G Imlach: | O hai! I, TV's G Imlach bid u welcome 2 yet another da ov his & los on teh emoshunul rolla-costar that iz teh Tour ov France! Teh his iz, ov course, mostli mi joaks, japes & gags. Teh los iz Stuffs like rid0rz goning hoam 4 bein' out l8 (teh dirty stop-outs) or becoz they's felled off ov thare biek. |
Bethany (11): | U'd betta haz ur joak-mashine turned up 2 11 2da, G Imlach, coz teh rid0rz iz gonna nede orl teh LOLZ0RZ they c'n fit in thare pocketses! Twice up teh iconic Von-2? Who thort that woz a gud idea? |
EC Boardman: | Me! Hahahahahaha! Oh yes! |
G Imlach: | I Montoya N Quintana iz on record az sayin' he lieks teh iconic Von-2! |
Bethany (11): | M Bolan wuz on record az sayin' he liekd 2 boogie but it dint do him much gud! |
NC Boardman: | Frankly, Bethany (11), it astonishs me that u possess this information! |
Bethany (11): | 5 lieks 'im. She's gone off ov biek rid0rz afta TD Windmill & T Pinot dint come out 2 pla this yere! She's gotta big pictcha ov 'im on teh wall, wif icky teerdropz on 'iz faec! |
NC Boardman: | DED pop stars ent exactly a improvement! |
Bethany (11): | Sssssshhhhh! I doan think she kno he's DED! |
EO Aquitaine: | Thare ent nuffink rong wif bein' DED! Apart from no-1 lissenin' when u tell 'em 2 chop off sum miscreent's head… |
NC Boardman: | Soz, ur Maj! 0 insult intended! |
Omnes: | Cud b worse! Cud b ME Smith! Or SP Morrissey! |
Bethany (11): | I h8 Illinois Mankchesta Nazis!!1! |
G Imlach: | We sent ect ect… |
D Friebe: | O hai! O hai, D Martin! |
D Martin: | O hai! I think u kno my op!on ov C Prudhomme bi now! |
TP Kennaugh: | I must ov missed that 1. Probly becoz I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
Omnes: | D Martin thinks C Prudhomme iz a cnt! |
5's Mummy: | Get out! All of you! |
Omnes: | [Slinks out ov teh bak dor wif collective head hung in shaem] |
D Martin: | He iz, er, 1 o'they tho! Soz, Syrah! |
M Cavendish: | O hai! This Unit hereby endorses this product, service or sentiment & doan menshn E Merckx! |
G Imlach: | I think we c'n get away wifout not menshnin' E Merckx 2da! Tho I xpekt M Wikirendell c'n produec sum obscuer fakt about E Merckx, teh iconic Von-2 & Six (6) Degreez ov chirpy Manx idiot Tiny P Kennaugh! |
Omnes: | Yay! Go M Cavendish! |
G Imlach: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap J Alaphilippe & I Montoya N Quintana doned a break, I Montoya N Quintana got dropped, T Martin felled inna ditch & haz goned hoam & I now refer u 2 teh colemantary Sheds! |
N Boulting: | O hai! J Alaphilippe ledes a big breakfroupfing bi 20" seconds & teh pelican bi 40! |
SD Millar: | Iz cunning plan bi TDQ Step 2 biff S Colbrelli & M Matthews on teh nut! S Colbrelli mite ov scraped teh odd point but job's a gud'un! |
M Cavendish: | Ta, J Alaphilippe |
N Boulting: | Thare woz a second froup chasin' 2 but they's bin swep in2 teh pelican's mitey beek! |
SD Millar: | D Martin set teh paec on teh front ov teh breakfroupfing! J Alaphilippe A Perez P Rolland thare 2! |
5's Mummy: | Oh, jolly good show! Play up, young man! |
D Martin: | fankoo Syrah! |
D Friebe: | O hai, C Froome! |
C Froome: | O hai! Teh Von-2 iz horble but also iconic! |
P Rolland: | Tole u I'd assault attack 2da! LOL! |
N Boulting: | Von-2! Iconic! |
SD Millar: | Onimous! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap a unruli mob hav escaped from teh mitey beek ov teh pelican but ent cort teh lead0rz yet. M Cavendish hav cort bak up wif teh pelican. Now u kno az much az we do! |
SD Millar: | M Cavendish need teh pelican 2 do niec stedy paec but not 2 slo othawies it will b hard @ teh end! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! C Russo iz goning hoam! |
D Friebe: | O hai, S Yates! |
S Yates: | Teh Von-2 iz a bit scari, & also iconic, but I ent nevvah bin 2 teh top b4! Wud liek 2 pwn teh staeg but we will c wot hapns! |
D Friebe: | Culla me astonisht! Ing agane! |
ML Maire: | This raec iz gettin' messi! Breakfroupfings L R & senta! Stop it & sort urselves out! |
D Friebe: | O hai, Bethany's Da… R Urán! |
R Urán: | O hai! Von-2 ver' niec! Ver' niec viewz! 4 sure! Iconic! Podium! Ver' 'appi! |
D Friebe: | O hai, T Pogačar! |
T Pogačar: | O hai! Hot wether 2da! Will be ver' hard! Iconic! Soopa-hard mntns! We will c wot hapns! |
N Boulting: | R Carapace haz 2 gane tiem on BO Connor J Vingegaard & Bethany's Da… R Urán in teh mntns on account ov how he can't tiem-trail 4 tooffe! |
SD Millar: | Promble iz: T Ineo$ mite not b strong enuff 2 do that! G Thomas iz having a bad da! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap teh 2nd & 3rd froups haz joined up but J Alaphilippe D Martin ect r still a minit ahed! Here 4 ur viewing plezh iz N Dlamini! |
N Dlamini: | O hai! [Long & interesting interview wot I hope ITV4 will put on teh webby SCIENCE coz it deserves 2 b heard] |
Omnes: | Chapeau, lad! Also, biek chaeng 4 T Pogačar… |
T Pogačar: | Bah! |
TP Fairy: | Roffle! Just liek last yete, rite, kidz! |
| […] |
Omnes: | Onoz! Iz freeki oddball M Rendell & chirpy Manx idiot Tiny P Kennaugh! |
M Rendell: | O hai! Teh breakfroupfing iz on teh 1st 1st cat clime! |
TP Kennaugh: | O hai! Iconic Mon Von-2 staegs iz orlwaze weerd! Unlike teh Isle ov Man! |
M Rendell: | We jus' bin thru teh hoam villij ov TMD Sade! He inspired C Prudhomme 2 include this staeg! |
Omnes: | Did 'e inspier Bethany's Mum 2? |
TP Kennaugh: | [Long & tedious stori about P Rolland] |
M Rendell: | [Equali long & tedious stori about I Montoya N Quintana punching a giant Belgian sprint0r] |
TP Kennaugh: | Iz niec when u stop tho! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
M Rendell: | Sorgues! Art! Bracq! Chagall! Picasso! |
Omnes: | Fucq Bracq hahahahahaha! |
M Rendell: | Teh Mon Von-2 haz a iconic SEEKRIT nucular bunka under it! |
TP Kennaugh: | |
M Rendell: | Look, see! Crazy P Sagan haz felled out ov teh pelican's nest! |
CP Sagan: | I h8 this! It ent crazy! |
| […] |
M Rendell: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap a grupetto haz 4med wif teh sprint0rz in it. M Cavendish haz mani teme-maets! T Ineo$ r settin' teh paec @ teh front ov teh pelican. Y they do that, Tiny P? |
TP Kennaugh: | Dunno! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
M Rendell: | |
D Martin: | \o/ Spottypwn! LOL! |
J Alaphilippe: | Bof! |
RF Prudhomme: | M Scotson haz goned hoam. |
Omnes: | Who he? |
RF Prudhomme: | T FDJ mini0n, I think… |
M Rendell: | 15 (fifteen) yeres ago 2da M Woods eh runned hiz best tiem in teh 1500 m! |
TP Kennaugh: | |
| […] |
Omnes: | We think ur anthropomorphisin' them donkeys 2 much, SP Stewart! |
SP Stewart: | Yeh, well, I's a Knigget ov teh Realm wile u, u r not! |
NC Boardman: | Look, see! They's startin' teh 1st tiem up teh iconic Von-2! T Ineo$ r still on teh front ov teh pelican & I haz no idea y! All teh front breakfroupfing c'n climb a bit! |
EC Boardman: | I bin donin' mi sumz! 38 minits! Ahahahaha! Oh yes! |
M Rendell: | Kwestion iz: iffen M Cavendish iz part ov a big enuff froup that he dunt get sent hoam even tho he's horse delay, duz he luse all hiz snottypoints or jus' teh 1s he pwned 2da? |
NC Boardman: | M Cavendish ent pwned no snottypoints 2da! |
M Rendell: | Xactli! Truffles! Lavender! Wine! Apricots! Truffles! |
NC Boardman: | Mi doggo wud ov bin useless az a trufflemutt! |
M Rendell: | Look, see! Teh chaes froup haz cort teh lead0rz! Now iz sixteen (16). Ov them! MV Laundromat! |
WV Aert & GV Laundromat [in stereo]: | Who he? |
| […] |
M Rendell: | Look, see! M Hirschi haz a noesbleed! |
EC Boardman: | Or he's bin inna fite! Hahahahahaha! Oh yes! |
TP Kennaugh: | Iz teh Tour ov France! Anything c'n hapn! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
NC Boardman: | 2da iz teh leest scari mntn staeg 4 M Cavendish! Long downhillz & sum flat bits. Iz teh short 1s wot iz teh promble & doan menshn E Merckx! |
TP Kennaugh: | Cud b a big scrap b'twene J Alaphilippe & WV Aert on teh last downhill! I Montoya N Quintana messt up 2da! |
J Alaphilippe: | LOL! |
NC Boardman: | Wind! On teh top ov teh iconic Von-2! Cud b triki! |
RF Prudhomme: | D Mclay haz goned hoam! T Ben00t haz goned hoam! |
ML Maire: | Mi new SSD haz bin delivvad! w00t! Now I c'n concentrate on teh Tour ov France agane! |
NC Boardman: | Look, see! J Alaphilippe iz donin' it agane! |
J Alaphilippe: | RAAAAAWWWWR! |
TP Kennaugh: | He's liek a J Russell doggo! |
Bethany (11: | Xept he ent tried 2 fck any1's legses! Yet… |
M Rendell: | Seven (7) rid0rz onli in teh lead breakfroupfing! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | We're baaaaack! Still ent figgad out wot T Ineo$ iz donin'! 4 sumwun havin' a bad da G Thomas iz havin' a gud da! |
SD Millar: | They's tryna put sum hevvy mannas on W Kelderman J Vingegaard & Bethany's Da… R Urán! They's dropped D Gaudu, but 'e dunt signifi! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Teh top ov teh iconic Mon Von-2! U can't c it! Lo cloudz! Mist! Exhalationz ov teh Erth! |
SD Millar: | Probly a gud thing! |
N Boulting: | Châlet-Reynard! Now it gets stepe! |
SD Millar: | J Alaphilippe WV Aert! 2 fast 4 D Martin! Boo! |
5's Mummy: | Oh bother! Still, Ai know you are somewhat tired after your efforts in the Giro! |
D Martin: | fankoo Syrah! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Teh top ov teh iconic Mon Von-2! Now u c it, now u doan! Haha! |
SD Millar: | Iconic! MOAR iconic than teh Alpe d'Huey! No harepinz! Horble but gr8! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! G Thomas hav xploded! |
SD Millar: | I doned a tiem-trail up 'ere once! Woz horble! Then me & B Mcgee road down 2 Carpentras & went 2 Teh Scottish Restaurant! |
N Boulting: | l33t athl33tz! Iz that teh Armée up there? Walkin'? B Mollema woz chasin' teh front froup wif P Rolland but now 'e's fckd off! |
P Rolland: | U big-nosed git, B Mollema! |
N Boulting: | B Mollema haz 2 teme-matez in teh front froup! J Alaphilippe will not liek that! |
J Alaphilippe: | RAAAAAWWWWR! \o/ Spottypwn! |
Bethany (11): | Wile I h8 2 admit it, J Alaphilippe duz haz a certain je ne say kwa! |
Omnes: | Crivvens! Did Bethany (11) reely just sa wot we thort she sed? |
Bethany (11): | Dint ur Mums teech u 2 wash ur ears? |
Omnes: | We ent gonna aks wot ur Mum teeched u, Bethany (11)! |
Bethany (11): | Lyin', cheetin', nevvah 2 trust menz, orl sortsa useful lief 5k1llz! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Teh pelican iz on teh descant & teh breakfroupfing haz a minit on P Rolland who can't descant 4 tooffe! |
SD Millar: | Gonna b horble 4 l'autobus! |
N Boulting: | 1 fing we nevvah c iz teh grupetto on descants! |
SD Millar: | They's sikotic on descants! Iffen u set M Cavendish & J Alaphilippe off ov teh top ov teh iconic Von-2 @ teh saem tiem he'd gane 30" secondz! |
J Alaphilippe: | Bof! |
N Boulting: | T Martin's Dad sez 'e ent b0rked ne b0nez but haz a cut lip! |
SD Millar: | Ent a v teknikle descant. But still 2 teknikle 4 P Rolland roffle! |
N Boulting: | Gearz? |
SD Millar: | [Tris 2 xplane gearz 2 *** agane. Fales agane.] |
N Boulting: | They haz 2 go ova teh Maddy-Len 2! & it ent even categorated thus yere! WV Aert! |
| […] |
SD Millar: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap DV Baarle haz recovered & iz bak @ teh front ov teh pelican! |
N Boulting: | Malaucène! Pourquoi ne pas visiter Malaucène pendant vos vacances l'année prochaine? Voyez ses remparts, ses parkings, son église de style roman avec des morceaux extra-gothiques, sa piscine, ses vieux jouant à la pétanque et un gamin basané qui vole la radio dans une voiture garée! |
Le Maire de Malaucène: | Bravo, ***! Voici une ëtoile d'or! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! T Ineo$ r not goin' fast enuff 2 smash teh pelican! I corl thare tictacs a FAIL, |
Omnes: | Torkin' ov tictacs, ware iz T Moviestar 2da? |
T Moviestar's AI: | +++ ¡ESTAMOS ESPERANDO AUMENTOS DE LOS SERES SQUASHY! +++ |
Pingu: | & where r teh vautours? Tcha! |
| […] |
N Boulting: | Wile u woz bein' sold crap GV Laundromat haz bin et bi teh pelican! Wile teh breakfroupfing iz on teh nursri sloaps ov teh iconic Von-2! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! J Bernard & LK Elissonde r settin' teh paec 4 & on behalf ov B Mollema! |
N Boulting: | J Alaphilippe & WV Aert will sit in & do 0! Also, TVD Sande haz goned hoam! |
Omnes: | |
N Boulting: | WV Aert! |
SD Millar: | He c'n do cyclo-x! He sprintz! He climez! Fukn freek! |
N Boulting: | A Perez haz bin dropped! Hur-hur! |
SD Millar: | Shirley J Bernard cannot kepe this up 4 long? & I ent sure how much LK Elissonde c'n do neither! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! J Bernard hav xploded! LK Elissonde assault attack! |
SD Millar: | No-1 giv chaes! Afta 'im, u tits! |
| […] |
WV Aert: | OK! U want it, u got it! |
B Mollema: | Piss! |
J Alaphilippe: | Arse! |
LK Elissonde: | Fckles! C me stick wif WV Aert! |
B Mollema: | C me assault attack J Alaphilippe! Oh. Shittens! |
RF Prudhomme: | V Campanile haz goned hoam! |
SD Millar: | T Ineo$ r still settin' teh paec @ teh front ov teh pelican but they ent droppin' teh other podium contend0rz! Onli teh lieks ov W Poels & S Kruiswijk! |
N Boulting: | TJ Visma's raec haz bin a absolute shokka up 2 2da! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! J Alaphilippe hav xploded gud & proppa! |
J Alaphilippe: | Yebbut @ leest iffen teh grupetto iz horse delay it ent gonna be mi fault! |
WV Aert: | Bai, LK Elissonde! Ur 2 slo! |
LK Elissonde: | FFS! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! A Valverde haz bin dropped! |
A Valverde: | ¡O holai! ¿R we cloes 2 Spaign-o yet? |
SD Millar: | I mite hav 2 taek bak 1 or 2 ov teh rood fings I sed about T Ineo$. Teh pelican iz gettin' smalla bi teh minit! |
N Boulting: | Iffen T Pogačar doned an assault attack now, cud he catch WV Aert? |
SD Millar: | Probly! [Aside] Y wud he wunt 2 done that, u div! Look, see! BO Connor iz bein' dropped! |
BO Connor: | Piss! |
N Boulting: | Bethany's Da… R Urán cud be up 2 2nd iffen he c'n hang on! Mite R Carapace done a assault attack? |
SD Millar: | Noes. Iffen he did T Pogačar wud counter-assault attack, R Carapace wud waste nrg & 0 wud chaeng. Betta 2 tri 2 xplode W Kelderman & J Vingegaard & Bethany's Da…R Urán! |
| […] |
T Pelican: | O hai, J Alaphilippe! Did u miss us! |
J Alaphilippe: | C this? [Points @ self] This iz mi not-carin' faec! |
SD Millar: | Naled-on staeg pwn 4 WV Aert! LK Elissonde haz no chance on teh descant! |
N Boulting: | Last tiem teh Tour ov France caem here [points @ map] R Porte rode in2 a motabiek! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! R Porte hav xploded! & BO Connor ent droppin' bak az kwik az I thort! |
N Boulting: | B Mollema hav cort LK Elissonde! |
| […] |
SD Millar: | M Kwiatkowski! Haz xploded E Mas & then hisself! T Pogačar R Carapace & Bethany's Da… |
N Boulting: | …J Vingegaard assault attack! Onli T Pogačar c'n sta wif 'im! |
Bethany (11): | Pack it in, u wnkr! |
J Vingegaard: | Haz a go iffen u fink ur hard enuff, T Pogačar! |
T Pogačar: | WTF? Tho' I still haz 5 minits in hand, so I ent that wurried… |
WV Aert: | \o/ Spottypwn! I'd luv 2 wate 4 u, J Vingegaard, onli I ent gonna! Descant here I come! Wheeeeeeeee! |
N Boulting: | Look, see! Bethany's Da… R Urán & R Carapace haz cort T Pogačar on teh descant! |
SD Millar: | Look, see! A Lutsenko & W Kelderman! 20" seconds b'hind T Pogačar & co but diff 2 maek up tiem onna descant liek this! |
N Boulting: | Unless ur not J Vingegaard, who iz losin' tiem 2 both B Mollema & LK Elissonde on teh 1 hand & 2 T Pogačar Bethany's Da… R Urán & R Carapace on teh otha! |
SD Millar: | Betta 2 b inna small froup on descants liek this! U c'n go fasta… |
Omnes: | …unless ur WV Aert LOL! |
N Boulting: | WV Aert… hoam & vigorously towellin' hisself off! |
WV Aert: | [Gurns] \o/ |
SD Millar: | Look, see! J Vingegaard haz bin cort! |
LK Elissonde: | \o/ Ta, B Mollema! |
N Boulting: | Teh shinyfroup all 2getha! No tiem bonerfications, thobut, & T Pogačar pwned teh sprintette! |
| […] |
G Imlach: | & now we wate 4 teh surviv0rz ov teh pelican & l'autobus! |
EC Boardman: | Teh clok iz runnin'! Hahahahahaha! Oh yes! |
WV Aert [with a face like thunder]: | Iconic! Best pwn ever! Emotional! 4 sure. |
Omnes: | Iffen that's a emotional WV Aert wot duz a poker-faced WV Aert look liek? |
TP Kennaugh: | TJ Visma! When they gonna support WV Aert az a GC contenda? |
G Imlach: | Look, see! M Cavendish doffin' hiz hat @ teh iconic T Simpson memorial! |
Omnes: | Aaaaaaaaah! |
| […] |
G Imlach: | BO Connor down 2 5th in teh Gee-See! J Vingegaard 3rd & Bethany's Da… R Urán 2nd! |
NC Boardman: | 1st tiem we seed T Pogačar in trub, thobut! |
TP Kennaugh: | Iz still a long wa 2 teh Paris & anything c'n hapn! I'm from teh Isle ov Man! |
Bethany (11): | OK, u creeps, ware c'n I getta T Pogačar voodoo doll? |