Author Topic: Poo sticks  (Read 7864 times)

Wowbagger

  • Dez's butler
    • Musings of a Gentleman Cyclist
Poo sticks
« on: August 11, 2014, 10:29:56 am »
This morning I received my bowel cancer testing kit through the post.

It arrived too late for me to use it this morning.
Oh, Bach without any doubt. Bach every time for me.

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2014, 11:55:10 am »
It is worth doing, despite the yuk! factor.
Being a little younger, I was treated to a flexible sigmoidoscopy last year.

Basil

  • Um....err......oh bugger!
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Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2014, 11:56:31 am »
I had my third one last week.  Judging from our comparitve ages, and guessing that this is your first, I think that they must come every two years.

They're not the best fun first thing in the morning, are they?
Quote from: Kim
And remember that friends who organise things on Facebook aren't proper friends anyway.

Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2014, 12:40:23 pm »
I'm just glad there is someone there to look at my shit

Kim

  • 2nd in the world
Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2014, 01:05:53 pm »
I've looked at shit through a microscope.  It's a lot less exciting that you might expect.
To ride the Windcheetah, first, you must embrace the cantilever...

Wowbagger

  • Dez's butler
    • Musings of a Gentleman Cyclist
Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2014, 09:50:35 pm »
I have had a rather nice PM from a concerned forummer, whom I have assured that this is just a routine test that is sent to everyone who reaches 60.

I will probably give it a go in the morning. You will be relieved to hear that TT will remain WP.
Oh, Bach without any doubt. Bach every time for me.

Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2014, 10:02:27 pm »
I knew about the telegram I didnt know about the Poo sticks.
Get a bicycle. You will never regret it, if you live- Mark Twain

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2014, 10:21:39 pm »
There is very little publicity about Bowel Screening because Nice People don't Talk About Poo. Nobody else makes poo after all, do they?
So the NHS sends discreet little envelopes to all eligible subjects, some of whom get Shocked or Worried.
We're English and DON'T Talk About Poo.

Wowbagger

  • Dez's butler
    • Musings of a Gentleman Cyclist
Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #8 on: August 11, 2014, 10:47:43 pm »
I'm going to read the instructions again carefully before I go to bed. Mrs. Wow has also had a kit but hasn't done anything about it yet. We will probably have group therapy in the morning.

I don't mind talking about poo. It might be from my non-English side, or possibly because I was in Germany last week.
Oh, Bach without any doubt. Bach every time for me.

caerau

  • SR x 3 - PBP fail but 1090 km - hey - not too bad
Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2014, 10:52:30 pm »

We're English and DON'T Talk About Poo.


There seems to be plenty of it about on this forum these days.  I've not done a bowel cancer screen but I have had to provide a sample when I had food poisoning once.  Although a stool sample was a rather loose description at the time. Turned out to be campylobacter as I recall - that wasn't much fun either but a very effective way of losing 1 1/5 stone very quickly  ::-)
Look out here I come!

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2014, 10:54:13 pm »
I'm sure this would be easier with a 'Continental Shelf' type German bog...

Wowbagger

  • Dez's butler
    • Musings of a Gentleman Cyclist
Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2014, 10:59:05 pm »
Blimey! I have to take two samples from each of three different craps. That's more onerous than I thought. I reckon that will be tomorrow, Thursday and Friday then.

I'm sure this would be easier with a 'Continental Shelf' type German bog...

The instructions state explicitly that you mustn't take the samples out of the bog because there is a risk that they could be contaminated with other people's shit. That would never do. The recommended method is to catch it in your hand, either in bog paper or a plastic bag, or in a clean ice cream tub*. Maybe the old-style German Krappenhaus might have been suitable, but certainly not the British WC.

*Do not put it back in the freezer.
Oh, Bach without any doubt. Bach every time for me.

Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2014, 11:01:35 pm »
Crumbs! That sounds complicated.

I talk about poo regularly, but I'm a nanny and we see a lot of it. ;D
Quote from: Kim
^ This woman knows what she's talking about.

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #13 on: August 11, 2014, 11:02:19 pm »
Continental Shelf is self-cleansing and could be further decontaminated if needed.

road-runner

  • is in Slovakia.
Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #14 on: August 12, 2014, 07:41:00 am »
... this is just a routine test that is sent to everyone who reaches 60.

Aha, this is something to look forward to - and no, that wasn't said sarcastically. I lost a work colleague who, at the age of 54, died two weeks after stomach cancer was discovered and I hear or read of cancers being discovered in routine health checks. I have often wondered how one gets a routine health check as I haven't seen my GP in over 35 years.

Wowbagger

  • Dez's butler
    • Musings of a Gentleman Cyclist
Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #15 on: August 12, 2014, 08:39:51 am »
One down, two to go.

That was physically - and psychologically - more difficult than I expected. My plan was to used our camping bog, temporarily lifting the "no solids" rule, but I firstly found that my enormous arse would not fit comfortably on its little seat in such a way that it would tidily collect everything that I might produce, simultaneously from both sources, as it were. Secondly, it is only a heavy duty plastic bucket and I had concerns that my elephantine mass might cause it to break.

Plan B. A double layer of paper handkerchief (man-size, naturally - much less flimsy, and of course a considerably greater area than a few sheets of bog roll) over your hand and wait for the first instalment. It's actually quite hard to steel yourself to catch your own turds, so conditioned are we from an early age not to do so. However, I collected a walnut-sized piece, used cardboard stick number one to smear a little in Window 1 of the test kit, disposed of the unwanted debris down the bog, waited for the second turd and repeated. Each test kit allows for three different craps and you have to take two samples from each, at different stages of the bowel motion, I suppose to check that different bits of the rectum are free from cancer cells.

The necessary deposits are now safely stored in my bedside cabinet, with the little flap tucked into its tab, waiting for the next two instalments. The cardboard sticks have been disposed of in a dog-shit bag to be exported to the park when we go later this morning.
Oh, Bach without any doubt. Bach every time for me.

Snakehips

  • Twixt London and leafy Surrey
    • Snakehips' Bikes
Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #16 on: August 12, 2014, 08:44:56 am »
Presumably in-bowl contamination could come from contact with the bowl or the water. If one managed to suspend one's output above the waterline and away from the sides of the bowl , that material kept 'high and dry' would remain contamination free.
A sheet of loosely crumpled newspaper placed appropriately would do the trick. It would also flush away obligingly when the sampling was completed.
Mustn't grumble in the circumstances .

Wowbagger

  • Dez's butler
    • Musings of a Gentleman Cyclist
Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #17 on: August 12, 2014, 08:50:48 am »
I think newspaper would be liable to cause a blockage downstream. The loose fibres of bog paper and paper handkerchieves are designed to disintegrate rapidly in water, but I think newspaper, especially the higher-quality stuff produced these days, would take much too long.
Oh, Bach without any doubt. Bach every time for me.

frankly frankie

  • I kid you not
    • Fuchsiaphile
Too much information!
« Reply #18 on: August 12, 2014, 09:06:44 am »
Mine always sticks to the side of the bowl anyway** so it's simple to scrape off a sample that hasn't contacted any water or porcelain.  Hand-catching is impossible anyway - I can't reach.

** or in France, to the back wall.
"This is a complex subject, with a need for more than one highlighter pen."

Wowbagger

  • Dez's butler
    • Musings of a Gentleman Cyclist
Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #19 on: August 12, 2014, 09:38:37 am »
How could you be sure that you are collecting samples from different turds?
Oh, Bach without any doubt. Bach every time for me.

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #20 on: August 12, 2014, 10:07:56 am »
Maybe a pulp cardboard bedpan/bedpan liner, placed 'twixt WC pan and seat could catch the products efficiently.

Something like this http://www.amazon.co.uk/VERNACARE-BEDPAN-LINER-CASE-101AA100/dp/B00CESSBMK/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1407843785&sr=8-7&keywords=bedpan+liner

A keen forumenger could buy 100 use a few, then pass the pack on to the next in need.

hellymedic

  • Just do it!
Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #21 on: August 12, 2014, 10:15:42 am »
Another 'line' of this bowel screening was to offer flexible sigmoidoscopy to everyone from some, but not all, General Practices in our area at 55.
I had this last year and needed a follow-up colonoscopy.
I have had the 'all-clear' after this and need nothing else till I get Wow's poo sticks in 4 years' time.
My friend, who is local and the same age, was not offered this.
Shame. Her first husband died of bowel cancer.
I suggested she request screening; she works in healthcare.

Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #22 on: August 12, 2014, 10:26:06 am »
Been doing these tests for a number of years now.  A cousin and her husband ignored them; unfortunately he died of bowel cancer earlier this year  :(

Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #23 on: August 12, 2014, 10:53:38 am »
Squat over a sheet of clingfilm on the floor?
"A woman on a bicycle has all the world before her where to choose; she can go where she will, no man hindering." The Type-Writer Girl, 1897

Eccentrica Gallumbits

  • Rock 'n' roll and brew, rock 'n' roll and brew...
Re: Poo sticks
« Reply #24 on: August 12, 2014, 12:32:25 pm »
Or a glass table?
My feminist marxist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard.