Author Topic: ACME Miscellany  (Read 202125 times)

tedshred

  • AKA: Dirk - Let me see those hands
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3675 on: September 27, 2019, 12:04:21 pm »
He meant in a tent.
The pleasure of pain endured
To purify our misfit ways

Oscar's dad

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Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3676 on: September 27, 2019, 12:09:59 pm »

Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3677 on: September 27, 2019, 12:48:21 pm »
Potentially but have used a lot of credits recently so will see if I can escape

jiberjaber

  • ... Fancy Pants \o/ ...
  • ACME S&M^2
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3678 on: September 27, 2019, 01:21:55 pm »
9th November at the Spiritual Home...

I was thinking somewhere a bit further afield but that would work also...
Regards,

Joergen

Oscar's dad

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Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3679 on: September 27, 2019, 03:44:08 pm »
9th November at the Spiritual Home...

I was thinking somewhere a bit further afield but that would work also...

So camping after the medal ceremony?

tedshred

  • AKA: Dirk - Let me see those hands
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3680 on: September 27, 2019, 04:02:17 pm »
I might -it's a long way home.

Then again, I might try a bit of lift scrounging at home - particularly as I anticipate winning a large number of trophies.
The pleasure of pain endured
To purify our misfit ways

tedshred

  • AKA: Dirk - Let me see those hands
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3681 on: September 30, 2019, 01:02:25 pm »
Another week, another beer festival for the intrepid MEMWNs pelotons.  This time the venue was the Sun Inn at Feering.  The Sun always puts on a reasonable festival and this time it had the added attraction of a Lager Land Rover stuffed with Belgian delights.

I arrived to find Joergen, Mrs Jiber, the Strangler, "Tomsk", Hotblack, the Hustler and the Fixie King all deep in study of their beer menus - well apart from Mrs Jiber who was trying to make Joergen sit up properly and behave and the Fixie King who was tucking into the fourth course of his taster menu.

We managed to sample a wide range of ales - so wide, in fact, that the Quaffers' Committee permanent members only managed to intersect on one beer.  Fortunately, that beer was Tropical Tom by Fat Cat which was worthy of the Quaffers' Choice Award.  Had the Hustler followed the prescribed list, it might well have gone to one of the lagers from the Land Rover.  I know that first substitute, Joergen, particularly enjoyed a couple of those, as did I.

The Strangler (who seems to have his feet very comfortably under the table for an interloper), took it upon himself to chair a meeting of our Youth Wing, who, it turns out, are revolting.  Given that there were only three of our juniors present, they seemed to be remarkably vocal on a number of issues.  The Strangler is demanding social influencers at our annual awards evening and a live feed on Periscope, Joergen wants to send us to the outer rims of East Anglia (when he is away) and the Fixie King wants a relaxed dress code at formal functions - since when was a string vest an acceptable substitute for tails ? 

Under normal circumstances, Tomsk would have quietly but firmly put the pesky kids in their place.  These are not normal circumstances however.  Tomsk has been replaced by an oft-malfunctioning cyborg that looks like him but doesn't act like him.  I think our suspicions were first aroused when the unit had to be collected in a vehicle from Goldhanger, presumably for re-programming or charging.  PBP by fixed in sub-80 hours did seem like classic Tomsk, at first sight at least.  On closer inspection, there were some further clues; no beer consumed during the whole ride, issues with the unit's mechanical claws and some missing time between its finish and the rest of us when it was back at base re-charging.  Since then we have had the motorised visit to Tippers' PBP debrief and now, as if further evidence was needed, riding to the Sun on gears.  I never thought I would be saying this but perhaps we really do need OD back.  He can be Shaggy to Joergen's Scooby Do and see if we can't unmask this fake Tomsk and solve the mystery once and for all.

It was still remarkably mild on the way home but naturally the strong headwind had turned into a barely noticeable tailwind.  We have the darkness of winter but not, as yet, the temperatures to match.





The pleasure of pain endured
To purify our misfit ways

Tomsk

  • Fueled by cake since 1957
    • tomsk.co.uk
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3682 on: October 01, 2019, 03:49:47 pm »
First ride on fixed since PBP tentatively scheduled for tomorrow evening ... the duff digit coped well with Yorkshire hills and rain ok last weekend, with gears. I was even able to applaud, tentatively, at the Worlds.

It's a small world: I met film makers Damon & Heather in Harrogate; a VC167 peloton including Debs, in Leyburn; a random Essex cycle tourist from Wickford and a neighbour from my street watching the Junior Women's race, while visiting his mother in Tadcaster. Dan met Ned Boulting; Ed Pickering, editor of Pro Cycling magazine and everywhere we went, there was style monster David Millar complete with trilby hat, skinny jeans, chpt 3 Brompton and matching rucksack. We managed to get close enough to see both Annmieke Van Vleuten and Mads Pedersen cross the finish line in their respective races. The men who actually made it to the finish, in the rain on Sunday did not look very perky - it was a pretty grim day.

tedshred

  • AKA: Dirk - Let me see those hands
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3683 on: October 02, 2019, 12:27:48 pm »
Nice to see the "Tomsk" unit has been upgraded to ride fixed.

The wonders of modern science.
The pleasure of pain endured
To purify our misfit ways

Oscar's dad

  • Cheers!
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3684 on: October 07, 2019, 03:02:16 pm »
As some of you already know I've had A SILLY IDEA.  Wanna come along?

Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3685 on: October 07, 2019, 10:59:56 pm »
Looking for some local knowledge - is it easy to get a ferry across between Felixstowe and Harwich tomorrow? Shotley Ferry doesn't look like it works during the week - is there an alternative?

tedshred

  • AKA: Dirk - Let me see those hands
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3686 on: October 08, 2019, 04:37:38 pm »
I am not sure if it is indicative of Jiber's attention to detail when he is around or the fact he couldn't care less when he is not - or perhaps a combination of the two - but last week's outing saw us heading off to an unchecked venue.

The White Hart at Stebbing has been visited before and is handy for our Westerners but the fact it now closes at 10 on a Wednesday is something of an issue.

Fortunately for the Witham peloton, the Hustler and I were under Huggy's leadership and arrived there at 8.30 via a route that was almost completely direct (it included a 1km diversion to make it not look too direct).  Unfortunately for the Witham peloton (well, me), Huggy was astride his sooty steed and "testing" his fitness by disappearing into the distance with the Hustler nonchalantly keeping up behind. 

We were soon joined in our cosy corner at the pub by Tomsk, Toby's Dad and Fabrizio Ravanelli.

The beer selection was limited but well kept - Ridley's Rite and Heresy.  Obviously, Rite took the Qaffers' Choice Award.

Discussion revolved around adventures for next year - Fabrizio will be unicycling up K2 and sledging back down or something but the rest of us were keen on some non-Audax touring type activity.  Tomsk had a list of potential plans, some of which even sounded feasible for mere mortals.

For once, we managed to stick to our "arrive early, leave early" plan - the fact the pub had shut may have helped.  I take back what I said about the temperature last week, it was dark and cold on the long journey back offshore.  My Garmin showed 2.3 degrees most of the way (the Hustler had 1.6 but I suspect that was down to his greater speed).  Whatever, it was cold and I am not sure any of us were quite expecting it so soon.  The transition from sandals to knee warmers doesn't seem to have taken any time at all this year.



The pleasure of pain endured
To purify our misfit ways

jiberjaber

  • ... Fancy Pants \o/ ...
  • ACME S&M^2
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3687 on: October 09, 2019, 06:57:05 am »
Love the white feather reference!
Regards,

Joergen

tedshred

  • AKA: Dirk - Let me see those hands
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3688 on: October 10, 2019, 10:33:57 am »
Oh look it's Great Notley again.  Stebbing last week, Dunmow on Saturday and the King Billy last night, it seems that all roads lead there at the moment. 

I arrived to find one half (the better one) of Jemango, Toby's Dad and Francesco Schettino making final preparations for the long-awaited return of Steve Pan.  The bunting was a bit OTT but the banner was a nice touch.

It has taken a while to negotiate his release from Europeland and we have had to send Joergen and the Fixie King over there in a swap but he is back.

He was escorted on his way by the Hustler, Hotblack and Huggy.  Not only did they manage to stay in perfect formation but they also avoided their planned rendezvous with Tomsk by taking a totally different and shorter route.  Tomsk duly arrived solo half an hour after Pan's cyclecade.

Those of us not on Merlot sampled St Peter's Conkered and Black Sheep's Monty Python's Flying Circus.  It was a close run thing but Conkered took the Quaffers' Choice Award.  Once again we were without our key third member and with no office junior around to substitute, we were seriously short of numbers.  Accordingly, you will see an announcement shortly.

Most of the evening was taken up with Pan telling us about his adventures in French France - towed caravan, parked caravan, repaired caravan, ate odd things out of tins, drank wine, went to extravagant restaurants, moaned about opening hours - sleep and repeat and you have his whole 5 months.  Now back to almost full health, Tomsk is laying down the law once more.  Poor Francesco has been told he is riding fixed this winter and is about to press the button on a new (old) frame - I am sure he can coax the Fixie King to talk a bit about riding fixed if he asks nicely.

In the beer garden afterwards we were treated to a virtuoso performance on faffing.  Even Huggy was astride his bike by the time Pan had realised he had dropped his Garmin on the ground.  Ten minutes later and he was ready to put on his helmet, only to notice his bike was still locked.  Fortunately it was a mild night but it shows just how out of practice the old boy has become on his sabbatical.  The upside was that I finally achieved a long-held ambition to lead the famous Witham Peloton home from the pub.  This meant everyone had to ride at The Speed of Ted - basically you get home a bit later than you had expected but at least you can chat to people without being out of breath (unless you're the bloke at the front trying desperately to go quickly enough to stay ahead).  Frankly it was a relief when they turned off at Peg Millers and I was then able to watch Francesco speed off into the distance at his normal rate.

Next week we need to head towards Colchester and see if we can tempt the other half of Jemango and the Strangler out to play.

After that we have the send off to look forward to when we watch Pan disappear on his November bivvi trip to Tan Hill via Goole.  He still seems genuinely incredulous that there isn't more interest in his madness.
The pleasure of pain endured
To purify our misfit ways

Oscar's dad

  • Cheers!
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3689 on: October 10, 2019, 01:35:04 pm »
Incredulous is the word. What’s the matter with you lot?

ted missed a fun element, huggy’s puncture!  ted probably missed this fun element cos we neglected to tell him. We availed ourselves of the gateway to Shuteworth Hall as it was well lit with not one but two CCTV cameras. Just as we we’re about to hit the road again a chap appeared from the house, Lord Shuttleworth perhaps, as he thought we were a bunch of workmen intent on digging up the road. Nope I’ve no idea either.

Oscar's dad

  • Cheers!
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3690 on: October 10, 2019, 01:36:35 pm »
Oh yeah ted, where’s the Official Selfie you took?  Don’t be shy, its one of your best efforts!

Tomsk

  • Fueled by cake since 1957
    • tomsk.co.uk
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3691 on: October 15, 2019, 08:06:30 am »
This Saturday [19th Oct] Dunmow Velo are joining other supporters of BLESMA [limbless ex-servicemen's association] to ride 1000 miles in one hour, at Hog Hill [Redbridge] at 13:00. They have 35 signed up but ideally need at least 50 in total to thrash at 20mph! Anyone interested can join free via:  https://www.tickettailor.com/events/greatdunmowroundtable/296515

Donate:  https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/blesmacycle1000milesin1hour

I'm already committed to Wilkyboy's Autumnals, but anyone at a loose end? ...

tedshred

  • AKA: Dirk - Let me see those hands
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3692 on: October 24, 2019, 02:00:57 pm »
It hasn't taken long for us to get back to peak OD.

After a return that was understated by his standards, he is now back to his chaotic best.

Time must fog the memory.  How else to explain our willingness to follow one of OD's infamous routes ?

I pitched up at Spa to find the Hustler, Hotblack and ride leader OD all ready to set off into the rain.

We had only gone about 500m when OD announced that his Garmin was playing up and he wasn't sure where we were going - "close to the pub and then away from it in a series of loops" quipped Hotblack in what turned out to be a moment of prescience.

I am not sure if Hotblack and the Hustler suddenly reflected on the route and came to their senses.  They claim the Hustler had a visitation just after our first unscheduled stop, it all seemed a bit too convenient to me.  Whatever the truth, by the time we reached the second junction, it was just me and OD.  It was at that point I noticed he was on Dakota and in a sprinting kind of mood.

Naturally, we followed the Blackwater rail trail to reach Blue Mills Hill and naturally we immediately dropped back to Langford Road as soon as we reached the top of Mope Lane.  Soon afterwards we were, indeed, a short ride of a few minutes from the pub but of course we turned away to ascend Market Hill.  I did note, with some relief, that OD had at least diverted off his original plan of riding the rest of the Blackwater Rail Trail.  I have no doubt that would have happened if he had been astride Fred.

No sooner had we gained some height above Maldon, than we were heading back downhill again to make our first ascent of TMNH, on this occasion sneaking up on it via a circuitous route up and down various little ramps on the Eastern Escarpment.  Somewhere along the way we picked up Robert Waterman and his retina-busting rear light.  The only way to preserve any night vision was to depend on Waterman's comparative slowness downhill and hoon off into the darkness and the slipperiness in the hope of being far enough ahead when the next uphill came along.  The criss-crossing purple lines on the Garmin at the top of TMNH merely served to confirm that we were now engaged in the cycling equivalent of digging a hole and filling it back in again - gratuitous slope hunting.  So down Colam Lane we went and back up Holybread we continued before re-scaling TMNH by the classic route.  I did point out, more in hope than expectation, that it was now 9pm and that we were losing valuable sampling time but these were two men on a mission; one man trying to find his fitness by making the rest of us endure his training ride disguised as a route to the pub and one man who should know better at his age.

By the time we had descended down Market Hill, it was time to sprint for the night's venue, the Jolly Sailor at Heybridge (of course via a canal path).

Who would have thought but there were the Hustler and Hotblack sitting comfortably in the pub, looking like butter wouldn't melt and already at least one sample in.  Tomsk and the larger half of Jemango just looked at my bedraggled form in a way that said "what did you expect when you set off into the night with that lunatic ?"

In the limited time still available, we managed to sample Black Bull by Theakstons before retreating to the comfortable familiarity of Quaffers' Choice, Maldon Gold, at least until we finished off the barrel. 

Waterman and I played with our radar whilst he patiently explained (again) how to work a Garmin then OD outlined his next plan - a 600km ride setting off from our Wednesday venue at 11pm but not travelling any more than 10 miles from his house in case he can't be bothered at any point.  Last night's route would be a 60k start to that plan.  His eventual strava track will look more like a heatmap.

We were the only people present at the pub but the landlady seemed genuinely keen to see us.  At least she was until she asked how we arranged the weekly venue - "we do everything on the internet" said Hotblack in an unexpectedly dark tone, "that's how we all met, on the internet". 

I had a pleasant ride home with half of Jemango.  Pleasant apart from my saddle rail snapping which left me perched on a corner of saddle while trying to keep up with the pink tornado as he sped off towards Colchester. 



The pleasure of pain endured
To purify our misfit ways

Oscar's dad

  • Cheers!
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3693 on: October 24, 2019, 02:05:25 pm »
 ;D

tedshred

  • AKA: Dirk - Let me see those hands
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3694 on: October 31, 2019, 05:38:25 pm »
The inaugural meeting of the Eastern Easy Riders coincided with the annual MEMWNS Halloween extravaganza last night.

Given that our Western colleagues were holed up in High Roding at the Black Lion, it is difficult to report on exactly what they got up to but the available photographic evidence suggests most of them barely managed to dress up as cyclists for the evening.  Tomsk looked like he may have come as Raffles the gentleman thief and the Fixie King was probably wearing a string vest and a knotted hanky as a hat but he was well hidden in the picture and it's what he always wears anyway.

Nothing so mundane for the EER however, most of whom made a huge effort for our 80's themed trip to the Donkey & Buskins; the Hustler deployed almost his whole buff collection in his reprise of Chris "Merrick" Hughes in the video to Stand and Deliver, Huggy's Doogie Howser MD outfit only just made into the 80's but was well received nevertheless, I think we were all a bit confused by the Strangler's tribute to Belinda Carlisle and his low cut top did cause a bit of a stir amongst the diners in the restaurant section but the highlight had to be the BFC as Alain Bondue.  He even had the haircut to match.  Aside me from me (obviously), the only let down was Fandango who only had about a mile to travel but put very little or no effort into his Victor Meldrew ensemble.  Let's not even get into the fact it didn't come on air until the 4th of January 1990.  Mind you, he did a decent impersonation - all evening.

Despite our freewheeling, anarchist tendencies, I somehow managed to intercept a fully-formed Witham peloton and the Strangler and Fandango managed to arrive at the venue by our usual 9pm start.

We also managed to sample a few ales, tell a few tall tales and enjoy the services of the Hustler's beer delivery system so perhaps we aren't quite as radical as we all liked to imagine. 

We sampled Broomstick by Mauldon, Old Ale by Adnams and Swifty by Cotleigh (a Cornish brewery based in Somerset).  It was a close run thing, not helped by Huggy's attempts to inject some professionalism into proceedings (since when was the Quaffers' Choice Committee in any way professional or even competent) but the two remaining members of the Committee eventually plumped for Swifty.  We did also call an emergency meeting of the Committee to discuss the ongoing absence of third member, Lord Oakington Sex Whale.  The Committee's view was that our office junior, Jiber, is just not ready for the responsibility so, unless Oaky returns, we may be looking for some new blood soon.

It was probably inevitable that we would spend some time discussing bands of the '80s.  I am sure I am not the only one struggling to get rid of various earworms that have sprung out of the Strangler's somewhat eclectic collection - as well as Belinda, amongst others, he had Aled Jones, Pink Floyd (but only one song), Charlotte Church, Max Bygraves and Stiff Little Fingers.

The pub itself made us very welcome despite being busy for a Wednesday.  We were also encouraged to attend next week's Remembrance beer and sausage festival - I am sure we would all concur that nothing quite honours the dead of the Great War like a foaming pint of Billericay Zeppelin and a Cumberland sausage on sourdough.

During our time indoors with a roaring fire, the promised Easterly wind arrived and the temperature duly dropped a few degrees.  I was relieved to have 10 miles home and not 40 miles from High Roding as I battled my way offshore.

As winter takes hold, the EER option might work when things are particularly nasty but it must be better if we can start moving towards our winter schedule with central venues dotted around Witham.  The time for the Eastern or Western fringes is May to September and those of us, like me, who live at the extremes will probably just have to get on with it until then.




The pleasure of pain endured
To purify our misfit ways

Oscar's dad

  • Cheers!
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3695 on: October 31, 2019, 06:47:18 pm »
Where are the photos of the Black Lions???

Tomsk

  • Fueled by cake since 1957
    • tomsk.co.uk
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3696 on: October 31, 2019, 07:30:19 pm »
Where are the photos of the Black Lions???

Calling psyclist ...

I arrived uncharacteristically late again to find Grey Sheep, Josser, Toby's Dad, psyclist and new MEMWNS-er Wilkyboy already settled in the dining room, the rest of the pub being quite busy. Some had been Audaxing and were in serious re-fuelling mode. Our cycling landlord noticed a few disloyal Compasses regulars eating there. We drank a lot of Hobgoblin; 2020 plans featured heavily; WB declined the Essex Pickled Egg Thing, but we're still glad he's now an official Essex Boy. We also had excellent table service from the landlord and barmaid.

In other news, today is the 10th anniversary of my first step into the world of AUDAX ORGANISING: Deniece and I rode the inaugural 'Dick Turpin's Day Out' 200km permanent on Halloween 2009. We inadvertently scared a lot of tiny trick-or-treaters on the final run through the villages to Dunmow.

Oscar's dad

  • Cheers!
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3697 on: October 31, 2019, 08:08:43 pm »
I pity you Tomsk, 10 year anniversaries are celebrated very meanly hereabouts  ::-)

Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3698 on: October 31, 2019, 08:12:54 pm »
Where are the photos of the Black Lions???

On Strava

Oscar's dad

  • Cheers!
Re: ACME Miscellany
« Reply #3699 on: October 31, 2019, 09:21:13 pm »
Oh yes.