This morning I woke up early.
Fine, I thought, I'll go in to work early and come home early.
I left home at around 05:30.
I'd got some 50 yards up the road when I realised that I didn't have my mask.
No problem, I turned back but then, to my horror, I realised that my house keys were in my other shorts - not the ones I was currently wearing.
Shit. Fuck and Bollocks!
I've a spare set of keys at my friends house which is a ~25 minute walk away.
I tried to call for a minicab - but since pandemic they're no longer 24hrs and besides, without a mask they'd not take me.
I started to walk that way.
Then I realised that my friends actually away in Warbleswick this week.
AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
My one hope was that their daughter was home, and not staying with her boyfriend.
MERDE!
On the topic of which, my bowels, at this point, decided that they needed immediate evacuation. Not in five minutes. Not in ten. But NOW!
Seriously, this was going to be a bad look.
I considered climbing over the fence into Mayow Park and leaving a deposit there - this was 05:50AM and there was nobody around.
Thankfully Millie (my friend's daughter) was at home akip in bed.
I don't think Millie has ever seen me at 05:55AM.
It isn't pretty.
This evening, a key safe has been fitted to the wall of my house.
Why it has taken 18 years of residing at this address to do this is beyond me.
And relax.
Do I win anything?
Like, is there a prize or anyfink?