Author Topic: more insane management speak phrases  (Read 83340 times)

fuzzy (retd.) AAGE

  • SWMBO's Toy Boy.
  • Apprentice Leathery Old Git
    • The Secret Cyclist blog
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #650 on: April 08, 2020, 11:25:29 pm »
I got management speaked at by a customers wife today when she asked for an explanation for how a cycle scheme application worked.
She used some management speak bollox that had me completely flumoxed for a second until I realised she meant 'please explain'. I was so flumoxed that, after chuntering about the moron for 5 minutes, I completely forgot the word she used.....
Quote from: tatanab
The mark of a true cyclist - prepared to try anything on offer

If it ain't bad for you it ain't worth doing

Cudzoziemiec

  • Waking up now, put the kettle on!
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #651 on: April 10, 2020, 02:10:49 pm »
Does a wheelbarrow recovery mean inflation so high you'll need a wheelbarrow to carry all the money needed to buy food, as in the Weimar Republic in the 1920s?
Ha! No, quite the opposite. (Though – getting way off the bollox speak topic – I think it was in the same place that someone raised the question of how on earth do you measure inflation when shops are shut?)
Days become simply the spaces between dreams, spaces between the shifting floors of time...

fuzzy (retd.) AAGE

  • SWMBO's Toy Boy.
  • Apprentice Leathery Old Git
    • The Secret Cyclist blog
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #652 on: April 13, 2020, 11:59:04 pm »
I got management speaked at by a customers wife today when she asked for an explanation for how a cycle scheme application worked.
She used some management speak bollox that had me completely flumoxed for a second until I realised she meant 'please explain'. I was so flumoxed that, after chuntering about the moron for 5 minutes, I completely forgot the word she used.....

UNPACK. Un fucking pack! That is what she said. "Yah, my partner said that he can get the bike on the Halfrauds cycle to work scheme? I don't know how that works so you will have to unpack that for me....." Unpack? Un fucking believeable more like :demon:
Quote from: tatanab
The mark of a true cyclist - prepared to try anything on offer

If it ain't bad for you it ain't worth doing

Kim

  • Timelord
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #653 on: April 14, 2020, 12:22:20 am »
I've occasionally seen 'unpack' used to describe the process of extracting files from a [compressed] archive, which is a harmless metaphor that might lend itself to that sort of managmentification, maybe?

I wonder if it can be applied to the process of explaining unfamiliar jargon?  "Could you unpack your meaning of 'unpack'?"   ::-)
Careful, Kim. Your sarcasm's showing...

andytheflyer

  • Andytheex-flyer.....
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #654 on: April 14, 2020, 08:08:23 am »
I wonder if it can be applied to the process of explaining unfamiliar jargon?  "Could you unpack your meaning of 'unpack'?"   ::-)
Yup, that's exactly it.  Explain something complex: unpack.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Waking up now, put the kettle on!
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #655 on: April 14, 2020, 08:23:23 am »
It's reasonably common in contexts such as analysts' questions after a company's results. "You said you were expecting an 11% hit to your top line from closure of the R17 product line, could you unpack that for us?" But what works in one context often doesn't in another (and some should be quarantined).
Days become simply the spaces between dreams, spaces between the shifting floors of time...

fuzzy (retd.) AAGE

  • SWMBO's Toy Boy.
  • Apprentice Leathery Old Git
    • The Secret Cyclist blog
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #656 on: April 14, 2020, 10:53:06 am »
Unpacking as a term for extracting files? Maybe but Unpack as a term for explain? No. No. Thrice No. If you want someone to explain something, we have a perfectly good word to facilitate it- please EXPLAIN.

Of couse, she could just be a pretentious twat trying to sound cool?
Quote from: tatanab
The mark of a true cyclist - prepared to try anything on offer

If it ain't bad for you it ain't worth doing

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #657 on: April 14, 2020, 11:15:41 am »
"..... Tomorrow afternoon we'll share the deck with you"

What?
I'd no plans of being on board a boat tomorrow.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Waking up now, put the kettle on!
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #658 on: April 14, 2020, 11:18:12 am »
Of couse, she could just be a pretentious twat trying to sound cool?
Either that or just assumed everyone would be familiar with the jargon that's used in her circles. Both are common, neither is good.
Days become simply the spaces between dreams, spaces between the shifting floors of time...

Cudzoziemiec

  • Waking up now, put the kettle on!
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #659 on: April 14, 2020, 11:19:57 am »
"..... Tomorrow afternoon we'll share the deck with you"

What?
I'd no plans of being on board a boat tomorrow.
Are you sure it's not an invitation to a card game? I suppose Zoom poker is a thing nowadays.
Days become simply the spaces between dreams, spaces between the shifting floors of time...

Regulator

  • That's Councillor Regulator to you...
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #660 on: April 14, 2020, 01:56:18 pm »
"..... Tomorrow afternoon we'll share the deck with you"

What?
I'd no plans of being on board a boat tomorrow.

I assume that they were referring to a slide deck, following a Zoom call?
Quote from: clarion
I completely agree with Reg.

Green Party Councillor

TheLurker

  • Goes well with magnolia.
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #661 on: April 14, 2020, 05:18:59 pm »
"..... Tomorrow afternoon we'll share the deck with you"
A powerpoint presentation? For me?  Oh how _very_ kind of you, it's just what I always wanted and wrapped so prettily as well, but you _really_ shouldn't have bothered.  No, really, you _shouldn't_ have.
Τα πιο όμορφα ταξίδια γίνονται με τις δικές μας δυνάμεις - Φίλοι του Ποδήλατου

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #662 on: April 20, 2020, 07:31:19 am »
"..... Tomorrow afternoon we'll share the deck with you"

What?
I'd no plans of being on board a boat tomorrow.

They won't let you anywhere near the wheel, however.  Just show off the shiny parts so you think you're getting privileged information.

Cudzoziemiec

  • Waking up now, put the kettle on!
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #663 on: May 13, 2020, 02:30:41 pm »
Quote
All of these changes had been made at the time of our Q2 results and will anniversary in the next 12 months.
Ugly but clear. Also superfluous cos "next 12 months".
Days become simply the spaces between dreams, spaces between the shifting floors of time...

Cudzoziemiec

  • Waking up now, put the kettle on!
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #664 on: May 16, 2020, 07:18:03 pm »
"Reshoring" has made it into the Guardian.
Quote
Covid-19 has given extra ammunition to those arguing for greater national or European self-sufficiency. Long before it arrived, there was talk of “deglobalisation” and “reshoring” of supply chains.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/may/14/how-coronavirus-is-reshaping-europe-in-dangerous-ways
Days become simply the spaces between dreams, spaces between the shifting floors of time...

Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #665 on: May 16, 2020, 07:36:06 pm »
"Ramping up."   What's wrong with "increasing" ?
Rust never sleeps

Kim

  • Timelord
Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #666 on: May 16, 2020, 07:50:23 pm »
"Ramping up."   What's wrong with "increasing" ?

"Ramping up" sounds like you're deliberately controlling the rate of change as part of some feedback mechanism, rather than just being crap at increasing something.
Careful, Kim. Your sarcasm's showing...

Mr Larrington

  • A bit ov a lyv wyr by slof standirds
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Re: more insane management speak phrases
« Reply #667 on: May 17, 2020, 11:15:45 am »
"Ramping up" makes this Unit think of Evel Knievel*, whose performances frequently ended with mayhem, ambulances and orthopædic surgery.

* Other crap stunt riders are available
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