Have you had a spell at GP Reception School, Clarion?
I imagine this to be a turreted, or at the very least garreted, castle in the gloomy, grey moors somewhere. Its graduates are slab-faced receptionists who are able to make offering you an appointment seem akin to a lottery win. An appointment at your
convenience would just be too much to ask for, so don't bother. The A students are able to convey in a single glance that you're wasting their time, being a nuisance, are probably rich enough to afford BUPA and really ought to piss off and die in a gutter like the decent working folk. (The decent working folk of course are dying in a gutter because they were unable to arrange an appointment).
In the postgraduate course, you do communication skills level 2: mispronouncing the names of every patient, repeating the name of any embarrassing ailments in a really loud voice, or informing the whole waiting room and most hearing adults within a two mile radius that your urine sample came back positive.
Of course, if by some miracle there is something that would be helpful to a patient, and they find out about it by accident and make the mistake of asking why you didn't tell them about this in the first place, you can use the combination hiss / sigh as you tell them that
it's on the wall! - because of course most people spend their spare time combing the GP's surgery walls for information before merely asking for it.
<--------- has been trying to make GP appointments, to little avail
