Author Topic: Sorry everyone  (Read 1873 times)


  • Quiet please
Sorry everyone
« on: March 16, 2012, 10:32:16 pm »
So what do we put the longevity of yACF down to?

Picture a  lonely crossroad junction out in the arse-end of nowhere. It's midnight...

A lonely audaxer approaches, knees creaking only marginally louder than the springs of his Brooks saddle.

Despite using a lighting system powerful enough to immolate moths at a range of five metres, he very nearly rides into the implausibly dapper gentleman standing at the side of the road. We can forgive him this, for he is out of his mind on caffeine, sleep deprivation and the effort of deciphering the route instructions of the El Purgatorio 600.1

"Going far?" asks the stranger.

Our audaxer doesn't answer for a few seconds. He is trying to work out where the chorus line of disco-dancing hedgehogs that was keeping him company for the last fifteen kilometres have gone, and whether the slightly mephitic odour now assailing his nostrils is real, or just another hallucination.

"Waaah... urgh..." is as much as the cataleptic cyclist can manage. Three hundred kilometers - so far - of false flats, heavy road surfaces and an unseasonal bidirectional opposing headwind have wrought their worst on the broken figure astride his steed.

The stranger smiles, and proffers what appears to be a large walnut and date sponge, topped with a curlicue of fondant icing.

"Caaake?" he says, smiling enigmatically, "It won't cost you a penny..."2

As another soul is harvested, another two years of life is granted to the forum.

1 Due to the ambiguous nature of the route instructions concerning which right fork to take at Frotting-in-the-Marsh, most participants usually find themselves riding 66km further than they planned. Crucially, it is not made clear as to whether the right fork is in Upper Frotting, Much Frotting or Lower Frotting-in-the-Marsh.

2 In a sense, this was the absolute truth. It's going to cost a lot more than a penny...