use of his time by tidying up the contents of the three or four 40' shipping containers we use for long term storage.

This resulted in him unearthing a pile of bicycyles which were once someone elses's Arthur Daley/eBay plan but now destined for the tip "unless anyone wants them". I had to go to the office today, maintaining a good 2m gap, and cast a lazy eye over the bikes. Three were on the BSO end of the scale but the fourth is a Marin Mount Vision, vintage unknown.  It's now at my flat, awaiting closer inspection (and some air in the tyres)
There are two ways you can get exercise out of a bicycle: you can
"overhaul" it, or you can ride it.  (Jerome K Jerome)

Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #213 on: Yesterday at 04:36:59 pm »
With regular daily exercise (either a run or a long walk with wife+daughter), more sensible meals (now we're all cooking and eating together), and less booze (no couple of evenings in the pub) I seem to be slowly losing weight (0.5kg/week so far).

Should also be starting skipping this week as daughter wants to use the time to become a skipping demon. Just off to mow the grass in the garden for the first time in a long time, might actually use it more often now that we're at home so much.

That is all a bonus.

(To get to my "ideal"weight I just need the lockdown to continue to the end of the year. Oh.)
"Yes please" said Squirrel "biscuits are our favourite things."

Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #214 on: Yesterday at 04:50:33 pm »
After my run today my Vo2 max went up a notch, according to my Garmin watch, putting me into top 5% of age/gender, and into 'superior' category. Fitness age of 20.

I have quite literally been sat on my arse for the last 3 weeks.

 ;D ??? ;D

Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #215 on: Yesterday at 05:41:08 pm »
The garden's getting a lot of attention. Mowed the lawns and pressure washed the patio.

This morning I walked up to Lidl and expected a long queue, but there was hardly anyone there! Stocked up with chocolate and muesli, there was even bread flour (only white tho) and longlife milk (semi skimmed). Plus I picked up a pair of spiked sandals for aerating the lawn.

Unfortunately the saturated ground is so sticky I couldn't move! Just remained rooted to the spot. Hopefully they'll work more effectively when the ground has dried out a bit.

Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #216 on: Yesterday at 06:26:53 pm »
I don't need to look at a pikey white van out of my front window every night because its driver has stopped bringing it home.
Arsebuckets.  It's back.  He has sort of cleaned it though.
Never tell me the odds.

Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #217 on: Yesterday at 07:00:44 pm »
After my run today my Vo2 max went up a notch, according to my Garmin watch, putting me into top 5% of age/gender, and into 'superior' category. Fitness age of 20.

I have quite literally been sat on my arse for the last 3 weeks.

 ;D ??? ;D

From what I can tell, everyone's fitness age is 20 according to Garmin! ;D

ian

  • fatuously disingenuous
    • The Suburban Survival Guide
Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #218 on: Yesterday at 07:10:44 pm »
I don't need to look at a pikey white van out of my front window every night because its driver has stopped bringing it home.
Arsebuckets.  It's back.  He has sort of cleaned it though.

Probably to stop people writing 'no toilet paper left in this van overnight' in the dirt.
!nataS pihsroW

Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #219 on: Yesterday at 09:25:52 pm »
Local council has stopped recyling collections and told us to stuff it all in the black bags, It don' arf feel NORTY.

Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #220 on: Yesterday at 09:57:41 pm »
Not sure where to put this. Paul Simon recording an ever so slightly modified "American Tune"

Quote
And I don't know a soul who's not been battered
I don't have a friend who feels at ease
I don't know a dream that's not been shattered
or driven to its knees

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVYPVvS-mI4

He's 78 if you wondered.

TheLurker

  • Goes well with magnolia.
Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #221 on: Yesterday at 10:06:12 pm »
It looks like very many rough sleepers are going to have somewhere warm, dry and (I hope) safe to sleep within a day or two.  Let's hope that people aren't just turfed out onto the streets again when this blows over. 
Τα πιο όμορφα ταξίδια γίνονται με τις δικές μας δυνάμεις - Φίλοι του Ποδήλατου

MikeFromLFE

  • Previously known as Millimole
Re: ***CoronaBonus***
« Reply #222 on: Today at 09:32:25 am »
Lots of wholesale grocery businesses are turning to consumers to keep their business afloat.
If this disrupts the hegemony of supermarket home delivery systems then it seems good to me.
Equally the number of pubs expanding into  home delivery and collection seems to introduce more variety and quality.
Too many angry people - breathe & relax.