Author Topic: Sh!te courier thread  (Read 35553 times)

Sh!te courier thread
« on: July 11, 2014, 03:37:41 pm »
Quote
11/07/2014   06:13   Hub Trailer Via Sorter          
10/07/2014   16:19   Sent to myhermes central hub          
09/07/2014   15:55   Customer Sent via ParcelShop

Two days to get to your 'central hub'. It's an effing book in a jiffybag.

Come back, Royal Mail, all is forgiven.
<i>Marmite slave</i>

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2014, 04:46:43 pm »
This could be a monster thread!
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Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2014, 05:11:11 pm »
I think couriers deliberately hold stuff back if the rate is economy.  Otherwise why would people pay more?

And no, you ain't gonna get Royal Mail back as the govt sold it off cheap to their friends.
Sic transit and all that..

Eccentrica Gallumbits

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Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #3 on: July 11, 2014, 06:01:37 pm »
Yodel have lost/stolen/donegodknows what to a cat carrier and a cat flap that were supposed to arrive on Monday.
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.


Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #4 on: July 11, 2014, 06:02:33 pm »
Quote
11/07/2014   06:13   Hub Trailer Via Sorter          
10/07/2014   16:19   Sent to myhermes central hub          
09/07/2014   15:55   Customer Sent via ParcelShop

Two days to get to your 'central hub'. It's an effing book in a jiffybag.

Come back, Royal Mail, all is forgiven.

You are paying for a cheap, trackable, insured 2 to 4 day service. What else are you expecting?
Most people tip-toe through life hoping the make it safely to death.
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interzen

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Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2014, 06:28:02 pm »
You are paying for a cheap, trackable, insured 2 to 4 day service. What else are you expecting?
Having the driver make at least a token attempt to deliver rather than shoving a card through the door and pissing off would be a good start.

OK, so that's not what's happening in this case but it's depressingly common. And probably why it's cheap.

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #6 on: July 11, 2014, 06:42:17 pm »
As you said, it's cheap.
Most people tip-toe through life hoping the make it safely to death.
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Mr Larrington

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Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #7 on: July 11, 2014, 09:13:05 pm »
My new Babbage-Engine arrived at 09:15 today.

As promised.

Via Yodel.

Should I be disappointed not to have something to rant about ;D
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Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Andrij

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Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #8 on: July 11, 2014, 09:20:21 pm »
My new Babbage-Engine arrived at 09:15 today.

As promised.

Via Yodel.

Should I be disappointed not to have something to rant about ;D

Well, your adoring fans are disappointed you have nothing to rant about!
;D  Andrij.  I pronounce you Complete and Utter GIT   :thumbsup:

interzen

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Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #9 on: July 11, 2014, 09:45:29 pm »
Yodel definitely appear to have upped their game of late - myhermes seem to be the whipping boys du jour.

I still die a little inside when I see that something is being dispatched by City Link though - their drivers obviously can't manage stairs given that they tend to dump stuff delivered to work in the lobby and then bugger off.

Apropos of this, a while ago I emailed a certain river-themed tax-dodging organisation asking why they didn't give their customers a choice of courier given that Yodel were being spectacularly crap at the time. Their answer was that it was 'technically unfeasible' ::-) Funny that a two-man operation that I order backpacking gear from can manage exactly that and they don't have a global workforce of thousands with a CEO who looks like Dr. Evil.


CAMRAMan

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Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #10 on: July 12, 2014, 03:37:19 pm »
Having the driver make at least a token attempt to deliver rather than shoving a card through the door and pissing off would be a good start.
Being a postman, you'd be surprised how often we get accused of not ringing/knocking, when we know we have - at least twice before carding them. I even had one woman berate me and when I told her I had rung the bell, she said there were no batteries in it  :facepalm: That's when it's time to walk away...
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Mr Larrington

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Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #11 on: July 12, 2014, 05:45:18 pm »
Yodel man knocked on my door yesterday even though i have a doorbell.  I don't know if he tried the bell first.  I put new flatteries in it shortly after being released from the Gulag, but it seems they have the life-span of an adult mayfly.  I may have to seek an alternative.

Lt. Col. Larrington (retd.) claims the flatteries in his doorbell were bought from a passing Tasmanian tiger or something, but I suspect he is mistaken.
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Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #12 on: July 12, 2014, 10:08:14 pm »
Quote
11/07/2014   06:13   Hub Trailer Via Sorter          
10/07/2014   16:19   Sent to myhermes central hub          
09/07/2014   15:55   Customer Sent via ParcelShop

Two days to get to your 'central hub'. It's an effing book in a jiffybag.

Come back, Royal Mail, all is forgiven.

You are paying for a cheap, trackable, insured 2 to 4 day service. What else are you expecting?
£5 for a book. Dearer than Royal Mail. Who would have delivered it by now.
<i>Marmite slave</i>

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #13 on: July 15, 2014, 06:33:07 pm »
I've just had an attempted delivery by Parcelforce.

I heard a knock on the door and I got up off the chair and went downstairs (took less than 10 seconds), nobody at the door so closed it.

Then he shoved a card through the letterbox, I opened the door and see him walking away, said left with neighbour.

Do they expect you to stand by the door all fucking day? >:(

Tim Hall

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Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #14 on: July 15, 2014, 09:50:22 pm »
Received a Big Box from Planet X on Monday (top marks to Yodel, who tried to deliver to an obviously work address on Saturday).

Open the box, to find it contains the Wrong Rim. Go through Planet X's return procedure, and take Big Box to nearby corner shop, a franchisee of Collect +, who are Planet X's chosen method of getting stuff back. Except they won't take the box as it's too big.  Some confusion over whether it was too big for Collect +, or too big for the nearby corner shop.

Ah well.
There are two ways you can get exercise out of a bicycle: you can
"overhaul" it, or you can ride it.  (Jerome K Jerome)

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #15 on: July 15, 2014, 11:03:24 pm »
DPD event log for a new Ixon Premium from bike-discount.de:

Date & Time   Location   Description
15 Jul 2014 00:49   Dunstable   Your parcel is being held in our DPD Dunstable depot
14 Jul 2014 08:01   Dunstable   Your parcel will be with you today
14 Jul 2014 06:05   Dunstable   Your parcel is with your nearest delivery depot in Dunstable
12 Jul 2014 10:46   DPD Consumer   As requested, your parcel will now be delivered on Fri 18 July 2014
11 Jul 2014 19:59   Hub 3 - Birmingham   We have your parcel, and it's on its way to your nearest depot in Dunstable

Will I see it on the 18th when I will be home all day?

I also got a text on the 14th saying "Mitchell will deliver today between 12:32 and 13:32"

Earlier on it spent a couple of days "consolidating" somewhere in Germany - probably watching the fussball.
 

Mr Larrington

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Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #16 on: August 01, 2014, 09:28:55 pm »
"Amazon Logistics".  I was up and around at 10:15 this morning, so if your useless workshy twat of a delivery operative had bothered to knock on my front door, s/he could have handed me my package and received a heartfelt thank-you and a cheerful smile in return.  But s/he didn't knock on the door, at least with anything more substantial than a feather duster, because s/he is a useless workshy twat.

Moreover, had your useless workshy twat of a delivery operative bothered to shove a card through the door to tell me that it had been left four doors down, I wouldn't have had as much cause to send you that grinky Babbage-Post.  But the useless workshy twat of a delivery operative didn't bother with anything as complicated as that, due to being a useless workshy twat.  Fortuitously I checked the Babbage-Post address I use for Nozama orders (and read on average once a year), but you still got grinked, because I didn't do so until later.  Call me a useless workshy twat if you will, provided you would like a side order of white phosphorus with your dinner.

And the contents of the package?

A doorbell :-\

Useless workshy twats.
External Transparent Wall Inspection Operative & Mayor of Mortagne-au-Perche
Satisfying the Bloodlust of the Masses in Peacetime

vorsprung

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Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #17 on: August 05, 2014, 08:08:49 pm »
In the past Yodel have committed various acts of madness delivering stuff to me here in Devon.  There used to be a city link depot that worked well for me.  So last year when I'd sold my bike frame to a yacfer up north I picked city link.

They picked it up ok.  A couple of days later I got a phone call from a random stranger.  Hello said he, in quite a gruff way, what the hell is this bike frame the delivery people have left with me.  They say it's for my neighbours but the address isn't anywhere near here.  Oh dear I reply.  I'll see what I can do.

The yacfer got a call and fortunately was able to retrieve his frame

So City link can deliver.  To the correct town.  But to a neighbour of someone in an incorrect street that sounds a bit like the target
Audaxing Blog follow @vorsprungbike on

Euan Uzami

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #18 on: August 05, 2014, 09:11:26 pm »
ParcelMonkey - a system design question:
If CityLink's "message to driver" field can only take a pointlessly short 20 characters, do you

a) Hassle them and ask why their field only allows an idiotically short message
b) Say, 'oh well', and restrict your own user interface field to that amount of characters and throw an error if they enter more
c) Simply truncate the entered message to the required length! ;D

"Err........................is it..............C"?
NO!!!! the correct answer is *anything BUT frigging C* !!!  >:( >:(

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #19 on: August 06, 2014, 02:43:13 pm »
I keep reading this as Shiite courier thread.
"A woman on a bicycle has all the world before her where to choose; she can go where she will, no man hindering." The Type-Writer Girl, 1897

tiermat

  • According to Jane, I'm a Unisex SpaceAdmin
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #20 on: August 06, 2014, 02:44:30 pm »
I would post in here, but all the couriers that deliver to home, for us, are excellent, even Hermes.

Sorry.
I feel like Captain Kirk, on a brand new planet every day, a little like King Kong on top of the Empire State

Euan Uzami

Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #21 on: August 06, 2014, 03:19:41 pm »
I would post in here, but all the couriers that deliver to home, for us, are excellent, even Hermes.

Sorry.
Rather, the particular employees of those couriers that happen to serve your area happen to be.

You're obviously just lucky, then, basically. Especially if CityLink are excellent

tiermat

  • According to Jane, I'm a Unisex SpaceAdmin
Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #22 on: August 06, 2014, 03:24:15 pm »
I would post in here, but all the couriers that deliver to home, for us, are excellent, even Hermes.

Sorry.
Rather, the particular employees of those couriers that happen to serve your area happen to be.

You're obviously just lucky, then, basically. Especially if CityLink are excellent

Well, yes, point taken.

Oddly enough CityLink got a whole lot better a few years ago, as the depot moved to ~8 miles from where I live, hence we were either one of the first, or one of the last deliveries of the day.
I feel like Captain Kirk, on a brand new planet every day, a little like King Kong on top of the Empire State

Steph

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Re: Sh!te courier thread
« Reply #23 on: August 06, 2014, 04:32:16 pm »
I keep reading this as Shiite courier thread.
I was going to say I prefer my couriers to be sunny...
Mae angen arnaf i byw, a fe fydda'i

Kim

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To ride the Windcheetah, first, you must embrace the cantilever...