Guard (or train manager or whatever they call you nowadays) on the 15.57 TPE to Manchester:
I realise that your main job is to see to the running of the train, and checking tickets and stuff and providing basic information over the tannoy. But really, you should also learn how to make an effective, non-irritating announcement. Not, for example:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the short formation of this train which is due to a signalling error at Manchester Piccadilly which put us on the wrong platform so we were unable to connect to the further two coaches we normally have, and this means this train is a short formation, due to a signalling error at Manchester. This train was placed on the wrong platform to form up with an additional two coaches and due to a short turnaround time at York there wasn't time to reshunt us to meet those coaches, so this train is a short formation and not the usual formation of four coaches, as we were unable to connect with a further two coaches at Manchester due to a signalling error at Manchester...." and so on, for what felt like 10 minutes. After every stop.
Also. Don't try and blame the overcrowding on a pop concert in Manchester. I've been travelling on TPE York-Manchester for 20 months now, and it's always overcrowded because your effing trains are never long enough, even when they haven't been reduced to half their length by a signalling error at Manchester, causing them not to connect with two extra coaches due to being directed by a signalling error to the wrong platform..... (I've never seen a 4 coach train on this service anyway. They come in sets of three. How they managed to make today's a two coach train, I don't know. I'm not even sure it was two coaches, I think he meant three...)
Also, trolley lady on the same service. Try not sucking lemons to improve your sourfaced expression.