Author Topic: more insane management speak phrases  (Read 64558 times)

Euan Uzami

more insane management speak phrases
« on: July 04, 2011, 04:10:52 pm »
We have a new fellow in our department who is very fond of his buzz words and management speak.
I thought I'd heard them all but he came out with one that is completely new to me today "de-scope" !
as in, "we need to  descope this part of the project"
I'm still none the wiser as to what it means.

Another corker he came out with: "cross-functional" ! as in, "if we are to be a cross-functional team"

;D

The sad thing is it seems to be winning him a lot of favour in his quest for power, but that's another issue...

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2011, 04:19:22 pm »
De-scope is one we use quite a lot. If we have a set of requirements which a piece of software needs to meet and there is a problem with actually getting the software to meet one of them, that requirement might be removed from the list of things to be done. Removed from the scope of the current piece of work. De-scoped.
Usual problem with a geeky, slightly lazy turn of phrase which then gets picked up by management because they think it makes them sound good

S
"No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everybody on the couch."

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #2 on: July 04, 2011, 04:24:49 pm »
One I had recently.

"I'm right up there in the wheelhouse with you."

FFS
Rust never sleeps

peliroja

  • Mrs Woolly
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2011, 04:33:21 pm »
X requires a bio-break between 1:1s so please expect transfer delay.

Meaning: X needs the loo and will be late for her meeting.  :facepalm:

Jaded

  • The Codfather
  • Formerly known as Jaded
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #4 on: July 04, 2011, 04:50:08 pm »
Just a number one though.  ;)
If you don't like your democracy, vote against it.

folkdevil

  • Francis
  • I've only got one bike, and it's only got one gear
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2011, 05:08:19 pm »
Peli that is a gem. Please tell me you made it up and nobody actually said it.

peliroja

  • Mrs Woolly
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #6 on: July 04, 2011, 05:09:29 pm »
Unfortunately, it is not made up.  :-\ And it's not the worst I've heard, either.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #7 on: July 04, 2011, 06:53:30 pm »
X requires a bio-break between 1:1s so please expect transfer delay.

And who ever said it doesn't understand the word euphemism either!

S
"No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everybody on the couch."

andygates

  • Peroxide Viking
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #8 on: July 04, 2011, 07:40:53 pm »
I wonder if I could send "apologies for absence" to crappy meetings with "AFK bio"  :demon:
It takes blood and guts to be this cool but I'm still just a cliché.
OpenStreetMap UK & IRL Streetmap & Topo: ravenfamily.org/andyg/maps updates weekly.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #9 on: July 04, 2011, 08:24:14 pm »
My paradigm clashes with neuro regressive syntax.
Get a bicycle. You will never regret it, if you live- Mark Twain

Mrs Pingu

  • Who ate all the pies? Me
    • Twitter
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #10 on: July 04, 2011, 08:50:49 pm »
Oh god, now I really have the urge to send a 'declined' saying 'Sorry, I'm having a crap'
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #11 on: July 04, 2011, 08:55:14 pm »
De-scope is one we use quite a lot.
+1. I'm not keen on buzz-words but cross-functional seems OK to me too - a team made up of people from different functions (departments/whatever) in the organisation.

peliroja

  • Mrs Woolly
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #12 on: July 04, 2011, 09:00:21 pm »
Let's engage in a conversation to enable a soup-to-nuts deconstruction, or 'deep-dive', if you will.

 :sick:

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #13 on: July 04, 2011, 09:04:39 pm »
There is something very comforting about going home and listening to someone who's views you rate highly, e.g. you right wassock wots up then?
Get a bicycle. You will never regret it, if you live- Mark Twain

Wowbagger

  • Dez's butler
    • Musings of a Gentleman Cyclist
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #14 on: July 04, 2011, 09:06:19 pm »
Oh god, now I really have the urge to send a 'declined' saying 'Sorry, I'm having a crap'

You are not quite Paul Newman Henry Gondorf so I can't claim my £5. Would you settle for £2.50?
Homo sapiens - a creature so intelligent it knowingly sowed the seeds of its own destruction and did nothing about it.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #15 on: July 04, 2011, 09:51:00 pm »
"Gaining traction" is currently popular in our salt mines.  "Socialising a report" is another.  Oh, and "derisking", which may or may not have a hyphen.
Never tell me the odds.

Mrs Pingu

  • Who ate all the pies? Me
    • Twitter
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #16 on: July 04, 2011, 09:57:01 pm »
Oh god, now I really have the urge to send a 'declined' saying 'Sorry, I'm having a crap'

You are not quite Paul Newman Henry Gondorf so I can't claim my £5. Would you settle for £2.50?

You're going to have to explain. I can work out it's something to do with The Sting, but I've never seen it.
I suspect you may have just called me crude  O:-)
Do not clench. It only makes it worse.

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #17 on: July 04, 2011, 09:58:56 pm »
Agh !! RZ, you have one there that drives me barmy.

Senior management apparently 'socialised' a new policy before having some anonymous droid issue it.

And then they wonder why no-one complies.

Aaaaggghhhhhh!!!
Rust never sleeps

Wowbagger

  • Dez's butler
    • Musings of a Gentleman Cyclist
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #18 on: July 04, 2011, 10:00:59 pm »
Oh god, now I really have the urge to send a 'declined' saying 'Sorry, I'm having a crap'

You are not quite Paul Newman Henry Gondorf so I can't claim my £5. Would you settle for £2.50?

You're going to have to explain. I can work out it's something to do with The Sting, but I've never seen it.
I suspect you may have just called me crude  O:-)

He turned up at a poker game and apologised, saying "Sorry I'm late, I was taking a crap!"

I am not well-versed in the world of fillums, but The Sting is one of my favourites.
Homo sapiens - a creature so intelligent it knowingly sowed the seeds of its own destruction and did nothing about it.

Euan Uzami

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #19 on: July 04, 2011, 10:14:33 pm »
De-scope is one we use quite a lot.
+1. I'm not keen on buzz-words but cross-functional seems OK to me too - a team made up of people from different functions (departments/whatever) in the organisation.

Oh right! well that's not what I think he meant by it - from his explanation when I picked him up on it, it appeared to allude to the ability for us all to pitch in with each other's responsibilities.
Or, more precisely, the implied expectation for us others to pitch in with his. (Or even more precisely, the tasks that he was taken on to do, but hasn't done any of.)

You may be right, though - but that's the thing though, you just don't know - it means whatever the person using it wants it to mean, or in the case where they're just using it to sound like they know what they're talking about, nothing.

Euan Uzami

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #20 on: July 04, 2011, 10:21:55 pm »
"Gaining traction" is currently popular in our salt mines.  "Socialising a report" is another.  Oh, and "derisking", which may or may not have a hyphen.

Agh !! RZ, you have one there that drives me barmy.

Senior management apparently 'socialised' a new policy before having some anonymous droid issue it.

And then they wonder why no-one complies.

Aaaaggghhhhhh!!!

"socialising" - I'm guessing that's making it look as if they're seeking consensus on it when in fact they're thrusting it on you whether you like it or not.

"derisking" - ....................    :-\ :-\ :-\ nope,  still baffled on that one!


Euan Uzami

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #21 on: July 04, 2011, 10:22:33 pm »
another one:
"missed an opportunity" = didn't bother
;D

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #22 on: July 04, 2011, 10:25:53 pm »
...it means whatever the person using it wants it to mean, or in the case where they're just using it to sound like they know what they're talking about, nothing.
Oh but that happens with everything else as well, especially (sorry) if marketing types get hold of it. "Home-made pies" that were made in the factory using "the same recipe" as at home. "Active garments" that don't have any active components in them. "Electronic publishing" (years ago) that used electronic systems (PCs) to produce print publishing. "Professional" sports equipment that no half-decent amateur would touch with a barge-pole.

It goes on and on.

Eccentrica Gallumbits

  • Rock 'n' roll and brew, rock 'n' roll and brew...
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #23 on: July 04, 2011, 10:32:55 pm »
another one:
"missed an opportunity" = didn't bother
;D
Or - completely fucked it up.
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


peliroja

  • Mrs Woolly
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #24 on: July 04, 2011, 10:38:07 pm »
"Who's good to bubble the monetization piece up to [insert name of senior bod]?"

 :-X