the food rant thread

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

Girl on the train. Breakfast seems to be two industrial bags of Monster Munch (pickled onion and beef) intermixed with a family sized bar of Dairy Milk. Washed down with full fat coke. I hate to think what dinner is. Is this what happens in the movie?

Maybe she's just finished an audax.

[ian]

I think she'd just finished climbing the stairs to the platform.

(Just for the record, I wasn't claiming any posho points for travelling first class, I just sit in there because it's a metro service and it isn't enforced, which means it's usually free of oiks  – not to mention first class is really exactly the same as the other bits of the train, just with a glass partition door and slightly less stained seats.)

[Pickled Onion]

Shallot #3 works in a pub restaurant. She was telling me about a table the other day where, along with the usual dietary requirements (no fewer than three coeliacs—who knew it was so common?) there were two people who claimed to have "Cow-Allergy". So, no butter, milk, beef or dripping, but goats cheese, chicken, lard, etc. were fine. Is that seriously a thing?

[SteveC]

Shallot #3 works in a pub restaurant. She was telling me about a table the other day where, along with the usual dietary requirements (no fewer than three coeliacs—who knew it was so common?) there were two people who claimed to have "Cow-Allergy". So, no butter, milk, beef or dripping, but goats cheese, chicken, lard, etc. were fine. Is that seriously a thing?

I have a friend who claims the same about pork (but we don't tend to eat pig-milk products so it's less of an issue). I think in theory you can be allergic to just about anything, but I do have my doubts about some people.

[geraldc]

I was dubious about meat allergies until I read this

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/oct/07/tick-bites-that-trigger-severe-meat-allergy-on-rise-around-the-world

[Tigerrr]

Mrs Tiger's book group were at ours this week. A frenzy of clearing, cleaning and hoovering was followed by a day in kitchen preparing food to the exacting standards of this assortment of food cranks discerning diners. The greatest challenge was the gluten free one which in the end drove the whole menu. Plus various veg/no carbs/etc etc.
Drear soup,  listless salmon in neutral sauce with salad bits was the solution, and special gluten free puddings. Imagine the delight when the gluten intolerant one called an hour before to say she thought she had a bit of flu and wasn't going to make it.
I had to eat the meal for her instead of getting a nice Thai takeout. That was a sacrifice I can tell you.

[T42]

I was dubious about meat allergies until I read this

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/oct/07/tick-bites-that-trigger-severe-meat-allergy-on-rise-around-the-world

The Surgeon General has determined that reading the Guardian can be dangerous to your appetite.

[contango]

I will attempt to replicate with my spice collection.

My Mexican spice mix (which I use for anything however you fold it)is based around the following-ish mix

2:Garlic powder
2:Onion Powder
2: Cumin
1: Coriander
1: Oregano (or not)
1: Chili Powder(or less)
1: Cayenne (or less)
1: Paprika (or not)

I don't use salt at all.

HTH

Personally I'd add something with a bit of kick to that mix. A friend who grows hot peppers gave me a red powder labelled merely "wild blend". It turned out to be a variety of weird and wonderful hot peppers and had the kind of kick to it that makes cayenne pepper look pretty tame. But then I do rather like cayenne pepper in what I titled my "demon mocha" in years gone by.

[Ham]

As a chilli head living in a family of non-chilli heads I have learned to approach with moderation. It's easy to add heat, less so to remove.

[mrcharly-YHT]

Mrs Tiger's book group were at ours this week. A frenzy of clearing, cleaning and hoovering was followed by a day in kitchen preparing food to the exacting standards of this assortment of food cranks discerning diners. The greatest challenge was the gluten free one which in the end drove the whole menu. Plus various veg/no carbs/etc etc.
Drear soup,  listless salmon in neutral sauce with salad bits was the solution, and special gluten free puddings. Imagine the delight when the gluten intolerant one called an hour before to say she thought she had a bit of flu and wasn't going to make it.
I had to eat the meal for her instead of getting a nice Thai takeout. That was a sacrifice I can tell you.

Speaking as a person who is not celiac, but who was diagnosed wheat-intolerant decades ago in a hospital, that sort of thing really pisses me off. I've managed for all those years by simply eating normal meals. Avoiding taking mouthfuls of pasta or pizza and eating the, you know, *normal* food. That's all that's required. Not putting hosts through some effing pointless torture.

[hellymedic]

Mrs Tiger's book group were at ours this week. A frenzy of clearing, cleaning and hoovering was followed by a day in kitchen preparing food to the exacting standards of this assortment of food cranks discerning diners. The greatest challenge was the gluten free one which in the end drove the whole menu. Plus various veg/no carbs/etc etc.
Drear soup,  listless salmon in neutral sauce with salad bits was the solution, and special gluten free puddings. Imagine the delight when the gluten intolerant one called an hour before to say she thought she had a bit of flu and wasn't going to make it.
I had to eat the meal for her instead of getting a nice Thai takeout. That was a sacrifice I can tell you.

Speaking as a person who is not celiac, but who was diagnosed wheat-intolerant decades ago in a hospital, that sort of thing really pisses me off. I've managed for all those years by simply eating normal meals. Avoiding taking mouthfuls of pasta or pizza and eating the, you know, *normal* food. That's all that's required. Not putting hosts through some effing pointless torture.

Some real coeliacs are very ill after microscopic quantities of gluten.
Some seem fine with minimally prepared Real Foods but would still relish a nicely-cooked complex dish. This is a challenge for a host(ess) but some are up for challenging cookery. I don't think either a guest or host deserve scorn.

[jsabine]

It's perhaps worth remembering that coeliac disease is, AFAIUI, an auto-immune condition, not (just) a food allergy.

As for serving "Drear soup, listless salmon in neutral sauce with salad bits," this is down to the cook not to the dinner guests.

If I did put that on the table, I would be ashamed to blame it on other people's food allergies (or even preferences) rather than my own lack of imagination.

[ian]

I think the problem is that people ran with the idea what well, if gluten was the problem in coeliac disease, well, maybe gluten was just bad. Anyone with the condition will be painfully aware that you can't be a 'little bit coeliac' and it's a very specific condition. Intolerance is a vague thing and we all have things in our that give us gas etc. No one can eat jerusalem artichokes without spending the next day louding playing their arse trombone. That we have to medicalise and turn everything into a lifestyle is the annoyance.

[Bledlow]

Yep, suck them heads. It's a thing. Everyone slurping out those crispy little craniums like short-changed zombies.

Really, I'm not hot on the entire crustacean thing. I can manage prawns though I would rather not. I remember once in Boston trying to ignore my girlfriend dismembering a lobster when splat, guts down my front. She looks at me and says 'was that me?' Like lobster guts just rain from the sky. Not even in Maine, honey.

Oh, and Baltimore crabs. You have to, they insist. These people are monsters, after about five minutes there's bits of crab everywhere, legs, claws, bits of shell. It's like someone has dropped a daisy cutter on a beach. Carnage. I don't need to see that and I definitely don't want to eat it.

You should try Ise-ebi sashimi. Looks like this -

You don't suck the head though. After you've eaten the raw meat artistically laid out on the upturned carapace, they take away the head & make soup from it, for you to enjoy towards the end of the meal.

[ian]

Nah, I'm not eating stuff with tentacles or antennae. Ever again.

[Cudzoziemiec]

No "rognons blancs"? Oh, tentacles.

[tiermat]

For those of you who know me, this will not be a surprise rant.

If I go for a meal out, especially if it is with a person I love and adore, the last thing you will see is me getting my phone out to take pictures of what I am eating. Why is this? Well I understand that the chef has spent a lot of time formulating a recipe which tastes nice, then nearly as much time (and sometimes more) making sure that the food is presented in an attractive manner. At no point in the process does your average chef think "this looks crap to the person eating it, but will look fantastic on social media". Hence do not expect me to either a) wait whilst you take a photo of my food, or 2) respond positively to your posts on social media of your meal,  or iii) post photos of my food on said social media. */**

* Certain forum members this is most definitely not aimed at
** Food I have cooked lands in a completely different category!

[Mr Larrington]

Anyone, be they staff or merely prurient member of the unwashed masses, who asks to take a photograph of my dinner runs the very real risk of finding themselves wearing it for a hat

[Kim]

Personally, I reckon food photography should be restricted to cases where it's actually interesting.  Spectacularly enormous cakes.  Anything that deserves to be posted to @wewantplates.  Hot chocolate served in particularly bizarre ways.  That sort of thing.

[ian]

I was killing some time in a pub before a concert last night. The couple I was overlooking as I read the paper and drank my pint were instagramming their meal. It was just like erm, food, not some elaborate culinary sculpture. Not even exciting food, just two burgers that looked like every other burger. I'm sure they tasted lovely, but it was meat in bread with chips. Mostly on a plate, the chips were in a vat of some sort. Maybe they didn't get out much. Look meat in bread! It's an actual thing!

I think I mentioned the crazy lady I know who photographs and blogs about everything she eats. Best cornflakes ever. That sort of thing. Lordy.

[Cudzoziemiec]

Anyone, be they staff or merely prurient member of the unwashed masses, who asks to take a photograph of my dinner runs the very real risk of finding themselves wearing it for a hat

Do people do that? Take photos of other people's meals? I suppose they must do. 

[contango]

I miss the good old days, when you had to take the picture of your meal with one of those old-fashioned cameras, then wait until you'd used up the rest of the roll of film, take it to be developed and wait a few days to get the prints back, and only then could you show it to your friends.

Oh, wait....

[Eccentrica Gallumbits]

Cappucino flavoured Werther's Originals. 

[Efrogwr]

Cappucino flavoured Werther's Originals. 

This should be in a new thread; Things that are crap, and are even worse combined.

[fuzzy]

The chrimbo stash pile has run out of savoury treats. All that is left is chocolate, toffee and biscuits.

Bollocks.