A random thread for food things that don't really warrant a thread of their own

[ian]

I've never figured out the difference between easy-cook and normal. I usually eat the wholegrain stuff, and it takes 25 minutes (from cold). I've never rinsed it and never noticed it being starchy.

[Mr Larrington]

O noes!  Seems the Gammonariat are up in arms about this: Greggs launches vegan sausage roll.

Needless to say, everyone's least-favourite colossal bellend had to get in on the act.

[ian]

The CB (and Greggs) should catch up, our local south London pasty provider Coughlan's has been doing vegan sausage rolls and pasties for a while.

[citoyen]

I thought the Steak Bake was Gregg's best-seller. A vegan version of that would be... interesting.

[lou boutin]

I'm not sure why people who chose not to eat meat, would eat something that looks and tastes like meat. 

Perhaps it is just me, I don't like anything that looks, tastes or smells like meat.  I'm not vegan, just vegetarian, but I assumed people who are vegan were more anti animal products than I.  (i.e. I have cheese, eggs and milk, but I don't have products that are tested on animals - for example I don't use Papermate Pens as they test on animals).

[Mr Larrington]

You'd think someone was forcing them at gnupoint to eat the veggie version, and of course it got ten times worse when the great hamsteaks discovered it's halal.  One titanic prick has even compared it to gay marriage, and got mardy when it was pointed out that if they didn't like gay marriage they shouldn't marry a gayer.

[tiermat]

You'd think someone was forcing them at gnupoint

Typo of the day!

[citoyen]

I'm not sure why people who chose not to eat meat, would eat something that looks and tastes like meat. 

People are vegan for lots of different reasons, sometimes in spite of enjoying the taste of meat.

I'm minded to go vegan myself and reckon I could live without meat, but vegan cheese substitutes are disgusting and that's a major hurdle for me.

[fuaran]

A sausage roll doesn't look or taste like meat anyway.

[ian]

I was a vegetarian for quite a few years (probably a decade) before I gave up. I reckon about half the meals we eat are meat-free, not for any reason other than they are. I'm not going to put meat in cauliflower/broccoli cheese I made last night (ok, an American would have put bacon on top, but they'd put bacon on top of everything).

I like veggie sausages for instance. I don't think they per se taste like actual piggy sausages, but they work in a sausagey way and are tasty enough in their own right.

[ElyDave]

My wife and kids are veggies, and whilst some of the meat substitutes are OK, like the Cauldron sausages for example, sme of it seems to be trying to hard to be like meat and failing miserably.  Examples I'd cite are mostly quorn products such as their bacon and lamb versions which simply smell artificial when cooking

[ian]

I did eat one of those overpriced new plant burger things on a recent trip to the US. It wasn't a bad facsimile of its meaty progenitor, though to be honest I'm not the world's biggest fan of burgers, they're overrated meat sandwiches.

[Ham]

I did eat one of those overpriced new plant burger things on a recent trip to the US. It wasn't a bad facsimile of its meaty progenitor, though to be honest I'm not the world's biggest fan of burgers, they're overrated meat sandwiches.

I've only two words to say to you: Steak Haché

[ian]

It's true, the only really, really good hamburger I've had was in France and was, I suppose, better classified as steak haché. The current burger fashion seems to be for cramming oversized boluses of meat into a nondescript bun along anything else that didn't manage to run out of the kitchen fast enough. The plant burgers try to replicate this with another head-sized chunk of whatever-the-hell-the-are. Another symptom of modern life: more is better. Honestly, I don't want to chew through something the size of a football, no matter what it's made of. Unless that is cheese.

[Cudzoziemiec]

You'd think someone was forcing them at gnupoint to eat the veggie version, and of course it got ten times worse when the great hamsteaks discovered it's halal.  One titanic prick has even compared it to gay marriage, and got mardy when it was pointed out that if they didn't like gay marriage they shouldn't marry a gayer.

I suppose it's a similar sort of outrage, which to some people is real. So just as some people truly believe that allowing gay marriage is an insult to the sanctity of marriage, others truly believe that making a vegan sausage roll is offensive to the truth of sausage rolls.

[citoyen]

The current burger fashion seems to be for cramming oversized boluses of meat into a fucking brioche

FTFY

I mean, really, what kind of cretin thinks a brioche is a suitable container for a burger? Apart from anything else, it lacks the necessary structural integrity.

A steak haché from a French motorway service station is better than pretty much any attempt at a burger you can get in the UK. Part of the problem is that even dedicated burger restaurants in the UK refuse to serve a burger anything less than well done. Whereas in France you can actually get a passable steak tartare from Flunch, which is the French equivalent to Wimpy (but considerably better than that makes it sound).

[Jurek]

I did eat one of those overpriced new plant burger things on a recent trip to the US. It wasn't a bad facsimile of its meaty progenitor, though to be honest I'm not the world's biggest fan of burgers, they're overrated meat sandwiches.

I've only two words to say to you: Steak Haché

Having looked up a couple of recipes for Steak Haché, there seems to be relatively little difference from that and the trad polak kotlety I used to make - albeit mine were usually a mix of beef mince and pork or venison mince.

[hellymedic]

I can understand pulled [insert meat of choice].

'Pulled soya'? WTF!!!

[Ham]

.....as it happens.....

Coming back from skiing last weekend, logistically it seemed easiest to break the journey, stopping overnight around Lyon (bear with me, all will become clear). We'd be arriving at around 21:00, so a hotel/restaurant seemed like a good idea, the Campanille I fancied was full, so I chose another similar sounding hotel in  a place called Meyzieu near the airport. I understand that's French for "where god would stick the tube to give the world an enema".

It was only when we arrived that we discovered that the restaurant was closed through the first week of January.

Oh well, there HAVE to be more restaurants around, don't there....don't there?

Check in guy sends us to a restaurant. It's closed. Very closed. With a security guard for that and the hotel. The Pizza joint adjoining? Closed. Only thing open at this site, McDo. Mrs Ham isn't very happy by now.

OK, let's get those Google Maps heated up. Loaaaadsa restaurants on the way in to town. All closed. First one open? An Indian Tandoori. Only thing, it looks somewhat "authentic"with formica tables and lack of alcohol, not great signifiers for Mrs Ham.

Onwards we trot until we find Cooking Jack which turned out to be a rather decent "Burger" joint. The menu was amusing because, as  part of their "schtick" the names of the dishes were in English.

Apart from the standard burgers (yes with brioche, get over it) they had a few "atypical" burgers: a goat cheese burger, a burger with slices of potato instead of bread, a duck burger. They also did a veggi burger with grilled mozzarella and a fish burger.

The burgers were perfect steak haché, if that place was in a city center like London they would be coining it (with a few changes). The one thing I didn't understand is that they offer to cook their beef tartare..... (for 1€50)

[ian]

The current burger fashion seems to be for cramming oversized boluses of meat into a fucking brioche

FTFY

I mean, really, what kind of cretin thinks a brioche is a suitable container for a burger? Apart from anything else, it lacks the necessary structural integrity.

A steak haché from a French motorway service station is better than pretty much any attempt at a burger you can get in the UK. Part of the problem is that even dedicated burger restaurants in the UK refuse to serve a burger anything less than well done. Whereas in France you can actually get a passable steak tartare from Flunch, which is the French equivalent to Wimpy (but considerably better than that makes it sound).

I'm not sure where the brioche trend came from – indeed they disintegrate until you are holding the mashed contents of your burger in your hands and having to shove it into your face like you're a two-year-old. The sweet taste doesn't complement the burger. And now we have to put up with stupid shit like people serving peanut-butter slathered burgers in doughnuts because it gets their restaurant on Instagram and Twitter. Hey look, I made a Victoria Sponge and put hamburger in it. That's because you're an idiot. Upmarket burgers and games of culinary onemanupship.

And overcooking. I'm not one of those people (mostly blokes) who need their meat to say 'ouch' when I bite it, but the universal British habit of cooking burgers until they're effectively the same texture as a boot sole (even if they ask how you like it done, know they'll ignore you).

The best burger I had was in Annecy. I'm not actually sure they cooked it, it may have just been left out in the sun for a bit. Second best in Lyon (which is a shame, when it comes to food and drink, Lyon nearly always wins).

[Ham]

I think the brioche thing comes from the "Gourmet Burger" strain - as in, "What totally unrelated foodstuffs can we get away with stuffing in here?"

There's a range of brioche flavours, though. A proper brioche is astonishingly rich, by the recipe in my  "La Technique" which can be considered a bible of French cooking, 300g of flour is combined with 4 eggs and 250g of butter, no sugar. Ann Willan has it with 500g flour with 6 eggs and 250g of flour, with 25g sugar.

Whichever, there is a lot of slapping about involved in kneading that, and few bought brioche buns will come anywhere near it. What tends to be used (and abused when described as brioche) is a version of the pain au lait, a dough enriched with milk and, possibly egg, closely related to cholla (the jewish plaited bread) which results in a soft, open texture and brown crust. When that has no sugar  and is toasted, it is a good foil for rich, tasty meat.

[Cudzoziemiec]

Cholla is very common in Poland, where it's called chałka, but I've never come across one that wasn't vaguely sweet and I don't think I've ever heard of anyone eating it with meat either. Which isn't to say it wouldn't go.

[ian]

I'm unconvinced any kind of brioche won't lack the necessary structural integrity, especially given the thoroughly modern need to cram in as much meat as possible and then double it. And add some bacon. Quite possibly all the bacon. Give me proper bread, muthafuckers. That ought to be a saying.

Mind you, any burger pales in comparison to a decent sausage roll. I don't know why burgers are a thing that deserves entire restaurants chains, but sausage rolls are just considered a snack.

[Cudzoziemiec]

Haven't we got a sausage roll chain? I'm surprised.

[ElyDave]

bun, brioche, makes no difference, my burger order universallly ends in "hold the bun"