Author Topic: the food rant thread  (Read 1230 times)


  • Quiet please
the food rant thread
« on: April 26, 2015, 02:54:07 pm »
The burger on the scales is either some kind of truly heinous brilliance, or a dystopian metaphor for our battle with the food that sustains yet kills us. Or it's Hoxton tossery squared.

My wife got jenga chips last night. Ten carefully balanced chips. Unfortunately, the waitress knocked them over at the table and the whole thing had to go back to back kitchen for reassembly. As it was Denmark they probably didn't beat the poor girl, though I'm sure the chef/architect had strong words. I've found structural food assemblies quite common in Scandinavia, I think it's the entire Ikea thing. It did apparently come on a plate, though for some reason her veg got its own little dish to prevent food group miscegenation. That's a common theme, like macaroni cheese in those little enamel bathtubs, and the growing need for restaurants to serve breakfast in a dinky little frying pan with a pair of egg-tits wobbling on top.

Yesterday's lunch of disappointment was skewered and grilled ennui on a deathbed of buckwheat kasha. I should know better. It was like shoveling soil from my own grave into my mouth. There was an arterial splash of vibrant red sauce on the side that promised to taste of something but tasted like precisely titrated nothing. It was all served on a plate at least.

Coffee, don't get me going, I was dragged to a coffee shop the other day, run by New Zealanders and populated with MacBooks and their owners. Perhaps our Kiwi friends are wired directly into the caffeinated zeitgeist and thus uniquely qualified to sell coffee and afghan biscuits, all I know is that my gritty americano cost about the same as a return ticket to Auckland and tasted marginally worse than the free coffee from the machines aboard the mothership.