GP in the morning. Oh, hang on, they're not open till Monday. If that seems too far away, try A&E. This is (IMO) exactly what they're there for.
You can only bring one hand to bear on a poorly paw. Even if it's just (!) a nurse who sorts you out, they can use both hands, tweezers, microscopes, and all sorts of other clever kit.
I remember the agony of a splinter under a nail. It was at school, practising Mountain Rescue ("How to lift a casualty onto a stretcher"), but in a wooden-floored classroom. And the casualty was lying perpendicular to the wood's grain.
Can we work an "Annie-drocles and the Lion" pun in here somewhere?